"Hey, bitches!" I knock on the creamy colored door.

"Uhp!" I hear Trip inside. "He's here!"

"What?" Grace barks. "You said he's coming an hour from now!"

"Nope, he's right on time."

"God, Trip... !"

The door creaks open and Trip frowns. He puts on a smile, though, when he sees me.

"Ben! Holy...crap, it's been, three years." Trip grins.

"Hi, umm," I study Trip. He has bloodshot eyes, and creases under usually beautiful flowing hair has obviously gotten restyled sometime along the way. "God, you look horrible."

"Umm... yeah, you haven't changed a bit."

I waddle inside. Trip immediately offers a margarita. I accept, but I am really disappointed. I was craving a Grace's Inner Soul.

"What are we all talking about?" Something asks cheerfully.

Trip and I scream in fear, as a tall, ugly creature crawls out of the hell hole kitchen. "Oh, it's just you Grace."

Grace stares at me and gives me a look that says: Don't worry, you're not the first.

I smile from the reassurance, and bravely ask for a Grace's Inner Soul instead when he hands me the margarita. Trip traces the letters 'FML' in the air as he hands me Grace's Inner Soul.

"So," Grace begins.

I shush her. "We have to admit our love for each other when Trip is away."

Grace kindly knees me in the crotch. "So," she interrupts my whimpering.

"I was hoping you could tell me where I went wrong on my new decorating."

"The painting should be over the phone, making the other small painting with the pine trees the main attraction. Or maybe you should move the pine tree picture over the phone. The sculptures over there should be in rainbow order, the most red ones first, then orange, then yellow and so on. When there are still some sculptures that don't have a color in the rainbow, set them at the end. Make sure the rainbow dildo is the first thing set down." I say simply. Grace glares at me. After she follows my advice, I am almost done with my Grace's Inner Soul.

"Hey, Ben," Trip says. "look at this photo I put up from our Travis, or...err, trip to Italy."

"It looks nice." I lie.

"Great," says Trip. "I knew you'd like it."

As the hell picture "coincidentally" falls down when Trip looks away, he screeches and crouches down and picks up the picture then tenderly kisses it. He hangs it on the wall.

I place my Grace's Inner Soul cup on the bar.

"I was wondering if," Trip begins. There was a long pause. "if you...could, come to a big party on Saturday. At 4:00. Could you, err, come?"

"Dude, I could come to any party,"

"Oh and," Trip remembers. "Could you bring that girl you work with? Vanessa? I'm sure she would... enjoy a party."

As the awkwardness sinks in, I can't help but feel bad for Trip's insanity. I want to remember more of the good ol' days. Not these fancy-shmancy new ones! Nothing's the same! The apartment, the drinks, Trip's hair, nothing!

"Whoa," I grab my crotch. "Where's the John?"

Trip and Grace stare at me for 2 minutes and then hear what I was saying. "Oh, uhh," Grace raises an eyebrow. "we don't like people-"

"Well, that's not very nice," I say, totally not interrupting.

"-using our bathroom." Grace says randomly.

"Okay, never mind." I take my Grace's Inner Soul cup and unzip my pants. Soon I put a cup on the bar full of yellow liquid.

"Oops," I say. I zip my pants.

I begin to talk. "Hey, do you have hotpockets?" I look around and find that Trip and Grace are nowhere to be seen. The window is open.

I run out. "Trip!" I scream. "You didn't need to end it just because of Grace!" The buzzing city below acts like nothing happened.

"I'm-" I here the sound of thick liquid hitting the ground. I smell a scent as lovely as puke. "here."

"Twippie!" I hug Trip. "Hey, do you have hotpockets?"

After I eat hotpockets, I ask if crabs breathe air or water.

"I think they breathe..." Trip and Grace say.

"Water." Grace says at the same time as Trip says "Air." This falls into a huge argument. "They walk on land!"

"They're water animals!"

I join in. "I think they... it's water!" Why didn't they understand? It was obviously water! Duh!

After a long minute, I listened to the others.

"I'm just... afraid of being poor."

"But Trip! We have so much!"

"Screw you guys I need hashbrowns now!"

Trip and Grace slowly turn their heads to look at me.

"Ben," Trip says angrily. "I need to ask you something...Do you really think that insulting us, calling us bitches, peeing on our property and demanding food is gonna end up well? Huh? Do you think it will add up to something?!"

"Hmmm..." I wonder. "Well, what kind of attitude do you have now?"

"Never mind, I don't need to hear your answer... we're uuhhh... everything's fine."

"What?" I fart. "You are having f*cking marriage problems. I think you need help."

"Ben..." Grace says. "We're fine. D- Don't...be like this."

"I'm not leaving." I state firmly.

"Beeeeeeeeennn..." Trip starts angrily.

"Fine," I say. "Fine."

Before I go, I have to do one last thing.

I take my yellow-liquid Grace's Inner Soul cup, lift it up, and throw it in Trip's face as hard as I can. Yellow liquid drains into the cuts on Trip's face.

"Melon," I say.

I run out the door and get in the elevator as I shit my pants.

P.S. After Trip surprised while I was sleeping in my bed one night, I am glad to say I am doing quite well in the hospital. My broken neck and leg are beginning to heal, and the cuts and bruises I have are healing. I even have a bruise in the shape of a melon.