A little sad one-shot I came up with while it was raining and listening to sad violin music.
A/N: Dragons can turn almost human
WARNING: very long
Crying in the rain
A year has passed since the destruction of the Alpha's nest. A year since Hiccup became chief, Toothless became alpha.
A year since Berk was finally defrosted and all the homes were rebuilt.
A year since Stoick the Vast was killed.
Hiccup's job as gotten a little bit easier, but not much. Thank fully others were there to help him.
"Thank you Ack." Said Hiccup as he finished the last paper on the desk.
"Hiccup it's time to call it a night. It's getting late." Surprised, he looked beside him and saw Astrid.
"Ok…sorry there's just so much to do."
"One step at a time babe…don't worry" said Astrid sweetly
Hiccup nodded. He wasn't going to lie. He wasn't cut out for this kind of job. He tried his best to uphold the big responsibility. How his father was able to do this would always be a mystery.
"Come on Hiccup…" said Astrid as she helped him up. He was exhausted, he didn't think he would make it up the hill to the house.
He looked around and found Toothless quietly siting at the base of the Mead Hall stairs. Looking out to the other dragons and Vikings.
"Toothless?" he asked as he got to the bottom of the stairs. Toothless turned his head in Hiccup's direction. Green eyes reflecting each other. Hiccup slightly winced, unnoticed by Toothless, noticed by Astrid.
Hiccup knew…he knew with all his being that it wasn't Toothless' fault, but no matter how hard he tried, he could never diminish the thoughts from his head.
Toothless killed his father. Yes he knew that it was Drago's doing, and Toothless was merely a tool in this murder.
But one thought still surfed his mind. If he hadn't met Toothless…would he father still be alive?
Hiccup mentally kicked himself. If he hadn't met Toothless, then everyone in Berk would be dead. Things were absolutely hopeless back then. In fact Hiccup didn't live, he was just existing. Meeting Toothless was the best thing that ever happened to him in his whole life. He changed everyone in Berk.
"Mind if we ride you up there tonight?"
He didn't mind at all. He allowed Hiccup and Astrid to climb on his back. They started up the hill.
On the way there, Hiccup looked around and saw all the changes in the village.
Things have changed a lot around Berk in the past year. Valka finally felt like she belonged in the village once again. Astrid and Hiccup are engaged.
Hiccup smiled at the thought. He finally got the girl of his dreams, they were to be married in a few months. Thinking about it, if it hadn't been for Toothless maybe he never would have been noticed by her.
His smile faltered at the thought of Toothless. Another thing that had changed. Ever since Toothless became alpha, he has been quiet. Not the kind of shy quiet, no this was different. He rarely did anything anymore. When Astrid took him flying, he kept a face on. It looked fake, and Hiccup should know. Hiccup assumed it was because it was Astrid was flying him and not Hiccup.
That was proven wrong when Hiccup and Toothless went flying, just like they used to. But his demeanor didn't change. It looked worse.
When Hiccup needed help with something, Toothless helped him, but never spoke a word. When he is human (half human at least) Vikings would ask him questions on what's wrong with their dragons. Toothless would go and take care of it by saying something in Dragonese, but never tell the woman/man what was wrong in the first place.
Hiccup would tell Valka about the situation, they would try and talk to Toothless together, but he never spoke a word. Never even made eye contact.
Hiccup was jolted out of his thoughts when he saw his house coming in view. Toothless paused and allowed them to slide off.
"Thanks bud" he said as he gently petted his dragon's snout.
He nodded before backing off. The saw a blue mist and out came Toothless as a human. He rotated his shoulders before wandering inside the house.
"Good night Toothless." Said Astrid quickly. Toothless stopped in his steps. He turned around and looked at Astrid. He lifted his hand and waved for a second before starting into the house again.
He closed the door.
"Alright Hiccup…what happened back there?"
"What do you mean?"
"When Toothless made eye contact with you, I saw you flinch. What happened?"
"I thought about how Toothless has changed. He never speaks anymore. I know that a dragon can't speak but he never makes those sounds I've grown to love. I miss the old him."
"Have you tried talking to him?"
"Yes but he never looks us in the eye. I don't know what to do anymore Astrid. I just want my friend back. What am I going to do?"
"I think you should tell him exactly what you told me. But wait till the morning, you both could use some sleep."
Hiccup and Astrid kissed each other good night. Hiccup went inside the house and found Toothless sitting by the dimly lit fireplace. Staring at him (think of it like the face that Captain Levi makes from Attack on Titan) with no emotion.
