Go figure watching the man you're in love with getting married was difficult. Go figure that smile you have to keep up is even worse. That seal-the-deal kiss, God, was that a fucking knife in the chest. Ino's chest only seemed to tighten and breathing was hard. Realizing that her breathing was becoming more and more shallow and she needed to do something about it, the blonde excused herself to the restrooms when the newly wedded couple started making their way around the room. The applause and cheer in the background was almost enough to ruin her make up but she held it together.

It was taking an embarrassingly long time to pull herself together and when she heard the door start to open she hid herself in a stall. The distraction was enough to get her eyes to stop threatening to expose her but two girls had walked in together talking about the couple.

"I am so jealous! I know I've said that once or twice, but I really am!" Tenten was still trying to get Neji to ask her out and seeing two people already grossly involved probably wasn't fun. But Ino knew a thing or two about not having someone you wanted.

"Yes," agreed a soft voice – Hinata – "They're quite adorable together."

Ino shut her eyes and tried to steel herself. There was no way she could listen to more of how fucking cute they were together. One close-to-smooth breath and she flushed the toilet and made her exit.

"Ino!" Tenten grinned at her and Hinata gave the blonde a soft, knowing smile. That girl was too observant for her own good.

"My wedding will have to be twice as gorgeous to even stand up to this one!" Ino playfully joke to the two girls, her smile surprisingly unwavering. Hinata seemed to be watching her two friends converse carefully, as if waiting for something to ultimately go wrong.

"It really was beautiful, though I'm not so sure about the pink," Tenten looked down at her baby pink bridesmaid dress and Ino laughed loudly in agreement. Somehow Sakura managed to pick the color that didn't look good on any of them, both her and Hinata looked too pale in it while the dress made Tenten look out of place.

Ino washed her delicate hands trying to avoid more eye contact. The conversation was going very smoothly but she didn't think she could handle it much longer. Time to make an escape, she decided.

"Anyway, you'll have to tell me how everything else goes," Tenten looked on quizzically while Hinata was understanding without explanation, "I barely got off for this much of it and I need to get back to work."

Tenten huffed and puffed as Ino left with a hug to her friends and Hinata was left to talk Tenten down. You know how important work is, don't you? Well, yeah…

She had already known she wouldn't make it all the way through and had sent a gift basket to the pinkettes home already. Should be there by the morning with an apology note. They'd probably get coffee in the early morning before Sakura and Sasuke went on their honeymoon anyway went she could apologize face to face with the woman.

She neared her vehicle with increasingly shaky breaths and was barely holding back tears when a hand prevented her from opening the car door. Letting out a surprised gasp, Ino whipped her head around to stare into dark brown eyes.

"S-shika," she gasped.

His arms were immediately around her and without hesitation Ino buried her head into the collar of his shirt. Already his tie was loosened and a button was off so she was glad to assume that he wasn't going back. Her make up would without a doubt stain.

After a few moments of letting her cry, Shikamaru gently shifted her off and held out his hand. "Keys." She handed them over without protest and climbed into the passenger seat. With her face in the palms of her hands and Shikamaru's hand on her back they made it to her apartment safely.

"You shouldn't have even gone." Was she being scolded?

"Shika," she stared at him incredulously with mascara around her eyes like black rings. "She's my best friend I couldn't just not go."

Her heels were flung onto the flood beside her bed and she only had to face her back towards him and pull her hair forward for him to know to help. His fingers found the zipper and pulled it down smoothly. Warm fingers slid down the length of her back and paused before completely letting go. Goosebumps had woken on her skin. Shikamaru politely looked away when she slid her dress off and lazily draped a baggy shirt on for coverage. It looked familiar and felt a twinge knowing it was his.

Ino got into her bed and he took at as his cue to go, but he looked back at her just as he opened the bedroom door to see her staring at him almost in pain.

"You're just leaving me?"

Teeth lightly chewed on the inside of his cheek and Temari flashed into his head. She'd understand once he told her how heartbroken his best friend was. He couldn't leave her to sob in bed alone. With his dark eyes connected to her baby blues, he shut the door again and unbuttoned the rest of his shirt. "I could never leave you," he stated quietly. Her pouted pink lips parted just slightly when the clothing came off and he cursed himself for how is heart jumped.

Shikamaru kicked off his shoes and slid next to her beneath her soft sheets. They fit together like puzzle pieces and her head tilted up near his was enough to forget about the woman he was dating. His arms tightened around the petite blonde and she snuggled deeper into his side. With her eyes closed she took a deep breath. His familiar scent helped to calm her. Besides Sakura, he was the only person who knew her so well. And unlike Sakura, he also knew about her feelings for Sasuke.

Ino sighed and tried to relax into the man surrounding her. "It feels like I lost this huge fight," she confessed. "I had pictured us together for so long and now it's like… An unattainable goal. I can never get the trophy I've aspired for for so long."

"You deserve better anyway." His voice sounded annoyed. "Someone who would never hurt you like he did." Her fingers grazed his tanned skinned.

"I just saw that person as being him."

"He's hurt you."

"I forgave him."

"He's hurt you," Shikamaru repeated, this time stronger.

She was quiet for a while and his hand absentmindedly traced up and down the length of her arm until she spoke again. "I don't know who would ever put me first." Her voice sounded so small and unsure that his eyes closed it silent pain. "I am never first," she told him. And it was true, though he didn't know how. Everyone she had dated had either picked someone else, or simply just used her. And she wasn't one to be used. Shikamaru had never once felt sorry for any of them.

