Author Note: I don't know when I wrote this. I reread this and thought I should post it, so check it out.
RATE: T
DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN HP. JKR DOES!
I Never Knew Attention
I've never been that noticeable in my family before. Rose was always the star with her perfect grades and perfect boyfriend aka Scorpius Malfoy. I, on the other hand was the quiet grave Weasley that got equally perfect grades but kept their mouth shut.
Until that summer before fifth year.
It wasn't like I meant to be bi. It just happened. The first one I told was Albus, and he didn't try to kill me.
"YOU'RE BI?!" he yelled after disgustingly spitting out his pumpkin juice.
"Yes," I grimaced. "I'm attracted to Quidditch playing, raven haired, greened eyed, glasses wearing people."
SPIT!
"Kidding," I grumbled. "Merlin can't a bi teenager make a joke?"
Albus coughed. "Not like these mate. I'm sorry, but in the span of two minutes, you told me your bi and possibly attracted to me.
"As a joke. Does it really matter?"
"Not to me."
"Then when should I tell Dad?"
"Never." it was my turn to be shocked.
"Why?"
"Uncle Ron will have a fit?" Albus exclaimed. "Think about it!"
This disturbing image comes up in my mind.
"Hello Dad?"
he beamed. "Yes Hugo?"
"Dad I have to tell you something,' I said while swallowing. He looked concerned.
"You can tell me anything Hugo." Smile.
Then I said it. "I'm bi."
Confused. Shocked. Anger. Disappointment.
Crap.
"Hugo Weasley, what do you mean your bi?" Dad yelled. I jumped back. Dad threw the armchair he was sitting on. I yelped.
"I'm going to kill you!" he roared. He took out his wand. A green light and -
"Hugo, are you okay?"
Snapped back to reality. "You're right, he'll kill me."
"Hugo, he'll be upset."
"Are you trying to kill me?"
"Never mind."
Next person I told was Mum. She was pretty understanding. Sort of.
"You're bi?" she asked blankly. For a smart witch, I thought she would soak this up like a sponge.
"Yeah."
She cleared her throat. "Well, have you told anyone else?"
"Al," I replied. "Took it okay."
She smiled faintly. "Really?"
"Uh huh. He only freaked out twice. New record."
Normally Mum would have laughed, but this time she gave me a hesitant smile. Of course she would. She just found out her baby boy didn't like just kissing girls.
But that's how life is. You win and lose some. Only this time it's the possibility of me bring home a boyfriend.
So my secret is entrusted with Mum and Albus. I was able to sigh in relief. Before I told anyone it felt like I was about to explode.
So before going to Hogwart's Express, Mum wanted to talk to me.
About my virginity.
I was shocked to. She must have been reading some gay/bisexual/lesbian/sex handbook because it seemed like she memorized a script.
"Hugo, I want you to understand, losing your virginity is special. When I lost it to your father - "
Oh Merlin. I don't need to now about what they do. To weird. Bad images...
"Mum," I interrupted. "I don't thin you have to worry. I'm fifteen and - "
"Exactly!" Mum exclaimed. "Hugo fifteen year olds only thin about one thing. Which is sex. I don't want you to regret anything."
Aw, Mum really cares,
"Mum," I said gently. "I know my virginity is something to be concerned about. I promise to give it to someone special."
She stared at me hard for a moment. She believed me. "Okay Hugo. I'm going to hold you to your promise though. If I found out you were drunk and had no idea who it was - "
"No, Rose already did that."
Mum paled.
"Just kidding. She's a virgin," I chuckled.
Glare. "Don't joke about those things. Imagine if your father heard. He'd go ballistic. Honestly, lost your virginity in a party drunk."
"Hugo did what?" Dad asked speaking through the door. "He lost his virginity? Finally."
"Rose did," I said in mock seriousness.
Dad paled. Then stomped away.
CRASH!
BANG!
"ROSE WEASLEY! HOW COULD YOU LOSE YOUR VIRGINITY!"
Boy was Dad loud when he was angry.
Mum glared at me. "Why did you tell him that?"