"Hey Toothless." Said Hiccup trying to lighten the mood. Hiccup sat next to Toothless.
"Haven't seen you like this in a while." Toothless merely shrugged. Hiccup's smile fell at the lack of communication. Toothless indirectly looked at Hiccup. He lifted his arm and pointed at Hiccup for a second. Then pointed to the bed in the room, then upstairs.
"You want me to go to bed?" asked Hiccup. Toothless nodded yes.
"Ok bud. But I'm not going up there without you." Toothless looked shocked for a second before returning to the straight face. He hoped Hiccup didn't see it, but he did.
Toothless got up and went upstairs. He waited for Hiccup at the top of the stairs. Hiccup filed into the room. Toothless follows.
"Goodnight bud." Hiccup said lowly as his head hit the pillow. He fell asleep instantly.
The next morning…
Hiccup woke up to see Toothless gone, no surprise really. He has been getting up earlier than Hiccup a lot lately.
Hiccup sighs when he discovers his dragon is gone again. It's almost like he is trying to keep his distance. Hiccup doesn't know why though. When he tries to figure it out, he's always back to square one. He looked outside and saw that it was raining. Badly. A few lightning bolt hit the sky.
The gods must be mad at something. Hiccup knew this would blow over in a day.
No one dared to go outside. Fearing they might be struck by lightning because of their METAL helmets. Hiccup suddenly got worried as he went downstairs. He found his mom leaning against CJ's wing, still sleeping. Toothless was nowhere to be seen.
"Hey CJ? Have you seen Toothless?" Hiccup asked hopefully. CloudJumper shook his head no. Hiccup hung his head in disappointment.
He decided to go put on his armor.
Once upstairs, he put on his suit. He looks to a desk and see his pencil laying there. He reaches for it, and see a notebook underneath it.
He takes a closer look at it and knows that it isn't his. He opens the first page and sees: Journal of Toothless. Hiccup looks around and sees no one is in the room with him.
He sits on Toothless' bed and begins to read.
It was interesting to know that the greatest moment in my life began when I met someone that has been forbidden for centuries. I found out that they aren't what we think they are. They are intelligent creatures that have feelings and everything we knew about them was wrong.
I used to be alone. I always thought I would be alone. One day that all changed when I closed the gap between life and death. I befriended a human. His name was Hiccup.
Hiccup smiled at that memory. Yes that happened 6 years ago, but he remembers like it happened 5 minutes ago. He continued reading.
He helped me get my wings back. I was angry for a while that someone like him could shoot down a mighty night fury like me. Then I got to know him a little better. I realized I wasn't angry anymore. I was happy.
If he hadn't shot me down, then I would have missed out on the greatest thing in my entire life. He is my friend and I am his. We're brothers, more than best friends. I am not his pet and he doesn't treat me like one. We're equals. I don't see him as an ordinary human, I see him as one of my own. We reflect each other's souls.
Hiccup was almost in tears at the end of this. He completely agrees with everything. He sees there's more writing on the next pages. He looks around to make sure Toothless isn't around.
He's alone in the room.
I did something very wrong today. Stoick the Vast was killed today. And worst of all…I did it. Hiccup hated me for a while. I saw the anger and betrayal in his eyes. I killed his father.
The alpha commanded me to kill Hiccup at first. But it was Stoick who stood in the way of that. I can never get the look of his face when he pushed me away from the body. Not as long as I lived. I felt so horrible. I know he didn't want to be my friend at that point anymore. I don't blame him if he never wants to see me again.
I was wrong when I said that he never wanted to see me again. I did something so horrible to him yet…he didn't abandon me. Together, as one, we took down Drago and his alpha. He said thank you when I saved him and Berk. He may have hated me, but I would never stop protecting him. No matter what.
Hiccup quickly shut the book when he heard someone upstairs. He hid the book behind him. He only saw Sharpshot. (The terrible terror he trained in the show).
"Hey Sharpshot. What's up buddy?" Sharpshot purred as he curled up next to Hiccup and fell asleep. Hiccup smiled, he pulled the book back out and continued reading.
It's been half a year Hiccup has become chief and I alpha. We both are very busy. He has to repair Berk and I have to make sure that none of the dragons are acting up. It's not as hard as Hiccup's job. I help him when I can.
We rarely go on flights anymore and I understand that he is busy. I understand that part. But it is the fact that he has been ignoring me. Every time I look him in the eyes he looks away.
WHY?! It's so frustrating to know that the one person you trust with your entire life can't trust you back anymore. I know what I did was wrong, but I really hoped that Hiccup would stop hating me. I thought he forgave me. He never calls me 'bud' anymore. Only by my actual name.
