A/N: So it's almost 2am and I'm not even in the slightest bit tired so i'm posting this! Started this a long time ago but couldn't decide on how to end it! I'm not 100% happy but it'll do (Y) Much love, Kelly. X. Reviews please!
Mercy On Me - Christina Aguilera
So don't let me fool around no more
Send your angels down to guide me through that door
Well I've gone and confessed my regrets
And I pray I'm not held in contempt
I'm so lost, and I need you to help me repent
Oh lord have mercy on my soul
Oh I'm begging, I'm pleading, I'm needing
I want you to know
So I'm down upon my knees
Oh lord, I need forgiveness
I need forgiveness from you
--x--
Alex
This isn't the way you should be finding this out but I can't keep it from you anymore, I know this gives you ammunition to hate me, I know that I made a mistake but you have to understand that I didn't find out until I had already left and I was scared, I was alone and I was scared and I'm sorry, I'm sorry that I kept this from you.
You have a daughter, I haven't named her yet, nothing seems to fit, by the time you get this I'll be on a flight to Seattle and she'll be 4 days old, I'll be in the cafeteria at 12, I hope you'll meet us there.
I am truly sorry for springing this on you, for not even telling you, I was being selfish I know, I only hope that you won't hold it against me forever. I'm not asking you to step up and be her father, it's really your choice, I just think you should meet her, she looks more like you than me, she's a Daddy's girl already.
All our love, Addison and Baby Girl Montgomery-Karev.
Xx
--x--
"Alex! Hello!! Alex!" Izzie said waving her hand in front of Alex's face "Alex what is it?"
"I um, I, uh" he stuttered.
"He looks like he's seen a ghost" said Derek "What's in the letter?"
"I uh, I, um, oh my, crap, I uh" he stuttered again.
"Alex" Meredith said slowly "Try and form a sentence for us"
"Water" he choked out "I need water"
Izzie jumped out of her seat and poured him a glass of water, she sat down next to him and handed it over, he took it and gulped it back quickly.
"Oh my god Alex your shaking!" Meredith exclaimed "Seriously, what's in the letter?"
"Can I read it?" asked Izzie, Alex didn't react, Izzie picked up the letter and began to read, she let out a loud gasp and dropped it on the table like it was a hot potato, Meredith snatched up the letter and reacted just as Izzie did, Derek picked it up and his eyes widened.
"Crap" Alex said smacking his fist down on the table causing everyone to jump, he stood up and smacked it against the wall "Crap, crap, crap, crap, crap!" he said hitting it over and over, sometimes using his feet, even his forehead.
"Alex, stop" Izzie said firmly grabbing onto his wrist, he turned to her, she was taken aback by tear filled eyes "Oh Alex" she sighed, she stood up and pulled him into a tight hug.
"I don't even, I, I, crap" he mumbled into her shoulder.
"Your going to be fine, everything is going to be fine" Izzie said firmly as she pushed him back a little to look him in the eye "So, how did it happen?" he looked at her with a raised eyebrow "Obviously we know how it happened but how did it happen?" she asked sitting them both back down.
"It, it was about a month before she left, we'd, we'd been flirting around each other for months, we kissed, once, the night George's Dad died and then she avoided me so I told her I wasn't interested and then a few months later, after the ferryboat accident we were shouting about something, Ava, it was about Ava and the next thing I know she's kissing me and we're in an on-call room and then, then Ava told me that Addison wanted the guy who barbeques and plays catch and I freaked out, I freaked out and I completely blew Addison off, I was an ass, I was, it was awful, her face, god, I might as well have killed her puppy, I hurt her and I didn't even have the decency to apologize and then at the wedding I came on to her and she told me that I didn't want her and to go after Ava and I did and then I got there and she wasn't there and I didn't feel anything but when I found out that Addison had gone, it felt like someone had killed my puppy and now, now I just, I have a daughter, a 4 day old daughter and I don't know what I'm doing, what do I feel, I don't know what the hell to feel!"
"Well, I can't help you there" Izzie sighed.
"How could she do this?" Alex whispered "I know I hurt her but, this is, she's my daughter, my daughter"
"She was scared Alex" said Meredith "She sounds pretty sorry to me, she's trying to fix it"
"I'll be there for the baby but, I can't, I can't be there for her"
"Alex" Izzie sighed.
"No, I just, I can't and just, don't tell anyone, not yet" he said walking out of the kitchen.
"Oh this is not good" Izzie muttered.
"Derek, you ok?" asked Meredith.
"I, I don't know" he stuttered "This is, unbelievable"
"Yeah" they both sighed.
--x--
Alex walked into the cafeteria at dead on 12, he scanned the room quickly, his eyes fell on an exhausted looking red-head, a stroller sat beside her, she had her chin resting on the edge of the basket looking in at the child inside, he took a deep breath and walked over.
