Gundam DarkAngel
by, Katarin Moonstar
I exit the suit slowly, knowing the other pilots would be suspicious of the sixth Gundam their radar screens had been reporting. As I jump down to meet the other Gundam pilots I immediately put names to these faces. Trowa, the pilot of Heavyarms, so aloof and frozen. Wufei, the pilot of Shenlong, proud and honorable. Duo, the pilot of DeathScythe, jovial and happy ( I immediately dismiss any similarities I thought we might have due to the similarities in our Gundams). Heero Yuy, the pilot of the Wing Zero and my fellow perfect solider, cold, uncaring and perfectly neutral. Then I see the pilot of Sandrock and I inwardly gasp. This is Quatre, the same boy who helped me out of the snow 2 days ago.
2 DAYS AGO
I am walking in the street and 2 guys jump me. I am thrown into an alleyway. I know what they want to do and I also know they won't get to do it. I am a perfect solider after all, 2 guys are like a light training practice. I never have to show them the error of their ways though because he comes then. A boy, no older than I am but with a kind of intensity that you don't see in most boys. He scares them, somehow ( I still don't know why they were afraid of him) and helps me up ( I did not need the help, I was merely attempting to keep silent). I tell him so and he tells me that they won't hurt me. I stare at him with my cold unblinking stare and tell him I didn't need help with them either. I begin to leave while the look of perplexity is still on his face. he grabs my arm with surprising gentleness. He asks me to have something to eat inside with him while pointing at a diner sign. For some reason I agree to it an we go. The tall, pale boy with the cornsilk hair leading me the whole way. We walk inside and I allow him to find us a seat. As we sit in a booth in the back he hands me a stained menu and tells me to order whatever I like, regardless of how much it costs. His remark puzzles me. Order whatever I like? What do I like? I tell him that I don't like anything and that anything providing suitable nutritional value would suffice. He smiles and quietly says something about not seeing suitable nutritional value on the menu. I don't understand his joke but I can't take my eyes off that smile. So warm and understanding. I realize that my thoughts are in contradiction of my training and I mumble agreement to whatever he suggested I eat. We sit in silence as our food is being cooked until he asks me for my name. My name is unimportant information and I tell him this. He laughs, his cornsilk hair tossing and his smile widening, and tells me his name is Quatre. Even his name is beautiful, just like his smile and hair. No, this is not an essential part of my mission. I try to ignore his warm smile and glistening hair. He asks me if he said something wrong and I look up. Ice green eyes meet warm midnight blue and I whisper, "Eve". He asks me what eve is and I am shaken from my momentary fall from perfection. I resume my role as perfect solder and reply coldly, "My name is Eve, you asked me and you are paying for this dinner ( the plates had just been brought) would you have preferred for me to remain nameless?" He tells me no and we begin eating. I arrived on the earth 3 days ago and haven't had any food at all, let alone food of suitable nutritional value. I am hungry and I quickly finish eating. Quatre, who has barely touched his dinner, has once again locked eyes with me. His eyes are so warm I feel empty just by looking at him. I give myself another internal shake and tell him that I am finished. He just smiles and asks the waitress for 2 cups of tea. I have never had tea and want to leave but I would be willing to stay and endure him telling me how to drink tea if he would keep smiling. When the tea comes he shows me what to put in it and how much and as if he read my mind kept smiling. I drink my tea and he tells me that I am pretty. I am taken internally aback by this. I look at my reflection in the window and don't see anything but the same long black hair, ghost pale skin and icy green eyes. I am not pretty, I tell him this. "Maybe you don't think you are, but that doesn't make it so," he tells me as he sets down his empty tea cup and pays the bill. He escorts me out and kisses my hand as I walk away. I chance one more look into the midnight blue depths of his eyes and walk away in the snow. "Quatre I whisper as I walk away, and repeat it over and over like some strange prayer. When I reach my temporary safe house I force myself to do 5 hours extra training as punishment for worrying about such trivial and unimportant matters as his eyes, hair and smile.
