Home Alone
Summary: What does Jarvis do when no one is home?
"Alright Jay! We'll be back within the hour!" Tony called, walking out the door.
"I hope for your safe return," Jarvis replied promptly.
The door closed with a click and all was silent. Not twenty minutes after their departure, there was a sound, coming from the ducts.
If Jarvis could, he's sigh; great, paparazzi again.
*Initiate Home Alone*
All of the air vents sealed shut and Jarvis turned on the fans on setting way beyond average. All that could be heard was the fans and then three district girlish screams. The screams ended as the girls were tossed outside.
"I wonder what they'll do next," Jarvis said idly, after all, fangirls never quit.
In that moment, a 'man' with a 'mustache' walked in with a box in the lobby.
How subtle.
The 'man' cleared his throat. "Uh… Special delivery?" 'he' said.
"Just a moment," Jarvis said with a pre-recoding of Tony's voice.
The man squealed and jumped up and down while Jarvis silently sent out 'Tony'.
"Gr…"
The man stopped with fear in her eyes. "Uh… Nice doggy," she cautioned, backing slowly.
Tony the Doberman didn't agree and barked loudly in warning. The girl screamed, running away while Tony ran after. As soon as she was outside, Tony became docile and looked to the front desk expectedly. A dog door opened and launched a tennis ball. Tony caught it and happily returned to his cage.
"Thank you Tony," Jarvis called cheekily.
The tower was silent again when Jarvis 'felt' something on 'him'. Jarvis silently sent out his sensors until he come across a man climbing on the glass with suction cups wearing a Spiderman mask.
"Not again," Jarvis said; a sigh in his tone.
"Excuse me sir," Jarvis said with the intercom.
The enthusiast started but instantly righted.
"Yo," he replied, his attention on the strange voice but still climbing.
"May I ask what you are trying to accomplish?" Jarvis asked politely.
"Spiderman bro!" the crazy man shouted. "Rumor has it he makes his web here!"
If Jarvis could, he would facepalm. "I'm afraid the 'Spiderman' loves in New York, New York."
The guy stopped, clearly no comprehending.
"You're in Manhattan."
"Oh."
That was all he said before the building scrapped him off the windows like gum on a show. They guy screamed as he fell before grunted as he landed in a net. Instantly, he was shot down a chute, his screams of adrenaline all that was left of him.
'Spiderman indeed,' Jarvis huffed.
Suddenly, the Tony's personal phone rang. Without haste, Jarvis answered politely.
"Stark Industries. May I be of services to you?"
*Yes, Where is Ms. Potts?"a gruff voice answered.
Jarvis would roll his eyes if he could. "Mr. Barstone, Mrs. Stark is at a business trip in Ankara, Turkey."
"What's her number?"
"Mrs. Stark has asked you not to call her Mr. Barstone."
A silent alarm went off in Jarvis's processor, the basement floor where the arch reactor and archives were.
*What are you? Her bodyguard?!*
"No I am her butler."
With that Jarvis ended the call and instantly blocked the number while sending out his sensors for the disturbance. The cameras turned on, revealing two security guards being taken down with gas cartridges. Jarvis sent out a page.
'Guards, we have a breach at the brain, two cells down, unknown invaders on board. Send down the white blood cells.'
~Cerebro, the heart and his organs are returning as we speak.~
Jarvis silently sent a ping to Tony, a message stating the opening of a shawarma bar close to the car dealer ship he liked. He received a 'thanks J-man' and the GPS signal changed significantly.
"Stalled."
Jarvis silently watched as four men in black armed to the teeth inched through the room towards the obvious file cabinets.
"Amateurs," Jarvis noted.
"Prepare the cabins," he ordered.
~Sir.~
Silently, the first hunter opened a cabinet; instantly, he was shot back as he was hit in the face by a smoke canister.
"On guard!" their leader shouted as they put face mask on.
"On guard indeed," Jarvis spoke with a smirk in his tone.
"Who's there?!" the leader demanded. "Is this Stark?!"
"Mr. Stark is not home at the moment," Jarvis replied, "I am J.A.R.V.I.S. Mr. Stark's AI, butler, and house guardian. You have three minutes to leave before you are terminated."
Three guns sprang from the wall; whirring with power as the bullets set themselves. The men jumped in slight fear.
The leader turned to his still conscious man. "Get the info, I'll get rid of this," he said, lifting his gun.
Man2 ran to the reactor, thumb drive in hand, while his leader covered him. Leader shot at the machine guns.
"Move in," Jarvis ordered.
From a secret door, three men, Tony's men, walked in quickly and quietly, stun guns in their hands. One man left them, taking the unconscious invader away and into a secret compartment. Man2 grunt as he was suddenly tasered; once down he too was dragged away.
While this was all happening, the last SWAT member snuck up on the leader who was firing away at Jarvis's gun. Without hesitation, SWAT disarmed the leader and stuck his neck; knocking him unconscious.
"Thanks boy," Jarvis said.
"Any time Cerebro," the leader replied waving.
As they left, truck and villain in all, Tony returned to the tower, Avengers in tow. Tony walked in.
"Lucy I'm home!" he called.
"Welcome home Mr. Stark. Did you enjoy dinner?" Jarvis asked calmly.
Tony grinned. "Oh yeah, and thanks for the tip. Anything happen while I was gone?" he asked.
Jarvis smirked secretly. "No sir, it was quite boring."
End.
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In case you don't know: Cerebo: brain, Jarvis, Heart – Tony, his organs (cause he can't function without them) – Avengers, White Blood Cells – Tony's Swat.