so I wrote and published this a really long time ago, but I read it over tonight and I hated it, it was just bad. So I went back and changed somethings, added somethings and edited it so now I hope it's better.
disclaimer: I own nothing at all.
p.s. bold is flashbacks.
only a memory
Jade sits here, in the middle of their new house with a box of his old things. She grabs an old photo of the both of them and it brings her back to the last day of senior year. It was taken the same day they called it quits.
~…~
"Beck I can't do this anymore.
I can't hurt you anymore
I can't let you be my identity."
She kisses his cheek and walks away, tears streaming down both of their faces.
It's not that she doesn't love him anymore because she does, a lot. But she just doesn't love him the way she should, she doesn't feel the passion she used to, the butterflies and fireworks aren't there anymore, and quite honestly she misses them, misses the way her whole day could become ten times better just by the sound of his voice.
/
Everyone had said that they would be together forever.
But she pushed him away; she didn't believe him or trust him.
She knows what her jealousy made him do late night, in the dark of his trailer, blinds drawn and tears streaming down his face. His mind hating her for every hurtful and untrue word she would yell at him, but his heart loved her more than his mind could hater her and destroyed and confused the hell out of him.
For a while there she did the same.
/
She sorts through the pictures and old sweatshirts of his, the letters he would leave in her locker, reveling in the memory.
Remembering that now they're only memories and he as well as she has moved on.
/
She finally learned, it was too late though, but she had learned. He loved her, he was in love with her, he would never hurt her, he never hurt her, never cheated on her or lied or any of the numerous things she accused him of. Now she was trying to move on and forget while he was laughing and kissing her red-headed best friend, falling in love all over again, learning to trust and be happy.
She just never believed him and then she lost him.
She was scared…
Now he's only a memory.
/
Everything was unpacked, everything except for the last box. After the box was sliced open she riffled through the contents and found the plane ticket that took her from L.A. to NYC, the place that brought her back to him. Because after all it was him that helped Jade get over Beck.
/
She finally made it, after she graduated from high school, she got her first movie deal and then another. After four movie deals, and an album, she was ready to start doing what she really wanted; to direct and write.
She was all alone in a big new city by herself, one of biggest actress out there and here she was walking down the street by herself, pissed that she not only managed to get hit on by some creeper, a cab hit a puddle and got dirty, nasty water all over her and her new combat boots, but also she managed to lose her key to the apartment that she can't even remember what street it's on. But now she's on her fucking ass in wet clothes sitting on some filthy sidewalk with a hand in her face.
"Hey you ok?" The voice was so familiar but she just couldn't place it.
"I'm fine, maybe if you were watching where you were going I would be even better."
"Hey chill girl I was just trying to be polite." She looks up to see a familiar face looking down at her. He's still the same appearance wise but something is definitely different about him.
"André?"
"Hey Jade."
"I thought you were staying in California"
"I needed a change in scenery" He went to hug to her but regretted it once she backed away.
"Oh no André," Seeing the hurt that flashed over the pianist face, Jade pulled André as close as she could without actually touching him as to not getting him dirty as well, laying her head on his shoulder. "I'm just gross, I'm drenched, and I've been walking around for the last hour trying to remember where my damn apartment is. I didn't mean to be rude."
"Jade West being civil"
"Shut up Harris." She replied with a playful smack to his shoulder.
"And it's gone. So what's going on?" André chuckled; he pulled away but still held one of her soft small hands in his large calloused ones.
"Well I'm completely lost, I'm a mess and I can't find my damn apartment. And that doesn't even matter because I can't find my keys and…" He grabbed her shoulders and looked into her eyes trying to get her to calm down.
"Ok ok hold on, take a deep breath."
"Ok I breathed deeply" She shot him a sarcastic look, but let a gentle smile show on her face.
"Ok do you know what the closet street is to your apartment?" He let his hands fall down to her arms and slipped in perfectly into her small hands.
"Um like I don't know… uh Third Street… I think. It's close to like three Starbucks I remember that much." He chuckled at the way she stumbles over her words.
"Of course you would choose a place to live surrounded by coffee shops."
"Shut up are you going to help?"
"Not with that attitude" She clucked and sighed and plastered on a fake sweet smile.
"Fine can you please help me get home?"
"Yes come on." Just as he stuck out his for her to take the sky opened up and it began to pour.
"Seriously come on." She screamed out to the sky frustrated on how this day just keeps getting worst.
"Calm down. Let's go."
"Where's your apartment?"
"We're standing in front of it."
"Oh" She looked through the rain up at the neo-gothic building in pure awe.
"Then let's go" He let go of one of her hands, his grip tightened on her other as he pulled her into the building.
/
Jade followed André into the apartment complex, into the elevator and up to the forty third floor.
