Warning: This story has heavy suicide elements, but nothing graphic. Also the relationship in it could be seen as a homosexual one.
These thoughts had been swimming around Wade's head for years, surfacing when someone, sometimes bad, sometimes good, would point out his flaws, admit their lack of trust in him, tell him to go away, to just drop dead.
"I would if I could." His inner voice would snap, triggering the downward spiral. Sometimes he would just beat himself up over it a little and move on, but it would often sink deeper. It would start with trying to push off the insult, then into starting to believe what they said, and that would start the list. The long and usually exaggerated list of things wrong with him. That would immediately flow into how others would feel if he just... disappeared.
"No one would even notice, or care." He's think to himself, chuckling lightly at the thought that a celebratory party might be thrown if anyone ever did find out and bothers to tell anyone. And if it was really bad, he'd try. Try to do what everyone wanted, try to stop the physical and emotional pain, but it never worked. He would be at peace for usually only a couple minuets before he was dragged back, eye's slowly opening to find himself cold, alive, and with a mess to clean up.
Then came one night. After an unpleasant meet up with the Avengers, Wade found himself a top One World Trade Center, so very far up. Once done his usual self-esteem diminishing verbal abuse, the mercenary stood on the edge, looking down at the street below wondering if this height was enough. He leaned forward a tad so he could see straight down the side of the building, then a little further forward, a bit more...
"Hey Deadpool." Wade froze, body stiffening as if he had been caught doing something he'd have to fight his way out of. "What are you up to?" Came the voice that sounded a bit to friendly to be speaking to him. Despite his thoughts though, when the merc with a mouth turned around he found Spider-man of all people standing and undoubtedly watching him in a stance that was a lot more welcoming then his usual frustrated aura.
"Just hanging out, trying to find something fun to do." Wade lied in a hopefully cheerful tone as he tried to act his version of normal. The kid didn't need to know his baggage.
"Well I just started my rounds and rumor has it that they'll be a heist going down tonight, could use your help." Spidey said nonchalantly, as if he hadn't made the mercenaries mind come to a skidding halt.
"What?" Wade had to ask, not sure if his messed up mind was fabricating a friendly gesture when in reality he was being threaten or insulted. It wouldn't be the first time.
"I was thinking we could, you know, team up for the night. I can't pay you or anything and there's absolutely NO killing on my watch, but other then that, I would appreciate the help. Gives you something to do and makes my life easier. Heck, with your skills and experiences I might be able to learn something." Peter knew he was blathering a tad but every time he paused, expecting the merc to jump in with his infamous mouth, he was instead met with silence.
Eventually Deadpool did speak, warning that he made no promise on the one rule and that he expected at least diner before such a commitment which gained him an honest to god chuckle from Spider-man.
With a rather pleased grin and head buzzing a bit, Wade followed along with Spidey that night. The rumored heist never happened. What did happen however was one of the most adrenalin pumping, hilarious comedy wars known to man, human or otherwise. The two spandex clad men threw jokes, sarcasm, and light insults back and forth which sometimes brought them to a halt as they attempted to breath through the laughter.
"This was so fun, We've gotta do this again." Spider-man said as he dropped Deadpool off at his home. Wade agreed, even if a voice in the back of his mind told him there would never be another time. Even with that thought, the mercenary couldn't help the way he lay in bed, trying to force the buzz in his head and the fluttering in his stomach to calm so he could get some sleep.
It wasn't for a few weeks till they met up again and Spidey was quick to invite Deadpool along to help stop a car chase happening not to far, with the same rules applying. After that it became sort of habit to team up every once and a while, test out new jokes on one another and even spar a little. It wasn't often, a couple times a month, but it was something.
One night though, when Wade was having one of his darker days, he couldn't hold his curiosity and asked Spider-an if he knew what he was thinking about doing that first night.
"I wasn't certain, but I had my suspicions." A part of the mercenary felt betrayed at the admission, but for the most part he felt lied to. Not that he felt like Spidey lied, though he did, more like Wade had lied to himself. "I've seen and stopped a couple other people as well, so I guess I kind of know what it looks like." Spidey continued, though Wade wasn't fully attached to the conversation anymore.
He had made himself believe that someone as gold hearted as Spider-man actually wanted to get to know him, but of course not. The guy just didn't have the heart to let someone, even a villain, take his own life. Of course that's what it was.
The next time they met was when some serous stuff was going down and Spider-man was called to help out the X-men. He asked Wade to come along, assuring him he would be awesome help. Even though Deadpools inner voice snapped no, his mouth and body, said yes, that familiar adrenalin and buzz coming back as he followed the younger.
When they got there however, the merc with a mouth was immediately criticized, told he was only going to cause more damage. That he couldn't be trusted. That he wasn't needed or wanted. To just leave.
Never the less, he stayed, despite the dismay of the others. The only reason being that Spider-man baked him up. Every insult or flaw that was shoved in his face, Spidey defended him.
Eventually the talking fell to a minimum as the fight got more intense.
When it was all finished, Wade found himself siting in some ally, mask unaccounted for, blood oozing from who knows where, and on the verge of loosing consciousness. In this quiet moment, what the others had said came flooding back to mind. And with his head hung low, eye's mindlessly watching the puddle of red below him grow, the thought that maybe this was it.
Even as a light smile played across his lips at the though of his possible peace, the disappear people both wanted but wouldn't even notice happened, he couldn't relax his body. He forced his eye's to stay open and his mind to keep running.
It was far to confusing for his semi conscious mind as any other time he would have taken the opportunity to slip away. What was making him hold on? The answer soon came to him in a fast sprint, calling out his name.
Once his healing factor gave him enough energy to move a tad, the merc with a mouth raised his head slightly and responded. Footsteps suddenly rose in volume before stopping, a pare of spandex clad knees dropping to the ground in front of him. Two slim but strong hands cupped ether cheek and forced the mercenaries head up, ripping a painful groan from Deadpools burning throat.
"Wade!" Spider-man called again as there eye's met. The hero's mask was gone and there merc with a mouth was faced with a young man, hair flung about, dirt and blood smudged across his cheeks, breath coming in heavy gasps, and hazel eye's puffy and surrounded in red rings from the still falling tears. "Are you okay?"
"Y-ya, I'll be fine baby boy, chill. I've been through much worse. Healing factor's just gotta catch up with me." Wade assured in an attempt at a light tone.
"Thank god." Spider-man breathed before pulling the older into a tight embrace. "I was so scared, I though I was going to loose you."
It was then, with the brunette clasping onto him for dear life, slim body shaking slightly, and tears dampening the mercenaries already ruined suit, did Wade realized something. If he did disappear, there would be someone, at least one person, that would notice, that would care.
I don't know why this popped into mind, it's kind of sad which isn't usually my style. I feel like I didn't stick to the depressing enough to make it effective. I'm sorry, I can't write my lovely's being in pain for long, it hurts me so bad.
I originally wrote this as a Spideypool story but then realized it isn't all that romantic so I just put it as Deadpool & Spider-man. But you can pictures Spideypool if you want, I do. ^^;