I can hear each foot hit the ground like a hammer. The soft sounds of my sneakers are loud echoes in my mind, but they aren't its focus.
She is.
She walks beside me as my legs keep me going forward. She looks my way every so often and gives a big smile. Every time her emerald eyes shining almost as bright as her smile. It warms my heart, but only a little.
It would be enough to keep my heart warm if it was just that, but she is also talking to me. I don't look at her as she talks, but I can just tell what she is saying. It's the same old stuff, like new cloths and some sort of fashion that she's interested in. Every so often there's a complaint about the cheerleading squad, but happier things quickly squash it. On a day like today her voice would just make it better, but it doesn't for one reason and one reason only.
I can't hear it.
Her mouth moves but no sound comes out. How do I know what she is saying? I know her better than anyone else would. Except maybe her family, but I can't compete with blood. It doesn't matter though, she let me into her life with open arms.
She would always talk to me with respect and trust. There were no secrets between us. Except one, but that's for later.
I take a break from my trip to sit on a park bench. Next to a sidewalk in the park, the air is nice and the day is bright. It's sad that I cannot be happier on such a beautiful day.
For the moment she is gone from my vision, but I can still feel her close to me, her words still haunting my soul. Her absence doesn't comfort me because now that little bit of her is gone and it just makes me all that more lonely. It's like a dream that has faded into nothing, but still leaves its impression on my mind.
She is quickly back though, but not sitting next to me. In front of my resting body I can see her. She is much younger now and her fiery hair is in pigtails. She's walking around in little circles and singing to her self. No sound again, but I hear none the less. Except this time it comes from my memories.
It's a vision from my... our past. A regular day from our childhood has decided to appear before me. For a moment I wonder where I am until I realize that I'm right here. Stopping in mid-step she looks over at me. Stopping her singing she puts her arms behind her back and give me a big smile. It puts a grin on my face for the slightest moment. She runs at me and jumps up with arms stretched open in hope for a warming embrace.
Her image fades before I can feel her warm embrace and I am alone again. Lost in thought and wondering the past in my imagination. It gives another short lasting grin to my face.
She is back and sitting next to me on the bench. Not moving at all, her eyes bore into me. My grin is gone as my mind snaps back to the present. Her mouth isn't moving but her message is received clearly.
I stand up from the bench ending my rest and digression into the past. She stands up as well and we start up the journey again.
Where are we going? All in good time my friend.
My steps no longer sound loud to me, as I get closer to the end. Instead I am focused on the trail ahead of me. I can see my destination now. I'm almost there and she knows it. Her expressions are no longer constantly happy. Her emotions are starting become somber and her unheard voice is losing it's confidence. I notice, but not much because we have been on this quest before. Everyday for the past year.
She's no longer talking.
I feel a chill run up my spine as I walk through the heavy, rusted metal gates and onto the thin path of gravel. The grass on both sides is well kept and she is walking in front of me. Leading me to the right spot. She doesn't have to, but I let her because she was always the one to lead. We reach our final destination quickly.
The large marble angel of justice sits atop a large stone base. Its sword is held high in defiance of injustice across the world. Keeping the world safe from its spot. Reminding the world who is buried here.
I find myself kneeling down in front of her grave. I don't see her anymore, but I'm not exactly looking. I know where she is.
She's dead and resting peacefully in mother earth.
I've made this trip everyday since she died a year ago. Everyday I walked and visited her grave with the company of her specter. It disturbed me the first few time I saw her ghost, but I eventually learned to enjoy seeing her again. It was just too bad that I couldn't hear her. I missed her voice so much.
I lift my hand up the gold plague that adorned the grave. It was a simple token of appreciation from the many that she had helped over the years. It had a simple phrase that I read every time I'm here.
'Hero to many. Friend to all.'
I wish I could say that I had thought that up, but when it was made I could hardly do anything through my tears. All had gathered to pay respects to her and all missed her.
I am the only one that still comes to visit her grave every day. At first her family came daily, but eventually they had cried all their sad tears away and where ready to take a step forward.
I almost cry now, but I know that it won't bring her back. I can't stop from being sad though. I never will.
I stand up after a while and look down at the earth below me. I place my hand on the gravestone and close my eyes.
She is gone and won't ever be coming back. She will never know the one secret that I kept from her. The one thing I will always regret keeping from her.
"Kim. I love you."
Heavy with emotion, I say this like I do everyday. I feel a cold hand on my shoulder and I turn around to see Kim's specter again. She's smiling as her mouth moves. Once again I know her words, but I can't hear them. I can't believe them.
I walk through her and exit the graveyard to go back to life after Kim. Tomorrow I'll repeat the process and I'll keep doing it till the day I die. I hope that one day I'll be able to hear her angelic voice reply back to me...
"I love you too Ron."
The End