Broadcast #1: Transfer student
School has barely started and already there is gossip among the student body. Strangely, hardly anybody seems fazed at the source of this gossip.
Welcome to Fuuka Academy, live from the broadcasting headquarters.
Today we begin with breaking news:
A new student transferred today, although she arrived in the strangest way that I've ever seen, listeners. Rather than walking through the door of her classroom normally and introducing herself as one often does when they are new to a school, this transfer student was seen lying in the midst of a singed circle embedded deep in the lawns of Fuuka. Nobody knows where she came from, or why she was seen clutching an oversized sword that people claim is real.
The one thing I'm sure of is that this mysterious new student has definitely ruffled the feathers of the Student Council, and positively enraged the Executive Committee head.
Speaking of the Head of the Executive Committee, Haruka Suzushiro has issued a statement that says:
'Do not tie ribbons to the rallying. Your wishes will not come true. Stop hopping.'
I can only assume what Suzushiro-san means, and you'd do well to try and interpret her words of warning, listeners. Although, why anyone would tie ribbons to the rallying is beyond me. And the rallying what? I feel as if there is a hidden meaning in this statement…although it could very well be a simple matter of Suzushiro-san's malapropisms that causes confusion towards the meaning of this statement.
As it is only the first day of school, we do not have any other news to report for now, but we do have updates for you, listeners. I have just received a list of upcoming events for the next two weeks.
Monday offers students the chance to attend a RSVP-only tea ceremony lesson with none other than our very own Kaichou, Shizuru Fujino-san. There are a limited number of attendees, so RSVP while you still can.
Tuesday is the school year kick-off parade and after party, hosted at the Suzushiro estate. The event begins at 6:30 pm and there have been promises of live entertainment, face painting, dance and karaoke stations, and boys.
Wednesday is the opening of a new movie entitled 'My Maiden Princess', and is centered around an all-girls academy on some fantasy planet, where the students are of the magical-girl variety and fight against an evil organization. It features a generic plot, cliché themes, and the average dose of love triangles and angst. Critics give it a six out of ten, saying that they found the main character "way too good-natured, naïve, and generally annoying."
Thursday is the club fair, listeners, and is a mandatory event. There have been several new clubs added this year. The 'Learn How to Survive in College' club, the Shizuru Fujino Fanclub, the Natsuki Kuga fanclub, the Cosplay club, the Anime club, the LGBT club, and the Stalking club are all new additions this year.
Friday is the first Mahjong tournament of the year. The event will be held in the gymnasium and begins at 1:00 pm and should end around 3:30pm. Your Mahjong team would appreciate your support, listeners.
Takeda Masashi, captain of the Kendo Team, has just sent in a letter, requesting that I read it over the air. His note reads: 'Yuuichi Tate, please come back to kendo!' The paper is crumpled slightly and mottled with patches that can only be tears of desperation, falling from his eyes as he wrote the letter. I do not know why Takeda Masashi would be emotional over a letter.
Kuga Natsuki, one viewer reports, was seen at school today, although this appearance does not set any standards, nor does it exceed anyone's expectations. I think that, much like the wind or an acquaintance, Kuga-san comes and goes as she pleases.
I have just received new information regarding that mysterious transfer student. We now know that her name is Tokiha Mai. Physical description states that she is 'of average height, perhaps a little below average, busty, and is a redhead.' After facing Suzushiro in a brief interrogation, Tokiha-san was given some breathing space and was left to console her younger brother, Takumi Tokiha. Information regarding her strange arrival is still unknown, and I feel as though it will never be known.
A strange, cat-like girl was seen roaming campus earlier today. She was not in uniform, was not wearing shoes, and did not interact with those who tried to help her. The same girl was seen causing a ruckus around campus hours later after consuming what could only be super spicy curry bread. It is assumed that the unidentified girl has a low tolerance to spicy things.
Akane Higurashi and Kazuya Kurau have been seen together multiple times on various occasions. We conclude that they are officially dating. Well wishes to you young lovers!
This brings us to our next segment, listeners. For those of you out there who are like me, who are attractive but still find themselves single, we here at the broadcasting headquarters have taken the liberty to create tips designed to maybe help you get a girl or a guy.
Tip #1: Shower. Nobody likes body odor. And I mean nobody.
Tip #2: Be confident. Nobody likes a waif of a human. Make sure you are confident, and not cocky.
Tip #3: Be yourself. The most annoying thing said ever, but being yourself is a good way to get a healthy relationship started. Faking your personality will not get you a healthy relationship.
Tip #4: Flatter him or her. But do it in a way that won't go to their heads.
Tip #5: Spend time with him/her. But don't do it in a creepy way. You will probably be slapped if you're a creep.
Now go out there, find the person you like, and charm them with your manly or womanly appeal! We here at the broadcasting headquarters are not responsible for your actions.
I have just been handed an update on clubs, the newest club is the Reito Kanzaki fanclub, so now all you boys and girls out there can now congregate in one concentrated area and fangirl to your heart's desire.
My dear viewers, I have very important news to tell you. I have just seen the kaichou and Kuga Natsuki talking to one another. Now, I know that they've been friends for a while now, since middle school, but they were in close proximity to one another, comfortably so. What were they discussing? What is the status of their friendship? Or is it something more?
Hold on listeners, my phone just buzzed, alerting me that I have just received a text.
It's from Kuga-san. She texted me:
'Please fuck off Harada. Your speculations are incorrect.'
How rude, Natsuki. Although I sense that you are denying your true feelings regardless…
I hear that our new transfer student is searching for a part-time job, and that she is considering working at the café Lindenbaum, the campus diner. Well, Tokiha-san, I say go for the job. I believe in you.
More to come after the weather report for the week:
Monday: Sunny, partly cloudy, 78°
Tuesday: Partly cloudy, 76°
Wednesday: Chance of rain, 75°
Thursday: Thunderstorm, 71°
Friday: Overcast, 68°
And we're back, listeners, and boy do I have some updates for you.
Akane Higurashi and Kazuya Kurau were seen traipsing about the streets of Tokyo, practically skipping, hand in hand and love-struck smiles on their faces. They really are too cute. I mean, really too cute.
Tokiha Mai has offered the unidentified wildcat girl, who we now know is named Mikoto Minagi, to stay with her in the dorms. No word on this has been said by the Chairwoman, so we all assume that it is fine.
Kaichou Shizuru Fujino reports that three of the girls and two boys attending the tea ceremony demonstration suddenly fainted when she praised them for doing a good job. Fujino-san added:
"I do not know why students do this around me.
It's as if they revere me as some sort of goddess,
or something. It kind of makes me worry."
Haruka Suzushiro and Yukino Kikukawa were seen working in the student council room, surrounded by newspapers from today and yesterday. Some speculate that Suzushiro-san is a bit obsessed with the transfer student and the strange, singed circle she was found lying in.
No more was said on the issue, though, but I doubt Haruka has let the matter go. I don't think she'll ever let the matter go.
Either way, it appears we've run out of time, listeners. I bid you adieu, for now. Until tomorrow, listeners, until tomorrow.