Disclaimer: Not mine. Torchwood, that is. You know that.
A/N: Um...believe it or not, I was reading the news and was suddenly inspired...
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Ianto sighed, rubbing at the bridge of his nose slightly before taking another sip of coffee and glancing back at the computer screen. He was sat at Tosh's workstation. It didn't matter that she was gone; it would always be hers to Ianto. He was sure Gwen felt the same way about using Owen's, but it was really a matter of convenience. They were the closest to Jack's office and as a smaller team, they needed to stick together.
Jack was in his office now, having a heated discussion with UNIT. Ianto knew because Ianto could hear him even through the thick glass. Gwen had popped out to get them dinner. The Rift Predictor had promised something big at midnight, and after a short conversation, they had agreed unanimously to wait in the Hub to see what the Rift would bring when the clock struck twelve.
Ianto was performing his weekly check of the World Wide Web, surgically removing anything pertaining to Torchwood and the aliens they dealt with. He wasn't all that sure why he did it anymore, what with the recent dalek invasion and the planets in the sky. It was really rather useless - unless UNIT got their way and convinced Jack to Retcon the world.
As a courtesy, he did the same check against 'The Doctor', 'Timelord' 'TARDIS' and 'Gallifrey'. What he found he either deleted or edited heavily until the websites were about 'the lonely god who watches over the world, who was there at the beginning of the world and will be there til the end of time, looking in from above on the world he so loves'. He was rather proud of that one. He, Ianto Jones, had indirectly started a cult. And the cult itself did some of the work for him, taking every mention of 'The Doctor' and 'Timelord' they found and claiming it was false, fiction, and then running off on a religious spiel until the actual Doctor was long forgotten.
His last check was always against Jack. They were, he had discovered in the past, the most entertaining. There was a new blog about 'The Man Who Can't Die' with some interesting theories as to how a giant lived in the sewers under Cardiff and rose every fifty years to devour human life to extend its own. Ianto would have let that one go, if not for that bit, right there: 'answers to the name of Harkness, possibly a doctor's experiment gone wrong.' As ludicrous as the rest of the blog was, Ianto couldn't let that slide by. He edited it with a devious grin on his face and bookmarked it, knowing Jack would want to see what the world thought of him…
A website he had taken down the previous week had mysteriously reappeared, so Ianto approached the owner and was rewarded with an offer to meet up for drinks and a discussion of 'that curious hot man in an RAF great coat that runs around with his Torchwood exposed to all of Cardiff' later that week. He wasn't all that sure if the owner meant that as it had sounded.
There was one dubious story involving 'Captain Jack' and several sheep that made Ianto laugh before he removed it. He certainly wasn't about to ask Jack if it were true. He didn't want to know… really, he didn't.
The thing about the Internet, Ianto mused, was that it was ever-changing. Even if pages mysteriously disappeared, nobody would notice. And those that did would assume it had never been there, or it was being redone, or there were server issues, or the owner had simply lost interest and deleted it themselves. Or they had been copyright issues. Or the site had moved to another domain. It was always one thing or another. Which made life just that much easier for Ianto.
The rest of the search was normal. A few references to men in greatcoats seen in the company of 'men with scary masks' – Weevils, 'a cat driving a car!' – Ianto was convinced this lady was more than a little vision-impaired since it had been a blowfish - and 'a man on the bloody roof!' – Jack. Nothing out of the ordinary, really.
So when Ianto hit a result for 'the world's only immortal creature', he set his coffee aside and gave the computer his full attention.
Theoretically, this cycle can repeat indefinitely, rendering it potentially immortal.
capable of rejuvenating
regenerate
What on earth?!? (or otherwise, Ianto amended.)
Ianto frowned at the screen in shock.
On the Retcon front, he could hear Jack finally losing it and shouting 'No. Absolutely not. I am not. I don't care what your superiors say. Retcon belongs to Torchwood. Torchwood will not do this. End of story. Goodbye."
