DISCLAIMER: I don't own The Book of Mormon. Or the Book of Mormon. :)
Me: *pops up* Hope this goes through. SCRIPT FORMAT IS THE ONLY WAY I CAN DO THIS SO DON'T REPORT ME!
Price: Oh, no.
Cunningham: Not YOU again!
Me: What did I ever do to you? All I ever did with you guys was mash you with the Avenue Q characters.
Church: Oh, and how did that work out? You quit after only one chapter. JERK.
Me: Be a man. Curse.
Church: NO!
McKinley: Just tell us what kind of terrible fate you're condemning us to.
Me: Glad you asked, Connor! Or Sean. Or Ryan. Or Lionel. Or Bob...
McKinley: SOMEONE NAMED ME BOB?
Everyone else: *tries their best to hold back laughter*
Me: Well...I'll just call you Connor since that's the name that I've been using for fics...After I saw a bunch of fics over at the Les Mis fandom, I decided to bring it here!
Thomas: And what was that? Giving us Pop-Tarts?
Price: *shakes head* Only you, Pop-Tarts. Only you.
Me: No, Pop-Tarts. NOOOO. Let me talk and don't interrupt. See, the people over at the Les Mis fandom are casting characters from Les Mis and putting them in other musicals. For example, Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat with Enjolras as Joseph.
McKinley: *coughs*
Me: YES?
McKinley: Oh, nothing. *cough*weirdos*cough*
Me: Shut up, Connor. Anyway, I decided to do something similar to you guys! It'll be fun!
Mafala: Fun's not in my vocabulary.
Harris: I didn't even know you knew the word vocabulary.
Mafala: I'M NOT DUMB!
Me: Enough with the random interruptions, people! Okay...our show is...
*Drumrolls*
Me: The Lion King!
Price: THE LION KING! I LOVED THAT-Uh, I mean uggggh, The Lion King.
Me: *snickers*
McKinley: Shouldn't you really be doing your homework?
Me: Stop pestering me. So, casting. Simba will be Elder Price!
Price: Me...I...I...
Cunningham: Okay. So me and Connor will be Timon and Pumbaa? The redhead and the fat guy? You're so stereotypical.
Me: Well...it kind of fits you guys to be honest but if you're so mad about it then I'll put Connor as Simba and you and Kevin as Timon and Pumbaa and everyone will be super-duper happy with it...except for me...
Price: NO! I WANNA BE SIMBA!
Nabulungi: Kevin Price, forever the nine-year-old.
Price: Says the girl who can't pronounce "Salt Lake City" correctly.
Nabulungi: It's hard to pronounce! YOU try to be an African girl who only heard about Sal Tlay Ka Siti once in her entire lifetime!
Price: There it is!
Me: STOP PICKING ON EACH OTHER! Now...hmmm...Mafala will be Mufasa.
Thomas: Hey! That sounds the same!
Me: Yes...I know...Okay, anyway, Shenzi, Banzai, and Ed will be...uh...someone remind me some of the villagers' names?
Cunningham: Aren't you supposed to be a geek about us. Why do you not know their names?
Me: BECAUSE I DON'T ACTUALLY OWN THE SOUNDTRACK AND LYRIC BOOK SHEET THINGY, I BORROWED IT FROM THE LIBRARY AND BURNED THE DISC!
Asmeret: *eyes wide* You burned a disc?
Me: *smacks head* I forgot that you guys don't know a lot of our sayings. Burning a disc is basically...well...anyway, I remember Asmeret...okay, how about this? Asmeret as Shenzi, one of the guards as Banzai, and Mutumbo as Ed. Wait, scratch that, Gotswana.
Nabulungi: Which one?
Me: I don't know! Who do you guys want? It'll affect who Rafiki will be!
McKinley: YOU'RE CONSIDERING MUTUMBO OR GOTSWANA AS RAFIKI? THAT'S COMPLETELY RETARDED!
