Authors Note: Everyone always makes Rainbow Dash be the one rejected if anybody gets rejected. I felt bad, so this happened. xD Also, I missed writing. ^^; So here. Reviews and constructive criticism are love :DD
And I really want to rant here a bit. ._. But do you know what I hate? I'll be reading this amazing fanfic with awesome characterization and a pretty well developed world and I'll see it barely got any reviews at all. And next to it, there'll be something that isn't necessarily bad, but it isn't a masterpiece either and it got ten million reviews. Just, what the hell?
Damn, I sound like a bitch ._. Sorry. xD /end rant
Also, I have NO idea how to type like Applejack. ._. Sorry. And I kind of suck at keeping one tense. DDD;
Disclaimer: Well, what the hell do you think?
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Applejack thinks about running away, far away, to a field of swaying sunflowers and hummingbird song where she didn't have to worry about anything but rolling in the long grass and relaxing in the shade of an apple tree. There would have to be an apple tree, because she couldn't bear to leave absolutely everything behind.
It's a nice dream and a pretty thought to nurse, though she knows it will not happen. There are too many things binding her to Ponyville- the friends she could never leave behind, the Apple family and their orchards, the memories she had carved out for herself and ten million other little things.
And her. Always her.
Applejack imagines whispering the idea to Rainbow Dash, giggling like a schoolfilly as they whisk away in the middle of the night. She dreams of tumbling in the reeds by a river bank with her, weaving daisy chains and building a bonfire at nighttime to sing songs to the stars. There would be bickering and teasing and small smiles that spoke all the things they didn't know how to say.
And the pegasus would snuggle by her when they were half asleep and barely coherent, leaning over to whisper I love you, I love you, I love you and it would be like that forever, dreamy and wonderful and everything she makes fun of Rarity for thinking about.
Applejack knows dreams like these are distracting and full of lies. Rainbow Dash didn't belong to her, not in that way, and she never would. She would never agree to runaway to an imaginary field of sappy romance clichés, because she was just as tied to Ponyville as Applejack was. Dash was the Element of Loyalty, after all.
But Applejack was the Element of Honesty, and she would be lying through her teeth if she said she never wished to wake up in a meadow of dreams besides Dash, carefree and with the one she would give up her apple groves for.
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Since the zapapple harvest had ended, the Apple family was drowning in jars of the delicious jam. Big Mac was by the stands at that moment, trying to sell the food away to the ponies that flocked at this time of year. The sales were particularly high this year, as Dash had decided to stop napping for once and try to help them out. Ponies were enthralled by a rainbow pony doing aerial tricks and selling rainbow food- they got more customers that year then they had in a good, long time.
Applejack couldn't help the pathetic little flutter her heart did when she saw her cyan friend dancing patterns in the sky. It was beautiful, anypony would agree, and she couldn't help but wish that it was for her. That Rainbow Dash had done this to get her attention that she was helping the farm ponies for her, and the streak in the sky would eventually spell out 'RD & AJ' or something equally foolish and endearing that Rarity had told her to do.
But she knew that was just another lie, just like her hummingbird meadow.
She sighed, and shifted her position under the shade of the tree. Lately, there had been too many lies for her liking and they left a bitter taste on her tongue. Too many bad excuses to get away from Dash because some days, Applejack didn't feel like torturing herself by staring at the pegasus. By the suspicious glares she had gotten, she was sure everypony noticed, but it was just too complicated to explain herself.
Furthermore, if she was to come clean with this whole 'I like Rainbow Dash a lot more then I should' business, she would probably break down crying in front of all her friends. And Dash would see, and she would laugh and reject her and-
The earth pony felt a lump rise to her throat, and she refused to acknowledge the tears building up in her eyes. If they don't spill, they aren't there, they aren't there, they aren't there.
If she could go back in time- to the time before Dash ever mattered that way- to tell her younger self what she had become, younger-Applejack would probably just scoff. She would have never expected she would let just one pony turn her life upside down like that. Nopony was supposed to be able to do this to her, she wasn't a silly schoolfilly.
'Still' she told herself 'it isn't just anypony. It's Rainbow Dash.'
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When Applejack saw Rainbow Dash performing one of her Sonic Rainbooms, she was just as amazed as everypony else. The spectacular feat seemed like something taken from the pages of a storybook, and she was astounded- and maybe a bit proud- that one of her very own friends could do that.
She didn't see the need to tell Dash this, though, nopony needed that arrogant pegasus's ego anymore. As it was, it could barely fit in the sky she so treasured.
Even so, Applejack sometimes found Dash's impressive flying skills a bit imposing. The sky seemed so very far away to an earth pony like herself. It was a completely different world she would never truly experience, at least, not in the way a pegasus did- with the winds soaring past their feathers and their muscles straining to keep them airborne.
