--Miracles Happen--
Peyt,
It's really hard to believe I'm actually writing this. God knows how many letters I've started, only to ball them up and toss them in the garbage, or how often I picked up that phone, so set to dial your number before I lost my nerve. I'm a damn coward, Peyton, and I'm man enough to admit it, but God, sweetheart, do I ever miss you!
I know that I'm a real ass for writing you now, out of the blue after nothing for three years, but I swear to you, not a day passed by in those three years when I wasn't missing you, loving you…wanting you.
I still remember you. I remember you so vividly, so tangibly it's like you're right here beside me. I remember your innocence and your laughter, your bitterness and your tears. I remember your smile- the real one, that genuine, warm smile- you gave it so rarely, but I treasured each one, and hoarded them away in my memory like precious gems. That smile could make my heart thunder like I'd just run a marathon. Most of all, every time I saw that smile, I was reminded of just how truly, madly, and deeply, I was in love with you.
I remember the smell of your shampoo and the brand of cream you use in your coffee. I remember how you used to dog ear little passages in books I pointed out to you when you thought I didn't notice, then turn around and tease me for being such a bookworm. I remember how you looked when you talked about a band or song you liked, how excited and animated you became. I remember the wistful sadness in your eyes when you talked about your mom or Ellie, how ecstatic you became when your dad was home, like a kid in a candy store.
I remember those lazy summer afternoons, driving up the coast or hanging out at the beach. I remember those nights we spend under the stars, late night movies and staying up until dawn just to see the sun rise. I remember what it was to hold you. I remember your kiss, the taste of you. I remember how incredibly soft your skin felt, what it was to feel you, to be inside you. I remember your nails down my back, the taste of salt against your skin, your body trembling against me as you reached completion, your voice screaming my name.
I remember what it was to love you.
I remember that night. I was such a fool, Peyton. Knowing I needed you, had to be with you. Despite believing Brooke was carrying my baby, I had to make love to you just once. The inevitable morning when I had to tell you the truth, knowing what a selfish idiot I really was. I watched you shatter at that news. I watched you pull away from me. I watched you stop loving me…I watched you start hating me.
I knew there was no baby by graduation. I knew it was a false alarm, but even as they called our names and we made that long walk, you had already left. Gone to Savannah, your father said. Break your heart once, and shame on me. Break your heart twice, and I'm a fool. Break your heart three times…and I'm a cowardly bastard who doesn't come close to deserving you. Who was I to chase after you, even with this new truth, after everything I had put you through?
I hope you're doing well. You, of all people, deserve it. You're so beautiful, inside and out, sweetheart. I hope you never lose that. And you're so incredibly strong. Even when you were breaking, you always found a way to piece yourself back together. You're an amazing woman, Peyton Sawyer. Never let anyone take that away from you.
Brooke left me not long after our near-miss, but I guess you might already know that. Over the years, I haven't dated once…Nathan's about ready to send me to a seminary. It's you, Peyton, it's always been you. You're on my mind, day and night…you're in my head. You're in my heart, and that's where I want you to be. Nate and Haley had it right. Always and forever.
I went to see your dad. I hear you took to traveling after getting your G.E.D. That's great, Peyton. You always wanted to. Your dad, he's a good man, and he was hesitant to give me your address, so if you get pissed, be angry with me, and not him. He said too, that you have a place on the coast in Rhode Island, it sounds gorgeous. And just like you.
I swear my hands are shaking writing this. I've been indecisive, passive, and desperately missing you for way too long. I'm sending this letter ahead of me by a week, and then I'm driving up there. I love you, Peyton. I want to be with you. Even if it's just to hold you one more time or just hear you say my name, I'm coming to see you.
Mine forever, Peyt,
Lucas
Tears fell from her eyes, creating dark splotches across the stationary the letter was written on. Peyton raised trembling hands to wipe away the offending moisture, biting her lip to keep from outright sobbing as she carefully, reverently, folded the letter, placing it back in the pocket of her jeans.
The late spring night was peaceful and still, and on the long stretch of beach she walked, the wind carrying across the water to shore had a decisive chill. It was a beautiful place on the coast, just a sleepy little town on the ocean, and the night reflected the serene beauty, glittering stars rising above the tranquil, blue-green waters of the sea.
Strong, gentle hands wrapped around her arms, pulling her back against a warm body, definitively muscled and male. His hands slipped downward, arms slipping around her waist. She leaned into his embrace, rested her head against his chest, and listened to the steady reverberation of his heartbeat. "You're late," she told him softly.
His breath was hot against her skin as he spoke into her ear, the sound of his voice, low and husky, sending a shiver of anticipation down her spine, "I know. I'm sorry."
She shook her head, placing her hands over his arms, felt the tight cords of muscle tighten and tense beneath her touch. "It's fine. All that matters is that you're finally here."
"Did you get my letter?"
"Of course."
He leaned in close again, his lips teasingly brushing against her ear. "And what's your answer?"
"It's you. It's always you. Don't you know that by now?"
He whirled her around, crushing his mouth over hers…and he kissed her with all the passion, the pain, the pent-up emotion three years of longing had built up in them. A burning, aching heat ignited between them, and she found herself pressing into him, kissing him with a fervor she didn't think possible. Her head swan with nothing but the incredible sensuality of what he was doing with lips and tongue, and hands as the calloused palms slid beneath her sweater and smoothed over the soft skin of her back. She moaned into his mouth, her fingers tangling through thick blond hair.
