The Greatest Fear
Alec gasped and sat up in his bed, he took deep breaths as he wiped away the sweat from his forehead and his face. He pushed the sheet away, knocking his psychology text book off the bed in the process, and walked into the bathroom. He turned on the water to the sink. He let the cold water run over his hands a moment, then filled them and splashed his face several times. He looked into the mirror in front of him and for a split second saw someone else, his brother. Alec reared back and punched the mirror, shattering it into pieces. Glass landed in the sink cutting both hands. He leaned over the sink not even concerned or feeling the cuts on his hands. He had been having the same dream for two weeks now. At first, he had told himself they were nothing more than his subconscious trying to work out his frustrations about her. A week had gone by and he was still having the same dream he began to worry. What worried him were the feelings he had been having from the dream. He enjoyed watching her die; he liked the frightened expression on her face. He pushed himself away from the sink into the living room. He pulled on his coat and headed out the door. He needed air; he needed to get his mind off the dream.
Clutching an iron bar, Alec easily lifted himself up onto the grime-encrusted roof. He anchored his feet down, careful not to lose his balance, and strolled casually toward the edge of the roof, where another figure crouched. He grinned, "Fancy meeting you here." The young woman did not turn around. Undeterred, he walked over until he was behind her. "Ma-ax, why the long face, buddy?" She threw a scowl over her shoulder.
"If you want to stay firmly planted on this roof, keep your mouth shut."
He held up both hands in defense and smiled, "I come in peace." She scoffed. "No really."
"Who sent you looking for me?" she asked.
"No one sent me." He moved beside her, crouching over a particularly dirty spot. Rolling up his sleeves, he used his hands to brush away the dirt.
Max looked over at him disgustedly. "So you came up all by yourself?"
Satisfied with his work, he sat down and threw his arm around her. "Yep, and coincidently you were here."
Max pulled away from his hold and moved over a few inches. Alec watched with a raised brow. "Joey, you wound me."
"If only I could maim you."
"You wish." He smirked.
She sighed in frustration, "Is there a reason you're here?"
Crossing his arms over his knees, he looked downwards. "I'm concerned, you know with you sulking all the time about Logan."
She shook her head in disbelief. She was ready to reply with a snide remark, but one look to the side stopped her. He actually looked hurt. "Look, I'm sorry. I didn't realize …" she paused when she noticed him shaking, "You think this is funny?"
He turned his head towards her and snorted, "Yes." He laughed at her venomous expression. "You fell for that too easily. Where's the edge? Where's the razor sharp wit?"
"I'll show you the edge." She gave him a hard shove in the back. Alec lost his balance and started sliding down the aluminum. Within six feet, he had slowed down enough to grab hold of a twisted piece of metal. With a sour expression, he made his way back up to where she was. Huffed at Max's innocent expression, "You tried to kill me."
"Look who lost his sense of humor," she said darkly. He shrugged, and repositioned himself next to her. She looked at him intently, with an annoyed expression firmly planted on her face. "Has it even occurred to you that I might want to be alone?"
"Ah, but misery loves company."
"I'm not kidding, go away."
He leaned back on his hands, "And who made you queen of the building?"
"I was here first."
"That's a mature argument."
"Leave."
He looked over, "You know, I'm starting to think you mean it."
"Well look who finally got a clue!"
"A clue?" He looked at her incredulously. "How typically hypocritical!"
She flipped her head towards him, "And what's that supposed to mean?"
He shook his head, glancing at the sky, "Maybe you should get a clue." He stopped momentarily, looking for some recognition to dawn on her face, there was none, "Maybe you should stop sulking over someone you can't have and just maybe look-"
"You can't be heading where I think you are," she backed away from him. "Is this another one of your sick jokes?" She looked over for some confirmation, but all she got was his head turned away.
Turning around, he looked into her eyes and his gaze did not waver. "You are supposedly head over heals for a guy and you don't know why."
"Go to hell," she said evenly.
"Oh I can come with a lot of clever quips for that."
She was eerily quiet for a long time; finally, she expelled a long breath. "Why do you care what happens between Logan and I?"
