Disclaimer:
EVERYTHING IS MINE!
You, them, he and she
But Naruto belongs to
Kishimoto Masashi
I´ve got permission
From dear Irony-chan
She wrote this for Harry Potter
Go read if you´re a fan
This poem´s rather offensive
But it´s not aimed at you
I rarely read Sue stories
I've got better stuff to do
If you do feel offended
Please don´t take it to heart
We´ve all been there at some point
Writing OCs indeed is hard
There already is one for Naruto
So go check it out
It´s written by Madame Mayhem
See what it´s about
For better reading experience
Read in high-pitchted girl´s voice
Or Morgan Freeman´s
Or Batman´s. Your choice
Without further ado
I proudly present:
The longest MSA out there
Read to your heart´s content
A is for Akane
With Kakashi she´s dating
The author clearly enjoys writing this
But everyone else is hating
The fangirls are jealous
The fanboys don´t care
It has barely any reviews
The spelling is a nightmare
Both equally mysterious
But he wins when they fight
Meaning he is a bit stronger
So that she´s not a Sue, right?
Her skin and hair are so pale
She might as well be an elf
It gets even worse when you realize...
He´s an adult and she´s twelve
Just one question remains:
The hell is this crap?
Rather than read another chapter
I´d shit in my hands and clap
B is for Bianka,
Has IQ way OVER 9000!
Beats Shikamaru at shogi
He becomes her husband
Too bad that the author
Isn´t nearly as witty
So if Bianka is a genius
Other´s IQ must be shitty
They come to her often
To solve every mystery
No matter how infantile
Common sense is history
She outwits, like, everyone
But she´d never brag
She doesn´t like attention
That is such a drag
C is for Chiroko
She isn´t a Sue
Just cause the author said so
Doesn´t mean it´s true
She does have flaws
A phobia of snakes
She loses some battles
And mentally breaks
But if she wins
In awe everyone stares
And if she gets hurt
Everyone suddenly cares
´Wow, she´s so strong!´
´How can she still stand?´
´I wish I could be like her...´
´How did she fend off the sand?
That´s what everyone thinks
´She really is the best!´
This isn´t balanced, author!
Try the Mary Sue test!
D is for Darka,
She´s a Villain-Sue
Joined the Akatsuki
When she was, like, two
She´s silent and mysterious
And Pein´s right hand
(Just where had Konan gone to?)
Known throughout the land
She´s in a team with Itachi
The two make quite the pair
They´re both spies for Konoha
Know what´s real despair
Everyone admires her power
Both bad and good guys
They don´t know her internal struggle
In the final battle she dies
Wipes out all of the Akatsuki
And with her dying breath
She also defeats Madara
Like a boss even in death
Is worshiped and mourned
With her loyalties revealed
Except she faked her death
And lives somewhere concealed
E is for Erenoa,
Her hair falls to her knees
Slightly curly and turqoise-lilac
Swaying gently in the breeze
Eyes the colour of amethysts
With just a tinge of gold
They stare deep into your soul
So friendly yet so cold
Lips are pink like roses
Legs are long and lean
Breasts are just the right size
Skin is pale and clean
Hands are small and tender
Her smile melts the coldest hearts
Usually dresses in sky blue
Curvy in the correct parts
Hold on there author
We get it, she´s hot
But this is all description
And little to no plot
F is for Fumiko
And she is quite strong
More like ridiculously overpowered
But don´t take the author wrong
It´s a mixture of training
And her natural talent
She trained under no-one less
Than Jiraiya the Gallant
Now she´s the Mizu-Rai-Tsuchi-Kaze-Hokage
Sage Mode under her thumb
At least two different Kekkei Toutas
If you fight her you´re dumb
She saves the day again
And everyone goes hoorah
Compared to her Madara is
Like Part 1 Sakura
G is for Geiko
Of the Kurogetsu clan
The last member alive
Helping where she can
She has special Kekkei Genkai
That can revive the dead
But this power is quite taxing
Or so it´s been said
No, it won´t take her life
That would be kinda ´lame´
She just faints from exhaustion
And does it once again
Who cares about civils dying
They´re not important for the plot
But OMG! MY BAE DIED,
I MUST GIVE IT ALL I´VE GOT!
Suddenly characters get killed
Much more than in the canon,
Just for Geiko to display her powers
Oh author. Come the fuck on!
h is for harumi
shs an OC of mine
i wantd to writ a story wit her
snce I ws lke 9
i just sw narto
its so friggn kool
i want to wrte my own vrsion
when im board at scool
dis is my frst fic
so pls dnt give me flames
nd i wil call fings
by deir japans names
engllish isnt my frst lang
my grmmars kinda bad
pls be gentl wit ur revws
Nope, I ain´t reading that
I is for Izue,
A Sue to the core
And suddenly Team 7
Counts five instead of four
A new girl in Konoha
Dunno where she´s from
Was it Kumo? Or Kiri?