"It's funny when Dad's mad. And not at me."
Mum sighed. People seemed to be doing that a lot.
So me and Mum went to confront Dad. So far he had his wand out and cornered Scorpius to a wall. Judging from the size of that hickey, they were snogging.
And judging by Rose's lack of clothing, they were shagging.
So maybe Rose did lose her virginity.
And Malfoy is a dead man.
I love the awkwardness in our family.
For your guys sakes I will tell you that Scorpius is alive. Crippled but alive. Rose was in heavy grounding until she pulled the "I'll move out" cared. Dad suddenly turned into her lapdog.
Our family sucks.
So yours truly is now on the train to Hogwarts. Mum was pretty pissed at me for telling Dad that Rose lost her virginity (Which she did) and pretty much caused him to break Mum's favorite vase from her Muggle family.
In my opinion, that was a very ugly vase. It deserved that fate.
Dad surprisingly agrees.
Two out numbers one so ha.
I guess dad and I are somewhat alike. If you don't count the whole bi thing.
Dammit, what am I going to do? I can't just announce to the world that I like kissing guys and girls. It was be a cruel fate for me. I can imagine it.
The gay wouldn't except me. I mean why would they. Bi is totally different from gay. The straight community wouldn't even talk to me. Except family. Yes, family would possibly except me. So I'll end up alone and a bachelor forever.
then like fate would have it, I met two people I like. And you can probably guess who they are.
Yep, a boy and a girl.
What to do?
So Ellen Thomas has got to be the prettiest girl in the fifth year. Her shining gray eyes are as bright the moon during the night as shining upon us. But like the inconsible moon, she suffers from a bitch complex. Lashing out at people who are just trying to help little Ellen out who is confused why her parents can't get along. She longs for someone to except her for who she is, not what someone can get from her. I what to help her.
Then there is Jacob Ranger who like Ellen have a strange complex. He his depressed and dresses on black. Muggleborns declare him as emo, but it's not just that. He was gothic, believing the soul has no resting place after death. They just go to hell. We're friends and help each other out.
What to do?
I would go to Mum, but she might me a little bias. I think that she wants me to be straight. I mean of course she would. No one wants their little boys kissing other boys. I can't imagine a mum who would want that.
And Albus? Forget him. He can't figure out how to put on a tie, let alone help me with my love life.
Of course there's Rose, but I can't tell her yet. She'd probably convince Dad to disown me. She' wants a perfect life with her equally perfect boyfriend.
Wait... perfect boyfriend. Does that include advice?
Scorpius took the news well. I think he suspected it from the beginning, so not much of a reaction. And like I thought, he gave me great advice.
Go to a bi group session.
I knew I can count on a Malfoy.
So I got special permission from good old Minnie to go there. I didn't tell her I was bi, but Mum covered for me. Bless her.
So anyways I found some good people there on my first day. A Muggle named Darrel was the counselor and leader of the group. The former Texan was bisexual, but he was now married to the girl of his dreams who came to group with him. They were happy together and proved that people like me can live a successful life and be happy.
Then there was Bobby.
He was assistant counselor. Unlike Happy Darrel, he was not excepted by his family and his gay lover. The family was firmly Christan, not tolerant of anything closely gay. They deserted him. His lover left him when Bobby was found kissing a girl during a cooling period. "It's either one or the other! Not both!" was what he said.
But it wasn't true for us. We were freaks on nature. At least they know what they are looking for. We don't.
I'm not okay with that. I like feeling in control. I like to feel some control of what could happen in my life. That's why I master spells, never letting anything get in the way of that. Rose may be good, but I'm better. Rose is a uncontrollable tiger that roams in the forest. I on the other hand am a caged kitten that knows where I'm going and how the day will be. It's safe and predictable.
Just the way I like it.
Then again, I'm a Weasley, so I can't have a regular normal life. I was exposed to the media from the day I can conceived. I may be invisible, but there was always someone watching, waiting for me to screw up my life. They capture it and put it on the front page. Bottom line, I'm alone but never alone. Scary concept.