He laughed self depreciatingly, "I have sadistic tendencies."
She looked at him curiously, "What?"
He shook his head in defeat. "He doesn't deserve you."
She immediately grew defensive, "And who do I deserve? Some low life?"
He had an undecipherable expression on his face. He shook his head and stood up. "You're right. I should leave." Alec quietly grasped the iron bar and hoisted himself down, and quickly walked down the stairs. She sat dumbfounded for a minute, wondering what was wrong with him. Seeing him a hundred feet below, brought her to action. She quickly flung herself down the stairs and sprinted to where he was walking. He noticed her presence and looked tense. "You know, Maxie I really don't like dragging this out all night. So why don't you call me later. We can get together and you can bitch at me all you want. Hopefully in one continuous string. It's faster that way."
She ignored his comment. "What did you mean up there?"
His brows knitted in confusion, "What?"
"When you said he didn't deserve me."
He quickened his pace slightly and shrugged. "Nothing, I was just talking." He placed one glance her way to see if she believed him, "You know me; I have a habit of doing that."
"And that's all it was?"
He finally stopped and grasped both her shoulders. "Yes," he said nodding, and even smiling for effect. She did not move. "Now if you will excuse me I have a bar full of women waiting for me." he turned to leave, but an arm shot out and grasped his sleeve.
"What's going on with you?"
"Nothing."
"Don't give me that, something is obviously bothering you, so tell me."
"Nothing is bothering me, not everyone's life sucks, so if you will excuse me," his voice filled with rising anger as he began to leave.
"You can't just leave," she shouted.
"Actually I can."
"Damn it, Alec! For once in your life can you think about someone besides yourself?"
He stopped, "And who am I supposed to think about? You? Lover boy? Your problems? I'm sorry lover boy cheated on you, but what do you want from me?"
"I want to know what's wrong."
"You want to know what's wrong with me? I feel like I'm going crazy," he yelled in her face.
"What's going on Alec?" she asked quietly.
Alec sighed and ran his hand through his hair. She fixed her gaze on him as he sat on the damp park bench. "Every night for the past two weeks, I have dreamt about killing you. I walk into the pool hall looking for you. When I find you I don't walk up to you right away, I just stare. I then make my way slowly to you, reach out and choke you. You die every time and I … I enjoy it."
"Alec, I –"
"I feel like I'm losing my grip, Max," he turned to stare at her. "And I think I like it." He stood and began making his way towards her. "You know what the great thing about dreams are? They can make you do things you never thought possible, make you feel things that are unbelievable. It makes you want to try something exhilarating, like killing someone with your own two hands." He continued to walk until he was in front of her.
"Alec, this isn't funny."
"Who's laughing?" he reached out and grabbed her right arm.
"Alec stop, you don't want to do this." She tried to pull away from him.
"Oh I think I do." He smiled when he saw the fear in her eyes. He let go of her arm when he saw a car approaching. "I'm sorry, Max." He pushed her and turned and smiled as he walked away.
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"Alec… Alec... earth to Alec," Max said, her hands pressed firmly on her hips.
"Huh, what?" Alec asked in confusion.
"Huh, what? I told you I wanted to know what's wrong with you and you dazed out!"
'Sorry"
"What's going on Alec?" she asked quietly.
"Every night for the past two weeks, I have dreamt about killing you. I walk into the pool hall looking for you. When I find you I don't walk up to you right away, I just stare. I then make my way slowly to you, reach out and choke you. You die every time and I … I enjoy it."
Max moved to sit next to him. "You know dreams are a way to get frustrations out. We fight constantly, it's understandable," she explained softly. Alec looked distractedly to the ground. "Alec, you're not going crazy, it's called adjusting. Your life changed dramatically in seconds and now you have to deal with hard bullshit. But you are not alone in this."
"Yeah, I know," he calmly said. He just stared into her eyes and suddenly felt an urge to run. Alec stood abruptly. "Any ways thanks for the lovely heart to heart, but I gotta go."
With that he turned and ran. Alec didn't know why he was running; all he knew was that he had to get away from her. She made him forget about everything. He could not allow himself to be that weak.