Hey guys.

Obviously this is post Saw 1 only. It's going to contain slash. LawrencexAdam, also known as "Chainshipping." There is an oc.
If any of that offends you, the exit is at the top right hand side of your screen.
It is not illuminated. I assume you can find it anyway.

For those of you still here, awesome. Enjoy.

Adam could have been dead. Not that he wanted to be dead. Not that he wanted to be alive. He just really wanted to be left alone. Any other day of the fucking week and he would have been dead. He couldn't stop focusing on that one thought. He hadn't seen a soul in days and at that one moment some neighbor decided to "check up on him" by breaking his lock out and dragging his ass to the hospital. The one time in his life someone cared and it saved his life and he couldn't feel anything but anger.

Someone was approaching the room, and from the loud sound of hard-bottomed shoes he guessed it was a doctor. The nurses squeaked like mice if you caught them off guard but the doctors liked to announce themselves. Bastards.

"Adam? How are you feeling?" The doctor sat in a chair next to Adam's bed without even looking up from his clipboard. Adam scoffed. Maybe if he looked he would know. "If you are feeling up to it, I would like to ask you a few questions."

He didn't feel up to it, as a matter-of-fact, but that didn't stop the doctor from pushing on. "It says here that you used to be a freelance photographer." It was conversational, just trying to open the door. But the door was closed. "What are you doing now?"

"Waiting until the rent checks wear thin."

He gazed up from his clipboard trying to read Adam and the type of trouble he was going to be. Conversation was clearly not going to be an option.

"How often and how much would you say that you drink weekly?"

"I don't know. Enough. A lot."

"Are you on any narcotics?"

"Not at the moment." As soon as he said it he felt bad about it. He was acting like he was seventeen and his parents were asking about his day at school. He might not be happy about being here but he might as well not ruin this guy's day too. "No, sorry man. I'm…I'm off of them right now. Maybe for a month or two."

"Methadone treatments?"

"Self treatment."

Adam was giving up on the notion that this doctor would recognize his face from the news stations. It was one of those stories you talked about at work. You don't remember the names and faces are so generic.

Did you hear about those two guys? Some fucking psycho locked them up in a bathroom.

The doctor paused. He looked up for a second, tried to say something, but ended up just shaking his head. "Do you have someone that helped you through it? Roommate, girlfriend, parents?" Yeah. Definitely not.



"No. I live alone. I mean, in my apartment and in general."

"What about the neighbor that brought you in?"

"I've seen him a few times. We say hello in the hallways."

"Okay, how much do you smoke?"

"Not enough. As many packs as I can fit into a day, I couldn't tell you exactly."

"Have you experienced any general pain, tingling, loss of feeling in hands or feet, strange eye movements, vomiting, confusion, difficulty walking…" he trailed off and looked at Adam.

"Yeah," he replied simply.

"And you haven't been eating."

"No."

"Any particular reason?"

Adam smirked in an almost sadistic way. "Why not?"

The doctor sighed. "Adam, I have to be honest with you here. You can resist treatment. You can leave at any time unless I get the courts involved and call you insane and I really don't think that you are. I understand that the moment you get back out there is the moment you start doing this all over again if that's what you want to do. We can give you treatment, however, if you would like it."

Only once had the choice of life been so clearly in front of him. Live or die? He had been living as though the latter were the only option, a slow path to that point. He had almost arrived, he guessed. He wasn't looking to die, though. He just wanted that grey area, closer to the death side, more comfortable to him. He wanted to be unaware. He wanted to forget.

"I don't…" He paused and tried to figure out how to fit his thoughts into words. He saw too much in the hospital hallways. Every doctor was Lawrence. Every patient was himself after…"I can't stay here, I can't…I don't know. I don't know what to say to you. I don't want self destruct, I guess, I just want to…" He looked to the doctor for help. He wasn't going to get any. "Just let me go. Give me pills or something. Not the get-me-high kind, just, whatever. I'll eat something. I'll make some changes."

"It might not be as easy as you think."

"Well, I've always got neighbors for breaking my door down if I fuck up."

The doctor shifted in his seat for a moment, unsure of what to do. But eventually he stood up. "I'm discharging you. That IV has given you some calories, but you'll need to start eating slow. Not a lot. I'll have the nurse tell you about it. Thank God you've been drinking water."

"Yeah," Adam gave a small, pathetic laugh, "Thank God."

"Are you really going to…" He shook his head one more time and looked away from Adam. "I'll send the nurse in." He shut the door behind him and Adam sunk into the bed. He closed his eyes and tried to imagine he was somewhere else. All he could see was darkness.

Adam didn't really know what to say. He hadn't meant to self destruct the way he had. At least he didn't think so. He wanted to forget what had happened, wanted to find some way to erase that part of his life. But that wasn't an option anymore, he guessed. He had to figure out if there was anything left. If anything could be salvaged from whatever his life had been before. If he could even remember what his life had been before.