Then group comes along. They come form their diverse backgrounds to come and see that they have people who are willing to comfort them in their pain. People who can comfort them properly because they know what the other is going thorough. Who will share their experiences with them so they can learn from their foolish mistakes.
In other words, a way to control. Which is something I want. I want to be in control.
"Group in session," Darrel said cheerfully. "We have a new addition, Hugo Weasley."
"Hi Hugo," the group responded.
"Now, Hugo has a problem," Bobby said dully. "Please explain."
"Well,' I said clearing my throat. "I recently discovered I was bi. I told my cousin, my Mum, and a close friend of mine. They all think it's okay, but I'm afraid of what everyone else is going to say. Then I have this problem where I'm attracted to two people in my class and I'm so confused." at the end of my speech I was crying. Merlin, I haven't done that in years. I must be in one fucked up situation.
One girl raised her hand and spoke. 'Hugo, I think you should tell the world. The secret is tearing you apart. So what, some people don't like you? The only way to gain control and balance back in your life is to face it by the horns. You can do it Weasley."
"Thank you Cherry,' Darrel said warmly. "Anyone else?"
Cherry. I like that name. She looked kind of familiar to. Gray eyes, brunette...
Ellen.
Oh Merlin. Does she have a sister, or is that her? No it has to be a relative, Cherry has a different essence to her the Ellen. More warm and kind, spunky. Cherry has been in more pain to. Ellen is more hunched down and hides her face, while Cherry is proudly looking me in the eye. I need to figure out who she is. Now.
Luckily, it was her turn to share. "You guys know that last time we were here that my parents didn;t take the news that well.
Group nod.
"So I told my sister and she hates me," Cherry continued with tears. "She never wants to see me again. She avoids me like the plague and wants to forget I ever existed. I miss her so much."
Silence. I know that feeling. Me and Al will never be the same. Nor me and Mum. I didn't know Scorpius that well, so that didn't matter. I feel for this girl. I really do. I know how it feels and one day the same will happen to me.
I raised my hand and Darrel nodded. "I think she's being a selfish twat."
Group gasp. I don't think anyone gave that answer before. Cherry zeroed in on me, I can feel her gazed. It was full of hurt and betrayal. Briefly we shared it. "If she has to ignore you fine! What kind of family leaves you behind? No one should go through the pain and suffering you went through. Bobby went it, I'll have to one day. It's there and so like you told me, face the world and live life to it's fullest."
Now that was a speech.
"Uh, thank you Hugo," Darrel said. He seemed nervous. "Well your opinion is certainly unique, but that's not what we're looking for - "
"What are you talking about Darrel?" Bobby demanded. "What this kid said was gold. Man I wish I had that kind of advice when I was in her position."
Darrel cleared his throat. "I don;t think what Hugo said is appropriate. How can you just leave your family?"
"I did," Bobby said shortly. "And I'm better the ever. If they can't appreciate me, then fuck them!"
"Yeah!" someone answered.
"Totally!"
"Hell yah!"
"Yes!"
Everyone was against Darrel. We envy him. He has everything in his life that he could ever want. The girl, perfect family, work is awesome. Life is set foe him. It was like he wasn't even bisexual.
He wasn't even bisexual.
Oh crap, Darrel is straight! What is he even doing here? His trophy wife put him up to this. Or was she the bi one? Why isn't she the one running the show? Or, what if neither of them are?
A million other questions were running through my mind. What in Merlin's name was going on here.
Then I got my answer. "I'm a scientist," Darrel surrendered.
A whatist? Aren't scientists those Muggle nutters that say magic is not real and invented toasters? At least, that's what Dad told me.
"What the hell?" a lady screeched. She reminded me of Rose. "i can't even go to group without one of you trying to examine me? There is nothing wrong with us! You scientist have to go around and trying to find out if we're nutjobs."
"Why can't we be like the ancient Greeks?" a guy mumbled. "They weren't shunned, they were celebrated."
The group grew angry and was going to get violent. Until Cherry chut them up. "Look, guys Darrel didn't mean any harm."
