notes
- A lot of this was based on my experiences of coming out as bisexual to my friends and family, so if your comment is "this is unrealistic", then I have news for you: you're wrong.
- If qu**r (used as a self-descriptor) is offensive or triggering for you, then either turn back now or skip the first paragraph of the second section
- If you're offended by people being bisexual, then why are you even here? 1) bisexual is literally in the title, and 2) go fuck yourself
- Stark ages: Robb is 26, Jon is 25, Sansa is 22-23, Arya is 20, Bran is 17, Rickon is 14
- Other ages: Asha is 27, Theon is 26, Gendry is 22, Mya is 24, Ygritte is 26, Val is 25, Lyra is 23, Margeary is 23
Plight of the Bisexual
The first person Sansa tells about her identity crisis, predictably, is Robb for a couple of different reasons. First of all, her oldest brother is definitely her favorite sibling; of course she loves them all equally, but she happens to like Robb more than the others. Secondly, as far as she knows he has the most experience of all her family in this kind of thing; he has hardly hidden the involvements he's had with both men and women from his family and close friends and privately labels himself bisexual (publicly, he is a senator's son on the road to being a senator as well, and the people of Westeros are not as accepting as they think they are).
It's still hard for her to get it out though, so she starts slowly by talking about how, "Arya and Gendry introduced me to his sister Mya," and "we spent a lot of time together at the Vale." Eventually she gets so nervous that even her earnest yet oblivious older brother pauses mid-bite of his sandwich and frowns at her in concern.
"We got, um, pretty close." She glances nervously around the nearly empty café they're eating their lunch at and lowers her voice so that he has to lean in to hear her, "we kissed a few times."
Robb is able to suppress the laugh he feels bubbling in his chest, but he cannot help feel the corners of his mouth tick upwards in amusement. He responds in an equally low voice, "and did you enjoy these kisses?"
Sansa nods slowly.
He actually cannot help the affectionate chuckle this time. "Is there something you'd like to tell me, little sister?"
"I don't know," she responds as she chews on her bottom lip nervously, "I mean, I've never felt like this about another girl. Jeyne and I used to change in front of each other all the time and I never, you know." She gestures vaguely. "I'm twenty-two, shouldn't I have this figured out by now? I knew loads of pretty girls in high school, but all of the sudden I'm swooning over eyes like sapphires and a jawline to cut diamonds." Sansa's rambling continues down much the same path for the next few minutes.
Robb eats his sandwich and nods when appropriate, finally stopping her when her rant turns to topics he's not comfortable discussing with his sister. "Look, Sans, I know this seems really difficult now but if it's stressing you out this much, you don't need to put a label on how you feel—felt?"
"Felt. We agreed to go our separate ways when I decided to move home."
"Alright, you don't need to put a label on how you felt about this girl." He reaches out and squeezes her hand. "Mya might be the only girl you ever like or you may like only girls from now on, but it's more important to do what makes you happy than to find your perfect label."
Later, when they're saying their goodbyes and after she has made him swear not to tell anyone until she figures this out, Sansa hugs her brother harder and longer than she usually does while she mumbles how much she loves him into his shoulder. Robb laughs and squeezes her just as tightly before pulling her back and smacking a kiss on her forehead while lovingly pinching her cheek.
"Remember what I said. Your happiness is more important than a word."
The next time Sansa comes out to a member of her family, she has already grown comfortable with using the word queer to describe herself to strangers on the internet, but has been hesitant to use it with most people she knows. She's been in contact with Asha Greyjoy, who has been exceptional in helping her figure out the difference between passive and active attraction and what she feels towards whom. Robb will occasionally send her article links he thinks will be useful for her, and she has opened up her Kindling profile to women as well as men. She still hasn't settled on a label, but she takes her brother's advice and tries to convince herself it doesn't matter as much as she thinks it does.
Just after her twenty-third birthday, Sansa manages to find a weekend away from her internship and paralegal courses to drive up to Whitetree so Jon and Ygritte can take her out to dinner. She's always been a little confused about their relationship—they've signed a marriage license but don't wear rings or even call each husband and wife—but she thinks they complement each other well and enjoys seeing her normally morose brother smile; they don't bother themselves with labels, and Sansa can't help but admire that.
