Chapter 1
In which finds himself troubled by the state of the world and hires a certain DickHead mercenary for reasons as unfathomable as this little piece of shit story-thing.
Mr. LambPoop says, the world is gonna end, in fire and BrimStone, and them Wall Street types be only speedin' up the process.
Mr. ChickenShit is having his evening beer in the little establishment for depressed gentlemen a few blocks from his hovel known, not so subtly, as "the Hanging Man", drowning the sorrows of the ChickenShit family life in a brew that, for lack of a better name, is called "Beer", as if that wasn't evident from the first six words of this astonishingly redundant sentence, when Mr. LambPoop deems it necessary and appropiate to provide him with this piece of what can only be called World-Shattering news.
Incase you haven't figured it out already, and since the collective IQ of you lot can be no more than, say, 3 (at a liberal estimate), you probably haven't, this is what deeply troubles 's little peabrain sized, well, brain.
So downs his beer, punches in the face, mangles his teeth and breaks his nose and gouges out his eyes and tears off his ears and spits on his face, throws a sad looking dime at the corner where Jesus is having a beer with Satan for no apparent or actual reason than to prolong this little piece of poop so that it doesn't look like the first chapter is too short and the narrator was out of ideas, goes back home, looks up pest-control on the phonebook, and, well, what do you figure he does then? Makes a ditty explaining the meaning of life and transporting the listener to a plane of utter philosophical ecstasy and transcendental music out of the phone number? Isn't this story already redundant enough without me having to tell you what he does with the goddam phone-number?
I'll just give you the number. In case you need it someday. You will, once you finish this. So this is all some crazy attempt at advertising and you can file it under "consumerist trash."
13-42-600-DEADPOO(L was too many letters.)
CHAPTER 2 FORTHCOMING. SO YOU BETTER BUILD YOURSELF A FALLOUT SHELTER.