"I didn't," he answered. "I feel your pain."
Wrong thing to say.
"Like hell you do," Bobby said coldly. "You have no idea. So what if you find out it's a gene or diease? What are you going to do about it? Put it in a science journal and ship a couple of us with it?"
Anger. That was the feeling in the room. We can't even go to a meeting without being labeled as freaks. I know our blood was boiling. We need to make a scene for the sake of ourselves.
Cherry stopped us. Thank Merlin she did. What we would have done would prove that we were wild creatures that deserve to be locked up. That we need a cage to be in control. A leash so we would know our limits. In other words, what I thought I wanted.
"Look guys, Darrel is a smarmy git, but what we need to do now is let it all go."
Cherry seemed like the leader of the group now. Every one found a sit and let Darrel and Co. leave. The lady, whose name that I learned was Trudy, was going to file a lawsuit. Bobby was going to takeover the group and the meetings were still going to go on.
So while I was trying to find out the nearest boot to turn into a portkey,Cherry caught up to me. "Can I accompany you? I can never remember the spell."
I was in shock. She was magical. Literally.
'Stop gawking," she said. "How else would I have gotten the room to calm?"
"But you're not allowed to use magic outside of school," I hissed.
"Whatever." Then an owl came our way. She perched on Cherry's shoulder and they cuddled. Before any Muggle could react, I dragged them to an alley. "Trying to seduce me now Mr. Weasley?"
"No! I whispered-yelled. Which, when you think about it, it's almost the same as a normal voice, only angry.
"You wound me."
"Just open the damn letter."
She opened it.
Dear Miss Thomas,
This is you second use of underage magic .Next use of underage magic will sentence you to have your wand snapped.
Lavender Brown
Head of Misuse of Magic.
M.O.M
She threw the letter tp the ground and fed the tawny owl. It gave her a hoot of appreciation and flew into the night sky. "Honestly I don't know why they just don't let us use magic without Ministry approval."
Who the hell does she think she is? She got him cursing like a regular Weasley. To make it worse, she seems to have grown attached to me. "Come on Hue."
"What make you think you can call me that?" No one calls me Hue. No one.
Ever.
'I think it's cute."
"I don't appr - "
"Save it for the Head at school. When I show up with you, I need an excuse for how I got out." she yawned and flipped her hair. Nasty flirt.
"What makes you think I'll cover for you." I asked heatedly. No one has ever made me this pissed in my life. Like an ocean raging with fury.
"Because," she said. "We all have to stick together or we'll just be eaten by the man.
"The man?" I asked sceptically.
"The man, the big tamale," she said impatiently. Like I was the stupid one.
Which of course, I was.
"It's that a Mexican dish?' I asked confusedly. She just shook her head.
"Forget it," she muttered. "Just make to Portkey."
I did just that. We touched it, and we were out of sight.
There was hell to pay in Minnie's office. She demanded to know why Cherry was with me. After some quick thinking and lying, I managed to make up that Cherry's Mum was a friend of my Mum and her family had a emergency. She didn't swallow it, but I never lied to her without a purpose before. She let us off.
Outside, Cherry made a a motion for a high-five. When I didn't reciprocate it, she let her hand drop to the ground. "Way to go!"
"Are we going to go through this for every meeting?
"Hell yes." I groaned. "Don't worry, it's fun."
"Fun? The only reason we weren't given detention because she knows me!"
"Then you can get me out of anything!" she exclaimed. "I'm going to have some good times with you Hugo Weasley!"
"This is the only time I'm doing this," I said through gritted teeth.
"Aw, don't be a fussy git," she chided. "Trust me, we'll have fun."
"But - "
"Adios." She walked away. I can;t help but feel like I'll miss her though.
So every Monday, we went to a group session. We eventually had to tell Minnie that we were bi. Of course the little lady had a heart attack, or at least she turned white. She gave us permission to travel by Floo for as long as we needed to. What a nice lady.
About my dilemma of my confusing love life, it's in the past. Jacob transferred to Durmstrang claiming that people would understand him there. Hogwarts wished him the best of luck and he was gone.
