NOTICE- DESCRIPTIONS OF ANOREXIA AND SUICIDE... THIS WAS ACTUALLY NOT PLANNED UNTIL HALFWAY THROUGH THE STORY, BUT I THOUGHT IT WOULD MAKE IT MORE INTERESTING, SO I WENT ALONG WITH IT. I DO NOT WISH TO TRIGGER ANYONE, SO VIEWER DISCRETION IS ADVISED. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.
"Papa, why did Mama leave us?"
"She found a person who was more important to her."
"Were we not important to her?"
"Maybe that was the case."
"Mama didn't love me?"
"Maybe that was the case, but... I will always love you, Daiki. I promise you won't ever be lonely."
"Papa, I love you."
When Aomine was five years old, his mother could not stand being in this family anymore. It was an arranged marriage that her parents forced her into, and she was against it the moment they suggested it.
That's why she ran away.
She ran, and ran, until she was far, far away from both her son and her husband, who, of course, was no longer her husband. At the time, Aomine was too young to really understand what was going on, but he loved his mother anyway, so naturally, he cried. He cried to the point his father couldn't even bear looking at him anymore, thinking that it was his fault, because he believed that you should never make a child cry that much, ever.
His father was different from his mother, though. His father was strong. His father dedicated himself completely to Aomine, and poured all his heart and soul to making the child happy.
From that point, Aomine never felt lonely.
Not until his talent blossomed.
It wasn't just that, though. It was so many things piled up at once. That was about the time he learned that he might not have been his father's child in the first place, when he learned that he was just so... Different from everyone else, and when he and his father just began... Growing apart, for some reason. Maybe it was because his father thought he was old enough to handle loneliness once again, or that he just felt tired of everything, but his father stopped caring at one point.
His father, who always played with him when he was a kid. His father, who spent all his free time with him. His father, who spent thousands of dollars for nannies that would make sure that their house was never quiet while Aomine was around.
It was perplexing, but he just... Stopped caring.
Why, though? Why? All these years. Even when he went on business trips, he always came back in only a couple days, and with tons of souvenirs. Even when he had to work late, he always surprised his beloved Daiki with a treat after he got home. Aomine was never, not once, lonely since his mother left. However, once again, he was lonely.
He couldn't even distract himself by pouring his heart into basketball, because that would only set him off further and further away from everyone else. It would only cause people to despise him, to avoid him more and more.
It was a morning before a game, and although Aomine didn't want to go, because it would only emphasize his... His difference from others, but they were going up against an Uncrowned King, so Akashi wanted to play it safe by making Aomine play.
"Oi, Daiki! I can't come home from work until really late tonight. What are you going to do for dinner?" His dad called wearily from across the room. "Well, I guess you'll be able to figure it out. You're old enough, anyway."
"I'll just go to the convenience store."
"Okay."
He didn't say a thing about the game today. Until recently, Aomine's father would come, without fail, to nearly every game, or at least wish him good luck. Well, Aomine didn't think too much of it. He really hated basketball now, anyway. It's just so... Boring. He thirsted for more and more and more, until he completely wrung out the rag. He was skilled to the point nobody could match him, nobody could even muster the will to continue playing against him. Even the Uncrowned Kings would stop trying their hardest anymore.
Aomine headed out, and to school, where the team met to ride the bus to the gym they were playing at. Everyone showed up in their casual clothes, with a small bag that contained their uniforms, all tired, and agitated with having to get up so early in the morning.
Except for Kuroko.
As always, the kid was fidgety, as if he couldn't wait to move around on the court. But he probably would not have the chance to play today. They're already strong, and the other five are probably more than enough to win against the other team.
Kuroko was no longer needed.
Aomine felt kind of bad for the bluenette, but it is what it is. The five simply are surpassing how much a middle school boy can continue to improve at such a taxing sport. No matter what he does, Kuroko will always stay the same, and therefore will fall behind and be discarded, especially at such a team where those around him were already strong.
Adding Kuroko in the game will make them more likely to win, but just barely. That's because they have a guaranteed victory even without him.
"Tetsu, how can you be so energetic in the morning? I'm about to fall asleep."
"I'm just exci-"
"Daiki, don't be ridiculous." Akashi's booming voice rang through the bus. "We need to win this. What will we do if you fall asleep?"
"Yes, yes, I was just kidding."
Akashi could see and hear everything, not unlike a sagacious eagle, circling around its prey. Not only that, but he had the pugnacity of a lion, not afraid to confront everyone that he believes is wrong. It was truly terrifying, honestly.
The rest of the day carried on normally, and while they won the game Kuroko didn't end up in the game. It was not an uncommon occurrence for him these days, so he wasn't all that thrown off. Aomine, however, felt more discouraged than ever. The opponent gave up earlier than usual, which further made him realize his unyielding strength. Even he no longer knew how to hold back anymore, and it was horrifying even himself.