PRESENT(next day)
The other pilots seem to understand my being a girl. I am sharing a school dormitory with the other Gundam boys and will begin attending school tomorrow. In order to prepare me for being inconspicuous the boys are taking me out today to get my school uniform. They have given me clothes to wear. Black jeans and a white undershirt, I have one of Duo's tunics on over it and I feel comfortable. I know I can defend myself in such attire. The other pilots tell me that I must also comb and style my hair and put on something called "make-up". Trowa shows me how to put it on and Duo helps me pull my hair back in two ponytail-like things on the back of my head. With half of my hair up and half of it down, the clothes and the "make-up" I look much closer to pretty than before. Duo whistles and I glare at him. We arrive at the uniform store and Duo introduces me as his cousin. I am American and it is the most likely relationship of the six of us. A woman comes over to me and begins taking my measurements. The boys laugh at the uncomfortable look on my face as she begins measuring my bust and legs. She tells me to come back in 1 hour and she would have my uniforms ready. I pay her and we leave. We catch a movie and return for my uniform. I pick up the tied brown package and leave with the boys. We return to the dormitory and I throw the packages on my dresser. Dr.. J gave Heero and I a mission this morning and we are leaving to carry it out. Heero in the Wing Zero and I in the DarkAngel, firing and destroying and killing . It's a blood bath, I don't know how they expect to beat the perfect soldiers. Heero and I show no mercy. I am the angel of mercy, killing the corrupt and weak for the sake of battle. When we return to the dormitory we are both to tired to do anything. I strip off the tunic and jeans and curl up on the living area rug, Duo's tunic draped over me.
NEXT MORNING
I awake in the morning to see Wufei bent over me and drinking coffee, obviously displeased at having a half-naked girl sleeping on his rug. Trowa calls for me to quickly dress and after a quick shower I go to open the brown package containing my uniform. I am surprised when I see my uniform, it's not at all like the other pilot's uniforms. They could defend themselves in their clothes. I could never do anything to ward off an attack. I tell Trowa this and he explains how the girls dress different from the boys at this school. I grudgingly pull on the inferior clothing and do all of the other things the pilots say girls must do. Then we all rush out the door. My classes have been pretty basic thus far and this is my last one until lunch. A passerby attempts to grope me and I make sure he remembers not to do it again. Duo sees as I discretely kick the guy into the lab table behind us. The teacher doesn't notice and Duo scrawls a note to me that reads, "That is not my idea of being inconspicuous". I ignore him and continue to do my lab work. The bell rings and Heero tells me to follow him to lunch. He stands in line and gets 2 apples, 2 plain yogurts, 2 turkey sandwiches and 2 tomato juices. He gives me my half of my lunch and leads me to the table that the Gundam pilots shared. Duo smirks at Heero and my identical lunches and makes a comment about us having a balanced lunch. I unwrap my sandwich and realize that I didn't eat breakfast and am very hungry. Quatre sits down in front of me and flashes me a warm smile. I attempt to ignore him and watch as a pretty young blonde girl walks towards the table. She sits down between Quatre and Trowa, smiles at me and turns to Heero. "Hello Heero," she says kindly. "Relena," he replies stoically. "Who is she?" Relena asks, turning to look at me. "She's my cousin," Duo answers Matter-of-factly. Relena doesn't look like she believes this and leans over the table to look in my eyes. I stare back, impassively as she whispers, " are you helping on a mission?" I stare back without responding to the question and Heero grabs Relena's shoulder and pushes her back down to her seat. "That is none of your business," Heero shoots back, his coldness is gone and I am ashamed that he is my fellow Perfect Solder. Relena is not scared though and stands up. "Good Luck Heero," she whispers and leaves. I turn away from Heero because I know how he feels, he has lost control of his emotions as I have while in Quatre's company. The rest of lunch is eaten in silence and the rest of the day passes uneventfully. No one has raised any questions about my assumed name ( Denise Maxwell) and the other pilots have not asked for my name. I am told that Quatre will cook tonight and that I should get my homework done quickly, in case there is another mission.