The Hub's Proximity Alarm went off as Gwen returned with dinner. Seeing the headline of the article, she paused and read over Ianto's shoulder.
"That can't be serious. How did they find out?"
Ianto shrugged. "Seems serious enough."
Jack opened the door of his office and walked out. "Okay…that's sorted. Might want to keep a close eye on what happens to our Retcon supplies though. Wouldn't put it past them to-" He paused, noticing both Gwen and Ianto were still staring at the screen in disbelief.
"What do you have for me Ianto, Gwen?" He asked switching instantly to a more professional tone.
Ianto turned to look at him. "Uh...well..." he stammered. It only served to make Jack both more anxious and more curious at the same time.
"Ianto?"
Ianto blinked before announcing:
"Immortal jellyfish."
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"Say it again."
Ianto sighed. "Immortal jellyfish, Jack. Immortal…jellyfish."
It was now nearing midnight, and the topic of conversation, flicking on and off throughout the entire evening, was the jellyfish.
"Well...that can't be from Earth, can it? Maybe it's an alien. Are we sure it's not an alien? It could be an invasion. I mean, the article did say something about 'spreading across the world'…"
"No Jack, I'm sure it's just the normal breeding pattern of jellyfish. Or evolution. Or both."
"But what if-"
"JACK!! IANTO!!" Gwen called them out of Jack's office. They looked at each other and ran down.
"What is it Gwen?"
"Rift spike ten minutes ago. Only, we had no warning of it. So whatever it is, it's already here."
"Which means either our system is problematic or it knew we were watching and prevented us from being notified."
Jack swore violently.
"Yeah. I think it's the latter." Ianto added.
"Right. Gwen, CCTV, and see if you can locate the exact point of the spike. Ianto, find out if there's anything on the news. Something that big is bound to have been noticed by someone – anyone!"
Gwen cocked her head to one side. "And you Jack? What are you going to do?"
"Me? I'm going to worry as hell, and believe me, that's not an easy thing to do!"
Gwen frowned and was about to question him when they heard a gasp from Ianto.
"Ianto?" Jack asked, clearly worried. He walked the short distance to Ianto's (Tosh's) workstation and looked over his shoulder. His mouth dropped open.
Gwen joined them with a "What the hell?"
They watched the footage in silence, listening intently to the reporter.
Witnesses claim that a giant head floating in a jar appeared over the bay at the stroke of midnight. They say the head had tentacles, and looked rather like a giant jellyfish, but for the fact that it had a face. One clearly states hearing a voice in his head, and is now in hospital. He is believed to have suffered from concussion. The creature appeared at the stroke of midnight but vanished some ten minutes later. Witnesses are calling this creature the 'Face of Boe' and have already formed a cult following, some claiming religious epiphanies. Could this be the new Loch Ness monster?
In other news, scientists were amazed to discover that the Turritopsis Nutricula, the only jellyfish - and indeed the only creature on Earth - known to have a near immortal lifespan have all suddenly disappeared. It is unknown what the cause of such a mass disappearance is, but scientists say it is perfectly normal but they will continue to keep an eye on marine life in the event that something abnormal occurs.
The three Torchwood agents looked at each other.
"Floating heads in jars and disappearing jellyfish?" Gwen sounded shocked.
"Disappearing alien jellyfish. That is, if they were jellyfish to begin with…" Ianto added.
"Face of Boe?" Jack murmured, "They used to call me the Face of Boe. Way back when. But now you mention it, I remember the Doctor saying something about the Face of Boe. The Face of Boe and…Boekind."
"Please don't tell me that was just you, and your millions of children." Ianto was only joking, but as soon as the words were out of his mouth, he was suddenly unsure of himself.
Gwen looked at Jack. "You can get pregnant?!?" She took in the protective way Jack had a hand resting on his belly and the wonder as he stared at the screen – now advertising some sort of baby ointment – and threw her hands up in the air.
"Bloody Torchwood." She exclaimed.
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A/N: I'm not making it up. Seriously. Immortal jellyfish. ;)