Author's Note: Hey guys! This is my first Castle fanfic….it will have more chapters along the way and get lighter! Just hang in there and please leave some comments! Thanks!
Chapter 1: Dark Reflections
New Year's Eve in New York City.
Biggest party in the world.
The city practically vibrates with the sincere, if fleeting, hopes and dreams of the millions gathered in Times Square. This year will be different, better!
Across town, Richard Castle slips quietly into his dark office, leaving the door slightly ajar as he moves to the middle of the room. He pauses briefly, closing his eyes and taking a deep, calming breath. As his mind slows, the ruggedly handsome writer takes time to glance over the family photos, memorabilia, and toys cluttering the custom shelves while wandering towards the large windows displaying one of his most favorite views of the city. Rick smiles to himself at the mementos of his well-lived life. Lately though, the playboy version of himself seems like a far off memory, not that the change was unwelcome. Laughter floats in on the soft hum of music from the living room as his famous New Year's Eve bash marches on, pulling him back to reality for a moment. Once upon a time, the people in his loft on this night were book agents, A-list celebrities, groupies…any number of individuals who found more worth in Richard Castle the famous author, than Richard Castle the man. While that made for an excellent evening of ego-boosting action, Rick needed something more from life. He still loves the freedom that fame and money gives him to pursue his passion but things change. People grow up, though in his case, not too fast or much. Three years ago, he found that something more in Kate Beckett and his friends at the 12th precinct. Tonight, his loft rings with their joyful partying along with his family: a completely different experience that never leaves him with that sharp empty longing the next morning.
With all that he holds dear ringing in the New Year by his side, why does he seek this moment of solace? Sometimes, even the trouble-loving Richard Castle needs a break from the enthralling world of Katherine Beckett to reflect on where following the macabre has led him. He leans against the window frame and sighs heavily. Too lost in his thoughts, the condensation from his scotch on the rocks drips quietly from his fingers onto the small area of uncovered wood floor beneath the windows. His eyes flash to the screen mounted behind his desk. Though it was turned off, Rick could see the twisted spider web of Beckett's case in his mind, with her face looking back at him from the middle. The details plagued his thoughts daily, and nightly.
"Thank God this year is over." He whispers quietly to himself, though he knows their troubles are far from over. He hears her rare laugh sounds from the other room and smirks. Tonight, happiness graced her features and for most people, it seems entirely genuine; but he can see the guarded nature of her emotions, always balancing on the edge of the rabbit hole. He hurts for her. Kate was like a dim torch flame battling an arctic wind. The light he loves so much flares brightly in moments of clarity and calm winds like tonight, then whip and sputter violently in the frigid current, growing so dim at times he feared she would be lost forever. She almost was you fool, he thought bitterly. If he is to be honest with himself, he misses some of the more carefree worries of his younger life, but he didn't have Kate then. He will never go back as long as she lets him be in her orbit, caring for her, protecting her. The dark emotions, so often at the forefront of his mind since nearly losing Kate to a still unknown sniper, overwhelm his senses and crowd out the soft squeak of the office door swinging open.
Rick hadn't felt her eyes on him the last few minutes as she watched him silently through the crack of the door. She walks slowly toward him; the area rug muffles the sound of her heels. He feels a small touch somewhere in the vicinity of his elbow, surprising him mildly. He turns expecting to see the sweet face of his daughter, but falters slightly when he locks eyes with the incredible Kate Beckett, the love of his life.
"Kate! Hi…" His voice echoes the tone, dripping with ever tender, unspoken emotion, from just a few weeks ago when he woke up in a strange place to find her lying next to him. She ducks her eyes quickly then flashes that adorable, suspicious smile, the one she so often wears when Castle is chasing down his latest crazy theory.
"You ok? It's almost midnight…I've been looking for you." She says shyly, looking up at him through long lashes. His heart skips along more quickly at the suggestion. Her relatively recent boldness still catches him off guard.
"I'll be out in a minute. Just hiding from Esposito. He keeps asking to kiss me at midnight." She chuckles lightly at his lame attempt at a joke before fixing him with a knowing glare.
"You know I'm a detective right? I know you well enough Castle to tell when you are lying." Kate grabs the forgotten glass from his hand and takes a swig of his top shelf scotch. Her nose wrinkles.
"Your ice has melted, Castle. You must be really distracted to let that go to waste!" She jabs at him as she sits in her desk chair, kicks off her shoes and swings her feet up on the corner of his desk.
"Oh, funny Detective!" His laugh rumbles deep and he gives her a real smile, while he takes in the lithe form of his favorite detective draped so seductively in front of him. Does she know how hot she looks right now? He longs to run his hand along those toned legs before sweeping her up into his embrace, but he controls his desire. He impresses himself with the level of control he has acquired over his baser urges since meeting her. She is worth so much more than a one night stand. He used to be the one making all the suggestive jokes, winding innuendo into practically every conversation. Since their talk on the swings the day she asked him back, Rick has let Kate lead.
"Why are you hiding, Rick? It's New Year's Eve! After the year, we've had I would expect you to be the one celebrating the hardest out there. Oh…you aren't in here peeping on your neighbors getting romantic are you? Because that is just gross….and I would have to arrest you." She quipped smartly. Sighing, he leans on the end of his desk near her feet and stares straight at her.
"If you must know, Kate, I was thinking about you." She ducks her head self-consciously and brings a hand to her face but not before he catches the small smile and deep blush creep onto her cheeks. "About everything we have been through….together." He presses as he searches her face.
"It's in the past right? We survived. We'll get the bad guys in time, like we always do. What more is there to think about?" She states more confidently than she feels, trying to hide the fact that she still has trouble sleeping after the events of the last few months. She rises from behind the desk and walks toward him. "Can we just enjoy the night and start over tomorrow?" He rolls his eyes a little, sensing her bluff. Before he can say anything, her fingers are laced with his and he turns to face her. Kate's eyes flash over his face, taking in every familiar detail. How many times have we been here? She thinks. If you want to change Kate, now is the time! She releases his hand, steps back, and looks at her watch. Only two minutes until midnight. So little time, so much to say!
"Are you in a hurry?" Rick worries that they have once again crossed her imaginary line with so little said. He just waits for her to run. She smiles shyly and shakes her head no. He glances at the wall clock and sees just a minute and a half left before the New Year begins. Rick takes a chance and leans toward her, placing a hand on her hip. He senses Kate doing the same and his heart nearly stops. Time creeps almost painfully by, just an inch, a centimeter, a breath apart….
"Hey! You guys joining the party or what? Oh….sorry…" They fly apart and turn to the door, Esposito stands in the doorway, mouth hanging open.
Shit…. Kate panics.