Can You Picture It.
Disclaimer: not mine, too bad, so sad.
"Dead"
"That's what he'll be when I get my hands on him. Dead meat." Don said out loud to himself as he drove to his brother's house.
He was fuming; his hands tightened on the steering wheel until the white-knuckled grip became painful.
"How dare he, I can't believe he did that. I'll get him back somehow, oh… he'll pay." Don grinned a little at the thought, 'sweet revenge.'
He pulled his SUV into the driveway and as close to the back of Charlie's car as he could get without touching it, effectively blocking him in. 'don't want him to escape. Hmm… maybe I should hide his bicycle too.'
Don stayed in his vehicle for a moment, going over his plan of action and was completely startled when someone lightly tapped on his window. He looked over to see his father standing there, with a barely hidden grin on his face.
Alan already knew what was going on and had decided to let his sons handle it, they were grown men after all, or at least that is what they kept telling him.
Don opened his door and stepped out; he stood there for a moment waiting for his father to say something along the lines that he shouldn't be too hard on Charlie and that his younger brother didn't know any better.
The grin finally emerged and Alan looked behind him to his car before turning back to Don. "I'm going out for the evening. My book club is meeting to have dinner and watch a movie based on the book we're reading, so you and Charlie will just have to fend for yourselves tonight. The number for the pizza place is on the fridge."
Alan couldn't help but laugh at the surprised look on his son's face. He gave Don a pat on the back before getting into his car and driving off. He had learned a long time ago to stay out of his sons' pointless arguments.
Don smiled; his father hadn't said one word about Charlie's impending doom. He started towards the front door, going over the plan in his head. It was open season on annoying little brothers and he just happened to know where one lived.
As silently as he could, he opened the front door and peeked around to see if his target was in sight. Not seeing anyone, he stood there a moment longer and listened for any sound in the house. It came in the form of lightly running water emanating from the kitchen. Closing the door behind him, he quietly tip-toed in the direction of his prey.
Charlie was standing in front of the sink, washing potatoes and peeling them, completely oblivious to the danger he was in.
'Screw the plan' Don thought upon seeing Charlie, he would happily settle for immediate gratification by doing something like.. say..strangling his brother now instead; revenge would come later when Charlie least expected it.
"CHARLIE!!!"
The potato he was peeling flew into the air as he jumped from the sudden noise. It came back down a moment later and landed with a splash in the sink full of water, thoroughly soaking the front of Charlie's shirt.
Don watched as Charlie spun around to face him and he found it hard to hold in his laughter at the sight of his younger brother. Charlie's eyes were wide open and his mouth hung slack, little drops of water fell down his face and a small bit of potato skin was stuck in his hair; the water that had spilled over the sink had gotten on his pants, making it look like he had wet himself. Charlie held the potato peeler in front of him as a means of protection; seeing that it was Don and not some psychopath or crazy student of his, he unconsciously let out a sigh of relief. (A/N: see what you crazy writers have done to poor Charlie, you made him paranoid.)
Don took a deep breath, shoved the funny image from his mind, and grabbed a hold of his anger once again. Charlie was not going to get off that easily.
Don took a step forward and Charlie realized he was just standing there staring at his brother.
"Don, I didn't hear you come in, when did you get here?"
Don didn't bother with a reply; he glared at him instead and continued forward in a slow, menacing pace.
Charlie looked around nervously, hoping to find a place to hide. He had a sinking suspicion that he knew the reason for Don's visit, and it wasn't a beer and a baseball game, or his special geometrically shaped French fries.
He tried to look unfazed by Don's glare and as calmly as he could he placed the potato peeler on the counter and turned the water off.
"Uh… is something the matter Don? You seem a little upset." Charlie said in a conversational manner.
"A 'little' doesn't even begin to cover what I'm feeling right now Charlie."
By now Don had Charlie cornered and to make sure he stayed in one place, he put his hand on Charlie's shoulder and gripped it firmly. Charlie tried to pull himself out of the grip-of-death, but Don held on tight. He gave a pitiful sigh and resigned himself to his fate. Putting on his brave face, he looked Don in the eyes and prepared to defend himself.
"What the hell are you trying to do to me Charlie? Do you have any idea what I had to put up with today?"
"What are you talking about?" Charlie said in the hopes that maybe he could play dumb and weasel himself out of trouble.
"Charlie…" Don growled.
Charlie winced and knew he would have to tell Don the truth or at least the parts of the truth that didn't make him out to be the bad guy.
"I didn't do it to cause you trouble Don, and besides, it wasn't even my idea, you should be yelling at Megan."
"Oh, Megan and everyone else will get what's coming to them, but you dear brother are the one that supplied the pictures."
"Don, they're just pictures, I don't see what you're so angry about. I mean, your team just wants to get to know you better." At the look on Don's face he added, "Of course, I'm just quoting Colby on that."