Me: There aren't that many main characters here!
McKinley: What about Joseph Smith or Moroni?
Me: I need people who are actually in the musical, not just in a scene where Kevin tries to pitch the Mormon religion to others.
Cunningham: Or telling me to stop making things up again.
Me: Right. Whatever. Guys, please tell me in the reviews who you want Rafiki to be, Gotswana or Mutumbo. The guy who doesn't get picked will be Ed.
Harris: Oh, joy. How many of the minor elders are you going to use in this?
Me: I'll probably put you guys in the background with other villagers who don't get cast as the African animals.
Harris: Nice.
Me: Okay. Anyway...you guys are probably going to love this...Nala will be played by Nabulungi.
Cunningham: Oh, no. You're going to confuse me even more.
Nabulungi: What? I have to do a love song with Kevin?
*They exchange a weirded out look*
Cunningham: WAIT...KEVIN HAS TO SING A LOVE SONG WITH MY GIRLFRIEND?
Thomas: Have you ever even watched The Lion King?
Cunningham: Yes, I have. Once or twice...my childhood was pretty much Star Wars and Star Trek...
Me: Let's move on before things get messy...okay, Zazu will be Elder Thomas. Sorry, I don't know your first name.
Thomas: I'm cool with that. Just call me Thomas. That's actually my name...
Price: Seriously? Thomas Thomas?
Thomas: *deadpan* Yes. Seriously. I had very original parents.
Me: Okay...Zazu will be Thomas...who am I missing?
Harris: Scar!
Me: Oh, right. Scar.
*Everyone looks nervously at me and General Butt F*cking Naked*
Me: Oy. I am going to regret this for the rest of my life. But there's no one else who can pull him off! So...General...you'll be Scar?
General (I'm shortening the name for this fic): Who the f*ck is Scar?
Price: Scar's an evil lion who kills his own brother and fakes his nephew's death to take the throne, the nephew being me...
General: *brightens up* Sounds like fun!
Cunningham: *whispering to Elder Harris* I didn't know that "fun" was in the General's vocabulary!
Harris: *whacks him*
Me: Am I missing anybody?
Church: Simba's mom?
Me: Kevin's mom.
Price: You can't just make my mom suddenly materialize out of thin air!
Me: *transports Kevin's Mom to Uganda*
Me: You can do anything in fanfiction.
Kevin's Mom: Where am I? What are you going to do to me?
Price: BRING MY MOM BACK TO SALT LAKE CITY, YOU ASSHOLE!
Me: Okay! Okay! *transports Kevin's Mom back to Salt Lake City*
Harris: Who's gonna play Sarafina now?
Cunningham: Remind me who Sarafina is?
Price: Simba's mom!
Cunningham: Oh. *Kevin gives him a hard glare* Hey, not everyone's a Disney nut around here!
Me: So...everyone else will be the other animals/hyenas/plants.
Church: PLANTS?
Me: Ask Julie Taymor. She's the genius who put dancing plants in "Can You Feel The Love Tonight."
McKinley: Actually, that genius is Garth Fagan.
Me: Right. Thanks. Anyway, as punishment for saying that, Elder Church, you're going to be one of those plants!
Church: NOOOO! HASA-
Cunningham: DON'T!
Me: Okay! Next time around, we're going to start with "Circle Of Life!" Once we find out who plays Rafiki anyway...
McKinley: Oh, joy. This is going to be fun. Mutumbo or Gotswana as Rafiki...that's a lose-lose situation either way.
A/N: Okay! Tell me what you think in the reviews. And please tell me whether Gotswana or Mutumbo is a better funny and random choice for Rafiki. The other one will be Ed, as I've said...about...a million...times...in...this...fic...
BTW, Gotswana is the guy who repeatedly announces, "I HAVE MAGGOTS IN MY SCROTUM!" throughout the course of the musical.
Mutumbo is "that asshole who tried to rape a baby."
So, uh, yeah. Vote please!