Summary: Secrets and lies have always been part of his life, and she has made a living out of exposing them. What happens when she discovers more than she´s bargained for and when he learns everything he though he knew was a lie? Sometimes a life-death decision can rise up questions and provide you with answers you aren´t prepared for.
Author: Lexie
Rating: PG-13/15
Spoilers: Everything up to Fracture is up for grabs.
A/N 1: I had already written the first half of this story when RL forced me to put it on hiatus last July. By the time I could get back to it, I had started beta-ing dagney´s "Dragon´s Lair", and I seriously considered putting this to freeze in case someone thought I had picked on Sherry´s brain- you see both fics start where Fracture left off. Then I thought it would be foolish not to finish it because I had written the Fracture-sort-of-inspired half of the story before dagney even started brain-storming hers and, what´s more, I had planned my story to go in a completely different direction, so I sat down and wrote the rest.
This first posting will be somewhat long for my usual standards. Why longer, you ask? I´ll be in the mountains for a fortnight and I won´t be able to update it until I get back home, so I thought I´d better give you some Chlex in today´s instalment. I don´t have a laptop to carry along, but I´ll do my best to stop by a cyber café to read your feedback.
Enough said. Let´s go straight to the story, now.
A/N 2: The sequence of events in this story may not necessarily follow the timeline of the show. I´ve manipulated certain events from the show- including their time frame– to suit my own creative purposes.
Disclaimer: all Superman and Smallville characters belong to DC Comics and Gough & Millar. No infringement's intended.
SECRETS AND LIES
CHAPTER 1: REBIRTH
It was drizzling steadily in the streets of Smallville- nothing like the heavy rain that had soaked him wet in Detroit when he went looking for Clark´s amnesiac cousin, but annoying just the same. On the distant horizon lightning illuminated the skies and the storm that looked benign in the misleadingly quiet rural town turned suddenly ominous- a raging thunderstorm hidden behind a calm exterior, a reflection of the young man´s soul.
A couple of hours ago he had come out of a deep coma, surprising the medical staff on duty at Smallville Medical Center. He had come round amidst a blinding light and, for a few confusing moments, he had thought he was there, where his tainted soul should have been denied instant access. It had looked and felt like Heaven, only he knew it couldn´t be true. If he had finally crossed to the other side, it wouldn´t have been Heaven, not after the path he had taken. Still... something had happened, something which had shaken his very core and brought out feelings and cravings his darker half wanted dead and buried.
Divested now of the hospital garb, which he had come to hate after spending three-quarters of his life in health care centres- either as a patient or as an unwilling visitor- Lex Luthor stood looking out of a window in a pair of perfectly-pressed black trousers and a half-buttoned blue dress shirt.
Almost two years before he had come out of a similar comatose state a new man- wiser, crueller and more determined than ever to secure the one thing he had craved all his life and been denied. He had taken the path his mother had warned him against, convinced there was no other choice to find happiness; if there´d ever be something akin to happiness in a Luthor´s life.
He had cheated. He had lied. He had manipulated and plotted to get what had been so cruelly taken away from him when Lillian had died, leaving him to the tender mercies of a father in whose eyes Lex´d never be enough. The poor rich boy wanted, needed, to be loved with such despair that it made his darker half sneer at Alexander. The innocent boy still survived in the deep recesses of the billionaire´s soul, despite his father´s and the world´s attempts to smother him once and for all. It seemed Lex himself had joined the enemy´s ranks of late, fighting tooth and nail to crush every vestige of the weak wide-eyed boy who had made it impossible for him to earn Lionel´s approval. Little Alexander had only brought pain and disillusion to Lex, and holding onto him had been an act of rebelliousness, a last attempt to save what had been doomed from its seed.
For months Lex had been able to silence the voice that kept intruding into his thoughts, telling himself he had listened to it long enough, only to be betrayed by those closest to him and to be doubted every step of the way because he had had the misfortune to have been born a Luthor and not a salt-of-the-earth mild-mannered boy like Clark Kent. It didn´t matter that the young farm boy made mistakes or hurt those around him with his secrecy, the world was ready to forgive Jonathan Kent´s adoptive son; Lex was certain everyone would embrace the boy if he were to reveal the secret he´d been hiding for years. However, Lionel Luthor´s son would never be given that chance. He had been branded at birth. He´d be forever evil in everyone´s eyes and, because of that, never entitled to have a secret or make a wrong decision. Unlike Clark, Lex had been born with a silver spoon in his mouth but had had to fight all his life to beg for everything that the farm boy took for granted.