I enter the kitchen and see Quatre cutting up carrots. He has prepared chicken and rice with fresh vegetables, the same meal he bought me at the diner. He smiles at me while chopping vegetables, "Look, we're having 'suitable nutritional value' for dinner" I smile inside at the joke but give no external sign of my amusement. The other pilots look confused. We eat dinner in silence . The six of us not looking at each other until I look up to see Quatre staring at me. His beautiful smile and those perfect eyes fill me with a longing that I have never felt before. When dinner is over I go to the practice room. I begin my training practice routine. I have to endure punishment for my weakness.
"Well, she's been in there forever," Duo roars as Heero tells him not to bother the girl. Heero doesn't know what Duo expects him to do about it and when he asks him Duo tells him to go talk to her. Heero walks in while I am ending my routine. I get ready to start again while asking what he wants. He asks me what I'm doing. "Training," I reply. "Training would have been over hours ago," he counters. I stop my routine and look down. "I acted in an imperfect manner today," I say and return to my routine. Heero leaves and I hear him tell the others to leave me alone. They do and I leave the room an hour later to take a shower.
I allow the warm water to run over me while I wash the sweat off of me. I shampoo my hair and rinse while Duo walks in. I am thinking of the longing Quatre left in me and the different ways Dr. J has told me to relieve myself of it. Training hasn't helped and I was never good at meditating.. I remember Dr. J telling me that sex was a good outlet for tension but I have never tried it. Duo notices me in the shower and decides to flirt with me. I do not understand his ways but I do understand that this longing inside me won't go away with training. I am not sure if sex will help either but I am willing to attempt anything. I ask Duo what he is doing in here and he tells me he was going to take a shower. Without thinking twice I immediately say "Go ahead." Duo is out of his clothes in a flash and steps into the shower behind me. I rinse off my hair and stand against the shower wall to let him do the same. He steps into the water stream and turns to me. He pushes his body to mine. Wedging me between him and the wall. I allow him to take me but not kiss me. He doesn't seem to mind. He does however seem to mind the fact that this is my first time. He doesn't realize until it's to late. It hurts so much and I don't care all I can think about is Quatre. Even as Duo's motions are bringing me feelings I have never had before I can only think of the deep blue of Quatre's eyes, the golden hue of his hair. I find my release but it leaves me feeling empty. I finish my shower, shrug off Duo's attempt to hold me and leave. Duo looks surprised and upset, he still doesn't know my name.
I wake up in the morning and dress. I am not late today and can eat breakfast. Quatre smiles at me as I slice an apple and hands me a cup of tea. The other pilots look on in amazement as he puts sugar and cream into it. I drink the tea and eat my apple while reading the orders Heero gives me. I agree to take on the mission and pack my stuff. The others protest, stating that the mission is to dangerous.. I state that I am as capable a solider as Heero. Heero agrees and the others are silent. Quatre tells me to be careful and I ignore him while walking away. "Eve," he calls and I stop dead in my tracks. The looks on the other pilots faces is one of confusion and I can't blame them. I turn around and ask, "Yes?" "Be careful," he says and gives me another warm smile. I turn and walk away, ignoring Duo as he attempts to make conversation. I hear the other pilots asking how Quatre knew my name and walk out the door. I have a mission to do and I'm not letting Quatre interfere.
