Ashes of Secrets
~~~~It's so cold. the rain has completely soaked through my clothes, should've listened to Ken, he told me to wear warm clothes. He's always babying me, acting like I'm some kind of child. I'm more grown up then he is though. I'm more grown up then most people. Most people couldn't even begin to imagine the things I've scene. Not even the rest of Weiss, they have no idea what I went through before the rest of them showed up. They think they've seen sick stuff, they have no idea what sick is. Or maybe I just have too much of an idea.
Hm, it's interesting to see the rain, washing this all away even as I'm writing it. I suppose that's what I get for writing in the rain though. It's probably a good thing any way, wouldn't want any one finding this. I know the guys might laugh at me if they found out I was doing this, it'd be one more reason for them to think of me as a child but I don't think it's all that childish, not really. It's how I deal with the problems I have, the stress and all that, write it out on paper which will then be destroyed, it's better then hurting my self like some people do.
I think Aya does, hurts himself that is. I saw blood on the counter the other night after he came out of the bathroom, it was in kind of an obscure spot, like he'd missed it when cleaning it up, and it'd been a few days since we'd had a mission so it was unlikely that it came from that. He's got some unusual scaring too, the only reason I even know about that is because I'm usually the one to bandage him after missions. I don't think that he knows that I know though, I don't think he realizes that I'm not as naïve as every one seems to think I am. I don't think the others have a clue that he does it either.
Yohji just looses himself in women and cigarettes and liquor, which probably isn't much better then Aya cutting himself. He's destroying himself too, just in a different way. I worry about him a lot. Mostly because he acts like everything's fine all the time when his actions clearly state that everything's not fine. I know we all act like were ok even when we aren't but the way he dose it is different. Even when he's just with us he still plays the joker, always ready with some smart assed comment. I'll admit I act happy for every one else too but it's not the same. I'm not acting happy to cover up the fact that I'm sad, I act happy to try and help make others happy. He's trying to cover up how he really feels. At least, that's what I think.
Ken probably has the most productive way of the four of us to deal with his problems. He teaches children. Teaches them and spends time with them, making sure that they don't grow up to be like the people we kill. I guess he figures that it has to be done, we have to kill, in order to protect others but it's more productive to teach children and be a good role model for them, that way in the future there wont have to be others like us, or at least not so many. It's a good idea I suppose, not something I can do though. Children just don't look up to me the way they do to him.
Wow, it sure is getting windy out here, almost lost this paper. Again I think I should've listened to Ken on the warm clothes thing. It's cold. I know I should probably go back now. It's starting to get dark; it's kind of funny how it always gets darker earlier when it's raining. Ok so maybe it's not really funny but it's interesting. Ok well I guess this is enough babbling for one day. I'll write out more thoughts another.
Ja Ne.~~~~
Omi stood and ripped the papers he'd been writing on into several pieces and took them over to the trash. Pulling out the lighter he'd "borrowed" from Yohji he shielded the flames from the wind and carefully lit the torn paper. Watching as the flames consumed his secret thoughts he sighed. No one would ever know how he felt about any of the matters written there, and it would be better this way. He had to admit that he would rather tell some one his thoughts but having no friends to share his secrets with, the paper would have to do. Better to release it there then to bottle it up inside him self and let it destroy him. He sighed again, that reminded him, what was he going to do about Aya and Yohji?
Not knowing the answer he decided to save the question for a latter time. After all, he couldn't do very much for either of them if he died from pneumonia. With that final thought he turned around walking away form the ashes of his secrets, which had already gone cold from the rain, and began his cold walk home.
~Owarii~
A/N: um yeah. it's been raining here for two days and I was listening to depressing music and this just kinda happened. Tell me what you think ne? And sorry for doing this instead of TSYL. I'm still trying to figure out what I'm going to do with that. Review please!
Disclaimer: Weiß doesn't belong to me and I don't plan on laying any claims to it. Don't sue.