"This is amazing André" She followed him into the spacious open loft.
"Thanks. Go take a shower, I'll find some clothes for you to wear and then we can order some food." She nodded and walked in the direction he was pointing her to. As she made her way to the shower, she noticed his Steinway, his guitars, all of his other instruments lining the wall, pictures of his family, pictures from California, a lot of the six of them together, a lot of him and Tori and one that was setting on his bedside table of him and Jade the day she left.
When she was done with her shower and in a pair of sweats and an old HA sweatshirt that smelled like him she noticed that this was defiantly a twenty three years old guys apartment, no girly sheets or bed spreads just black ones, no flowers, no overly fragrant body washes or shampoo, only one tooth brush, most importantly no Tori Vega.
"André?" She called out, walking the path from his room to the living room, it wasn't very hard to find him since there were no walls or dividers, nothing but openness, kind of like André himself, but when she looked around she couldn't find him.
"Yea sorry I was getting the food." He walked back into the room with food in drinks, setting them on the counter and walking towards her, standing as close as possible without seeming creepy.
"Oh" She smiled at the vegan burrito that he remembered was her favorite.
"What's up?"
"Where's Vega?"
"What?"
"The last time I heard, you and Tori were engaged. But she's not here." He cleared his throat, not directly looking her in the eyes.
"We broke up"
"What? Why?"
"You care. I thought you hated her."
"I use to but I don't anymore. And I never hated her I just didn't like the fact that she could come in and take something from me." This time it was her who shielded her eyes.
"She was never with Beck, what did she take." You. That's what she was going to say, what she wanted to say. But how are you going to say that to the guy you've practically in love with, ever since you've broken up with your long term boyfriend. It's not easy and it's also a little scary, not knowing how he would take it. What if he rejected her and she lost him for good, that can't happen.
"Never mind, it's not about her. I care about you." She could have sworn there was a glint of hope in his eyes.
"Uh it just didn't work out."
"Why?"
"We just wanted to different things. Her career took off, so did mine but she wanted to travel the world. I didn't."
"What do you want?"
"Well if it isn't little Miss. Twenty Questions."
"André, answer the question."
"I want to settle down and start my own family."
"You're twenty three isn't it a little early?"
"No, my parents were only twenty when they had me and I turned out fine."
"Yea that's because you're you. But why did you come to New York?"
"Damn Jade. Are you trying to write a book on me?" He laughed and then she, his laughter was something that always made her feel safe.
"I haven't seen you in like three years and we barely talk. I just want to get to know you again. You were always my favorite." She rolled her eyes at how true that statement was.
"Well I'm flattered. But I was given the opportunity to start my own record company. I took it. I asked Tori to come but she didn't want to be tied down. So now I'm here trying to enjoy my dinner but instead I'm getting interrogated." He laughs at her exasperated face as she throws a waded up napkin at him.
"Shut up. At least you have someone that cares." Even though she was just joking there was still a hint of seriousness and sadness.
"Hey you do too. You have me." He scooted over to her and wrapped his arms around her shoulders, letting her lay her head on his shoulder.
/
The rest of that summer they were always together. They became closer than they ever were and then they fell in love, and became practically inseparable, even through career changes and fights and even a move back to California, after Jade let her insecurities get the best of her. André followed her and made her remember how much he loved her. They ended up staying there for a year and a few months to take a breath and just get back to Jade and André and now four years later they're in their new home back to New York, having just been married. She pulled out a scrapbook sliding in the ticket.
She looks around their new place, after months and months of searching they finally decided just to come back to his first apartment, the place where they learned so many things about themselves and each other. They couldn't get his old apartment so they settled for a two room loft a few floors below. It was laid out the same as his old apartment, the instruments are pretty much still in the same place, furniture and pictures in the same exact place, everything except the piano will probably have to be moved to the studio in a few months. There were many more photos around though, of their friends, Cat and Beck's wedding, a picture of Robbie and Tori on set, Jade and André's own wedding, and her first ultrasound. She put away the book just her husband of a year walked in and put an arm around her and her growing stomach, kissing her neck softly.
"Mrs. Harris"
"Mr. Harris. How are you?"
"I'm fine."
"What are you thinking about?"
"Old memories"
"Yea?"
"Yep, I still feel bad; I shouldn't have done that to him."
"Hey stop, you two are friends again, him and Cat are together. You're forgiven. It's only a memory."
She turned around in his arms, he's right Beck doesn't hate her, everything happened a lifetime ago. She didn't need to worry, she was living her life, she was a sought after director, she had amazing friends, a beautiful baby boy on the way, a man that would give her the world.
She decides that it's time to let the memories stay memories.
All that was left between the two of them was memories of first love, first pain, first everything, but they were just that; memories.
I hope it's better.
:)
review, please?