That´s apparently the norm
About the reason behind it
I am not too sure…
But it won´t be plausible
That much I can assure
All missions are cakewalk
With Izue on the team
Is it because failing missions
Would be too mainstream?
She fights and she trains
To protect her peers
Working her ass off
Failure she fears
The author can stick,
This fic up her arse
From me it surely wouldn´t
Receive any R&Rs
J is for Juuko
She´s perfectly average
Not the best, not dead last
With barely any cleavage
Doesn´t stand out in any way
Didn´t fail all her classes
Didn´t pass Academy at five
Just flowing with the masses
The author is well aware
That standing out is a Sue trait
But little does she realize
That the opposite isn´t so great
Nothing ever happens
To put Juuko in the spotlight
She could win the prize for
The Most Boring OC alright
K is for Katana
But that´s not her real name
She was trained as ROOT member
A puppet in Danzo´s game
Added on Team 7
To act as a spy
She doesn´t have emotions
And her social skills... Oh my
Later she saves everyone
And gets her priorities straight
Comrades above the mission
That goes without debate
Danzo isn´t pleased
That´s needles to say
But she stands up for herself
And he lets her go her way
She doesn´t really care
That her rank is all in tatters
Because in the end
It´s friendship that matters
This story might be good
But we have to wait till June
Cause this story is updated
Once in a blue moon
L is for L
Strongest Soul Reaper out there
Fellow Pokemon by her side
And a Dragon Slayer, I swear
Set out to find the One Piece
And also the Dragon Ball
The Titans ate her family
All is One, One is All
She trained under Batman
So she could defeat the Sith Lord
Belongs in the Gryffindor house
Wields the Elucidator sword
Is this a mega crossover?
It is just so random
This fanfic is everything
Except the correct fandom
M is for Mary
The author´s self-insert
Clearly just a wish-fulfillment
Caution! OOC alert!
One day she appeared
In the Narutoverse
Of course she knows what happens
But wait, it gets worse
She´s some long lost princess
Of some never-heard-of clan
Put into our world as a baby
As a part of some plan
Everything revolves around her
As with everyone´s help
They try to uncover some conspiracy
While she just angsts and yelps
She awakens some powers
And saves the day a lot
But it´s all for the attention
At the expense of the plot
The author seems to forget
That with her physique
If she appeared in the Naruto world
She´d be dead within a week
N is for Narumi
The Fourth Hokage´s kid
Sealed Yin Kurama in her
It´s power in half is split
With Yang Kurama in Naruto,
Beware of their pranks
They´re trying to make other laugh,
But nobody says thanks
Instead they are hunted
Crucified, stoned, yelled at
Ostracized and poisoned
Burned down is their flat
They only have each other
Its´s just her and him
What are they gonna doooooo?
Their future is dim
After all their hardships
They find the friends they sought
But we won´t be there to enjoy the ending
Cause the story´s left to rot
O is for Orime
The heiress to a clan
The rookie of the year
Craved by all the men
Yet impossibly modest
Just blushes when praised
"I couldn´t have done it without you"
She says honestly fazed
Has wavy hair and flawless skin
Konoha´s greatest hero
Is best friends with everyone
Number of screw-ups: 0
It´s not her fault she´s perfect
She didn´t ask for this
But you won´t hear her deny
That this life is a bliss
P is for Puma
Throwing witty snarks around
Like there´s no tomorrow
For that she´s renowned
Despite her snide attitude
She´s fawned over and admired
For the gals she´s inspiring
By the guys she´s desired
And should the bad guy be winning
She´ll drive him insane
By those smart-ass comments of hers
Every villain´s bane
And should she be captured
She´ll taunt her way out
By turning her tormentors against each other
And escaping their hideout
The author thinks she´s clever
Well, surely more than you
But she stopped writing this
Cause of one honest review
Q is for Qimiko Seigi Tenshi Junsei Chikara Senju-Uchiha
It said crackfic on the lid
The plot was funny for a while
But that´s about it
Claimed to be a Parody Sue
Master of every nature
Worshiped by everyone
Beautiful, smart and mature
Wait! It was meant to be like this
She´s supposed to be perfect
It´s a joke, don´t you get it?
No, that is not correct
The crack label is an excuse
To write a Full-Fledged Sue
While deflecting the flames by ´humor´
Too good to be true
R is for Ryoko
Dragon is her code name
She´s an ANBU member
Mastered wind and flame
She is all dragon themed
Ryoko means dragon too
She can also summon them
Eyes are red, hair´s blue
Her uniform is different
She wears skirts instead of pants
Carries her trusty Dragon blade
And uses the Dragon stance
She became an ANBU
At the age of ten
If Itachi could make it
Why couldn´t she then?