"Yeah, well guess what Charlie, they now know me better than any of the girls I have ever dated." Don took a deep breath then slowly let it out, willing the blush on his face to go away as he thought of what all his ex-girlfriends would say about the pictures. They wouldn't say anything, Don decided, they would be too busy laughing just like everyone else had today.
"How could you do this to me, I mean, the Little League pictures were ok, I look good in those, but did you have to give them my naked baby and toddler pictures? Not to mention that Halloween picture where I was dressed up as a girl or the one where I had just tripped while skiing and had a face full of snow."
Charlie shrugged sheepishly, and turned his gaze down to the floor, mostly in the hope that it would hide his grin. He didn't see what the big fuss was about, all of those pictures, excluding the baby pictures of course, held fond memories for him; obviously Don didn't feel the same way. With his grin in control he looked back up at Don with his best sad puppy dog eyes and muttered a soft, "Sorry."
"No you're not, and don't think for a moment I believe you." Don let go of Charlie's shoulder and started to turn away to leave when Charlie reached out and grabbed his arm, pulling him to a stop.
"No really, I am sorry" Charlie said more seriously this time when he saw how upset Don was over the whole situation. "This is all a big misunderstanding, not a prank."
"How is my entire office seeing embarrassing pictures of me a misunderstanding?" Don asked incredulously. He tried to pull his arm from Charlie's grip but his brother stopped him.
"Just give me a chance to explain and if you're still mad at me you can… uh… call me Chuck ten times without me complaining about it." Charlie gave Don a weak smile and hoped his attempt to lighten the mood worked.
Don just stared at Charlie for a moment like he had lost his mind, before shaking his head and grinning a little.
"That's the dumbest thing I have every heard. Besides, the only reason I call you Chuck is because you whine about it. How am I suppose to pick on you and get any enjoyment out of it if you don't complain?"
Charlie shrugged his shoulders and grinned. "I couldn't think of anything else to say."
Turning more serious again, he asked Don, "So will you let me explain?"
"Sure go ahead, Chuck, but it better be good."
Charlie inwardly grimaced at the nickname, but true to his word he didn't say anything about it. Knowing that Don wouldn't wait too long for the details, he took a deep breath and spewed forth the explanation.
"Here's what happened. Megan stopped by my office last week to ask me if I had any pictures of you when you were young. The question caught me of guard so I said yes then told her that somewhere in my house I had every picture of you ever taken because mom never had the heart to throw them away. Then it hit me that that was a weird question to randomly ask about, so I told her that and she said that she wanted the four of you, your team that is, to get together for dinner one day soon and get to know each other better and she felt that showing childhood pictures was a great way to do that."
Charlie sucked in air as he had used all of his to get his explanation out in one breath. As Charlie panted, Don stood there looking at him with a weird expression on his face as he ran what Charlie had said through his head, only slower in an attempt to understand it.
"So let me get this straight, Megan asked for some of my childhood pictures because she wants to get to know me better?"
"Well she said that there was some tension in the team lately and that everyone needed a chance to relax and unwind. She figured that if you four could get together for something that didn't involve FBI work and just hang out and share funny childhood stories, the tension might go away. The pictures were just going to be used to help move the conversation along."
"Well I guess it worked"
"Why do you say that? I mean, you guys haven't gotten together yet?"
"We don't have to now; I think everyone feels a lot less tense, well, everyone except for me that is. Let's just say that by the time I left work today, I was so tense, I might have to go to a chiropractor to loosen up the muscles that are crushing my spine."
Charlie gave Don a sympathetic smile and lightly patted him on the arm.
"I really am sorry, utter humiliation was not my intention."
"It wasn't so much humiliating as it was slightly embarrassing and annoying. Every time I went to the bathroom today, some dumbass would shout 'hey Eppes, girl's bathroom is over there', believe me when I say that that got old fast. Oh well, I'll get over."
"If it makes you feel any better, I'm sure Megan, David, and Colby would be willing to share their childhood pictures with you, maybe they would even let you pin a picture of each of them on the bulletin board."
"Hmm, not a bad idea, I'll have to think about it." Don couldn't help but smile, Charlie had just given him an idea for his revenge. Like a snap of the fingers, the tension and anger was gone, replaced by a strange giddiness that he always felt when a plan came together. This would top all the other times in the past when he had gotten Charlie back for something and the fact that Charlie had suggested it made it that much better.
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Charlie was a man on a mission, a mission to kill his older brother in the most painful way he could think of. He had come up with all kinds of ways on the drive over to Don's office, but his favorite was by far the most fun for him.
