The italics is the audience!
Moderator: Good evening everyone and welcome to the first annual Vampire Diaries: Character Spotlight panel.
(Fangirl screams)
Today we welcome your most beloved characters from the teen drama The Vampire Diaries, in hopes that they are able to shed some light on the current goings-on of the show, its past seasons and what we can expect for the future. Each season seems to bring us more and more suspense and drama, not to mention it keeps introducing us to unbelievable characters that we love to hate, hate that we love and inspire us to write fanfictions, create fanart and just plain obsess over them. I for one would like all of you to know that my Klaroline fanfiction, entitled "Dark Liaisons", will have its final chapter completed by the end of this week and posted on for your reading pleasure.
(Fangirl screams)
Some of you are here to just catch a glimpse of your favorites, while others of you are here to hit them with the tough questions. For example, will Elena's choice for Stefan be altered now that she's a vampire?
(Wooooooo)
Have we really seen the last of Klaus and his dastardly schemes? I certainly hope not.
(Woooooo)
These questions will be answered, and much more, so let's not put it off any longer and start to bring them out, shall we?
(More fangirl screams)
He's managed to stay alive, despite the fact that all of his girlfriends have wound up dead. Ladies and Gentleman, Mr. Jeremy Gilbert!
(Screams. 'We love you Jeremy!')
Jeremy: Thanks to all of you for being here…alive and dead fans alike.
Moderator: Eek, well that's not creepy at all.
Next! He's pretty much orphaned, his sister is dead, and he's the local busboy that everyone wants to love! Please welcome, Matt Donovan!
(yay)
Moderator: Let's try that again, shall we? MATT DONOVAN!
(woo)
Moderator: I think that's all you're gonna get, Matt…please sit down now.
Matt: But I'm the star football player…
Moderator: They don't seem to care. And moving on! Here's another favorite character that is incredibly unlucky in love and just can't seem to get those nosebleeds under control…Bonnie Bennett.
(Fan screams)
Bonnie: Thank you so much! You guys are the best! Here you go!
(Oooooh. Ahhhhh.)
Moderator: Wow, would you look at that! For those of you listening to this live broadcast, Ms. Bennett just shot little balls of light out of her hands and they are sparkling and drifting down to the audience as we speak, it's beautiful…oh wait…uh oh…that guy's on fire now. Security! That guy's on fire right there…could someone put him out, please?
(Oooooooh)
Moderator: Ms. Bennett, why don't we keep the theatrics to ourselves from here on out…and, your nose is bleeding again. Can we get Ms. Bennett a box of tissues?
Bonnie: Dammit!
Moderator: Yuck.
Next up, he's brooding, he's dreamy and he's been roaming this century for years looking for Elena…seems unlikely…but please welcome, Stefan Salvatore!
(Fandamonium. He's so dreamy! I love you Stefan! Yaaaaaaaaay!)
Moderator: Okay, okay, let's settle down. Remember, if he didn't have that awesome hairdo, piercing stare, and have an evil Ripper living inside of him, he'd just be another vampire.
(Woot!)
Stefan: I don't think we need to talk about me being a 'Ripper'…I'm sensitive.
(Woo. Sensitive Stefan Rocks!)
Stefan: Thank you! I think so too!
(I'll comfort you!)
Stefan: That's very nice of you to say…
(I'll comfort you too…but with my breasts!)
Stefan: Ooookay, shall we move on?
Moderator: Gladly! Eeeesh.
She's the girl we can't quite understand what all the fuss is over. She's been recently transitioned into a vampire, so watch your jugulars folks! Elena Gilbert!
(Screams of horror)
Oh my…It's alright everyone, settle down, it's alright. It seems Ms. Gilbert was just indulging on one of our crew members before making her entrance. Can we get a couple wet naps for Elena?
Ms. Gilbert, if you could please refrain from killing anyone else through the remainder of this panel, that would be great! Stefan, please keep an eye on her.
Stefan: Will do.
