Crazy and Depressed.

Disclaimer: I do not own One Piece.

Chapter One

I want to Run Away

"I fell like running away…," the blond said softly. He tapped his finger on the armchair gently but repeatedly. He stared at the ashtray in front of him with a burning desire. He was itching for a smoke, but he knew he could wait until the hour was finished.

"What do you mean?" the doctor sitting across from him asked.

Sanji wouldn't have believed the man before him was a doctor if he passed him on the street. He was a bit rugged, green hair, and three piercings on his left ear. However his friend Usopp had said he was one of the best, and so here he was; talking to this guy, telling him about his problems.

Sighing softly, Sanji crossed one leg over the other. He really didn't want to be here. Truthfully he only decided to go because Usopp was worried about him. He promised the long-nose that he would try it out for one month. If it didn't work then perhaps something else would, he wasn't sure.

"Well…," he paused. "I don't want to kill myself. I don't want to be reborn and start over, I don't want to return to the past and do things over, I don't want to die. I just, I want to run away. I want to go as far as I can and stay somewhere. It doesn't even have to be forever. Just enough so I can pretend I am someone else, that the problems I have aren't mine, and for once even a little bit not to worry."

"That wouldn't be running away, I would call that a vacation," the doctor said softly.

"Perhaps…," Sanji hummed. He glanced at the ceiling thinking about it. "But when I come back I want my problems to be solved. I don't want to come back to them…, or maybe I do. Just with a clear head? I don't know."

Doctor Roronoa wrote something down in his note pad and looked at Sanji again. "What are your problems?"

"Well, most of them aren't even fully mine. I am just in the mix with the so called problems. I suppose some of them can be fixed rather easily if the people they involved weren't…. stupid." Sanji shook his head and chuckled. "Really, they wouldn't be my problem at all if I didn't have to share a roof in the first place."

"So what you're saying is that your roommates dumped a load of shit on your back and you can't get out of it?"

Sanji looked up at his doctor a bit surprised. This wasn't an ordinary doctor at all. "Sort of yeah."

"Explain?"

"Well," Sanji thought about it. "I moved in with the guy maybe a little more than two years ago. At first it was great, decent rent and the bills weren't too bad. You see we live in an apartment complex and most of our bills are included, electric, water, and heat. So really we are just paying for rent, our phone, not that we need that, cable, and internet. At the time our rent was $450 a month and we usually will pay it 50-50 unless one of us was short let's say twenty to fifty dollars, then the other would cover it. It was no big deal," he snorted.

"Well, that was fine for a little while until about January then shit hit the roof. Our rent was raised. At first it wasn't too bad it was just $100 dollars. I could deal with that, but then it was raised another $150 and shit got tough. I am now paying $350 a month which is usually more than half a paycheck plus lately I have been keeping up with our internet bill. So, money is tight. Not always, mind you. Sometimes I can pay everything with one check and still have enough money to get through the next week before my next pay. But then there is that month where my first check is so low I only have enough for rent. Which makes shit worse, I am the only one working. My roommate is just getting unemployment or whatever."

"So, he's lazy?"

Sanji nodded. "Pretty much. Honestly, money usually doesn't bother me. I can go with just a few bucks in my pocket as long as I have food at the house, which I usually do. But it's getting to the point where I can't even buy new work clothes, or if I save up money for myself say for new shoes or something, I wind up having to spend it on a bill or rent, something we need for the apartment. Honestly, I get it, that's life. Sometimes you have to sacrifice some things. I am living, I have a roof over my head and food to eat every day, plus clothes on my back. So, I am okay. I am not going to die, or worse starve. It's just…, I can't keep paying all this shit on my own. If he doesn't get a job I'll be paying rent on my own. Which, honestly I rather move back in with my dad then to do that."

"So, you're scared to move in with your father?"

Sanji shook his head. "No, I don't mind living with my dad. Honestly I only moved out so I can, you know be a man and live on my own. I have been living with my dad my whole life, even when I was in college and, honestly I am not a baby. But I only get paid so much. Really I'd like to find a one bedroom apartment and pay rent for myself. Yet, I know I'd feel guilty leaving my friend behind. I'd feel bad and I know I'd wind up still helping him out. Truthfully, I should just cancel the cable and internet. That would be the best solution. I'd cut some cost by almost $200."

Doctor Roronoa frowned. "Is this all your problems? Because, from what I was told you were depressed, or perhaps close to it. It can't all be because of money can it? If it is I may need to pass you on to someone else. That is quite a boring problem."