He would tie Don down to a chair, with his head secured so he couldn't move it. His eyes would be taped open so he couldn't close them; that way Don would get the full effect of the power point Charlie would make, then he would start to explain every math concept he had ever learned until Don begged for Charlie to put him out of his misery. Just the thought brought a smile to his face and momentarily dampened his anger.
Upon entering the bullpen, he headed straight for Don's desk, where his brother was bent over a stack of papers, busily filling them out. He walked right up to Don and without saying hello or announcing his presence; he smacked him in the back of the head.
Startled, Don looked up ready to yell at the person dumb enough to hit him. The anger faded however when he saw it was only Charlie. He had been expecting a visit from him at some point that day.
He fought to maintain a neutral face, but there was nothing he could do to stop himself from grinning.
"Hey Charlie, what are you doing here," Don asked innocently before adding, "I don't think I have any cases for you to help out with."
"Don't play dumb with me Don; you know exactly why I'm here."
Charlie threw a manila folder on Don's desk, hard enough that some of the pictures inside fell out. Don picked it up and began to look through it, smiling fondly at some of the pictures.
When Don came to a particularly embarrassing picture, Charlie quickly grabbed it and held it to his chest; after making sure no one saw it he leveled his glare back on his brother.
"I thought you weren't angry anymore."
"I'm not angry Charlie."
"Then why in the hell did you put pictures of me all over the math building, and for that matter, when did you do it? I got to work around 7 o'clock this morning and they sure as hell weren't there last night. I nearly had a heart attack when my TA brought me one of my baby pictures that she said she found taped above the water fountain. Which brings me back to my original question, why did you put pictures of me all over the math building?"
"Revenge of course, I mean, I had to get you back for what you did to me; I couldn't let you get off that easily. As for when I did it, I got there early this morning right after security unlocked the building. The early bird gets to embarrass the worm right? Isn't that how the saying goes?"
"But I thought we talked about it. You accepted my apology. Whatever happened to forgive and forget?"
"I forgive you Charlie, and this little stunt helps the forgetting process move a little faster. I mean, now when I think about everyone in my office seeing me as a naked little three year old taking a bath, I'll be able to remember that every girl who used the restroom in the math building today got to see a picture of you running naked through the front lawn sprinkler when you were five." Don said with a big grin on his face.
Charlie's face froze in horror, his mouth hanging open as if he were silently screaming. He stumbled back a bit and put a hand to his head.
"You didn't!"
Don just nodded, his grin turned into a smirk. "I didn't see it in the pictures here, so it must still be there"
Charlie's hand went from his head to his heart and finally to the pocket with his car keys.
"Oh man! I gotta go, maybe I can get Amita to get it out for me…."
Don watched as his brother ran for the elevator and shook his head, he turned back to his work only then noticing that Megan was standing by his desk; she had walked up in time to see Charlie's mad dash.
"What was that all about?"
"Just adding the final touches to my revenge from last week's incident."
"Oh yeah? And what would that be?"
"Charlie is going to get all the way back to Calsci and make a fool of himself in front of Amita while trying to get her to get a picture for him out of the girl's bathroom, only to find out that it isn't there."
Megan's eyebrows raised in amusement. "What was the picture of?"
"Charlie at the tender age of five, running naked through the front lawn sprinklers."
"Oh Don, that's horrible" Megan said shaking her head at him while also trying to keep herself from laughing. She felt bad for Charlie, she really did, especially since this was way worse than what Don had done to her, David, and Colby, but Charlie was a part of the original prank and had even pushed most of the blame off himself to the others, so she couldn't say that he didn't deserve it.
"The good part is that Charlie will be paranoid all week thinking that his naked picture is floating around campus for everyone to see, when in reality the picture doesn't even exist."
"What do you mean?"
"I mean, there is no picture; that event never happened. There is no way that our mom would have let Charlie run around the front lawn naked regardless of how old he was, but obviously Charlie doesn't remember that."
An evil grin lit Don's face; this was the most fun he had had in quite some time, and even though he still got the occasional gibe, he had to admit that his brother and team had been right about the childhood pictures taking away the tension. This was just what they had needed to break them out of the rut they had fallen into. It had brought the team back to life and they were working much more efficiently than they had been in the last few weeks.
And even though they didn't know it yet, Don already had plans to take them all out for dinner as a way of showing his thanks and as an added bonus, he planned on bringing all of their childhood pictures. What better way to get to know each other.
The End.
So how was that? It was my first attempt at a funny story, so I need your opinion on whether you thought it was good or not. I also want to say sorry about the author's note in the middle, I normally hate when people do that, it disrupts the story, but I figured that I should say something about it there instead of just at the end, because then you probably wouldn't remember what I was talking about. I imagine that poor Charlie is paranoid about being attacked though, I mean, ya'll (and you know who you are) are always beating him up and picking on him. Not that I mind of course and please keep on doing it. ;)
Thanks for reading,
Taura Callisto