Kingdom Hearts Sketch - Basement Meeting Time
By: Nicholas R./TrinityXaos
A/N: This was written in May 2015 based on anime parody videos from PurpleEyeWTF like "The Pursuit of Happiness" and the famous "I'm at soup" bit. This is one of the two old parody works that I wrote from both high school and Kingdom Hearts knowledge. For the story, think about the first scenes featuring Zexion and Lexaeus in Kingdom Hearts Re:Chain of Memories. Same scenario and ending destinations with some twists and turns in between.
Cast: (in order of appearance)
Zexion- No. VI- The Cloaked Schemer
Lexaeus – No. V- The Silent Hero
Vexen- No. IV- The Chilly Academic
Luxord- No. X- The Gambler of Fat
Xigbar- No. II- The Free Sharpshooter or Freeshooter
CASTLE OBLIVION-12 BASEMENTS- DARK ROOM
Zexion sees Lexaeus appear from a Corridor of Darkness.
ZEXION:
Evening, Aeleus.
LEX:
Afternoon.
ZEXION:
Wait, did you just say-?
Vexen appears.
VEXEN:
Morning, gents.
Zexion looks at Vexen with a caption above saying "WTF".
VEXEN:
Well, what's wrong? I had to shorten my research report for this.
ZEXION:
It's evening, Vexen.
VEXEN:
Pardon?
ZEXION:
You said morning, while Law over there said afternoon.
LEX:
It's Lexaeus.
ZEXION:
The first part of your name – "Lex" – means "law" in Latin!
VEXEN:
What's your original point?!
ZEXION:
Time, doc! Time! It's 5 P.M.! The time for morning is at A.M.; afternoon is past 12 P.M. – okay! Now I get that one.
VEXEN:
What the blazing - Zexion, you putz! Luxord is the time expert in our Organization, not you!
AT THE CASTLE THAT NEVER WAS
Xigbar and Luxord sat on one of the couches in the Gray Room.
LUXORD:
*SNEEZES* Wah-Choo!
XIGBAR:
(Offers a tissue to Luxord) Hay-fever, buddy?
LUXORD:
(Takes the tissue) Maybe, thanks.
BASEMENT
VEXEN:
If you just called us here for time management help, then I'm leaving!
LEX:
Hold it, Even. What is the real reason for this meeting, Ienzo?
ZEXION:
We have visitors in the CO basements.
VEXEN:
C.O.?
ZEXION:
Castle Oblivion.
VEXEN:
C.O. is actually Commanding Officer.
ZEXION:
Is that a copyrighted acronym?
LEX:
(Nods) As far as I can tell.
ZEXION:
Crap! Anyway… we got two visitors –in the basements– both of the scents are potent!
VEXEN:
So, who's who?
ZEXION:
One was Maleficent –
VEXEN:
But that dark fairy's dead! D-E-D!
LEX:
You forgot the "A".
VEXEN:
What – rats!
ZEXION:
And you call yourself a scientist or even a doc – you can't even spell!
VEXEN:
Neither can the guy who wrote this! He couldn't spell Lex's full name without help! Originators nowadays!
Zexion and Lex instead wince in sympathy. Caption: "Oh…Low blow, Vexen."
After the caption, the three of them were seated with an awkward silence looming over them.
LEX:
…What about the other?
ZEXION:
The scent is similar to the Superior's, but I can't quite place a name to who it really is, yet…
VEXEN:
Sadly, there's no one who could smell like the Superior, he's just too unique and wacko…
A Corridor of Darkness appears, and Xemnas and his double shade's arm came out.
XEMNAS:
FIRE!
Lasers come out and blast Vexen.
VEXEN:
YAAaaaaaaaarrrggggGGG!
ZEXION:
Oh, crap!
LEX:
…*GULPS*
Later; after Zexion and Lexaeus had bandaged up the laser-fried Vexen.
ZEXION:
There! That should– Riku!
VEXEN AND LEX:
Huh?
ZEXION:
The other scent is Riku!
LEX:
So, was Maleficent as an illusion from the Castle's power- or to be more precise, Naminé?
VEXEN:
Without a doubt! It seems Marluxia has begun his operations of pity!
ZEXION:
So much for that teamwork plan... But why is Marluxia acting now? And how did Riku get out the Realm of Darkness?
VEXEN:
Because he's here.
ZEXION:
He?
VEXEN:
Think about it…When there is Yin, there's Yang. And if it Riku is the Darkness, then who could be the light?
ZEXION:
…!
ZEXION AND LEX:
Sora!
Vexen smiles.
VEXEN:
This is most interesting. Hee hee hee. Hah ha ha. MWA HA HA HA – Crap!
Vexen falls with a thud.
ZEXION:
No mad laughter while recovering, Doc.
VEXEN:
*Wheezy* Oh, stuff it already, timeless painter.
ZEXION:
…Where's my Lexicon?
LEX:
No violence allowed.
ZEXION:
Damn. Oh wait, there it is!
LEX:
I said-!
ZEXION:
Oh, screw that rule!
Zexion attacks Vexen but misses for every hit.
ZEXION:
Damn. *THUNK* Third-person. *THUNK* Aiming system. *THUNK* In. *THUNK* Video Games!
VEXEN:
I'm outta here!
ZEXION:
What?!
VEXEN:
I'm off to get to researching Riku!
LEX:
Wait! You need to go to bed for rest!
VEXEN:
I have to go! Ciao!
Vexen is enveloped in a Corridor of Darkness.
LEX AND ZEXION:
VEXEN!
END OF SKETCH
A/N 2: So, even though I made this in May three years ago, I have chosen to make a few minor changes to this for a better flow in terms of adding periods and spaces with the actions of a scene. I also wrote for Vexen's "I'm off to get to researching Riku" originally as "I have to get to researching Riku." Now I changed it to get my Microsoft Word program off my back with "have to" but also because I did it a second time with "have to go." Therefore, variation was needed for the Vexen's ending parts. I hoped that you guys enjoyed this work for what it has in content.