Being in a coma had been an illuminating experience and coming out of it had brought to the surface old insecurities and stripped Lex´s soul bare. The mask he´d been wearing those past months, the armour he´d decided to put on ever since the Christmas he had refused to renounce his dream of a seat at the Senate was no longer in place. Something had happened while he was dormant and fighting for his life in that hospital bed, something that had made him see the light at the end of the tunnel- only it wasn´t the door to the afterlife but to another chance here on earth.
Lex had already lost count of how many times his life had been spared and of how many second chances he had been given by either God or Providence. Two of these chances were deeply imprinted on his mind for on both occasions he´d been saved from drowning by a Kent- Clark and Kara, two cousins who had come to plague the billionaire´s waking hours. The enigma behind his former friend had obsessed Lex for years on end and the arrival of the angelic blonde-haired cousin, who had rescued him from certain death, had revived and stoke that sickly fixation to unravel the mystery behind Clark Kent. It was because of Kara Kent and his obsession with the farm boy that Lex had got a bullet in his head. That his life had been spared for the umpteenth time was a miracle he couldn´t fathom; it made him wonder why God had decided once again that his life was worth-saving.
Looking out of the window of his hospital room Lex saw, reflected on the pane, the face of the one woman who had ever loved him in spite of whom he was. "Mum?" he asked with glassy eyes. "What...? Why are you.. .? I thought I´d never see you... again," he mumbled, his voice charged with emotion.
"Hush, Alex, " the ethereal figure cut him off. " You should have listened to me last time, but I´m not the one to cast the first stone, Alex. Everyone makes mistakes; it doesn´t mean you aren´t deserving. I wanted so much for you to have what I had in my grasp and let slip away. It´s said that parents always know better, but it isn´t always so. I should have been stronger... I should have never... I should have protected you and told him the truth before it was too late. Things would have been so different if I had... if he had, at least, known. But I was scared... "
"What are you talking about? What is it that dad should have known?" he frowned.
"You mustn´t let Lionel win, Alex. If you do, all this suffering and pain will have been for nothing. You can do it. You can beat him because my baby´s still here, " she murmured with a soft smile, touching his chest where his heart was. "My little, beloved Alexander´s still here. And he´s fighting to survive, and I just had to give him the chance before it was too late. "
"Was it you, then? " he asked with a puzzled frown.
"It was you, Lex, " she responded warmly. "You knew you´d made a mistake not listening to me that Christmas. I thought I´d lost you, too, " she told him, cupping his face with a delicate hand. "You called for help. "
"The light? Was it you, then? " he frowned.
"Stop trying to intellectualise everything, Lex. Just feel. "
"Feeling´s what brought me here, mum, " he said in anguish. " Feelings have brought me nothing but pain."
"Alex, " she turned his face towards her, "don´t do that. Don´t close yourself up again. If this is to work, you can´t fight it or, else, it´s the final goodbye for both of us. "
"But the light... I felt something... someone... if it wasn´t you, then ... who?" he said agitated.
"Don´t try to look for all the answers, Alex; don´t try to go down that dangerous path again. The answers´ll come to you when the time is right. You´ve shown her, Alex; she knows the reason now."
"What are you saying, mum? Who is she? Why are you talking in riddles?" asked Lex frustrated.
"Listen to your heart, " she soothed him, taking his hand in hers and placing them on his beating chest. "I wish I could tell you everything now, but ... it isn´t safe yet. "
"Safe for whom?"
"Things are already in motion. You´ve just got to trust me, Alex. I promise you this time it´ll be different. "
"How can you be so sure?"
"Because you´re not alone this time. You need to have faith, Alex. I know Lionel´s done his best to try to kill that in you, but you have to make a leap of faith. There´s a reason for your survival, and all the answers you´ve been waiting for so long will be given. I just hope you´ll find it in your heart to forgive me. I love you, Alex; you´ve always been loved, " she leant forward and pressed a kiss on his cheek.
"Mum?" choked Lex when he saw Lillian´s ghost vanish.
" Lex, son, " Lionel´s voice intruded on the scene, putting a hand on the young man´s shoulder. "Shouldn´t you be in bed? You´ve just come out of a coma. "
"And you wouldn´t happen to know anything about my recovery, would you? "said the patrician heir, turning around to meet Lionel´s eyes.