He reached his home at just before sunset, and remembered that his dad would not be home. He forgot to go to the convenience store to buy something, and he didn't want to go back out, so he settled for skipping dinner tonight. An energy drink and some protein powder should be enough, he thought. Actually, on second thought, scratch the protein powder. It might further cultivate my muscles, and I'll grow more and more... He didn't mind the occasional hunger pangs, because he could not stop thinking obsessively about how it might make him weaker. If it made him weaker, would he no longer be lonely? Would he finally be accepted by the world?
Maybe. Just maybe. So he decided not to eat. No one would tell him to, anyway. The house seemed oddly dim, and quiet. It was almost eerie. Aomine was never scared of the dark before, but now, he felt very unsettled, walking around. It made him increasingly lonely, but he didn't turn on the lights. He just let himself be. I deserve it, anyway.
No, he did not do this because he was fretting over being too skilled- That was only part of it- The pain came from everything being so jumbled up in his mind. His father growing distant, and the lack of motivation that continues sinking day by day.
Slowly, it occurred more and more that his father worked until dawn, or came home drunk, or didn't come home at all for a few nights in a row.
Why? Just why? Why is he leaving me? Why is he leaving me alone?
The next day was Sunday, so they had no school. However, once again, his father was still not home. Aomine was bored out of his mind, spending most of his time wandering aimlessly around the house.
It was later that evening when his father finally called.
"Daiki, sorry, but I don't think I'll be coming home for a while. I have to transfer to Austrailia for work, and we can't afford for you to come with me. I'll have the bank automatically put money into your account every month. Don't worry. You're almost in high school, so you'll be fine on your own, right?" He said casually.
"Uh... Yeah. I'll be okay. How long is 'a while', though?"
There was quite a long pause before his father finally responded. "It will be a long time. Maybe even a few years."
"Okay. Erm... Be safe."
"Mm. Bye."
"Bye-bye." Aomine paused, and reluctantly let out three more words. "I love you."
But his father had already hung up.
Life carried on as usual, but Aomine was still running away. Since when did the house become so big? The loneliness in here was suffocating, and the water that would inevitably drown him was already at his chin. Soon enough, he won't be able to breathe.
For the past few days, he's been neglecting his health by refusing to eat. After all, the more he might eat, the stronger he might get. Not to mention he hated eating alone. Alone, in that large dinner table for six that used to be filled with happiness.
Surely, before, the house was enchanted. It was always bright even if it was just the two of them. Now it's nothing but dark and demeaning.
If I eat, I'll get strong. If I don't, I might find someone that won't give up on me. If I eat, it'll show that I can live... Even without my dad.
That's what he thought. Eating was hard for him. He was heavy, and big, and intimidated his opponents. Only if he were to become thin... And weak... Would his father come back? Would his opponents see him as an opponent?
I can't eat. I can't eat. I can't eat.
Aomine slowly became more and more obsessed with the idea that not eating would solve all his problems. His weight began to drop at a rapid, unstoppable rate. People around him noticed, but didn't say anything. They didn't really care enough. More and more ribs were showing, and more and more hip was showing.
He must, must become weightless. Then, he might be able to float to the top, and breathe in his own house. Skipping more and more practices, it didn't even matter that he was losing weight to others. Even if it affected his game play- Akashi didn't even care as long as they won. No one cared. Not about him. Not about the worthless person he was.
Not until Kuroko noticed, and said something.
"Aomine-kun, did you lose weight?"
"Yeah, probably."
"Are you eating right?"
"Yeah, probably." No, of course not.
"Are you okay?"
"Yeah." Of course I'm not okay.
Soon enough, Aomine was growing weak. It was exactly what he wanted, but he couldn't let the others notice during games. He wore his jersey in a messily loose manner, to make sure that they couldn't see all the bones. He pushed himself to the point of exhaustion to make sure they didn't see how weak he was. He hid all the emotions so they couldn't see how broken he was.
In that house that he used to share with his father, he had a place. Now, that place no longer exists. He could barely go inside without struggling to breathe. He couldn't stand living somewhere that used to be so happy and bright and warm. He shut himself away.
At night, he walked around town, as time slowed around him. Everyone had their own life, their own experiences. Aomine was just realizing this. Even now, he can't look at a face without thinking about what lied beneath those eyes. Kuroko, his only friend, had left him. It wasn't even his fault, yet even so, Aomine had pushed him away.
I deserve to be alone.
It was only a matter of time when his body began to completely break down.
The day of the deciding match of who will win nationals. Aomine hadn't eaten since days before, and he had noticeably less energy than usual. Everyone was questioning whether he was okay at first, but he was Aomine. Someone that everyone thought was above everyone- Some kind of godly creature. He, of course, could not be sick.
It happened suddenly, like an unexpected shower of rain on a bright, sunny day.