When I arrive at base T-51 I begin my mission. The entire base must be destroyed. I ignore the civilian housing on my left and concentrate on the military installations. Enemy suits fly at me from all sides, I destroy them easily. I turn my attention back to destroying the base and drop the bombs that will do it. I'm dropping bombs and wiping out buildings while simultaneously destroying mobile suits. It's a dance. An endless dance of pain and death and somewhere between start and finish I begin to enjoy it. This is what I was meant to do. I have trained my whole life for this . To finish the mission I destroy the civilian housing. I leave the scene of carnage behind me, felling hollow and empty. When I return to the dorm I use Heero's laptop and send Dr. J a report of the days events. I pretend not to notice the looks the other pilots are giving me and begin my make-up work for the day. I look up a few minutes later to see that all the other pilots are looking at me. Heero and Trowa with impassive inquiry, Wufei with angry annoyance, Duo with hurt and Quatre with the same warm smile he always wears. "Yes," I say when they don't look away. The others look at each other and Heero speaks, "How does Quatre know your name? He won't tell us." I look at Quatre to confirm this and he smiles and nods. "We have met before," I tell him. "I see," Heero replies and returns to his homework. " Is that all your going to ask her?" Wufei asks incredulously. "What more do you want to know?" Heero asks him. " How about how they met for one ," Duo screams. "Very well," he tells them and then to me," How did you meet?" I tell them of Quatre rescuing me needlessly and then buying me dinner. Heero asks why I went with him and I say that I was hungry (I use the fact that I hadn't eaten in 3 days to back this claim up). The others seem satisfied but Wufei still eyes me warily. "The ways of women are to often the downfall of their men," he says when questioned about his wariness. I go to sleep that night ( Heero has allowed me to use the half of his bed he is not using) and wonder why Quatre didn't tell them.
Duo attempted to talk to me twice today in class and I ignored him. He is taking our sex to seriously. It was one time and I needed release. I get an apple for lunch and walk around the school during lunch. Heero and Wufei are on a mission and I want to think in peace. No matter how much I try and think of strategies and mobile suit capabilities I keep seeing Quatre's eyes. I turn a corner and there he is, alone. He walks over to me and sits me on a bench. "Hello," he says. He begins speaking about philosophy and literature and all I can do is stare at him. "Have you heard a single thing I've said," he asks, a twinkle in his eyes. "Yes, To error is human, to forgive divine," I tell him and keep staring. He slowly reaches over and grabs my hand. My reaction is a reflex. I yank my hand away and stand up. He tries to apologize but I won't let him. My body is screaming from the adrenaline rush and I glare at him while silently berating myself for my weakness. "I hate you," I whisper and stalk off.. Heero and Wufei are back that evening and Trowa cooks for us all. I am still shaken by the sensation of Quatre touching me. I decide another shower session with Duo is necessary. He willingly obliges.
Months go by like this, missions, school, training and my showers with Duo. I still refuse to let him kiss me and I do not acknowledge our sex in the company of the other pilots. I have no friends, but I don't need them. I am the DarkAngel and can not be tied down by unnecessary things like emotions. Dr. J sends Heero and I information on an upcoming mission for the six of us. It is my turn to cook and I have prepared stir fry, rice and egg rolls. I pour six glasses of juice and set the table. The others come in and take their seats. My seat is in between Heero and Trowa. Quatre and Duo sit in front of me and I don't know which of their attentions is least wanted . Tonight however, I am going over mission plans with Heero and don't have to look at either of them. The other pilots have to clear the table and do the dishes so I decide to take a shower. I hear someone enter and assume it's Duo. After stripping his clothes off he steps into the shower and tries to hold me against him. I push him away and he looks at me puzzled. "I thought you didn't buy into all that playing-hard-to-get bullshit?" he asks me. "I don't," I reply stoically. "Then what's the matter?" He whispers while trailing kisses down my neck. I go rigid and he turns me around so that I'm facing him. "Well?" he asks. "Well what?" I reply, allowing both puzzlement and annoyance creep into my voice. "Well why are you so cold all of the sudden?' he practically screams. I inwardly wince because I know the other pilots heard him. "What do you mean 'all of the sudden'," I ask, "I've always been cold." "Yeah," he says and nuzzles against my neck," but not to me." "You mean especially to you," I counter. " What do you mean? You and I have something special," Duo tells me and I actually feel like laughing. "We have sex Duo. There's nothing special about it," I reply coolly. This is more than Duo can stand though. He looks at me and demands that I take it back, I refuse to deny the truth and tell him so. He begins to tell me how much I mean to him and I stop him. "You barely know my name, you have never kissed me and you have never had a real conversation with me. We have sex. I need release and this seems to be the easiest way," I say and go on," Dr. J says that increased tension can cause problems in my operating DarkAngel. I am merely attempting to maintain optimum Gundam performance." I rinse my hair and exit the shower. Wufei snorts at me as I pass by him(in nothing but a towel). Quatre throws me an understanding smile and I hurry to my room. Heero is inside tapping away on the laptop. I pull out a pair of pajamas and drop the towel to the floor. I pick a dry one up off the shelf and begin drying myself. "You could have asked me to leave," Heero says from the laptop. He is turned away from me and I didn't think he would be bothered by my dressing. I tell him this and he grunts his approval of my assessment. "Why was Duo yelling? You usually keep him pretty silent, "Heero asks while punching away at the keyboard. " I would not give him what he came for. He seemed upset," was my answer. Heero nodded approval and unexpectedly turned his chair so he was facing me. He was looking at me funny. We stood in silence (me completely naked) before he spoke," Don't cause problems within the team," was all he said and then turned his chair back to his laptop. He didn't need to specify who he meant. I knew. We could both see cracks in the others masks and were going to keep it a secret. I continue dressing and go to bed. Some hours later Heero joins me. I now realize that my fellow perfect solider and friend is human and I find comfort in that.