"I´m a Luthor, but even I am not that powerful, " came Lionel´s answer.
"Did you know that people in a coma can hear everything that´s said around them?" asked Lex tersely. "You wanted to play God with my life, dad, use one of LuthorCorp´s experimental projects I cancelled in view of its tragic results. Well, did you?"
"You´ve been through a traumatic experience, Lex. Whatever you think you heard was just your mind playing tricks, "responded the older man gravely.
" Oh, I know what I heard and, believe me, I´m not insane, " said the young billionaire, shaking his head. "But, you know what? It´s irrelevant now. I´ve been given another chance. This is my last opportunity to get away from under your shadow; and I´m not going to waste it trying to understand what´s going through your sick mind. I´m done playing your twisted games. I just want you to get out of my life. Besides, wasn´t you who said you no longer had a son?" responded Lex, his body coiled up in tension.
"Lex, " said reproachfully. "You´ll always be my son, no matter our differences. I know I should have told you this before... " he continued, grabbing Lex´s forearms and holding his gaze. " I lo... "
"Oh, spare me, dad! " exclaimed the young tycoon, shaking his father´s hands off. "You don´t know what love is. "
"I know I´ve failed you, son. I´ve misjudged you for many years. If I had known... "
"Don´t try to play that card on me. You could never stand to see me happy... "
"You know, Lex, if you weren´t so obsessed with the past and trying to find out answers for everything, you would appreciate what you have. Lex, Lex, why can´t you see everything I´ve ever done..."
"...was to show me how much you hate that I am alive while he is dead? " finished Lex, stretching an arm to grab his long winter overcoat.
"Are you trying to blame me for every morally-questionable decision you´ve taken in recent times?"
"Morally-questionable decisions? The pot calling the kettle black, " smiled Lex ironically.
"Are you blaming me for your current predicament, son? It wasn´t me who sent you to Detroit to chase that new obsession of yours. What´s her name? Kaila? Kiera? " frowned Lionel.
"Come on, dad, don´t play dumb. You know who she is. You´ve been spending more time on that farm than in your office at LuthorCorp, " chuckled Lex as he did up his Armani overcoat.
"And tell me, Lex, what is that you want with that farm girl?"
"I could ask you the very same question. A leopard never changes its spots. You´ve got something up your sleeve; I can tell. I still don´t understand how a boy raised by Jonathan Kent can so readily open you the doors of his house. I honestly hope he knows what he´s doing, " he responded putting on his designer tainted glasses.
"Clark Kent´s an extraordinary young man, " said Lionel, cocking an eyebrow.
"He certainly is, but he´s extremely naïve- something you and I have never been."
"Naïveté is a very refreshing character trait. Your mother had it in spades," Luthor Sr. replied with an ironical tone in his voice. "Have you talked with her lately, Lex? " he added, looking at his son´s back as Lex started to leave the room.
Lex clenched his fists deep in the pockets, wondering how long Lionel had been standing at the doorway before making his presence known. Lillian´s apparition had been too transcendental a moment to be soiled or dissected by the man who had made her life a living hell and who had done his worst to crush whatever redeeming quality Lillian had seen in her son.
"Goodbye, dad. Seek someone else´s life to destroy, " finished the young tycoon as he left the room without dignifying the elder man with an answer.
As he marched down the corridor Lex felt the pricking of tears behind his eyelids and fought against the impotence that overtook him. He hated the man, hated him but, at the same time, hopelessly wished to gain his approval and, in doing so, he had chosen the path which was leading him straight to the destiny he had sworn to avoid- becoming his father.
Lex clenched his fists and took a deep breath as he approached the exit of the small town´s hospital. `Don´t give up, Alexander. I´ll be there, remember?´ said a voice in his head. "Mum?" he whispered.
He´d thought he´d never see her again after he refused to accept what she had shown him two Christmases ago. This time, he told himself, he´d pay heed because, if she was right, the blinding light that had surrounded him and the warmth that had enveloped his heart when he was brought back to life were waiting to find him. Lex knew it´d be a hard struggle to curve his own inquisitive nature- his thirst to have all the answers. However, if being blind for a while was the price to pay to have, at least, a small taste of what he´d foolishly thought he could have with Lana, it´d be more than worth it.