Ellen and I were never close, so my feeling vanished. One day I was madly on love with her, then poof, she was a regular girl. Sure she was pretty, but she had a nasty temper. Worse then Grandmum's. Plus, her bitch complex was annoying. She called Rose a slut when she was just trying to help her pick up Ellen's traveling library.
So over her.
But it perplex me that Ellen seems to desperately want to talk to me. Why, I don't know. Maybe it's because we're in the same Potions class and she needs help. Yeah, that's it.
"Hugo!" she called snapping me back into reality.
"Yes?"
"Um," she was flush. "I noticed you were hanging around Cherry."
"Cherry? Oh yeah, Ellen was her sister. She mentioned that in group last week. By then, I was over her so I was able to take it better then I would have a couple months ago.
"Yeah, I am," I replied navigating myself to the kitchens. She followed.
"Why?"
"She's a fun person to hang around with." Which is true. My lips were playing a smile with I replayed in my head what we did last week after group. We stole some lobster and let them crawl back to sea. They seemed to wave at us with their pinchers.
Ellen snorted. "My sister's a freak. Listens to Muggle music - "
"I like Muggle music," I said. "Go The Police."
Ellen flushed again. "Well she gets detention and plays pranks - "
"Like my cousins James and Fred."
Ellen seemed frustrated. "Look, trust me, she's a freak. Cherry is a - "
"What?" I asked even though I already knew the answer. Ellen was such a prejudice bum. Bringing that up.
"She's bi."
"No way," I said sarcastically. "As if I already didn't know that."
Double take. "What?"
"I already knew that."
"Then why are you hanging out with such a freak?" she demanded. "You could have better company."
My blood was boiling. "Like yours. A prejudice good for nothing petty girl that has no respect for her sister?"
"How can I respect a freak?"
"You respect me don't you?" I asked.
"You're not like her! She exclaimed. "You handsome smart Hugo."
"Well sorry to break your delusion Ellen, but I'm exactly like your sister"
I walked away and never looked back.
Since Hogwarts is such a gossip mill, my confession was everywhere the next day. No one would talk to me except Cherry and some of my family. Al was by my side and so was the rest of the Potters. Louis was talking to me, and so was Dominique. Victoire got the message via owl and I haven't gotten any letters from her since. Molly and Lucy were in denial and so was Roxy.
What hurt the most was when Rose didn't look at me. My own sis couldn't even look at me.
Mum sent me some supporting letters saying everything will be alright.
Like hell it will.
My life became a living hell. People are careful to never cross my path. James would try to make in a good mood by telling my a story about his pranks. Al would take me to the kitchen for hot chocolate and ice cream. Lily pretty much acted like everything was normal.
The only person who understood me was Cherry. She was through this in her third year, which was last year. How she did it, I don't know. She knew how to cheer me up. A smile, a game of Exploding Snap here and there. Talking helped a lot. She knew the way to Honeydukes and snatched me some sweets.
Along the way, I fell for her. She had those dark intense eyes that just pierce into your soul. Her hair had body, unlike her despicable sister who had flat icky hair.
This isn't just a crush. I can feel it. I just want to be with her, but let her give me permission to touch. To want her, but let her decide if she wants me. Be happy for her when she eventually find someone for her, even if it's not me. Let her be safe. I'm sorry I can't describe it properly. You need to experience it for yourself to know this feeling. It takes control of you and your okay with that because it's a pleasant sensation. It's a wild ride I have no qualms to go on.
I crave every smile she gives me. Every small half smile at my pitiful jokes. I can hear her laugh all the time. It's an endless song that gives me energy and makes me weak at the same time.
This is where I leave you off. I don't know what happens next. Will Mum ever be able to look me in my eye. How will Dad react? Will Rose ever be able to look at me
Will things ever be okay? When can I laugh with Lucy and talk about Shakespeare with Molly? Will I always be ignored by my supposed family? Will Al ever get use to the news?
I don't know. I just don't. Strangely, I don't care that much. As long as Cherry is by my side, I can live life without any worries. Not a single one.
The End