What You Do About Me –Oneshot
Sometimes it's a good thing Edward can't read my mind. I'm more afraid of him not liking what he could hear, instead of being afraid of him. Sometimes I'm afraid that if he could read my mind, he won't love me anymore. I realize that it's stupid, because Edward would love me no matter what, but I still worry. I mean, I am human after all. And if he could read my mind, well I might as well be permanently red faced. And lately things have gotten rather –how do I put this?- tense. Not bad tense, but after that last day in the meadow, when he was going to give me everything, he can't seem to put the same boundaries in place that have been there before. And I know I said I wanted to wait, but Edward's making it very hard to. Ha, in more ways than one. Oh man, I need to stop thinking. This is getting horrible.
I've tried talking to Alice about this, but seeing as he won't let me out of his sight, and he can read Alice's mind plain as day, I can't mention anything. But what's worse is that I can't even ask her what she sees, when it's obvious she knows something's going on. That's the problem when your best friend and your fiancé are vampires. Nothing stays secret for too long. And it seems like all the Cullen's, are in on this. Especially since none of them can look me in the eyes without looking away quickly. Which makes me wonder, what is he doing to me?
I know it's crazy, but sometimes I wonder if I should just give in. Just to see what would happen. Would Edward lose all the boundaries, or would he realize what's going on and put the stops on things, like he's done in the past? I mean soon enough we'll be married, and then I won't have to wonder anymore. He always says I can wait for as long as I want, but lately there's something in his eyes, that makes me think he doesn't really mean it. His eyes just turn this darker topaz color, and they kind of glaze over.
Argh. It's so hard not to know what it is! If I didn't know any better, I'd say it was lust, but alas, that can't be possible. Could it?