Sanji snorted again. "Oh wow, excuse me. Why do you have this sort of job if you find shit like this boring? But no, it's not all about money. It's like I said I can care less as long as I have a place to sleep and food to eat, I'm okay. I am afraid if will get to the point where we'll struggle to buy groceries, but not it's just a small bit of a problem that I have. Something to start off with."

"Well, good," Roronoa looked at his watch and then at Sanji. "We still have about 40 minutes of the hour left. Continue," he said and waved his hand.

Sanji sighed. "Well, I don't even know. There is so much shit I want to do, and yet I feel like I lost most of my motivation to do any of it. Sure I try. Then there are days where I just… I feel like I don't care. Like I wonder why I should even bother when it's not like it'll do any good, shit like that. There used to be a time when I could take my passion and be so confident in it that I didn't care what others thought of it. I just did it. Enjoyed it, and stood up all night working on different things," he smiled fondly at the memories.

"First what is 'it"?"

"Cooking…."

"Okay, now what stopped you from cooking?"

"Well, work, and school. I mean, I love cooking but it's a hobby, maybe something to do on the side or when I am older and out of debt I will open a restaurant. It's my dream to have a five star place one day, but… with shit that's been going on and never having enough time, I haven't been motivated to continue cooking. I mean, on the side I really do like my day job. Love it really, it's just… I don't know. I found myself stopping, not completely. I mean I cook dinner mostly, but never random recipes at night. Truthfully I get ideas but I only half ass work on them. Or their just not good enough. They wouldn't work," Sanji looked away from the doctor.

He felt sad all of a sudden. Was this why he was partly stressed out? Perhaps. "But, you know it doesn't make the money. I would love to sell a cook book, that would get me started, yet I don't have as much time as I used to even if I did I don't have the motivation. I feel like I lost hope on it. I don't feel like me and it's been like this for the last couple of years. Before I moved in with my roommate…."

Doctor Roronoa looked at Sanji. He could see that the man before him was depressed, or in the beginnings of it. Losing your dream your passion could do that to someone. However he felt as if there was more to this blond. That something else was blocking him from the motivation. Usually a person loses the motivation because of another reason, so in truth Sanji was falling in depression before he stopped his dream. "What stopped you from being motivated?"

"I just lost hope in a lot of things. I really don't know, I just noticed that I stopped. I lost hope in love, I lost hope in my dream, and I lost hope on moving even further in my life. I think I will always be Sanji: the beautician. Not Sanji: the world famous chef who will cut and style your hair on the side…." He snorts. "I suppose that's silly. Yet I always loved the sound of it. Maybe I still do, I don't even know anymore. I feel numb if anything."

Zoro wrote a few things down. Slowly he was starting to understand Sanji. Somewhere along the line in Sanji's early twenties, he would guess, something broke the blond. He had to figure out what that was to be able to fix him. "Before you mentioned love, have you been in love before Sanji?"

Sanji nodded. "Once or twice… yeah, I have."

"Did the last relationship end well?"

"We're still friends if that's what you mean. Yet, I can't say the relationship itself ended all that great. There was a lot of harsh words and what not. Shit, we were young to. I wasn't even twenty yet, but it was a strong bond. So strong that even thou we're not together now, he'll always be an important part of my life."

"He?"

Sanji looked up. "That a problem?"

Roronoa shook his head. "No, not at all. Just surprised, you don't seem the type to like the same sex."

Sanji shrugged. "He was the only one, I do like my ladies, I just had happened to fall for that one guy."

"What had happened?"

"Ug, it's a long story. Same shit, got close, then he broke my heart. At the end there was another person involved," Sanji shrugged.

"Would you like to tell me about that story?"

"Not right now, I don't think we'd have the time. It's a long one honestly. Might take two sessions to finish it," Sanji shrugged.

"All right, that's fine. So have you had any relationships since then?"

"Yeah, but the last one was a few years ago? Nearly five-ish. I mean there were small dates but my last, more-than-two-dates, relationship. had to be err 3-5 years ago. Yeah I want to say around 2012."

"Why so long ago?"

Sanji shook his head. "I gave up. Each time there is a person I like they never like me back. That or I open my mouth way too soon. Fuck. I tend to crush on people at the wrong times, I guess. Then there are people who do ask me out I am just not attracted to, or know I won't be interested it. Shit, I always dreamed about falling in love and meeting that one person I am meant to be with, yet here I am single…."

