I. The Night Before

More than anything else in her world, Bella wanted to be with Edward forever. Her only dream – her only goal, her only secret wish, was to spend an eternity with Edward. Well, at least it was a secret to her human family. She wondered if Edward ever gave in, she would be able to keep Charlie and Renee – and maybe even Jake – a part of her life. Maybe not, but it was a risk she was willing to take. Besides, if you will something to be a certain way, then it will end up working out.

"Please, Edward?" Bella begged. "The Volturi will come after me if you don't change me."

"We can hide you," Edward insisted. "Don't worry, you'll be safe."

Bella stared into Edward's golden eyes. "I don't care about the Volturi," she breathed in a soft, shattered voice, remnant of the time she was forced to live without Edward. "I want to be with you forever. I love you. Don't you want to be with me forever?" Bella asked. A tear fell down her brown eyes. "Don't you love me?" she asked.

"Of course I love you. That's why I won't change you….I can't bear to destroy your soul…you're so beautiful of course I want to be with you forever but I won't let myself have that. I won't destroy you," Edward said.

"Please, Edward, please…." Bella said.

"No, and that's my final answer," Edward said, jumping out of Bella's window and landing gracefully on the ground.

II. Passion

Unconsciously, Bella had a plan. She didn't know she had a plan, of course, but she knew Edward came to her room every night. They kissed and they talked, but they never went any further. Edward insisted that intercourse was too much of a risk. Bella understood, of course, why Edward was so stubborn, but she was just as stubborn.

The next night, like usual (or, at least, usual for Bella and Edward), Edward visited Bella's room at night.

"I love you," Bella whispered as Edward silently climbed in through Bella's windowsill. "You made it," Bella said.

Edward smiled. "Of course I did," he said, grinning.

"Charlie's on a weekend fishing trip with Billy, so we don't have to be quiet," Bella said nonchalantly.

"That's great," Edward said, leaning in to kiss Bella on the lips. The passion grew and then Edward pulled away. Bella knew why: he avoided too much contact in order to prevent losing control. But would it really be that bad of a thing? Maybe she would finally get what she wanted if he would just lose control. Well, lose control and then stop himself before going any further, at least. But even if he ended up killing her, Bella didn't care, because Edward was the love of her life, her soul mate…no, scratch that, more even than her soul mate, and Bella would give Edward anything he wanted. She just wanted Edward to be happy.

'It's a good thing he can't read my thoughts,' Bella thought to herself, suppressing a giggle.

Bella leaned in and kissed Edward again. His cold, pale pink lips felt just right, connected to Bella's red, warm, but somewhat chapped lips. Edward pulled away after thirty seconds. "Come back, Edward," Bella breathed, in a seductive whisper. She needed him; she was drawn to him and whenever they were not touching a forlorn emptiness gnawed at Bella's guts. "I need you," she said, and it was a truth that was powerful enough to shatter dreams and engulf the whole world in enigmatic flames of…of something, good or bad, who knows?

Then they kissed, more passionately than ever, completely oblivious to the rest of the world. Bella sat on her bed and pulled Edward toward her and they continued kissing ardently. "We need to stop," Edward said, but they didn't stop. Both of them were enjoying themselves too much. The power, the force, that pulled their lips – their bodies – together had already worked its magic. They were caught in the current, that white-water current that is dangerous, but dare-devils enjoy white water rafting, right? Edward finally pulled away.

"I have to go…" Edward said.

"Don't leave me again…." Bella said. Right when he was about to leave, Bella, the klutz she was, fell off her warm, cozy bed, and landed on a sharp, silver pair of scissors. Not knowing that Bella landed on something sharp, Edward rushed to her side. "Are you alright?" Edward asked. "You keep hurting yourself." Edward said, shaking his head and giving Bella his hand to help her off the ground. When she was halfway up, he smelled it first and then he saw it: crimson blood spilling down Bella's left arm from the scissors she landed on. Against his will, his eyes became black. He froze and became rigid. He tried his hardest to keep in control of himself.

Bella looked at her arm. It didn't hurt one bit, actually. She was actually excited, hoping that Edward would lose control. She knew it would hurt, but she didn't care. "I'm fine," Bella said in a small whisper, staring into his jet black eyes. She could feel his bloodlust, and his meager attempt to control himself, but she wasn't afraid. Even if Edward lost control, it was what she wanted, damn it.

