The Adventures of WonderBoy and House

Story Title: The Adventures of WonderBoy and House

Story Summary: Because you just couldn't capture their awesomeness with a comic book, we have these oneshots. House/Wilson friendship.

Genre: Humor/Friendship

Chapter Focus: Prompt #264 of the 1000 Theme Challenge, "Fight"

Chapter Rating: T/PG-13 for crude humor, allusions to sex, Chase-bashing, cracks at Cuddy, Wilson-bashing, mentions of patient-doctor violence, rehashing details of decades past, and involving House

Author's Starting Notes: Hello, people. This first oneshot came to me while looking over my list of 1000 themes, so, guess what, it crosses one off my list. The prompt was FIGHT. You can guess the subject of this one. Thanks again Midnight Raptor for reading over this, you rock.

Time Stamp: Posted November 19, 2008

1: Fight (#264)

"House!"

"Uhhh."

"Hey, don't you walk away from me! What is this I hear about you and your patient's father?"

"Cool off, Wilson. You almost sound like Cuddy."

"Forgive me for sounding parental when talking to someone with the mental capacity of a seven-year-old!"

"I didn't do it, Pa. I swear, I didn't."

"Then why do you have a black eye?"

"My liver's shot?"

"I'm a doctor, House. I know what happens when your liver fails."

"Damn, and I was so hoping that your credential was as fake as Cameron's hair color."

"Fighting, really, House? What are you, five?"

"Not my mother, Wilson. No need to talk to me about the importance of being nice to the other kids on the playground."

"What did you do this time?"

"Nothing!"

"House…"

"Well, I may have mentioned that his kid's screwed up mental state had more to do with his shitty parenting than the disease-"

"House!"

"And, I may have also insulted his girlfriend, confusing her for a prostitute-"

"You cannot be seri-"

"And he just might have overhead me saying that while we should be focusing I've been hiding from Cuddy, Thirteen has been getting high, and Kutner has been being, well, Kutner."

"Where would he overhear that conversation?"

"Outside his son's room."

"You never cease to amaze me, House."

"Thank you, Jimmy."

"That was not a compliment."

"Sounded like one."

"It wasn't. You can't just go around fighting with people."

"I'll try not to."

"Now, come on, let's get you some ice and concealer before Cuddy catches sight of that shiner."

"You have concealer?"

"No, but Cameron does. I believe you guys have about the same complexion."

"The fact that you want to talk about my complexion creeps me out."

"Does it creep you out as much as the notion of Cuddy harshing over your inability to function civilly with the patient's dad whilst bringing up your feelings and the kiss?"

"Nooo."

"Then come on."

"Fine, fine, fine."

"…"

"…"

"…"

"Well, aren't you going to ask?"

"Ask what?"

"Who won the fight!"

"…"

"…"

"Fine. Who won the ridiculously, childish fight, Dr. House?"

"The ridiculously, amazing crippled doctor, Dr. Wilson."

"Gasp!"

"Was that a sarcastic, theatrical outburst?"

"Is there another kind?"

"Not that I know of."

"Then obviously it is."

"Don't make me fight you too."

"I can outrun you, in case you forgot."

"Not if I trip you with my cane, or use my killer left hook. You can ask Chase, it's a knock out."

"Wow, you almost sound proud that you punched Chase."

"Why wouldn't I be? He was such a kiss ass."

"He agreed with you."

"In a very kiss-assy way."

"You're just mad because he went behind your back with Vogler."

"I am not that petty. If I was, I would still be pissed about you selling me out to Tritter, or frustrated at Cameron for tricking me into that date, or infuriated with Cuddy for letting Stacy chop out my thigh muscle."

"But you are infuriated with Cuddy for the last one, from which I can only deduce that you are the same way about the first two."

"That would be a good deduction."

"I'm sorry about Tritter, House."

"Don't care."

"I'm pretty sure Cameron has gotten passed the date."

"As she should be."

"Cuddy is probably still feeling guilty."

"Which works in my favor."

"I-I'm going to hug you now."

"Do it and I'll cane you."

"…-OW!"

"I told you it was coming."

"Just like Cuddy then."

"Was that in a sexual sense, or a literal sense?"

"Turn around and you'll find out."

"Aw, damn. Quick, hide me!"

"Are you afraid of the big, bad administrator?"

"Shush up, or I tell her about the naughty dream you had about her."

"I had no such dream."

"Are you sure about that?"

"Yes!"

"…"

"Maybe…"

"…"

"Okay, I'm going quiet."

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"She's gone."

"Phew. For a second I thought she would stop and I would have to make up a dream."

"I thought you said that you-"

"I lied, Jimmy."

"House, I'm giving you a ten second head start."

"But, I'm crippled."

"Nine…"

"Jimmy, this isn't fair."

"Seven…"

"I just want you to know then."

"Five…"

"Cuddy…"

"Four…"

"Doesn't…"

"Three…"

"Wear underwear on Sundays!"

"W-what?"

"Ha, ha, ha!"

"I'm going to kill you, House!"

"Gotta catch me first!"

"Don't get in that elevator! House, stop! House! Uhhh!"

F I N

R & R

© Everything written above belongs to me (FF user, Paint Me a Symphony). If somebody is out there pushing this as their own, they are lying. I may not own House M.D, or its characters, but I do own this.