After dinner, they take her to a bar where she properly celebrates being another year older. Objectively, the younger Stark gets drunk; she's far from being blacked out, but she's just past tipsy when Ygritte makes a thinly veiled innuendo about Jon's mouth. With a gasp, she realizes this is very important information that is definitely applicable to her and not at all prying, so she spins violently in her barstool until she's facing her brother and tells him, "I need to know how to do that!"
Her brother and sister-in-law start coughing against the shot they were in the process of taking—Sansa having already taken her own immediately after it was placed in front of her—Ygritte from laughter and Jon from embarrassment.
"What?"
"I need to know how to go down on a girl."
Her brother is still coughing rather noticeably, and the bartender slides him a glass of water without prompting. Even after the coughs subside, Jon is still red in the face and sputtering from confusion and desperation to not have this conversation.
Drunk Sansa and all forms of Ygritte think he's being ridiculous. The younger Stark is grateful her sister-in-law seems to understand how important this to her, and she swivels her stool towards her just as she says, "just give her a few tips or somethin'."
She swivels to Jon again. "Why would I give her that information?"
Back to Ygritte. "Don' you know anythin'?"
To Jon. "Of course I do, but why does my little sister need tips on going down on a girl?"
She turns back to the other redhead just in time to see her raising her eyebrows pointedly and hear her brother say, "Oh."
With the suddenness of her first declaration, Sansa grabs a shoulder of both of them and announces, "I forgot to say I like girls too!"
Jon's smiling fondly at her as Ygritte says, "We figured that, Little Red."
It's not the worst hangover she's ever had, but the room feels hot, her mouth is dry, and her skull feels too small for her brain. Squinting against the light and throwing the blanket off of her, Sansa looks down at the CBPD t-shirt and Skirling Pass High School gym shorts she's wearing and decides to forgo movement. There's noises from the kitchen that sound too deliberate to be Ghost, so she groans to let who she assumes is Jon—Ygritte is notably not a morning person—know she is alive. Her eyes are closed again when the couch dips under his weight and a wet, blessedly cold washcloth is placed on her face. She groans again, but this one translates to 'I'm still in pain but less so.'
"Sorry about…things."
He chuckles and speaks softly back to her (something she is incredibly grateful for), "don't worry about it. I'm sorry I didn't catch on sooner."
Sansa grunts and waves her hand dismissively.
"I guess you did always favor Robb."
"Yeah, he thought that was funny too." Jon is quiet in response, and she can almost hear him wondering how to phrase his question. "You and Robb are the only family that knows. Well, Arya and Theon might know since I kind of dated her best friend's sister and Asha's been giving me a lot of advice, but neither of them have said anything, so…"
"Knowing them that definitely means they don't." Sansa smiles and she thinks her brother probably is too. "Thanks for trusting me, even if you had to be drunk and desperate for sex advice."
"Please don't make me laugh. I'm in so much pain."
The elder Stark clicks his tongue a few times before telling her, "I'll write down the names of a few websites that might help if you promise not to tell Ygritte I looked up actual educational content on how to do it." Sansa holds up her fist with her pinkie extended and Jon links his with hers. "By the way, she wants to know how you'd feel about her passing your number on to her friend Val."
"The blonde?"
"Yeah."
"Gods, you guys are the best."
Bran and Theon find out at the same time, three months after Jon and Ygritte. Asha has driven up from Moat Cailin to take Sansa to her first ladies' night at a local gay bar, and she is equal parts terrified and super excited which leads to some frantic crisis over what to wear. She finds Bran and Theon downstairs playing cards, and calmly explains her wardrobe dilemma as well as her bisexuality.
That's a new thing. In the eleven months since her conversation with Robb, she has concluded that her interest in girls is not just a passing curiosity nor is it a recent thing, and though she knows he's right about the feelings being more important than the word, she can't help but really like the word and the certainty she experiences when using it.
"You're too posh to like girls." Asha enters the room just in time for her to place a well-deserved smack to the back of her brother's head. "Ow, I was joking."
"It was a stupid joke."