Edward tried to back away but he couldn't. Damn, she smelled so good, but he couldn't stand losing her; he couldn't stand the idea of taking her soul. The idea of damning her to a half-life of an eternity. Rigid, Edward tried to prevent his body from taking full rein. The lust from their previous encounter hadn't completely died down, and Edward wasn't in as much control as he usually was. Mind over matter wasn't so easy after all. Edward pounced in and kissed Bella more passionately than ever. He fell on top of her, forgetting how much stronger he was than her. The scent of the blood was too much this time. It smelled too good, and the burning in his throat was more intense than ever. Having been gone for a little more than a year, controlling himself wasn't quite as easy as it had become after adjusting himself to Bella's scent. Having recently returned, he hadn't re-adjusted yet. Unaware of himself, he licked the blood off of Bella's open wound and then bit into her flesh, starting to drink her blood.

Almost as soon as it started, Edward backed away, suddenly aware of what he did. His body went rigid as his mind returned to his body. He held his breath to prevent this from becoming worse than it already was. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry…" Edward said, shaking, hating himself. How could he do this to the one person he loved more than anything in the world?

"It's okay," Bella whispered, ignoring the burning pain in her arm that was slowly spreading to the rest of her body. "I wanted it, remember," she said. Her voice was barely a whisper, but she knew that Edward heard her. She tried to sit up and as soon as she managed, the pain was too much and she fell back down again. But she didn't care, she was finally about to become a vampire, and it was Edward's venom that was changing her. Bella tried not to scream because she didn't want Edward to feel any worse, but she couldn't help it – it felt like she was burning up in flames. As she writhed on the floor one last tear fell from her eye, but it was a tear of love.

Edward tried to comfort Bella, holding her hand while holding his breath so he didn't slip again and drain her – it was still in the first couple minutes of the transformation, so there was still a risk.

"I love you, Bella, I'm sorry. You should have stayed away from me. I'm too dangerous. I'm a vile monster," he said, rigid.

"No you're not," Bella croaked out. "It's….It's worth…the pain….to be with you forever."

Then they both heard someone knocking on the door. Since Edward could read minds, he could make a pretty good guess that it was Jacob. When no one answered the door, Jacob kept persisting.

"It's Jacob, isn't it?" Bella asked.

"Yes," Edward said.

"Go answer the door. We can just tell him I have the flu or something," Bella said, hesitantly. Both of them knew that there was no way that was going to work. But a part of Bella, something inside her that refused to die, needed Jacob to accept her …. to accept what she was becoming (who she was becoming), to accept that she was in love with Edward…no, that she and Edward were soul mates. More than ever, Bella needed the special bond that grew during Bella's depressed, empty dare-devil stage, to still be there…to still be alive. She needed….she needed Jacob to still care.

"But…." Edward said, wishing he could read Bella's mind.

"Please??" Bella asked, her eyes wide, her body trembling from the bitter pain she was trying so hard to ignore. Just get through the three days, she told herself, and then you'll be with Edward for an eternity. Eternity. That was a long time.

"Fine," Edward said.

Edward walked downstairs, vampire speed, and opened the door.

"What do you want, dog?" Jacob asked.

"What are you doing here, leech? And where's Bella?" Edward responded. Their enmity was flaring, as dark as ever.

"I'm her boyfriend, Jacob. And she's in her bedroom. She has the flu, so you might not want to come up there now," Edward said.

Jacob snorted. "The flu? Then why are you here?" Jacob didn't give Edward the time to respond. He rushed right past Edward and ran up the stairs to Bella's bedroom.

Luckily for Bella and Edward, Bella had been smart enough to clamber her way up onto her bed and pull the covers over her whole body except for her face so she could pull off the flu façade. But Jacob was a werewolf…no, a shape-shifter….so he could smell the blood. And there was a lot of blood.

"Bella," Jacob said, walking into Bella's bedroom, not hesitating to walk over to Bella's side. When he did, his sensitive eyesight could see the blood that splattered on the carpet on the other side of Bella's bed. A lone tear fell down Jacob's face. "Bella," he said again, his voice not that much more than a whisper. Edward was already back in Bella's room.

And then all fury broke loose. "How could you, you hideous leech?!!?!" Jacob screamed at Edward.

"Ja...cob…please don't. It's not…his fault," Bella said, her words incoherent (but she was sure both Edward and Jacob understood what she was trying to say).

Jacob ignored Bella's plea and continued screaming at Edward. His anger got out of control and he turned into wolf form and lunged at Edward. Edward, still feeling horrible with himself, didn't even bother to defend himself. He wanted Jacob to kill him. Bella watched in horror, paralyzed by the pain that was slowly transforming her into the one thing Jacob hated more than anything in the world. She watched Jacob's sharp claws come into contact with Edward's beautiful, perfect skin. Bella knew Edward's skin was as hard as marble, but Jacob's claws looked sharp, and she knew from the myths Jacob told her that first time…vampires and werewolves were mortal enemies (so that meant that both…species, she guessed…could kill each other, Bella thought.).

