Sooo, a couple of days ago, this crazy idea came into my brain. It basically shows why I hate Frozen. And I used to like Frozen. It has a good story with a good message, and of course, Idina's in it. But I HATE how overplayed it's become, and I HATE how everyone thinks of Idina as Elsa, and not Elphaba, or Elizabeth, or God forbid, IDINA! So, this one shot is a satire that hopefully will make you both think and laugh.

Enjoy!

Elsa: Let it go, let it go. Can't hold it back anymore. Let it go, let it … (gasps) You!

Elphaba: Yes. Me. We need to talk.

Elsa: Oh, really? About … what exactly? Oh! Right! Your show just had its twelfth anniversary! I forgot! Just like the rest of the world did.

Elphaba: That's not my problem right now. My problem is that you rule the fucking world! Elsa dolls, Elsa makeup kits, they even made a snowcone machine that looks like that stupid snowman!

Elsa: Yeah? So? I'm popular. Your point?

Elphaba: My point?! Your … gluttony has made people forget the REAL characters she played. Like me, for example. For Oz's sakes, I won her a Tony!

Elsa: Well, I won her an Oscar, so take that and suck it. Greenie.

Elphaba: Why, you …

Maureen: Can't we all just agree that I am her best role?

Elphaba: Oh, please God, no! Not you. What makes you think you're the best?

Maureen: Because she played me first, back when you were just a mysterious snow queen who captured a little kid, and you were the ultimate baddie!

Elsa: You sleep with anything that breathes! Just because you came earlier doesn't mean you're the best, as I have already proven.

Elphaba: I will gladly throw you into that wall over there.

Elsa: Not before I gladly impale you with icicles!

Elizabeth: Please! No magic fights! Not all of us have powers.

Maureen: Amen to that!

Elsa: Who are you again?

Elizabeth: I am none other than Dr. Elizabeth Vaughan, the leader of New York City's urban planning team.

Elphaba: You're also a neurotic mess who went nearly catatonic when you lost the man you loved.

Elizabeth: I just took time off from work! Whereas YOU went batshit over a pair of shoes and traumatized a child! Face it: I am the realest character she's ever played.

Elsa: You don't even have a personality! You're just a vessel for her to belt her brains out! If/Then would have flopped without her.

Elizabeth: I do so have a personality! YOU'RE just another milking of the Disney cash cow.

Maureen: Only thing to do is jump over the moon.

Elphaba: That was NOT called for!

Maureen: But that's what's so great about me! I do things that aren't called for! I'm her wild side. Plus, Rent won a Pulitzer Prize, so that's awesome.

Elsa: Well, Frozen won an Oscar. So there.

Elphaba: Yes, we know about your precious Oscar. I'm still the only one who's ever won her a Tony.

Elsa: Right. And how many other Tonys did Wicked win? Oh, that's right, ZERO!

Elphaba: We divided the critics but we didn't divide the audience! And that's what matters.

Elizabeth: No! Both of you are wrong! It's not about Tonys or standing ovations! It's about connecting with people.

Elphaba: I-

Elizabeth: Yes, you made some insecure teenage girls feel better about themselves. Bravo. But I made people think about how the decisions they make affect their lives, about how one small choice could change your whole life! And that is real magic.

'Cause Elizabeth is da bomb!

Thanks for reading!

Cheers,

Elle Dottore