Hey this is my first may be a lot mistakes:)I´m from germany so you have to understand.
I don´t own anything! please review, I need your opinion I hope you enjoy reading.
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Wow that was good I didn´t expect this was going to be so ...wow!
But I still didn´t want him to go I was afraid that he woulnd´t return as he had promised what if Victoria killed him?
I can see her when I close my eyes her wide grin- her grin is horribly beautiful I can see what she´s up to- she wants me- dead!And I couldn´t stand if anyone would get hurt, just because of me!
I have to stop Jake from going.
"Jake please don´t go, I love you , dont´t do it, don´t go!"
"Bella I have to go, you know I love you and I would do everything, but you will choose him, I know that and you know too!I can´t do this I can´t live without you.I can´t leave you alone , so be happy if I ´ll live in peace with the le-.. if I won´t, I´ll come back as I promised because I couldn´t do anything different from the way- how do you think is the choice that I die?-I´m a monster!"
His lips spread into a wide grin at the last word was my Jacob again, but I didn´t want him to make jokes at this I can´t live without him just like he can´t live without me! I just realised like so many times before that he was my sun, I need him! I knew the only way to keep him from going was to tell him that I would stay with him-choose him, but how could I do that?Edward is a drug to me but Jake is my air. Edward is everything to me, can Jake be even more important than Ed? Yes I think so , now in this situation, confronted with the fact a person I really love could die and the pressure that I have to make a decision to save the person-Jacob Black- from death or not.I really love EDward he is my first big he is is too doesnt feel real with love was there so suddenly, the first time I saw him.I don´t deserve somebody like edward and jake is too good for me as well but with him its even more perfect,he CAN read my mind without any special powers,our love builded up on our friendship,on every laughter,every word we said and every is definetley the one I love. Is this a snap-decision?No I´m sure this is what I have to do!
"Jake-I don´t know how to say it but-"
"What?" he asked and sounded really hurt,I hate it when somebody feels pain because of me!
I tried again, "What would you do if I said that I choose you?"
"Bells thats not funny, don´t joke around like that, you-you hurt my feelings playing with me like that, you know what I would do!"
"But I mean it! I love you, and I´m pretty sure I love you more than him!So what would- no what are you going to do now?"
"Are you really expecting, that I believe you that?You know how much I loved you to say that- but not if you don´t mean will let me down after wer´re trough with this, you would go back to him!
"If you don´t believe me then let´s run away!let´s just escape , get out of here!"
I really said it I hope so much that he agrees. Run away...I´ver never thought of that, I would leave everyone without any warning-renee, charly,alice..and Edward, how would I explain this to him?He wants me to be happy-or what he said?I have to do what I have to do!
Jakes big, beautiful dark eyes widened in surprise".that´s more I´ve could ever dream of!I´d love to but Bells-I can´t!"
My eyes filled with horror, I didn´t try to hide my feelings like I often did-but it doesn´t even matter, Jake knows me better than why can´t he do this?
"But Jake..."he interrupted me again.
"You have to understand , I can´t let the pack go through this alone ,they need my support!
I had to accept that, but I coulnd´t! What I wanted didn´t matter anymore-I had to respect his decision."No" a voice in my head screamed, but I knew better.
"I guess I´ll have to let you go then..."my voice broke and the tears spilled over-I didn´t try to stop was by my side to catch me when I was about to hit the ground-he layed me down on the floor of the tent gave me a kiss on my forehad and then he left with a light smile on his face and a quiet-
"I love you "
-on his lips.
I trid to stop him but I was to weak, the only thing I could do was lying there and cry until I fell asleep.
The careful touch of sometihng cold woke from the nightmare I was going through.I opened my eyes carefully.
"Jake. is he okay?is he...."
Were the first things I said after waking up without even thinking about how it would hurt the person next to me-Edward.
When I finally realized Edward was sitting at my side, staring at me his eyes filled with pain I already knew that Seth or anyone had told him- well that he had herd it.
"Oh Edward, I´m soo sorry"
"Victoria got her fingers on him when she was on her way to up here, he tried to protect you.."
My mind was going crazy, Victoria and Jake, no I knew this had to happen and I didn´t do anything, it was my fault if he´s dead no I couldn`t even think about it..
"is he ...dead?"