(Awwwww)
Moderator: Hopefully our next guest will have a bit more control of himself, however, I can't say much for the fans. Ladies and Gentleman…Paramedics standby…there's nothing more to say other than "Sex on a Stick"…Mr. Damon Salvatore!
(Blaaauuuughghhgurglegurglebl ubberingaugghhhahhahhaha)
Moderator: Oh dear.
(CryingBlubberBlubberAuughhhW eLoveYou!)
Ladies, please…
(He's the cutest! What a vamp! Auuugh! Yaaaay!)
Okay, settle down. Damon, please stop gyrating toward the audience, you're not helping.
(Screams of delight)
Oh dear God, now he's blowing kisses. Mr. Salvatore, please…the hearts of this audience can't help themselves around you. No! That was not an invitation to start unbuttoning your shirt.
(Fangirl whimpers. I love youuuuuu!)
Damon: Helloooo, ladies.
(More screams of delight)
Moderator: Stop talking like that to them, you're gonna cause this one down here to…ohp, and there she goes…Medic! We've got a fainter!
Really Damon, get a hold of yourself.
Damon: I'm sorry but there are just so many delectable ladies in the audience. I just can't help myself, not to mention one delicious Moderator.
(Fandom screams)
Moderator: Save it for the fangirls, Mr. Salvatore, I like my vampires a little older, a little more savage and to have a little wolf in them, and this brings me to our next guest. He's the guy that we'd like to have 'put a little wolf' in all of us…Niklaus Mikaelson.
(WooooBooooOwwwwwwHisssss)
Seems we've got a little bit of a contradiction in our audience today. They love to hate you, Klaus.
Klaus: They should be frightened of me.
Moderator: I'm terrified of you…seduce me.
Klaus: What was that?
Moderator: Ahem. Who's next? Ah yes…she's blonde and she kind of likes Klaus, but for some reason loves Tyler…stupid girl.
Klaus: Agreed.
Moderator: *giggle* Caroline Forbes!
(Screams. Whistles. Woooooos)
Caroline: Hi everyone…Klaus.
Klaus: Hello, love, you look ravishing tonight.
Caroline: Ugh. Seriously?
Moderator: Oooh, seems like the sexual tension is in full force tonight.
Caroline: No it's not.
Klaus: Oh I think it is.
Caroline: You would.
Moderator: Oh ho ho, this'll be interesting. Let's make it even more interesting, shall we? He's the ass hat turned romantic that captured our hearts. He makes breaking bones, snarling and turning into a teen wolf look dead sexy. Tyler Lockwood!
(Howls and Cheers)
Tyler: Thanks so much, I'm happy to be here…wait.
Moderator: What's the matter, Tyler?
Tyler: Does Caroline really need to be in the middle of us? I'd be more comfortable if I were able to separate her and Klaus.
(Just sit down!)
Moderator: You heard him, Tyler, man up!
Tyler: Fine. I'm watching you, Klaus.
Moderator: Oh, me too.
(awkward silence)
Caroline: Ms. Moderator? Hello? Are you alright?
Klaus: Love, I know I'm handsome, but we need to move along with the program.
Moderator: Oh, haha, so sexy, haha…of course, moving on.
Well, ahem, we had planned to have Alaric Saltzman on the show as well, but seeing as he was most recently murdered by his own friends and family…we'll just move along without him.
Jeremy: Oh, he's here! You all just can't see him.
Moderator: Still creepy.
So, without further ado, let's get started. As you all know our fine audience here has some questions for you. Please be warned that they have not been screened prior to entering the auditorium, they're completely rabid and each and every one of them has written some sort of fanfiction, created fanart and posts hysterically on the forums about your lives. Oh, they also have strong opinions as to whom or what you should be doing in the upcoming season.
(I love you, Damon!)
Damon: Mmm, thank you…
Moderator: Keep, that shirt buttoned. And let's get started, who has a question for our friends here? Oh, look at all those hands…let's start with, the tween in the back in the pink shirt, what's your question.