"No!!" she screamed. "EDWARD!!!" she screamed. She gritted her teeth and ignored the pain, stumbling out of bed and crawling towards Jacob and getting in between Jacob and Edward. 'Jacob is still in love with me; surely he wouldn't continue to attack if I'm in the way', Bella thought. Jacob was about to push Bella out of the way, but he was able to compose himself. Ashamed, Jacob transformed back into his human form.

"Don't…ever…touch…my…Edward…again," Bella said, gritting her teeth. The pain became too much and she collapsed in Edward's lap. She hoped that Jacob didn't do any damage to her Edward, but even if he did, Bella knew that, just like werewolves, vampires healed rapidly.

Edward stood up and carried Bella back onto her bed. He heard Jacob's thoughts: 'She…will she…she won't be Bella anymore. Dead. No. Bella….Bella….Bella….I…need to stay. I need to make sure she's at least…okay.'

Responding to Jacob's thoughts, Edward said softly, turning to face Jacob, "You can stay if you want."

"Get out of my head, bloodsucker," Jacob cursed. Then he walked towards Bella's pale form.

"I…" he whispered softer than ever. "I still…love you…I'd still…take you back…."

By then, the pain had taken Bella to a point where she was delirious, and she didn't really understand what was going on. The pain was increasing exponentially, and she started thrashing her arms up and down on the bed and arching her back in unnatural angles. Edward had to hold her down to keep her from hurting herself.

"I love you. I'm so sorry," Edward whispered, kissing her on the forehead with his cool lips. "You can get through this, love; I know you, you're strong."

Ignoring Edward, Jacob said, "Yeah right you love her. You just wanted her blood."

Edward turned to face Jacob. Neither of them said anything. For a moment silence hovered in the air like a dark, silver-tainted shadow passing over a secluded forest. It was haunting. "I'll admit there was a part of me that wanted her blood," Edward said, "But the part of me that was in love with her…the part of me that was desperate to preserve her soul, the part of me who just wanted to hear her laugh, to protect her…the part of me that can't live without her….that part's stronger, exponentially."

"Yeah right," Jacob said.

"I don't care if you believe me, Jacob. I don't need your permission," Edward said.

"She loves me," Jacob said; the words 'for a matter of fact' being the invisible follow-up that Jacob implied.

Edward thought it would be childish to respond, so he didn't. More than anything he wanted to insult that blasted dog. Or, even better, attack him. Something kept him from doing that, though. Was it Bella? Was she the link? The link between the two rival worlds? The two worlds invisible to most people…humans…the world that would become Bella's sole existence? It's not like she was turning into a Kryptonian. She couldn't live a dual identity – she couldn't go on as if she was normal and keep contact with Charlie and Renee and her friends at school (who she was never really that close for, except for maybe Angela). She couldn't just put on a pair of fake glasses and be normal again. And one of Edward's worst fears was that Bella was going to regret this. He knew that she seemed to desperately want it – that she claimed to want to spend the rest of eternity with him (which he didn't believe, because who in their right minds would want to, he thought, chiding himself) – but what about ten years from now, twenty years from now, thirty years from now? What about when Charlie and Renee were dead? What about hundreds, maybe a thousand, years from now when Jacob was dead? What then? Would she still be happy with her eternally damned existence?

Edward stroked Bella's hair and comforted Bella, wanting so much to be able to ease her pain. He knew from experience what this felt like. Even though it happened to him 90 years ago, the memory was as vivid as ever; as sharp as ever. Even now, he wished Carlisle had simply let him die. As in love with Bella he was, if she could be with Jacob…she could live a normal life. Too late for that.

"And what are you planning to do when Charlie comes home tomorrow morning? Huh?" Jacob said, interrupting Edward's train of thoughts. Then the phone rang. When no one answered it, it went to the machine. All three of them could here Charlie's voice: "Hey, Bella, Billy's coming down with a cold so we ended our trip early. I'll be home around 9:00 p.m.-ish. See you then."

"So, what are you going to do?" Jacob directed his question towards Edward. A hint of subtle rage tainted his voice.

"Take her to her to my house," Edward said.

"And he won't know she disappeared?" Jacob asked.

"I'm right here, you know," Bella said. It sounded like they were talking about her as if she wasn't there.

There really was only one thing that they could do. It wasn't like the flu excuse would work with Charlie, at least not forever. They had to – eventually – make it seem like Bella died. Maybe simulate a fake car crash or something. It would break his heart, though.

So Edward and Jacob (what a surprise) worked together to clean up the bloody mess in Bella's small room. Bella's pain seemed to be increasing exponentially. She screamed. She just wanted to dies; she wanted the pain to end. The only way to get through this was to remind herself that it was worth it, that the end result was worth it. So she chanted in her head (not out loud) her reasons for doing this. It was the only way to stay sane. She had wanted this; she remembered why she chose it; and she had mentally prepared herself for what she was told would be excruciating pain, but none of that was enough in the long run. Nothing can prepare you for that amount of pain, even if it's what you want, Bella realized.