"No he was lucky, theyre leader, sam or something, came just in time to save him he ripped her into parts-Jacobs left body half is broken-I mean his bones but he heals fast and hes going to be okay"
I really felt bad about worrying about Jake so much in Edwards presence, but I couldn´t help myself.I knew even more now that Ioved still I had to get things right with Edward.I would stay with Jake now that I´m sure about my feelings- thats why as bad as I felt for it I asked Edward to bring me to Jacob -I knew he woul do it because he still loved me and I knew I was beeing very selfish but I had to see him and tell him that I still stick to my decision!
"Ed-would you..take me to where he is?I need to see him"
"Yes okay you knew that I would" and he smiled his croocked smile but in this smile , in this perfect face you could not ignore the pain his eyes were filled with-but in this moment I really didin´t care.
Edward lifted me on his back and begun to run through the forest, I thought that perhaps this is a good moment to talk to Edward.
"Please, tell me what you think ,what you will do , try to understand me" I asked hoping for an answer.
"Bella love you know that I love you more than my life, so how could I be angry with you? I just want you to be happy and if that can only be with him.i´ll have to accept I´m still not very happy about your´re decision"
"So our wedding is cancelled then?"he asked a very little bit amused.
"Edward please understand...yes I guess our wedding is cancelled." then he smiled and I knew he would be alright,but I still was a little sceptic.
"I apreciate that you know and...the ring, you have to take it back!I know how much it means to you .and believe me I´m really sorry if this could work out in any other way.."
"no it´s okay, I understand you should keep the ring you mean more to me than the I guess that Jacob and I are going to change our roles, I have to be your best friend the difference that the fight over you is won, by you can count on me!"
That was what I wanted to hear, but I wasn´t tough enough to ask him for that I knew that it would have been a much to big if he offers his friendship, just friends,could I do this to him?
I know he would feel just the same as Jake did long enough did I have a choice ?I still loved Ed, but now I´m sure that Jacob Black will be the one I loved forever.
This wasnt a long talk but the time just flew put me on the floor at Billy´s house and said -
"bye love"
I could see the dissapointment in his, now golden, beautiful eyes as he turned to I run after him?no I have to do this.I took a deep breath and knocked on the door carefully,waiting for someone to open the door.
Leah was the one to open the expression didn´t give away to many hints of how Jake was doing.I could see in her eyes that she was feeling guilty for something.I didn´t care about it now Jacob would tell me about it.
"Hey Bella" she said in a flat, exhausted voice.
"Hi,is he upstairs?Is he awake?"
I didn´t want some kind of smalltalk should just get out of my way.
"yeah, he´s doing much better now.I don´t know if he´s awake."
"Hm", was the only thing I said as a respond,I couldn´t wait to go upstairs.I stopped infront of the door of his room.I swalloed and opened the door very carefully,I didn´t want to wake him up if he was still asleep.I peeked trough the open door and saw him lying in his bed, which was way to small for I looked at his face I shrugged It was filled with pain and eyes were still closed but i could tell that he wasn´t eyes opened slowly to look at me.
"Are you here to hurt me even more?"He asked and this really hurt MY feelings.
"No I-I´m here to tell you that my mind hasn´t changed.I love you more then ever, not just as a brother,It has always been like this, I just didn´t want to believe it myself,but since the kiss,I´m absolutely aware of that the only person I love is you."
I waited for him to answer,was afraid of his the teeth showing, bright and happy smile I loved showed up in his perfectmface - yes perfedt , in a way different way then Edwards, but still perfect.
"why don´t you come over and sit by my side?" he asked still smiling,I didn´t realize that I was still standing in the I walked across the room and sat down on the edge of his bed.
"Jake-"
I couldn´t say a word, he lifted his body slowly to face me, his eyes met mine, his hand pulled my hair out of my face and his lips moved up to mine, I wanted to tell him again a thousand timeshow much I loved him , but I couldn´t resist his gaze and the sweet smell of his hot breath against my skin, His lips crushed mine , this time he didn´t had to force my lips open I was the one who couldn´t pulled away, looking surprised,how could he do this I didn´t want him to stop,I wrapped my hands around his neck and pulled him back, this feeling was so...it can not be described, I just wanted him to never stop.
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Argh I just saw there are many mistakes I didn´t make inthe orignal text-.-!I´m too lazy to correct forgive don´t forget to review:)