"You could've just said so."
"I thought the slap implied that."
Sansa ignores the bickering siblings in order to study her own. Bran had been pretty young when Robb came out to all of them, but she knows he's most likely the smartest of the Starks. Essentially, she isn't worried he'll reject her, but she is curious as to what he's thinking. His face is pinched in concentration before he looks up at her and smiles, "I think it's great you know, Sans. Is this why you used to get red and fidgety during Xena's fight scenes when we would watch reruns of Warrior Princess?"
The Greyjoys stop arguing long enough to laugh at the dumbstruck look on the redhead's face.
It's almost one in the morning when Sansa and Asha stumble through the front doors of Winterfell; besides the two of them, the other five tenants for the night are most likely asleep and Asha is quick to her guest room to join them. Sansa stays awake for a while and decides to see if her brother is as well.
Bran is notorious for reading at all hours of the night, so it's not uncommon for the faint golden glow of a handheld flashlight to be peeking out from under his door. The older Stark is not surprised to find that this is also the case tonight, and she quietly slips into the room.
Summer is up quicker than Sansa can close the door; once he recognizes her he is back to the comfortable spot on the foot of Bran's bed. Said boy is looking up at her with curiosity.
"How was tonight?"
"Really great, actually!" She smiles softly at him and holds out her arm so he can shine his flashlight on the row of numbers across it. "Lyra Mormont would like to get reacquainted."
Bran smiles brightly back at her. "Why do we hang out with them so much?" He is referencing the fact that Jeor Mormont is Jon's boss, Dacey Mormont is Robb's bodyguard, and Alysane Mormont is Asha's ex.
Sansa shrugs and takes a seat next to Summer on the foot of Bran's bed. "Did you know Asha's girlfriend had an affair with Jeor's son?"
"The professor in Essos?"
She nods in affirmation. "Apparently it played very much like a Woody Allen film." Sansa and Bran make identical faces of disgust.
"Lyanna and Rickon are in the same class."
"Well, one of us is bound to marry a Mormont. Aren't you and Jory in the same class too?"
Bran waves his hand at her dismissively. "I think it should be you. Are you going to call her?"
She shoots him a coy look and shrugs noncommittally, "I might," then more seriously, "It still makes me nervous to make the first move. I know it's dumb because it's such a gendered concept that clearly doesn't apply here, but I spent so long dating only guys, I don't know how good at dating girls I'll be."
He glances pointedly at her arm, but responds affectionately, "Clearly they think you'd be good at it. You haven't dated?"
"Sort of. I dated Gendry's sister Mya and I went on a date with Ygritte's friend Val, but they both reached out to me."
"I don't really have experience in same-gender relationships or women in a romantic context, but it seems to me, if she gave you her number, then she might want you to call her."
"Sage advice, Brandon," Sansa says drily.
Her little brother laughs quietly, "You're the one who's asking a straight seventeen year old boy that's never dated anyone for Sapphic dating advice."
The two Starks stick their tongues out at each other playfully before dissolving into giggles.
"Little brother, you are wise beyond your years, but I think I'll stick with Robb and Asha for this kind of thing."
"Probably for the best."
Sansa stands and Bran pushes himself up into a sitting position so she can hug him and wish him goodnight. He tells her, "I'm happy you're happy. Smiling is a good look on us Starks," so she gives him an extra squeeze.
"Don't stay up too late reading," she tells him as she gives Summer a goodnight scratch and moves to the door.
"Night, Sansa."
"Goodnight."
It takes another month for Rickon and her parents to find out, and it's quite possibly the most uncomfortable moment of Sansa's life. Lyra is dropping her off from the early dinner they had gone to and the redhead had given her a "kiss" goodbye. They make it a solid two minutes before the front door of Winterfell opens and she pulls away to see her youngest brother staring at her with wide eyes.
"Rickon…" she warns lowly.
Eyes identical to her own narrow and spark with mischief. "Mom! Sansa's kissing a girl!" he yells before sprinting back into the house.
"Rickon!"
"Sansa, I'm gonna call you later."
"Wait, Lyra-"
"Sansa?"
