Sharing has never been my strong suit.
In my mind, even as a child, the concept of letting another individual in on what was meant to be mine never set well. Even when Nessa wished to partake in my private world and my father would intervene, though I would put on a front of the obedient daughter, dutifully yielding to his commands, on the inside, my blood was coming ever closer to a boiling point.
In my mind, I know that I am sharing something that has quickly become one of my most valuable possesions. Thought it may seem strange to refer to him as such, that is what he is. Despite the fact that he is, fully human, he had repeatedly admitted that I have possessed him. Body, heart, mind, and soul.
And though I will never voice it, he has done the same to me.
In my mind, I know there is someone else. It is a funny thing to know that the man you love rightfully belongs to another. As much as I wish to, I can not ignore the fact that he has a wife, a family. He has sworn that he does not love her, excusing it as a childhood match made without his consent or consideration.
I don't believe him.
Though he may not love her, I know he loves his children. Children that were given to him by his wife. They are perhaps the one joy of his life in the Vinkus and whenever he speaks of them, a small smile will play on the corners of his lips and I know he misses them. They alone are enough of a reason for him to care for her, even in the smallest way.
In my mind, I can't help but wonder what she is like. Does she know that her beloved husband has been with another? Does she even care? Is she aware that her husband's "business trips" have become an excuse for mindless trysts with a fugitive?
In my mind, I can't help but compare. Does she love him as I do? Does she inspire the same passion, the same sense of freedom? Does he hold he as tenderly as he holds me? Does he cry her name in the height of the moment, his voice surprisingly strong for as weak as he undoubtedly feels? Does he even remember her name as he loves me?
Does he remember mine as he loves her?
In my mind, it is these questions that haunt me night after night as he lays sleeping beside me, seemingly spent and happy as he clutches me to his side. In these moments, I can imagine he is fully mine. I can forget about everything else in the world and simply be Elphaba. Fae. Fiyero's lover. My hero.
With the cruel dawning of the day, the dream fades and he takes his leave, leaving me cold, empty, alone.
He would stay if I asked him, but he knows I never will. He knows that I know that this can never be. Perhaps this is why I cherish these nights. For it is in them that I allow myself to be what I wish I could.
"Fae?" He calls to me in a sleep-laden voice. "Everything alright?"
I don't answer, only smooth the dark hair from his face as he replaces his head on the pillow. He pulls me back down beside him and I settle contentedly into his arms. It is this time that I live for. When he holds me in his arms, I find that I could care less if he had a thousand wives.
In my mind, he belongs solely to me.
And I to him.
In my mind, this is perfection.