~~~~It's so cold. the rain has completely soaked through my clothes, should've listened to Ken, he told me to wear warm clothes. He's always babying me, acting like I'm some kind of child. I'm more grown up then he is though. I'm more grown up then most people. Most people couldn't even begin to imagine the things I've scene. Not even the rest of Weiss, they have no idea what I went through before the rest of them showed up. They think they've seen sick stuff, they have no idea what sick is. Or maybe I just have too much of an idea.
Hm, it's interesting to see the rain, washing this all away even as I'm writing it. I suppose that's what I get for writing in the rain though. It's probably a good thing any way, wouldn't want any one finding this. I know the guys might laugh at me if they found out I was doing this, it'd be one more reason for them to think of me as a child but I don't think it's all that childish, not really. It's how I deal with the problems I have, the stress and all that, write it out on paper which will then be destroyed, it's better then hurting my self like some people do.
I think Aya does, hurts himself that is. I saw blood on the counter the other night after he came out of the bathroom, it was in kind of an obscure spot, like he'd missed it when cleaning it up, and it'd been a few days since we'd had a mission so it was unlikely that it came from that. He's got some unusual scaring too, the only reason I even know about that is because I'm usually the one to bandage him after missions. I don't think that he knows that I know though, I don't think he realizes that I'm not as naïve as every one seems to think I am. I don't think the others have a clue that he does it either.
Yohji just looses himself in women and cigarettes and liquor, which probably isn't much better then Aya cutting himself. He's destroying himself too, just in a different way. I worry about him a lot. Mostly because he acts like everything's fine all the time when his actions clearly state that everything's not fine. I know we all act like were ok even when we aren't but the way he dose it is different. Even when he's just with us he still plays the joker, always ready with some smart assed comment. I'll admit I act happy for every one else too but it's not the same. I'm not acting happy to cover up the fact that I'm sad, I act happy to try and help make others happy. He's trying to cover up how he really feels. At least, that's what I think.
Ken probably has the most productive way of the four of us to deal with his problems. He teaches children. Teaches them and spends time with them, making sure that they don't grow up to be like the people we kill. I guess he figures that it has to be done, we have to kill, in order to protect others but it's more productive to teach children and be a good role model for them, that way in the future there wont have to be others like us, or at least not so many. It's a good idea I suppose, not something I can do though. Children just don't look up to me the way they do to him.
Wow, it sure is getting windy out here, almost lost this paper. Again I think I should've listened to Ken on the warm clothes thing. It's cold. I know I should probably go back now. It's starting to get dark; it's kind of funny how it always gets darker earlier when it's raining. Ok so maybe it's not really funny but it's interesting. Ok well I guess this is enough babbling for one day. I'll write out more thoughts another.
Ja Ne.~~~~
Omi stood and ripped the papers he'd been writing on into several pieces and took them over to the trash. Pulling out the lighter he'd "borrowed" from Yohji he shielded the flames from the wind and carefully lit the torn paper. Watching as the flames consumed his secret thoughts he sighed. No one would ever know how he felt about any of the matters written there, and it would be better this way. He had to admit that he would rather tell some one his thoughts but having no friends to share his secrets with, the paper would have to do. Better to release it there then to bottle it up inside him self and let it destroy him. He sighed again, that reminded him, what was he going to do about Aya and Yohji?
Not knowing the answer he decided to save the question for a latter time. After all, he couldn't do very much for either of them if he died from pneumonia. With that final thought he turned around walking away form the ashes of his secrets, which had already gone cold from the rain, and began his cold walk home.
~Owarii~
A/N: um yeah. it's been raining here for two days and I was listening to depressing music and this just kinda happened. Tell me what you think ne? And sorry for doing this instead of TSYL. I'm still trying to figure out what I'm going to do with that. Review please!
Disclaimer: Weiß doesn't belong to me and I don't plan on laying any claims to it. Don't sue.