His arms curled tighter around her and his voice was almost a whisper when his words left his mouth. "You're always first. Always." His mouth was dry and his heart was hammering in his chest and he briefly wished he didn't feel like this. She didn't want him, had never wanted him. Yet he always wanted her. Even now.

Her eyes peered up at him from below his neck but his eyes plastered to the window on the wall. He shouldn't have said anything. His chest felt tight and his skin was getting sticky with nervous sweat. With a lick of the lips he shifted Ino off of him and stood up, gathering his belongings. "I should…" he trailed off, "Get back to Temari." He didn't bother with the tie before he left Ino to stare at the door.

The next morning wasn't fun. Ino woke with a headache from crying and a heavy heart. Her stomach was upset and something didn't feel right but it was different than it was the night before. She met with Sakura on time like they discussed via text messages when Sakura got her gift basket, and it was surprisingly easy to talk to her. It was surprisingly easy to hear about the wedding and how excited she was for their honeymoon. It was easy to hear about how good Sasuke had been the night before.

Ino was staring into her cup of coffee, "I think," she stared, "I think I've made an awful mistake." She was taken aback with the realization dawning on her. Sakura furrowed her eyebrows in confusion.

"What are you talking about?"

"Out of every guy, I think I've missed someone I should've seen."

As if to see if it would last and if what she was assuming she was feeling was correct, Ino decided to try to not think about the prior day at all. Of course it hardly worked and she took on more work at the hospital than she usually did to try to keep her mind preoccupied. It worked at she was able to keep focused for most of the day, though an uneasy feeling stayed in her stomach. It only got worse as the rest of the week unfolded.

Shikamaru's words echoed in her head and Ino was getting more and more restless the more she wasn't able to see or talk to Shikamaru. How could he say something like that and then ignore me the rest of the week? Ino's mind only raced the more time she was away from him.

Outside of his front door and the sun was starting to set. Already a few stars twinkled overhead and her heart felt like a timer. She knocked on the door and smiled cautiously, hoping this would at least let her feel better. She had gone from not knowing if what she had started feeling was real to absolutely hating herself for not knowing sooner.

"Shika, can I talk to you for a second?" He blinked at her in surprise to see her there before looking inside his own apartment. He contemplated for only a second or two before shrugging.

"Sure."

"Shika," Ino started, ringing her hands together, "I just, I want to say I'm so sorry. You've been there for me every single fucking step of my life and I just. I didn't know. And I wish I did." She was starting to sound like she was pleading, but she wasn't sure for what. "I know it's too late and I know you have someone and I really respect that, I swear I only want you to be happy. But I'd be lying if I said I didn't want it, I'd be lying if I said I didn't want you. And I can't go the rest of my life without at least letting you know."

He was staring at her silently, his jaw clenching and unclenching periodically. Her eyes started to tear up as the words were flooding out and she wished she could just stop talking, she already said what was important, but she couldn't seem to stop.

"He had always been a goal, like I said but he would have been a trophy and I don't want that with you, I just want you without anything attached, without feeling like I reached a goal because you are always the goal and even if I had you I would still strive to make sure that I kept you." Tears were now freely falling and she felt more and more stupid but at least he knew now. At least she knew. At least this was getting out there. No regrets, no more what-ifs. He was worth more than that.

"You're my best friend, Shika, and I love you. I swear I have always loved you I just couldn't see that. I didn't want to see it. You deserve so much more than me and I have always known that."

She stopped to catch her breath and his eyes were starting to glisten. Still nothing was said from him and she laughed awkwardly and a tear tried to roll down her cheek. She wiped it away and shook her head. "God, I'm stupid, so stupid." She laughed again. "I am also so sorry. Really, Shikamaru. I hope we can be friends and go back to being normal. I just, I had to tell you. I know you're with her. I know I shouldn't have said anything… I just, I had to." She tried to laugh it off again and she shook her head.

Her smile completely depleted and she cried again. "I am so sorry I missed you." She shook her head, took a deep breath, and turned to walk away. She had said all she wanted to, and a lot more. She had missed him and it was all her fault.

The sun had mostly gone down by the time her walk back to her own apartment started and she was glad that mostly everyone had gone into their own homes. Less people to see her completely devastated. Her own words reechoed in her head and she wished she didn't say half of it. But at least it was off her chest now. Too bad she was too late.

Walking took about thirty minutes to get back to her apartment and she was glad she walked. It gave to her time to get her words together on the way there and it gave her time to try to collect herself on the way back. And it was so beautiful out. Stars sparkling and looking the complete opposite as to what she was feeling on the inside. She was just wiping the last bits of tears from her eyes when she came upon her stairway that led up to the apartment door. On the doorstep was Shikamaru with his keys dangling from in his hands between his legs.

Ino stopped to stare at him in question and he slowly stood from the steps, his face as stoic as it was earlier, but softer.

Each step down was slow and his eyes were locked on hers. It made her heart speed up anxiously and her hands go clammy. He stopped just inches away and she could hear her heartbeat in her ears and wondered if he could, too.

"You've always been first." Shikamaru's hand came up to brush the side of her face and her breath caught in her throat. "And I've never been able to say no to you."

His head dipped down to seize her mouth with his and her arms flew up around his neck to pull him closer and tighter. New tears of relief flowed from closed eyelids and it had never felt so perfect to hold him.

Pulling away just long enough to look at her, Shikamaru's lips were tilted up in the smallest grin. "Troublesome. But worth it." She threw her head back in laughter before kissing him again in acceptance.