Pink Shirt: Um, yeah…hi…oh my gosh…yeah, hi…oh man, so cute…
Moderator: Pink shirt, move along without the hysterics please.
Pink Shirt: Okay, sorry…so my question is for Elena, what does it feel like to finally be a vampire?
Moderator: Good question.
Elena: It sucks.
Moderator: Would you like to elaborate on this?
Elena: Not really…but I will. Every time someone new walks in the room, I can tell what sex they are, what they have eaten that day, and what blood type they are. I can hear your heartbeat all the way from here and know that every time I say the name 'Damon' (squee) your heart speeds up…like right now. I'm going to stay young forever, so that's kind of cool, but eternity is a long time to figure out what Salvatore brother I want to jump in the sack with more often.
(Stefan!)
(Damon!)
Yeah, that doesn't help!
Moderator: Okay, anything else to add?
Elena: Nope. Blood lust and sex with the Salvatore's…that about sums it up.
(Yeah. Sex!)
Moderator: Thank you for your question young lady! Who's next… Okay the young man in the glasses in the second row.
Glasses: Okay, so my question is for Tyler. So we've seen you transition a couple times now and each time looks super painful…now is that typical for all werewolves or are you just a pussy?
Tyler: Hey now…I wouldn't…
Klaus: I got this one Tyler!
Moderator: Well that's nice, it seems Klaus is going to take this opportunity to show compassion on Tyler and put this young man in his place…
Klaus: He's a pussy.
Moderator: Or, maybe not.
Caroline: Seriously?!
Moderator: Why do you keep saying that? Yes, he's serious! How much more serious do you need him to be?
(another awkward silence)
Aaand, moving on…yes, you there in the front row.
Front Row Fan: Hi, my name is Martha Gamble, and my question is for Elena.
Elena: Again? Sheesh.
Martha: So I wasn't a cheerleader, or popular, I haven't been orphaned and I don't have any siblings. I haven't met any vampires, and I've never been stuck in a love triangle…but I really feel like the two of us have a lot in common.
Moderator: Wow.
Martha: So, with that said, I really just wanted to tell you that I think you should pick Stefan.
Moderator: Anything to add Elena? No? Anyone else?
Martha, there are no words. You have literally rendered everyone on this panel speechless. Sit down. Next question…yes tall guy.
Tall Guy: Yeah, hi, I was wondering what news you could give us about the Vampire Authority? Are they really the ones blowing up all the True Blood factories?
(blank stares)
Moderator: Seriously? What the hell? This is the Vam-pi-re-Di-a-ries Panel…Bill and Eric are next door you Fucktard!
(gasps and laughter)
Ahem, excuse me…next question please. Yes, skinny girl with the extra large t-shirt on.
X-Large: Hello, my question is for Bonnie. Are we going to see a darker side to Bonnie in the future?
Bonnie: What do you mean darker?
X-Large: I mean, are you going to start doing more dark magic?
Bonnie: I don't know what you're talking about. My magic isn't dark.
X-Large: Well, it certainly seemed like you were starting down a path that can only cause more problems…
Bonnie: I do magic to save my friends, they're the ones who keep causing problems, not me. If they would stop screwing vampires and getting turned into vampires, we wouldn't have any problems at all, now would we? I'm the victim here! My mom died!
X-Large: So that's a yes?
Bonnie: We're done.
(gasp)
Moderator: X-Large t-shirt girl? Where did she go?
(Ribbit ribbit)
Is that a frog? Did you just turn that girl into a frog?
Bonnie: She started it.
Moderator: Riiiight, it would probably be a good idea to not direct anymore questions toward Ms. Bennett.
(Ribbit ribbit)
Bonnie: She'll be fine.
Moderator: Do we have any more questions for our other guests? Jeremy? Matt? Oh, yes sir…what's your question?
Fan: Hi, I'm Dwayne and my question is for Jeremy.
Jeremy: What's up, man?
Dwayne: Not much…I was just wondering if you could get in contact with my Meemaw.