Duo hasn't spoken to me in the week since our last incident in the shower. Heero hasn't said anything but I know he knows why. Trowa also won't comment but he seems to suspect. Wufei however, refuses to be so subtle. He corners me after dinner one night and begins interrogating me. "Why are you causing trouble within the group?" he asks me. I had never thought I was causing trouble and tell him so. He is not pleased, " What do you call having sex with Duo in the shower then," he fumes. "Having sex in the shower with DUO," I reply, stressing Duo's name to show that it is between Duo and I. " Yes and you have ceased that if I'm not mistaken, maybe you'll use your jezebel ways on us next," he indicated himself and the other pilots," I said you were trouble from day-one. Thank you for proving me right," then he turns to the other pilots," Surely this proves my case that this women cannot be one of us. She is already causing problems within the team, we must send her back." Duo is standing off to the side he looks embarrassed and hasn't been saying anything. However he begins speaking when Wufei is finished. " What Eve and I do in our free time is Eve and my business. It doesn't have anything to do with the team. If she needs release I give it to her. End of story." He leaves then and I begin to think he understands. Wufei leaves as well, while muttering about women being the bane of existence. Trowa and Quatre leave as well and Heero turns to me. "Why?" he asks, without a single hint of trepidation, "Why?" I stare at him and realize that he is worried. Worried about me and Duo and all the other pilots. "I needed release and Duo helped," I reply and get up to leave. He pulls me back down and holds me there. "I told you not to cause problems within the team. Now let me ask you." He releases me and I look at him. He knows I'm not meaning to cause problems but I am and I tell him I'll try. He tells me he has a solo mission to do tonight and leaves. I get up and walk down the hallway to the bedroom I share with my best friend.
Quatre is waiting at my door with a tray of tea. He asks to be let in and I allow him to enter. He sets the tray on the vacant space next to Heero's laptop and sits down on the chair Heero uses while typing on it. We sit in silence for awhile, sipping our tea and enjoying the quiet. He breaks the silence, "Why did you have sex with Duo," he asks in a tone that insinuates that he doesn't really want to know. " I needed release," I reply. He takes a moment to process this and then looks at me, his deep blue eyes filled with sadness, "Do you really think that little of yourself that your willing to just idly toss away your love like that," he asks even sadder than before. "Sex with Duo wasn't about love, and I don't believe giving oneself too much value is productive," I say and only half-lie. I don't really believe I'm worth anything and he knows it. He pours me another cup of tea and I look up at him. Our eyes meet and my breath catches in my throat. He's so beautiful, so perfect, I love him. And because I love him I hate him. I hate him for making me weak enough to love him. To want him to be near me at all times. Thoughts and feelings a perfect solider has no right having. He leans forward and kisses me. I go rigid at first but when he doesn't stop I relax and allow him to kiss me. After a time he gently, almost questioningly, nips at my lower lip. To both of our surprises I open my mouth and the kiss deepens. I wrap my arms around his neck and he puts his around my waist. Somewhere in my head I hear a voice (disturbingly similar to Dr. J's) saying that a perfect solider doesn't give into true fits of passion. I ignore the voice and continue my kiss with Quatre. We somehow end up laying on the bed I share with my best friend. I want him to continue kissing me but he stops. "This doesn't mean anything to you, does it?" he asks while looking down into my eyes. I want to tell him that it doesn't but I can't and when he looks into my eyes he knows. His fingers brush the buttons of my school uniform and suddenly my body is on