She looked longingly at their picture together. Well, technically that wasn't true. She was standing 5 feet back, a scrawny awkward girl with a crooked smile. He was standing in the foreground, a fit, tall, dark and handsome jock in a football jersey with a smile that was to die for.

She tossed the picture down on her bed. That was forever ago. Well, three years ago. But it sure felt like forever. Many things had happened in the meantime. He'd gotten attached to someone else, a dumb stupid redhead that he totally was only attracted to because of her boobs. And she'd tried dating, but the last guy was a mumbly loser with no charisma and a stupid goatee. Deep down in her heart, she'd never stopped giving hope on her first love.

"Oh, Ripcord," the Baroness sighed while sitting in her prison cell. "If only you knew that I only had ten days to live due to poisonous effects of the nanomites coursing through my body."

Suddenly, Snake Eyes showed up at her cell. "Baroness," he said. "The MARS Corporation has resurfaced in Springfield. The Joes think that your insider knowledge is exactly what we need to pull off this mission."

"Actually," Abed said in his typical rapid fire manner, "when Snake Eyes trained with the Arashikage Clan, he took a vow of silence after Storm Shadow murdered their master. Unless we're talking about the 'Real American Hero' continuity where Snake Eyes' silence is due to a horrible disfigurement, but since you're playing on the childhood friendship of Ripcord and the Baroness I immediately assumed you're writing a fan fiction taking place in the GI Joe: The Movie continuity."

"Whu --- how long have you been standing there?" Annie squeaked. She was jolted back to reality. This was her own personal sanctuary, free from anyone, in the mostly abandoned Greendale school library a half hour before closing. This was Annie time.

Well, it was until she found her staring at Abed's seemingly unblinking eyes.

"About fifteen minutes," Abed said, peeking at Annie's laptop screen over his shoulders. "I have a bad habit of being very very still. It's OK if you didn't notice. I'm not offended. Anyway, Snake Eyes is a silent warrior and if you take that away from him it pretty much destroys his character."

"It's a little something called artistic license," And for the record, it's GI Joe: The Movie and the extended universe, up to and including the video game."

"Fan fiction seems to be self-defeating," Abed continued. "If you're going to write a story, you probably should at least give them different names from the originals. That way you can claim plausible deniability."

"Look who's talking," Annie huffed. "Your videos star really badly disguised versions of everyone you know."

If Abed was offended, he didn't show it. "That's different. My storytelling is based on a keen observation of human personalities and relationships. Fan fiction boils down to repeating the exact same personality traits and catchphrases found in available material. The stories never expand beyond the original scope. On the other hand, they tend to be exercises in wish fulfillment. For example, you seem to be impressing your own neuroses onto the character of the Baroness."

Annie fidgeted.

"And the character of Ripcord," Abed continued, "seems to be a reasonable facsimile of…"

"Guess who's going to the Division E College State Divisional Semi-Finals!" Troy said, all smiles as he entered the library. Suddenly, he looked confused. "Wait," he said. "What are we doing in the library? It's Saturday and I think it's against my religion to be educated today."

"Oh, we're not studying," Abed said. "Annie's just writing fan fiction."

Annie shut her laptop and gulped.

"That's cool," Troy said. "Is that some sort of sports fiction? Like The Blind Side?"

Before Abed could answer, Annie cut him off. "Yes!" she said. "Yes. It's a sports story. I totally love writing stories about sports!"

"Tight," Troy said. "Which one?"

"The… the one with the ball?"

"Oh, all right," Troy said, confused. He slapped his hands together. "So," he said, "I can count on the two of you to sheer for me at the State Semi-Finals against next week against the City School of Barbers Hairmen?" Troy smiled. "Hairmen," he chuckled to himself.

"Next week?" Annie said. "That's… that's when the Campus Entertainment Committee is doing Greendale Idol. And since I'm president, I have to be there. Don't you remember?"

Troy shook his head. "Was I supposed to remember?"

"You … promised me last month that you'd be in the contest. We were supposed to be singing a duet. Together. You and me."

Troy slapped his forehead. "Oh, sorry!" Troy apologized. "See, when I agreed to that, I figured there was no way we'd make it to post-season with the losing record we had. But then, Leonard --- remember the old guy we had at linebacker?"

"Y-yeah…."

"He had to take some time off to get a kidney transplant. But the replacement we put in Brenda --- that indie pro-wrestler in our accounting class who goes by Killopatra? --- it turns out she's got brutal run defense while maintaining an alluring feminine side. If she didn't have a moustache I'd seriously think about making a move on her."

Annie ground her teeth.

"After that," Troy continued, "we ended up winning every single game after that, and we barely squeaked into the post-season. So long story short… I can't make it."

"Well," Annie said, downcast, "I can't force you to quit the team for a silly karaoke show. I know how much this means to you. I'm just sorry I can't be there for you either."

"Hey," Troy said. "It's the semis. Catch me when we make the championships, OK? Just answer me one question."

"What is it, Troy?"

"Was Abed standing behind you this whole time?"

Annie glanced over her shoulder. There was Abed, still staring like a hawk. "I'm playing it low key," he said.

"Pretty much, yeah," Annie said to Troy.

Troy shook his head. "Thank goodness," he said as he left he room.

Annie groaned. This would've been such a perfect moment. Her. Troy. On stage, under soft lights. Singing "We've Got Tonight" by Kenny Rogers. She had it written out in her mind. In fact, it may have been written in Chapter One of "The Baroness' Secret Mission," but with the names changed to protect the innocent.

No, wait. Forget about the man trap. There was a bigger dilemma at stake here. She was president of the Campus Entertainment Committee. Without a main attraction, no one would want to show up at Glendale Idol. It would be a disaster. There would be ten contestants and fewer in the audience.

"Uggggghhhhh," she said. "I was SO banking on him to show! What do I do? What do I do?"

She looked at Abed. "Don't look at me," he said. "I'm on right before you with my spoken word rendition of 'Love Shack.' I don't know if I could handle the pressure of memorizing two songs. It messes up my rhythm."

----

Jeff looked up from his Entertainment Weekly and cocked his eyebrow. Annie was standing in front of him, rocking back and forth on her heels and pulling an impossibly sincere face. Always a bad sign. Especially since, simmering underneath, was Annie's secret gambit: guilt and desperation, the two-headed monster that Jeff was powerless to stop.

"Exactly HOW many clubs are you in again?" Jeff finally said.