Alice's POV (kind of)

Alice was in the middle of re-reading one of her favorite books when she suddenly had a vision. The paperback book fell out of her hands and she became as still as a statue. It looked like she was staring into outer space.

"What is it?" the other Cullen's asked, anxious. "What did you see?"

This was a vision that Alice had seen before, but suddenly it went blank – invisible. That meant…that meant Jacob was in the way. That stupid dog just had to go and get his damn paws in the way!

"I…I can't see anything anymore. Because….it must be because Jacob's there," Alice said, talking to herself, momentarily forgetting that there were other people in the room. For a second Alice was frustrated, but then Jacob must have left because her vision became clear again.

"I see…I see Charlie….I see Charlie panicking," Alice said.

"Why?" Jasper asked.

"Because……Bella's missing," Alice said.

That was when the door opened and Edward walked in, holding Bella in his arms.

"Edward, how could you?" Rosalie said.

"Stop it, Rosalie," Alice said, defending Edward. "We all knew that this was going to happen eventually."

Alice paused. "Wait, she's not dead is she?"

"No I'm not dead," Bella said, but it was obvious that she was in terrible pain.

Edward carried Bella into his room and gently laid her on his bed. "Edward, you should have told me first," Carlisle said, walking into the room. "And you certainly shouldn't have done it in her house! What if Charlie walked in?"

Edward looked down at the ground, ashamed. "I…I didn't exactly…plan it," he said, and the rest of the Cullens realized in shock what had actually happened. Edward had lost control and bit Bella.

He walked over to the bed and sat by Bella and held her hand as she writhed in pain, desperate to do anything he could to ease her pain. Bella felt like she was on fire. She feared that if she opened her mouth again she would scream in the pain and she didn't want to make Edward feel guilty because she knew he would act all masochistic and blame himself even though this is what Bella had wanted all along. She didn't really care that he had lost control – a person can only fight his nature for so long. She knew that what they were doing that night had been dangerous. A small part of her was actually hoping he would lose control.

Soon Bella couldn't help but scream in pain. The pain kept getting worse. Bella knew that the fire that was roaring through her veins was magic that was turning her into a powerful, mythical being – in the name of logic; in the name of reason, she knew that, but the pain was still unbearable, in the name of the heart, in the name of ephemeral emotion – and no amount of reason could make it better.

Three days. Three days. Three days. Three days. No, that had to be wrong. It had to be wrong. It felt like 300 years; 3,000 years. She screamed for death; she screamed for mercy. At this point, although physically conscience, Bella Swan was unconscious of all rational thought and didn't really know what she was saying. In her delirium she let loose all of her secret fears – she let loose everything that had been trapped inside her shell for so long. The stronghold of walls that used to protect Bella collapsed around her and she watched, paralyzed and unaware, as her white citadel disappeared in midair. She watched, paralyzed and unarmed, as her soul's secret sister jumped out of the window into the dangerous world of eternal love. She watched, paralyzed in unspeakable pain, and that same pain was the magical knife that tore her body into pieces and then, like super-glue, pieced her back together like a jigsaw puzzle. She could only hope to come out the other end of the tunnel in one piece, stronger. She could only hope her love for Edward and Edward's love for her was enough to hold her together.

Vaguely she was aware of a cool body lying next to her on the bed. His cool presence didn't really dull the fire, but it still felt as good as anything could at the time-being. Instinctively she knew Edward was besides her, holding down her flaring arms, protecting her from herself. She wasn't completely aware of anything, but somehow she knew Edward was there. She only hoped that he would still be there when she woke up from this endless, timeless torture – that he would still want her; that he would still care for her. What if he didn't love her anymore?

She didn't hear the phone ring. She didn't know that Alice had assured Charlie that Bella was just having a sleepover with Alice and right now they were at the mall with a bubbly Alice shopping. She didn't know about the façade that wouldn't hold up for very long – the plan that would have to be altered. Why even keep up appearances? Pretend that everything was alright tonight. Why even bother, when eventually Charlie would have to think Bella had gone missing – dead, car accident, animal attack, something.

Alice sat on the chair by the bed Bella and Edward were lying in, watching her new sister suffer and praying that it would be over soon. She was anxious to take Bella shopping. It wasn't a lie, really. They would go shopping (well, if Alice could convince Bella, but she already knew that she would), and, even though none of them could sleep, technically it was a sleepover. Charlie didn't have to know that they weren't painting nails, watching Smallville, and giggling about unimportant technicalities that mattered even less in the vampire world than in the only world humans knew about.

And then, Bella woke up….