The eldest Stark girl turns to see her mother standing tall in the doorway and groans as she hears Lyra peeling away from Winterfell. Sansa brushes through the doorway and locks eyes with Rickon who immediately shouts before bolting up the stairs to the safety of his room.
Sansa gingerly takes a seat in her father's study as her parents both stare at her gently—she takes this as a good sign.
"So, Lyra Mormont?" Ned leans back in his chair contemplatively. "I always figured one of you would end up with a Mormont."
"I always assumed it would be Rickon and Lyanna," her mother adds.
Sansa's a bit confused by this entire day, but she still makes her own contribution, "Lyra's great, but I think you should probably keep your money on that one. I just don't think we like each other enough to last much longer," she says in reference to her parents' questioning looks.
It's silent again as her parents nod, and she has literally no idea how to proceed with this conversation. Thankfully, her mother speaks up.
"Is Lyra your- Is she the first girl you've dated?"
"Uh, no. I dated a girl in the Vale for a bit when I was living there."
Her parents look at each other shocked. "Sansa, that was over a year ago!"
She sheepishly makes eye contact with her father as he asks softly, "Have we done or said something with Robb that would make you think-"
"What? No! Of course not! You guys were so great about Robb, and he's been telling me for months that I would feel better once I told you."
"Robb knows?"
Sansa feels guilty for a second before swallowing it down. It isn't her parents' intentions to make her feel bad and even if it was she knows she shouldn't. "I told him first. All of you know now except Arya." She adds as an afterthought, "I'm bisexual by the way."
"Why didn't you…" her mother trails off.
"It's not that I didn't trust you guys or thought you would be weird, but I just- I don't know- I just didn't want it to be different? I guess."
Her parents' faces soften even more, and the knot in Sansa's stomach loosens considerably.
Their conversation ends with an incredibly painful chat about how she can still get sexually transmitted infections from women and to "be careful." Sansa's pretty sure she's never left a room faster. Robb has been encouraging her for months to talk to them, so she sends him a fairly long text about how it happens and she gets "did you get the same-sex STI talk too?" back. Her response is an emoji that she feels accurately expresses her affirmation as well as how cringey she feels.
She comes up to Rickon's room and knocks; she waits for the "yeah?" before entering and quickly finds out that she is not who her baby brother expected.
"Shaggy, attack!" The large black dog only jumps around excitedly at the sight of Sansa, the girl who always feeds him and Summer bits of meat under the dinner table.
She shoots Rickon look that says he's being ridiculous. "I came to tell you I'm bisexual and ask if you have questions."
To her surprise, her normally wild and absent-of-regret brother looks a bit ashamed of himself. "Did I break up you and Lyra? I saw her drive away really fast."
"Eh," Sansa shrugs, "we were probably at the end anyways. Is that your only question?"
"Are you mad at me?"
She forgoes placating him because she thinks it's important he knows what he did was wrong. "Yes, but you're still my brother and I'll still forgive you as long as you're sorry. I just need to know that you know what you did wrong."
"Was it outing you to mom and dad?"
Sansa nods and adds on to it, "Rickon, I know you're only fourteen and none of us had great reasoning skills at that age, least of all me, but it can still be really dangerous to spread that information without a person's consent. I know mom and dad were really great about Robb so you probably didn't think it would matter."
"But it's still not my business to tell them?" He asks quietly while staring at the ground.
A surge of warmth floods through her chest. "Right! Now, is that really all the questions you have?"
"I think so. Robb did a really good job of explaining it once I was old enough to get it."
"Oh." She feels oddly disappointed, and Rickon seems to catch on.
"Did you want me to have questions?"
"No, I just-"
"You did!" He grins wolfishly at her. "Well, sweet sister, take a seat and explain everything!"
Rickon gets up to direct Sansa into his desk chair, and she marvels for a second at the fact that her baby brother is almost as tall as her.
"Spare no- well, spare some details!"
It's not that she meant to tell Arya last, but she hasn't actually seen her sister in person since she and Gendry had introduced her to Mya over a year ago—no one could claim Arya didn't love Braavos. Furthermore, Sansa's girlfriend of five months is flying up from Highgarden the day after Christmas to spend the New Year with the Starks which means she literally cannot put it off any longer, so she knocks on her little sister's door and waits for a go ahead. She knows Arya is here, saw Gendry's car parked on the street, so it's just a matter of whether she's in her room or not.