"Sanji, do you ever think that the reason you are single is because subconsciously you don't want to be with someone right now?"

Sanji looked at the doctor, his eyes sad. "Yeah. Sometimes I wonder if I drive people away. Then other times I wonder if maybe, I am cursed, or don't deserve to find love, other times… well maybe I don't. I mean, I am always thinking of scenarios of guys and a girls asking me out. That one person that I like, actually liking me back. Oh there are nights where I wish someone was there holding me. I dream of someone finally asking me out or accepting my invite," Sanji laughed bitterly.

"Every time I have plans to hang out with someone that I like, who I'm crushing on, I day dream. I guess you can call it that. Their always the same, different ways they will notice me. Different situations where the person of my interest returns the feelings and ya'kno, gives me a chance. Why can't I have a chance? Then I have to stop myself because I know it won't happen. I have to stop myself from hoping because all I do is get my hopes up. I place my hopes and dreams so high I can't reach it and they go out of control. I have been like that my whole life. Only now I am learning to lower those hopes and keep them low. This way I won't be so broken when I am disappointed…."

Doctor Roronoa wrote down a few things as he listened to Sanji. His demeanor was one of confidence and yet he thought so little of himself. When he had first met Sanji he thought the man was well dressed and full of confidence yet here his confidence was crushed easily. He masked it well on the outside, but on the inside it was a wreck. He was like a broken puzzle needing to be put back together. It was sad, and Zoro found himself wanting to help the man.

"I am sick of being disappointed," Sanji continued. "It seems like I am disappointed a lot lately. Something always comes along and crushes the hopes that I have. Something always chases away my dreams so they are farther away. I am afraid it will get to the point where I just want to close the door on the dreams I have. I'll be 30 years old in a few years…. I know that's still young but I always thought I'd be getting married now and having my first kid, or adopting my first kid by 30. It's like the perfect age. If not then maybe traveling and seeing more of the world. I don't know. Maybe asking for love is too much. Maybe I need to just continue with what I am doing…."

The room became silent for a moment and the doctor looked at Sanji. He was about to say something when Sanji continued speaking.

"I guess, I should let life lead me as it goes by. I know I should just take one day at a time. I shouldn't want to see the future and I shouldn't want to return to the past. I should just stick with the present. Maybe that's why I want to run away. The present, where it isn't bad, it's not the best. There is a lot of shit going on in the present I just, I am sick of dealing with. I am sick of it because well, it's the same shit every year. Maybe some of it is worse than any other year. Some of it the same. Just everything keeps repeating and I am sick of it. I just want to run away…." Sanji paused and he looked at Zoro.

"I want to run away and escape my reality. To pretend I am something else and when I come back, it's all gone. I can start fresh and feel better. Still me, but I am not standing in a lot of crap."

The buzzer went off and Zoro looked at his clock. "Looks like our time is up. Sanji, I have to say I learned quite a bit about you today. Next week we will talk about some of these things you said. I do have one thing for you to try for me this week."

Sanji looked at his doctor. "hmm?"

"I want you to go out and take a day for yourself and see how you feel. A day off. No worries. I also want you to try and cook something this week. Force yourself to be motivated. Watch something that will help. If you can't I still want to know how you tried. We'll talk again next Thursday."

Sanji stood to his feet after his doctor and shook his hand. "Thanks, Doctor…"

Roronoa held up his hand. "We'll be seeing a lot of one another. Call me Zoro."

Sanji nodded. "Sure. Moss-head sounds better, but I guess Zoro fits to."

"Oi, I am trying to help you curly-bastard."

Sanji snorted. "Whatever. Okay, I'll try your homework. I'll see you in a week, Zoro," he chuckled and waved as he walked out.

Zoro watched the blond disappeared and sighed. This was going to be an interesting case. He could tell.

TBC…

Author's Note: Well, some of this stuff is personal as I am using some of my life problems to work for this story. Of course I changed a few things but eh I figured the best way to get some feelings out is to write about it. So why not screw with Sanji's head a bit. Hope you all liked it.

Also, let me know how my writing is. I want to know if it's bad, good, what needs to be worked on, if anything is confusing. I am willing to take all sorts of reviews. If anyone is willing to beta for me that would also be a great help.

Second Note: I do plan on continuing my other fics. I am actually working on Pliable Metal. I have great ideas for that fic and I am not about to let it go. Thanks everyone.