fire. In all of my showers with Duo, I never felt like this. I reach up and begin unbuttoning the buttons on hiss uniform shirt ( the jacket had been taken off shortly after he got home) and he closes his eyes and smiles. THAT SMILE, oh if only he knew what that smile did to me. His shirt is gone and so is mine. As he slowly removes my skirt I wonder what I'm doing and why. When I feel his bare skin on mine though I know, and i don't even try to stop him. His hands are all over me now. Touching, teasing, and caressing my entire body. He moves his body down to mine,to kiss me, and I take the opportunity to remove his pants. He laughs at my frustration towards the offending buttons and helps me undo them. As soon his pants and under garments are gone, I look at his perfect body, now brought near god-hood in it's nudity, and I smile. He moves down to kiss me again and I take him into me. He's slightly shocked at my actions, I am as well to be honest, but quickly adjusts. We are rocking back and forth together, slowly quickening our movements, when the realazation of what I'm doing hits me. I look up at him and I feel the begginings of an orgasm aching inside me. I love him, so much, but I hate him as well. He's whispering my name, and I know he's about to cum, I am to, but he's so beautiful. I allow myself to continue and I silently whisper,"I hate you," to no one but myself. As my orgasm comes closer my whisper becomes louder. When I finally climax I know he can hear my chant. I keep chanting it as we slow down and are finally still. I lie beside him and he reaches out to hold me. I allow him to and after awhile I fall back asleep.
A month after my night with Quatre, Heero has an assignment for us. I go to the hangar where we keep our Gundams and ask him what the assignment is. He tells me all about the mission for today. An OZ shipment of weaponry headed for the desert forces. We leave and Dr. J is on the comn line. he gives us further instructions on how to take out the shipment with minimal damage to our Gundams. When we arrive I am amazed at how short the travel distance was. We get to work and quickly gain the upper hand. I destroy 2 Leos and am going after a Mercury when Dr. J's voice breaks through the battle static, " 6 squads of mobile are headed your way, ETA 5 minutes," it will take us 4 minutes to destroy the attacking mobile suits, 3 to obliterate the shipment and 8 to get to safety. The idea of how to get the job done in time strikes me like a bolt of lightning. "Heero, get out of here, I need about 2 minutes to get the job done, BY MYSELF." Heero breaks off and I can see him pulling away. I position myself at the center of the shipment and I position my finger over my self-destruct button. "EVE," Heero's voice breaks in over the static as he realizes what I'm doing. "Sorry Heero," I whisper as I pull the trigger. Before the blinding light and feeling of being ripped from my body I think one last time about my angel, with hair the color of cornsilk and eyes so deep and blue they make me feel like crying. Before I blackout I see his face and then his smile. Oh his smile, it breaks my heart to think of it.
Epilougue
The doctor was fairly surprised to see the state that she was in. But he was confident she'd be okay. Wufei couldn't care less if Eve lived or died. Trowa was worried for the sake of the team. Duo couldn't bear the thought that she would leave before he ever got to say he was sorry. Quatre was crushed, he loved her and he couldn't do a thing to help her. And Heero's world was spinning at the thought of losing the only friend he'd ever had. The doctor walked in just then and cleared his throat. Heero jumped to his feet and rushed over to the doctor. "How is she doctor," He asked. The doctor looked into Heero's eyes, "he must be the father," the doctor thought sadly. "Well," he said clearly and gently,"Eve will be fine," exhales of relief were heard throughout the room," however," he went on,"she has lost her baby." Heero looked shocked and down the hall I woke up and screamed the first thought on my mind, "Quatre!"