Jeremy: You're what?
Dwayne: My Meemaw…my Grandma.
Jeremy: Uhh, I'm not sure…it doesn't really work that way.
Dwayne: But you're a medium right?
Jeremy: Yes.
Dwayne: Then why can't you get in touch with my Meewaw? She's dead.
Jeremy: Well, I guess I could try. What's her name?
Dwayne: Meemaw.
Jeremy: No, her actual name, her first name?
Dwayne: Oh…um, I'm not sure.
Jeremy: Your'e not sure? You don't know your Grandma's name?
Dwayne: I've just always called her Meemaw.
Jeremy: Oookay, let me see what I can do. Uhm. Dwayne's Meemaw, are you there?
(quiet)
Okay, yeah, she's here.
Dwayne: Wow! Hi Meemaw…hiyee! What does she say?
Jeremy: Okay, okay…she says her name is Dolores, and to lay off the pipe.
(Hahahahahaha)
Dwayne: Wha- huh? I don't know what she's talking about.
Jeremy: Right.
Moderator: Okay, maybe we can leave the dead out of the panel conversation from here on 's keep rolling…anything for Matt?
(crickets)
Come on people…anything for Matt?
Matt: I'm gonna have a lot of internal drama and guilt about what happened to Elena, doesn't anyone care about that?
(more crickets…ribbit)
Moderator: Sorry, Matt…they just don't seem to care.
Matt: No, X-Large t-shirt girl just ribbitted, I think she has a question for me.
Moderator: Okay, X-Large t-shirt girl that is now a frog, do you have a question for Matt?
(ribbit)
Anything else?
(ribbit)
Well, unfortunately I don't speak frog, so moving on. I think we have time for a few more questions…yes, young lady in the back, no not you…yes you, what's your question?
Fan: Hi, my name's Ashley and this question is for Klaus. What do you think the deeper meaning behind your attraction to Caroline is?
Klaus: Well Ashley, I think…
Ashley: We all think it's because she brings out the human side of you. Some people argue that you're just following after Damon (squeal) and that you shouldn't need a love interest to change you. I don't think you're changing at all and that you would want Caroline to love you for who you are not for who she wants you to be. My sister thinks there's no rhyme or reason to you even liking Caroline and that it just seems out of the blue. What do you think?
Klaus: Well those are all very good ideas, and…
Ashley: I think you don't need to have a reason that makes sense to anyone but yourself, we don't need to know every little detail of why you like her, it's just nice that you do like her…
Klaus: Yes, but if I may…
Ashley: I mean, you're totally hot, so there's no reason why Caroline wouldn't want you in return,
Klaus: Thank you, I…
Ashley: …and you guys have so much in common
Klaus: I think so…
Ashley: …and an amazing amount of chemistry, and your drawings are so pretty, and…
Klaus: Right.
(Horrified screams)
Moderator: Oh dear. Ew. Can we get a clean up in the back? Ashley seems to have been…well…decapitated.
Caroline: You did not just decapitate that girl!
Klaus: Next question…
Moderator: God, you're sexy! Elena, dear, would you mind handing some of those wet naps over to Klaus please?
Well, haha seems like things are sort of getting away from us here, haha…does anyone have a genuine question for our panel that won't result in violence? No one? Nobody has anything to add? You there, is that a hand in the air? No?
(complete stillness)
Oookay then, I think that about wraps things up here. Thank you all for taking the time out of your busy life and death schedules to meet your fans…or what's left of them anyway. And thank you all for coming out to see your favorite Vampire Diaries characters. This has been the first annual The Vampire Diaries: Character Spotlight! Good night, everyone! Please exit in an orderly fashion, the guards at the door will be handing out vervain for your protection.
Hey, Klaus, where you going you sexy beast, wait up, you still have a little bit of Ashley on your face!
Please review and let me know how much you liked it! I would love to write some more but this is a One Shot. You can read more of my ramblings on my tumblr Fans vs. Vamps: - Deej