"I'm not here for you" he said firmly making her jump slightly at his voice "I'm here for her, just to make that clear"
She nodded sadly, she sat back in her chair and waited for his next move, he reached into the stroller and slowly picked up the small bundle, he cradled her in his arms and sat down.
"Hey" he whispered "Look at you, I'm your Daddy, yeah, I'm your Daddy, wow, your beautiful" he smiled stroking the back of his finger against her cheek "I want to know everything, how you found out, what you craved, where you were when you first felt her kick, the labour, everything" he said not meeting Addison's eye.
"I found out when I was 3 months, I'd been feeling nauseous for a while and after a week of throwing up every morning my friend Naomi insisted on running my blood, that's how I found out. I craved pickled onions, all the time, we had jars in pretty much every room in the practice. When I first felt her kick I was in bed watching an America's Next Top Model re-run because it was the only thing that was on at 3 in the morning when I couldn't sleep. I went into labour at 5:30pm on the day before my due date, I was at home in my kitchen, my friend Sam lives next door, I called him, he got me to the practice, I didn't deliver until 3:30am and it was the most painful, scary thing I have ever done but it was amazing at the same time, she was 7 pounds 3 ounces, 19 inches long and in perfect health, she took to nursing straight away, she's always hungry and when she's not, she's sleeping, I think that's everything" she sighed.
"Are you going back to LA?"
"No" she said firmly "No I'm not, I wrote you the letter and then bought a house about a mile away from here, my friends Naomi and Sam are driving the delivery truck there now"
"I'm not here for you, I'm here for her" he said looking at her.
"I know" she nodded "Name her, I couldn't decide, I want you to name her"
"Courtney" he said simply "Courtney Pippa Montgomery-Karev"
"It's perfect" she whispered, a tear fell from her eye at the sight of him holding their daughter close.
"Does anyone know? From Seattle, did you tell anyone?"
"No, nobody, does anyone know, your friends I mean"
"Izzie, Meredith and Shepard were there when I opened the letter, I couldn't, I couldn't really speak so they read it so yeah, they know"
"And what did they say?"
"They were shocked, obviously but not alot else, I didn't really let them"
"Oh, ok" Addison nodded "Alex I'm…."
"I know" he sighed "Just, not now, I can't do this now, just let me have this, just let me have some time with her"
"Ok" she whispered.
--x--
"Addison?!" Callie said with confusion approaching the table.
"Callie, hi" Addison stuttered.
"What, what are you doing here? What's going on?"
"Can we talk, over there?" Addison said gesturing to an empty table.
"Sure" Callie replied.
"I'll be back in a minute" Addison said softly to Alex who was too mesmerized with Courtney to notice.
"What's going on Addison?" Callie asked as they sat down.
"She's mine, the baby, she's mine, she's, she's ours, mine and Alex's" Addison stuttered.
"Oh my god" Callie gasped "Addison! Why didn't you, why didn't you tell me?"
"I was scared, I just, I couldn't tell anyone, I didn't even tell him, I sent him a letter to tell him I was coming and to meet me here, he won't even look at me, not really"
"Can you blame him?!" Callie exclaimed "How old is she?"
"4 days" Addison replied quietly.
"This is unbelievable, how could you do this Addison?!"
"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry" Addison whispered.
"I have to go, I can't even, I can't believe you"
"Callie" Addison sighed, Callie just sighed and looked at her sadly before walking away.
--x--
"I think she's hungry" Alex said as Addison rejoined the table.
"Right, well uh, it's getting pretty noisy in here, she'll only feed when it's quiet, I'll take her to an on-call room"
"You push the stroller I'll carry her" Alex said standing up and walking away, leaving Addison to rush after him, as they reached an empty on-call room Addison pushed in the stroller and locked the door behind them, Alex had sat on the bed leaning up against the wall, she took as seat next to him, she took off her jacket throwing it onto the stroller, he handed her the baby, she quickly lifted her shirt at one side and pushed her bra off of one breast, she held Courtney close, she instantly latched on and started suckling "Yeah, she's hungry" Addison laughed quietly.
They sat in silence, Alex stared into space, Addison looked down at their daughter.
"Why Courtney? Why did you choose that name?"
"It's what I've always imagined my daughter would be called, I'd have a daughter named Courtney Pippa, Courts for short and a son named Maxwell Joseph, Max or Maxxie for short"
"You think about things like that?" Addison smiled softly.
"Not for a long time, I'm surprised you didn't have a name picked out, don't girls decide these things by the time they're like 15?"