"Come in!"
Sansa enters the room and smiles kindly at her sister's best friend who's perched in a desk chair before turning to Arya. She knows she's drumming her fingers against her thigh anxiously but doesn't stop the nervous tick. "I need to talk to you about something."
"Do you need me to..?"
"No, Gendry, you're fine. I think you might already know anyways."
"Why would Gendry know?" Arya asks flippantly.
"It has a bit to do with my sister, right?"
Sansa nods and smiles at him again before she's cut off by her little sister, "What about Mya? Did you not like her?"
"What? Arya, no. Why would I tell you that in front of her brother?"
"I don't know. You were pretty awful in high school."
"That was five- never mind. I liked Mya."
"So, what are trying to tell me about her?" Arya makes a hand motion that tells Sansa to get to the point, and the older Stark sister is so frustrated she almost leaves.
"It's not specifically about her, but, in general, I-"
"Spit it out, Sans."
"Gods! Arya, I'm trying to tell you I like girls." As an afterthought, she says, "guys are fine too," with a dismissive wave, "but the point I'm trying to make is that I figured out I like girls. I liked Mya. We dated."
"Oh."
Sansa thinks she hears Gendry mumble "and you call me stupid" but she can't be sure.
"Do you have any questions?"
"Oh my gods, loads. Sit down." Arya pats the spot next to her on her bed. "What's your type? Who have you dated? Are you dating anyone now?"
She laughs at the rapid fire questions and in the moment is struck by how much she missed her sister, irritating tendencies and all. "I like girls who look innocent but also like they could kill you."
"Mmhmm, good choice."
"I dated Mya, obviously, I went on a date with Ygritte's friend Val."
"The blonde one?"
"Yeah."
"Nice. Proceed."
"And I dated Lyra Mormont for about a month."
"Huh, I always figured one of us would date a Mormont. And are you dating anyone now?"
Sansa bites her lip in contemplation. "Do you remember Margeary Tyrell?"
Arya responds with, "The girl Joffery cheated with?" at the same Gendry asks, "My Uncle Renly's former beard, current sister-in-law?"
The older Stark sorts out their statements for a second, and gives a high-pitched and drawn out, "yes?"
The other two occupants of the room look equally confused. "Wait, Joffery Baratheon? As in, my half-brother?"
The sisters look to each other for confirmation, then nod slowly back at Gendry who mutters, "Gods, Westeros is too fucking small."
Arya dismisses him with an eye roll and immediately launches back into a million questions a minute. Sansa sees Gendry smile and roll his eyes affectionately at his best friend as he leaves and mouths 'Bran' to indicate where he'll be when they're done talking. As her little sister continues to ply her with questions, Sansa feels herself get lighter and lighter and finds it impossible to stop smiling.
end notes
- Mentioned LGBT character sexualities: Sansa is bi, Robb is bi, Mya is a lesbian, Asha is a lesbian, Val is pan, Lyra is a lesbian, Alysane is bi, Dany is pan, Margeary is a lesbian, Renly is gay, and all other characters can be assumed straight for the time being (note: whether you think bi/pan are the same thing or not, it is important to acknowledge people's preferred labels; Dany and Val strike me as people who would identify as pansexual so I chose to list them as such).
- I can practically hear people going "well, if she's supposed to be bisexual, then why does she only date girls in this?" 1) Like I said, this is largely based on my experiences of my early days of coming out/being out as bisexual and I mainly focused on people who weren't cis boys. 2) Most people I know who are attracted to multiple genders spent their early out days ignoring the gender they had prioritized for their entire life in favor of exploring their other options.
- This story doesn't have a lot of romance because it's definitely more of a Stark family bonding story, but if enough of you guys want a story for a certain pairing or an expansion of any other plotline, then I'd be happy to consider writing it.
- A little bit more on the last note, I have a tendency of creating a way larger backstory than what I write, so if you have questions, chances are I probably have answers. That means feel free to leave it in a comment or PM me!