Cas was looking at Dean again.
He was always looking.
As if he was savoring every hour, every minute, and every second of everything Dean.
Dean might not know it yet, but Cas loved him more each time he stared at Dean. He loved him more than his Elvis Presley records. He loved him more than his sister and his potted plants in the apartment. Dean was everything to Cas.
Cas laughs to himself quietly each time. He was still wondering how someone could love another as much as he loved Dean Winchester. They rushed in to things. He knows that. Yet, he will never ever feel regret even if some things change. He also knew that.
Dean finally looked towards Cas, letting the vinyl rest on top of the coffee table. He caught Cas red handed, stealing a look. He quirked a small smile. "What're you looking at me like that for?" Dean said. Cas chuckled and started to fidget, attempting to fix his crooked glasses. It was always getting in the way and it seems to always mess itself up. Dean shimmied closer to where Cas was seated. "Hey" he huffed. Cas was trying to busy himself by staring down at his lap. He felt Dean sneak his hands up his leg and rested it on his knees. "Look at me." He ordered. Cas looked up slowly through his lashes. Dean had the most beautiful pair of eyes. He will never get tired of staring at them. Dean drew a hand towards his face to fix the glasses. Cas just looked at Dean, never flinching. And Dean looked back.
Whenever Cas looked at Dean, he always managed to look back at him. Dean senses the few stolen glances Cas gives. And he always, always looked back.
Dean smiled again and they stared at each other longer; soothingly, lovingly. It never felt awkward or uncomfortable with Dean. There was some sort of telepathic connection made. No words. No actions needed, just a pair of eyes looking back at each other.
Dean edged just a little bit closer, their noses almost touching. He drowned himself in Cas' blue eyes. It was hypnotizing and beautiful and just so deep. The bluest of the blue, Dean would always say.
Cas moved his lips, trying to say something, but he always found himself lost for words. I love you, I love you, I love you; the phrase kept repeating over and over and over again in his mind. He loved him so much. And he knew that Dean did too.
"I love you so much. I just do. So much, it hurts. I love you so fucking much and it hurts." Cas said out loud. Dean grabbed the back of Cas' neck and pulled his hair down pressing their foreheads together, their nose touching too. He softly, slowly pecked Cas' lips. He loved him, he always will. Dean could feel Cas smiling wide against his lips. He chuckled and heard Cas laugh too, their foreheads still pressed together. Cas watched Dean laugh along how ridiculously in love they were with each other. He watched him. And after their fit of laughter, Dean looked back.
Dean wiped the tears trickling down his cheeks. He misses Cas so much. No matter how many years have passed, or how many seasons changed, or how many people he met, he can't ever forget. He won't. "I miss you" he whispered quietly to the empty air. "Cas, I miss you so much" He repeated, his voice breaking along the last word. How long has it been? Dean can't really remember.
He gently placed the flowers on the name plaque.
In loving memory: Castiel Novak, it read.
"I love you so much, it hurts" he breathed. Lightly laughing, remembering Cas' voice.
Dean turned towards his car. Not bothering to say goodbye. It doesn't seem right to say goodbye, does it? The memories flooding in. Just before he got in the car, Dean felt a breeze touch the back of his neck and he turned his head to look back.
He was always looking back, wasn't he?
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