I hope he forgives me someday. At first I always saw him blaming himself. I hear the conversations between Astrid and his mother. They think I'm asleep. But I always listen to them. Always. Besides I hate the night.
Hiccup and I are always busy with our jobs that we don't have time to think about it. That's when the guilt comes I at night. It's only me and my thoughts. I can never think past the thought that I WAS THE ONE THAT KILLED HICCUP'S FATHER! ME! It wasn't Drago and it wasn't the former alpha. It was me and me alone.
Hiccup had to put the book down. He had absolutely no idea that this was going on with his best friend. He wiped a stray tear that came down his face.
"Oh Toothless" he whispered lowly.
Hiccup started calling me bud again. There was a time when I would have been happy, but now I'm not. Why does he call me bud? Why isn't he calling me killer or murderer?
Because that's what I am.
I stopped talking. I can't bear to talk to Hiccup anymore. I know it's not his fault at all, but that doesn't stop him from blaming himself. Sometimes I wish he could just snap and yell at me. Telling me and drilling it into my head that it was only my fault that the man who raised him is dead. Of course I would be heartbroken by it. But it would be better than him blaming himself.
Of course the nightmares are coming. They always do. No matter what happens, my demons of the past come at night. The nightmares are always the same.
The bewilderbeast always takes control of me and instead of Stoick, its Hiccup. And as usual, I am weak to stop it. Another reason I stopped talking at all. I'm always so afraid that if the situation ever happens again, there will be nothing to stop me from doing something so horrible. I'm so afraid of hurting Hiccup.
Hiccup and everyone else always try and talk to me but I never respond. Everything is such a mess, I find everything easier when I don't speak. When I hear Hiccup's voice, it reminds me of Stoick and how Hiccup will never see him again.
I found out that hurting myself takes the pain away. It started out small, I would pinch myself when I felt sad. Then I would burn myself when I am human. Then I found my tool. A small knife. It was accidental really. I found a small dagger on the ground but as stupid and as clumsy as I am, I dropped it and it cut me a little on my leg.
It hurt a lot, but it felt kind of good.
"No…please not him" Hiccup said with tears in his eyes. He was afraid to read on but he did anyway.
That has become a regular thing for me. When I am human, I cut myself. But since I wear short sleeves, I cut my legs and they are covered with my black pants. I almost got caught by CJ once. I cut myself too deep and it bled through my pants. Thankfully Valka called him back, that was too close.
I never want to get caught.
I don't know why but when I cut myself, it relieves the pain that I feel. I know that Hiccup forgives me but how can I forgive myself for something so horrible.
"Toothless…no…please not you." He says in a broken voice. He succumbs to tears. Wiping his eys he continues reading. He can't stop now. He's knows everything now.
I feel horrible for pushing Hiccup out. I really want to include him. I want nothing more than to confess to him what I'm feeling and maybe in return he can help me stop this harm I am doing to myself.
I know that he knows because he told me all about it.
He tells me how he dealt with it. Easier said than done. He is so much stronger than me, maybe not physically but he keeps his emptions at bay. He's like me, he cries in front of me and only me. Or when he's alone.
I wish I could cry with him, but I can never…that's why I love the rain.
It's the only time I can cry without anyone knowing. No one can see my sorrow. No one sees the pain that I am in. And I try to hide from the world. The tears fall because I can't handle the pain I am in anymore.
I wish I could tell him, but his plate is already full. I don't want him to waste his time on someone like me.
Hiccup slammed the book shut and started crying. Crying not for himself but for Toothless. How could he have been so blind? He should have seen the signs. It had been so obvious now that he thought about it.
He was depressed 6 years ago. That was before he met Toothless. He knows what it's like to be depressed, to him it felt like a never ending cliff drop. It was Toothless who pulled him out of the bottomless pit. He needed to know what else is going on.
He wipes his tears and continued reading.
I disappear to the cliffs overlooking Berk but leading into the ocean. I inch closer and closer to the edge. I wish I could close my eyes and fall off. But every time I stick my arms out, I take a step back. But something tells me I have to stay for Hiccup's sake.
What's the point of staying? I know that my friendship with Hiccup will never be the same again. I know that it'll never be perfect. I know that. I just want to make peace with it.
I wish you would pull me out of this pain Hiccup.
But I know that's impossible.
A/N: 10 FREAKING PAGES!
My new 2-shot story. I'll have the other on up by tomorrow. Or maybe Wednesday the latest.
Thanks for reading.
Salvage will be out soon.