The game was going well as usual, and they were winning by a long shot. However, Aomine was scoring less than normal. Anyone would just come to a conclusion that he simply wasn't trying. Not until he collapsed.
It was completely unprecedented, nobody thought someone as strong, someone as stable as Aomine would collapse. Nobody thought that he was capable of doing something so... weak. When they saw his skinny and battered body, all of his teammates were genuinely scared.
They were so scared that they turned away, refused to help him. Aomine always ran away from help, but truth is... He wanted someone to find him, to dig him out of this undying darkness. Every single person in his life left him... Except for one.
"Aomine-kun... Why?" Kuroko had tears in his eyes, those glittering ethereal pearls of life. "Why would you do this to yourself?"
"Well, after my dad went to Australia, I guess I kind of... forgot." That's a lie.
"What? He's still not back? How long have you been living alone? He shouldn't be leaving you for that long."
"I'm fine."
"You're obviously not, Aomine-kun."
That's when all his walls crumbled around him. The hard reality that his dad might never come back hit him, and he just couldn't stop the tears.
"Aomine-kun..." Kuroko whispered, a little startled after seeing the Generation of Miracles' ace look so weak, "That's no good. You have to contact your dad. At this rate-"
"No... No, it's fine. I don't think I'm able to. He's been moving around a lot, and I don't even know where he is anymore. But that's okay. Tetsu... I'm fine. I'm the ace, after all."
Kuroko said nothing, only afraid of hurting the fragile man in front of him. They just decided to walk home today in silence. It was in that moment, at that time, when Aomine realized the truth. If they just left five minutes later, or just five minutes earlier, Aomine would not have been dealt a wound that could not be healed.
They had reached the station, and were ready to part. That's when Aomine saw...
His father.
What? Wasn't Dad in Australia? Did he come back? What's he doing here? Why didn't he tell me?
"Dad!"
Then, when the big crowd slowly dissipated, he saw his father's arm around a girl in a tight black dress. Both him and the woman turned around to look at him, and the woman spoke first.
"Daisuke, do you know this kid?"
"...I don't. Let's keep going."
Everything, everything Aomine had experienced these past few months alone had seemed like a lie. As the bluenette stood next to him, not knowing what to say, Aomine squeezed his eyes shut. Everything darkened around him, he couldn't breathe.
All this time, his father was not in Australia. He was in this country, in this town, messing around with girls, going to bars every day, and sleeping with a different girl every night, leaving Aomine all alone.
Gasping for a breath, no air came into his lungs, and no air escaped. His throat was closed tightly, and everything was numb. However, he did not cry. His eyes were dry and painful, stinging from the cold air around him, as he forgot where he was until his... his beloved first love put a hand on his back.
"Aomine-kun... What is this all about?"
"Tetsu... I... I... I can't do this anymore!" He began sobbing, trembling hard, already anguishing to the point of no return. "I want to die. I want to die. Why did he leave me? Even though I loved him. Even though he loved me. What has he been doing? I want to die! Why? Why me? Tetsu!"
Suddenly, Kuroko held him in a tight embrace, and warmth spread all over Aomine, reminding him of the old days when his father clutched him like treasure. The part of the phantom's shirt where Aomine was digging his face into became soaked before long. "Tetsu... Tetsu!"
"Don't worry. Aomine-kun... Daiki... I love you." Aomine sobbed even harder, unable to process the surplus of things happening around him. "Daiki, with courage, you have to fight on. Whether that courage is loud or quiet, whether it's heroic or not, whether you're fighting a losing battle or a battle with a sure victory, with courage, you can fight. So please, fight on. Fight on, and I'll support you with my love. Victory will emerge. I cannot condone you for giving up. I hate seeing you in pain, but don't ever force yourself to smile. Some people say that smiling through everything tricks the brain into thinking that you're happy, but I personally hate that. For me, having to smile even though I'm feeling pain is the worst in the world. It leaves my heart feeling heavier, my throat feeling narrower, and my stomach feeling sicker. So please, cry all you want. Let it out. Just know, that I really, really love you."
"T- Tetsu... I... love you, too. I really do. But, I'm begging you, don't look at my face right now. It's probably contorted with pain and my eyes are probably swollen."
"Don't worry. Show me your ugliest side, your most selfish side, and I will still love you despite everything. Daiki, stay with me. Don't say that you want to die."
Together, they walked to Aomine's empty home, and Kuroko stayed with him the rest of the day until his parents forced him to come home. Aomine went to bed, and slept peacefully.
However, it was for a limited time.
His body was found the next afternoon, when school was over. Aomine didn't show up, so naturally, Kuroko was worried. The sight that he saw upon entering his boyfriend's house was horrifying- The power forward was hanging from a towel from the top handle of his fridge, next to a chair. On the dining table that Aomine and his father had shared many meals on had a note with just two sentences.
I'm sorry, Tetsu. I loved you, but I just couldn't do it after all.