You don´t need to read
To know where this will go
Don´t abandon your comrades
That´s her status quo
S is for Sasara.
Sasuke´s twin sister
(Just how many twins does he have?)
No-one can resist her
She survived the massacre
Wow, much surprise
Her life is one big angst-fest
Has no interest in guys
Protective of her brother
Since she´s two minutes older
Want to carry out revenge together
He cries on her shoulder
Just where is this going?
No-one gives a shit
Just who gets the Curse Mark?
Exactly. You guessed it
T is for Taiyōtsukihoshi
But call her just Tayuu
Parents named her weirdly
Her full name is taboo!
Comes from civilian family
I guess she´s pretty average
But under cheery impression
Hides emotional baggage
Normal on the outside
But monster deep inside
A product of banned experiments
Horrid power within her resides
Yet she swore she will never
Use that evil power
Just how long will that promise last?
Till the darkest hour
When her might is unleashed
Everyone is shocked
But then cover her with praise
Cause that power rocked
U is for Ume
A tomboy to the heart
Short cropped hair and baggy clothes
Not good grades but street-smart
Always underestimated
Just because she´s a lass
But she will quickly prove to you
That she hides an inner badass
The reviews come from the feminists
Who openly are cheering
For this strong independent woman
Whom men are justly fearing
Sasuke is interested
Because she´s not his fan
But should he ask her out-
"No" She will deadpan
The author claims that
This one´s best of her fics
And hopes it will show
All the misogynous pigs
V is for Vivian
So gentle and kind
"I made onigiri for you,
I hope you don´t mind"
She´s so shy and caring
Hinata´s best friend.
The two would protect each other
Up to the bitter end
Has long mint green hair
With eyes sparkling like a gem
Also can speak with animals
Cares deeply about them
That´s why she´s a veggie
And she will point it out
All conversion attempts will be met
With refusal and cute pout
Clueless about romance
The author is the same
I guess that the lack of men
In her own life is to blame
W is for Wen
And with her ample chest
She´s ensnaring the boys
Her breasts are the best!
Before her eye candies
The males can´t avert their gaze
Drool when she´s talking to them
With their minds in haze
Cups them together and says
"It´s not my fault they´re THIS big...
HEY, STOP STARING YOUR PERV,
YOU ARE SUCH A PIG!"
Doesn´t have any female friends
They say that she´s a harlot
(I suppose they´re right)
With her lingerie of scarlet
And should someone be eying
Her miniskirt´s hem
I suppose that´s why
The story´s rated M
X is for Xiu-Mei
But- The name´s not Japanese-
Tsk. Don´t like, don´t read
I´ll use it if I please
Hai, nani, baka and gomen
Replaced the English speech
But the grammar overall
Is making the readers screech
The plot is no better
So boring, so plain
Seems like the author´s work
Had been all in vain
The plotpoints exist only
For Xiu to show off
But hey, it has reviews
*Cough* The author wrote them *cough*
Y is for You
Oh yes, You, who´re reading
Written in second person
We all know where this is leading
The clichest cliche ever
You´re shy, he is caring
It isn´t about the plot
But all about the pairing
Paired with a canon character
Plus points if he´s hot
You or him are hurt
More often than not
Your eyes met his
A blush crept upon your face
His warm smile melted your heart
You spent a night at his place
The romance is too much
Love is in the air
I just feel like retching
Gallows to the Canon x Reader pair
Z is for Zatanna
She keeps kicking ass
With her magical powers
The Moon magic no less
Telepathy and prescience
Are her greatest skills
But when unleashed she destroys
Rivers, valleys and hills
Is it some sort of Kekkei Genkai?
Or is it just plain wrong?
Nah, she´s a normal ninja
She is just this strong!
All evil is obliterated
By her magical wand
But should you criticize it
I warn you – please don´t
The 9 year old author
Will go on the offensive
Ain´t nobody got time for
A rant this extensive
I have a dream. I have a dream that one day, my Mary Sue Alphabet will get at least 5% of reviews Irony-chan got.
From every fan out there, let reviews ring!
Let reviews ring from those who were looking for a good laugh!
Let reviews ring from those who are just bored!
Let reviews ring from those who saw their Sues in this!
Let reviews ring from those who didn´t!
Let reviews ring from those I unintentionally ripped off!
Let reviews ring from those who are being supportive by reviewing everything!
Let reviews ring from those who were thinking of making an OC but then saw her here!
Let reviews ring from those who think that this is a really cheap way of asking for reviews!
Let reviews ring from those who simply think this is amazing!
From every fan out there, let reviews ring!
With hard work and love,
Your Mary (Sue) Allen