The closest she had ever come was when Dash had grinned at her mischievously, thrown her on her back and skyrocketed upwards. She remembered clinging to the pegasus, terrified and exhilarated all at once and laughing excitedly into Dash's multicolored mane. Applejack cherished that memory, and she had sworn to Rainbow Dash that she would never forget the sky.
When Dash had settled her back onto the soil and they were giggling and stumbling like drunks, she had been disappointed to feel the ordinariness of the sturdy and dull earth. It was so different from the adrenaline and spontaneity of the air, and for a fleeting moment she had wished she was born a pegasus.
There was no doubt she loved being an earth pony, loved the mud and the dirt and the toughness of the ground, but watching Dash speeding through the heavens and dancing on the clouds reminded her that they came from two worlds. Oh yes, there were rare ponies like Fluttershy, who were most definitely of the land while they still had wings.
But Rainbow Dash was undoubtedly a creature of the sky, of the storms and the free gales and the taste of rain in the morning breeze and everything Applejack could offer her was already in her grasp.
That one could conquer the whole sky, if she wished.
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It came as no surprise that the first one to find out Applejack's little secret was Rarity. She had always had a nose for this sort of thing, after all. Applejack had seen it coming, there was no way she could keep this hidden from her curious friends forever.
When Rarity called her one day- 'Wednesday, Fluttershy's spa day, must be important' she noted- and told her that they needed to have a 'little talk,' she steeled herself for what Rarity was going to say. She was expecting a lecture telling her that having feelings for Dash, another filly, was vile and disgusting. She was expecting to be reprimanded for thinking of one of her closest friends in that manner.
What she hadn't been expecting, however, was to end up with green mush on her face, spilling her heart out to the fashionista who didn't look appalled in the slightest. In fact, her face spoke of understanding and kindness, and this entire situation would be completely ridiculous if it was happening to any other pony.
"Ah thought yah were gonna yell t'me for thinkin' ahve Rainbow like tha'," Applejack muttered, annoyed at the sniffle that escaped with her words. Rarity looked incredulous for a moment, before she couldn't help the giggling that slipped past her muzzle. Applejack couldn't help but stare incredulously for a moment
"Me? Be mad? Nonsene! Dear, I work in the fashion business. What do you expect?" Applejack glanced up at her again, a bit timidly to find Rarity still smiling, though the giggling had died down. The smile didn't seem to properly reach her eyes, and the look in her eyes was rather bittersweet.
"You can't cage a bird," Rarity added softly, after the silence had stretched from being normal to being a little bit awkward. "Do remember that." Applejack shrugged half-heartedly, not quite knowing what to say anymore.
She didn't need to speak, as the receptionist peeked in to remind them their time was up, and the Rarity jolted, and hurried out with an "I have a very important meeting; I'm so sorry dear. But do call me if you ever need any more advice!" Soon, Applejack found herself being shoved out of the spa and staring at purple curls bouncing away quickly.
She sighed- she had been doing that far too often, lately- and gazed at the sky with its sweet cotton candy clouds, and wondered 'If I look hard enough, will I find a rainbow mane there?' Applejack looked around for a bit, thinking that perhaps some time with that one life-changing pegasus could cheer her up a bit, until she remembered what Rarity said and her mood soured again.
'I would give her the sky if I could.'
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Some days, she felt as if this was all some cruel joke and the quickening of her heart was the bitter laughing. The times when Dash would brush against her slightly or smile a smile that was more of a smirk, Applejack was certain the pegasus knew of her plight and was doing it all so she could have a good giggle later on. Rainbow Dash had always enjoyed pranks, after all.
It was her own fault for falling for it time and time again, for being the punch line to send everyone into hysterics. The audience to her life had quite a sadistic sense of humor, no doubt.
She couldn't help but laugh bitterly at herself, too- her thoughts sounded pathetic and whiny and uncharacteristic to the stubborn farmpony Applejack. Applejack wasn't supposed to gripe and mope and sit around doing absolutely nothing about her problems. No, she was supposed to go out there, fix things, confess to Dash and damn if she cared what anypony thought about it. That Applejack would have gotten this crap all over with a millennium ago, and if Dash didn't reciprocate her feelings, she was a strong enough pony to shake her shoulders, hold her head high and move on.
But that Applejack seemed to wilt and disappear every moment she spent bickering with Dash, talking to Dash, hell, even thinking of that cyan pony. Instead, she was replaced with this strange pony who's knees went weak at the smallest of things.
Applejack wants herself back, wants her heart back, wants back the times where she could fool around with her friend without thinking of a distant dream of 'I love you' and the sky in her soul was enough for Rainbow Dash.
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