The first thing he sensed upon waking up was the dimly lit room, or at least that's what he assumed it to be, because the light wasn't bright, and it wasn't as warm as it'd be when it's afternoon. Instead, it still felt rather cosy, as though the chill from last night decided to linger just a little bit longer.

Shizuo kept his eyes closed, though, as there was something else -or a more fitting word would be someone- other than the chill that decided to linger in the room.

"I've said such a thing before, but your sleeping face is quite cute," he heard Izaya's voice croon.

Izaya had indeed say that before, to an interviewer who'd managed to get both of them to do an interview (separately, of course. though the only reason he did it was because Tom had persuaded him to. Tom mentioned that it'd get some of the suppressed feelings off his chest.). He wasn't sure if the interviewer was specifically told by Izaya to tell Shizuo about this, but it did make him angry to know that that flea had seen him when he was in such a vulnerable state.

And for him to do this again?-

He really was a recidivist.

"…although that was with a different feeling, hm? I hated you so much."

If Shizuo was to be truthful, he could barely recall— no, he couldn't remember how their fights had escalated to this, a brief night at each other's houses with clashing teeth and wandering hands until they had to leave with the reminder of how disgusting that decision was after the high receded.

However, the compatibility of their bodies had them coming back almost every week, with the exception that there were rules to fulfil, that there'd be no pillow-talk nor 'sleepovers' once they were done using each other for their desires.

"How foolish is this? Me letting myself to touch such a monster… and saying such disgusting things, too. I should scrub my whole body when I get home."

The corners of his lips threatened to curl into a frown, but Shizuo held back.

He didn't need to see to know that Izaya's eyes probably held a sense of longing, one which he'd often caught sight of when Izaya thought no one was looking, but Shizuo didn't make such deduction from those words Izaya uttered alone.

Anyone would end up assuming so, from the trembles of Izaya's voice as well as the fingernails which dug softly into Shizuo cheeks when he cupped Shizuo's face, far to the chaste kiss placed onto his forehead (one he was sure -even in his forgetful mind- that Izaya had never given him except for these short moments when Izaya stayed past the duration he was allowed. only when Shizuo had fallen asleep first to throw Izaya out of his home).

But the reason?

What drove Izaya to be so attracted to him?

Fascination?

Loneliness?

Or misinterpretation of Izaya's own feelings?

Shizuo didn't think anyone other than Izaya knew.

"Still, you know, Shizu-chan,"

"I want to be loved, too."

There was a shaky breath when Izaya inhaled, probably trying to keep himself composed, fingers finally leaving Shizuo's skin before he felt the dip in the mattress disappear, and came the pitter-patter of Izaya's feet walking across the room.

Before the door closed, Shizuo fluttered his eyes open to catch a glimpse of a familiar jacket disappear into the dark hallways.

And just like the other nights— he was left alone to think about the tender touches and words Izaya left for him.

.

.

note: there'll be another ver. to this that ill post later. it's from izaya's pov. but it's actually not that related to this, like, the situation n some words are similar yet different ending and pov. so it wont be a sequel or 200% same story or smth.