He rained kisses down her neck and shoulder, and she leaned her head back to give him better access, whispering fervently into his ear. "I want you, Luke."
He pulled back, looking at her with those incredibly blue eyes, smiling softly as he took her hands and led her up the beach toward the small property she currently resided at. Right there, on the grass of the small yard encompassing the private beach, they made love, slowly, tenderly, and feeling him within her, joining them as one, Peyton knew it felt like coming home.
They lay together in the aftermath, Lucas sheltering her with the warm strength of his body against the chill of the night. Satiated and hazy with drowsiness, she nestled closer to him, heard the deep rumble against his chest as he chuckled in a rich baritone, pressing something cool and smooth to her fingers. She lazily opened one eye and smiled as she absently twirled the magnolia blossom in her hand, raising it to her nose to inhale the fragrance.
"I didn't know this grew up here," he murmured softly, "A flower for the lady."
"The lady is grateful," she retorted, rewarded once more by the sweet sound of his laughter.
He pressed a soft kiss to the nape of her neck, whispering sweetly in her ear. "I love you, Peyton, always. I just want you to be happy."
Her lips curled into a small smile, reaching up to brush her fingers against his handsome face. "You make me happy."
"I know. But even without me, I want you to find your happiness. Promise me, Peyt, please?"
She yawned, shifting closer to him. "I promise."
Comforted by his warmth and lulled by the scent of magnolia, she fell into a peaceful slumber.
--
She awoke to the feel of the cold, hard ground, a hand insistently shaking her shoulder. "Peyton, Peyton, wake up."
She recognized the voice, but not as the one she wanted to hear, and her eyes snapped open, blinking in a disoriented fashion as they took in the familiar features of the man before her.
Jake tried to smile, though the effort came out wan and forced as he took in how pale and harried she seemed. "Peyton, what are you doing? Falling asleep out here. You could get sick."
She found herself blinking back unwanted tears, and her only response was a choked sob. Jake raised a hand to gently touch her cheek, brown eyes warm and concerned. "Peyton, honey, what's wrong?"
"Lucas, where is he? He's supposed to be here…"
Jake's face fell and he pulled her into his arms, holding her close. "Peyton, don't you remember? I'm sorry, babe, but he's gone."
As if his words were a catalyst, a dam broke open in her mind and memories flooded through her.
Lucas.
His letter.
The accident.
Her vision obscured with tears once more and she felt Jake's arms lifting her bridal style, cradling her slender form against his chest. He spoke to her, softly, reassuringly. "Come on, Peyton. Let's get you to bed. You need to get some sleep."
She nodded numbly, her head falling limply against his shoulder. As he began carrying her back toward the house, a flash of white caught her eye and she reared up in Jake's embrace, startling him.
"Whoa, Peyton, what's wrong?"
"Jake…where are we?"
"The beach-house, remember?"
"Put me down, please."
Puzzled, he obediently followed her wishes, setting her down on shaky legs. Peyton stumbled for a moment and he was there in an instant, supporting her with an arm around her waist. But she shrugged him off, crossing back the few yards to where she had been lying when he found her, and with trembling fingers, she picked up the object on the ground.
A white magnolia blossom.
She felt Jake's presence at her shoulder, and his rough fingers reached out to touch one delicate petal. "What on earth? Is that magnolia? It doesn't grow around up here."
"No," she said quietly, a soft smile on her lips, "But it does in Tree Hill."
"But even without me, I want you to find your happiness. Promise me, Peyt."
"I promise, Luke," she whispered to the wind, then turned back to the man looking at her quizzically, and she smiled, accepting his arm around her shoulders to provide some warmth.
"Jake?"
"Hmm?"
She took in a deep breath, and then sharply exhaled. "When's the funeral planned for?"
He glanced at her quickly. "Did you change your mind? Do you think you can handle it?"
"Yeah. I think it's something I have to do."
He nodded, and gently guided her back toward the house. "Sure thing. I'll book us a flight for first thing in the morning."
"Thanks. And Jake?"
"Yeah?"
"Thanks for coming. I don't think I could have gone through this on my own."
Jake rubbed the back of his neck and smiled sheepishly. "Y'know, this might sound a little strange, but do you know how I knew to come?"
"Didn't someone call you?"
He shook his head. "It was a dream or something, like some unexplainable impulse. One night, I swear I thought I heard Lucas, and next thing I knew, I had the strongest desire to come see you. Does that sound completely mental?"
"Not at all." She smiled again and leaned into him, bringing the magnolia to her nose to breath in the sweet aroma. There was no question that Lucas had sent Jake to her, to be there for her when he himself couldn't be.
The moment they entered the house, she went to her room, Jake quietly accepting her need for privacy. She shut the door behind her, sinking back against it with a sigh. "You're always saving me, Luke," she whispered under her breath, knowing that despite the empty room, there was someone listening, sure to hear her. "I guess now…I have another guardian angel. Say hi to my moms for me. Let them know that I love them, and know that I love you."
"Mine forever, Peyton…"
"Always, Lucas, always." And she closed her eyes, sure she could feel him around her.
Her golden angel.