"There were names, I had Emma, Lucy, Mia, a few others, they just, they didn't fit her"
"Right" he sighed "We need to tell people, the Chief, Bailey, you should probably tell Sloan, he's going to kill me by the way, this gives him more ammunition to hate me"
"What we do is none of his business"
"You made it his business when you broke that little pact you had with him"
"The pact was a mistake"
"We still need to tell them"
"We'll just do it all at the same time, get it out of the way, and trust me, after the way Callie reacted, I think it's going to be me that they hate, you already hate me, so does Callie, it's inevitable"
"I don't hate you Addison" he said softly "I'm just, disappointed in you"
"Yeah, me too"
--x--
"You better have a pretty good reason for this Karev" the Chief said as he walked into the conference room.
"Trust me, I do" Alex sighed, they waited as Bailey, Callie, George, Cristina, Izzie, Meredith, Derek and Mark all filtered into the room.
"I uh, thank you all for coming, a few of you know what this is about but we just thought, that maybe it would be good for you to be here"
"We?" Bailey said with a raised eyebrow.
"We" Addison said from the doorway, she held Courtney close against her chest "Alex, a little help" she said gesturing to the stroller which was jammed in the doorway, he gestured for her to enter the room and pulled in the stroller.
"Addison?! What's going on?" the Chief stuttered.
"This, is Courtney Pippa Montgomery-Karev, she's 4 days old, I didn't tell anyone out here about her, not even Alex, I made a mistake, I was scared and I made a mistake, I should have told you, I know that but it was too hard, I didn't know before I left, I wouldn't have left if I knew but by the time I found out I'd been gone for 2 months and I was scared and, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, you can shout at me now" she mumbled sitting down in one of the chairs.
"Well, I can't say I'm not surprised Addie" the Chief sighed.
"I don't know what disappoints me more, the fact that you slept with one of my suck-ups or the fact that you didn't tell me" said Bailey "But I guess I can get past it"
"Thank you Miranda" Addison sighed.
"I'm still mad at you" said Callie.
"I know"
"You're an idiot"
"I know"
"But, I can get past it, if you make me godmother"
"Done" Addison laughed.
"Me and Meredith got over it this morning" said Izzie "We were a little mad at you but you were scared, we get it"
"What she said" said Meredith.
"Whatever" said Cristina "I don't babysit"
"I've babysat for Bailey before, I'm good, if you need me, call" George smiled softly.
"Thanks Bam….George" Alex nodded.
"Surprised, shocked, a little disappointed but not angry, I've had a few hours to let it sink in" said Derek.
"You knew about this?!" Mark exclaimed suddenly.
"I found out when Karev did, calm down Mark"
"Calm down, don't you tell me to calm down!" Mark snapped almost leaping from his chair.
"Here we go" Addison mumbled, she set Courtney down in the stroller and folded her arms across her chest.
"So you'll keep his baby and not mine?!" he asked angrily.
"Don't you dare" Addison hissed standing up.
"Wait? What?!" Derek exclaimed.
"Oh. She didn't tell you?" asked Mark "Back in New York, she had an abortion, she aborted my child and she didn't even talk to me about it"
"You have no right to bring that up" Addison snapped "You know exactly why I did it Mark"
"Because you thought you could come chasing after Derek and everything would be peachy, that worked out well for you"
"I aborted the baby because you you would have made a terrible father, you made a big deal out of wanting me and loving me and you still man-whored your way around New York, we've already had this conversation, we've had it so many times, I wanted a baby, I wanted a baby but I didn't want one with you"
"What makes you think he's going to be so great?" he smirked.
"He is 10 times the man you are Mark, if he was anything like you he would have ran by now"
"You ran, you ran to LA, probably to get away from him" he spat.
"It was to get away from all of you, I needed a fresh start"
"You needed fresh meat, shame, men don't usually go for the pregnant chicks but then I guess you have your ways"
Addison stepped quickly over to him and slapped him hard across the face "Don't you dare!" she said angrily "I am not a whore, you know damn well that I have only slept with 3 men in my life Mark, you being one of them and that, that was the biggest mistake I have ever made, get the hell out, I don't want to be anywhere near you"
"Ditto" he hissed before storming out of the room.
"Damn it" Addison muttered letting her head fall against the closed door, she only turned around when Courtney started to cry.
"I've got it" Alex said softly, he picked her up out of the stroller and rocked her gently.
"I can't even…." Derek started.
"Derek just, not now" Addison sighed defeatedly "You hated me enough when I told you I stayed with him, I didn't need to give you anymore reasons, I screwed up, it seems to be a pattern in my life right now"
"Fine" he said angrily standing up and storming out.
"Great, fantastic!" she exclaimed slumping down in one of the chairs.
"We should go" said Bailey "That means you" she said glaring at Meredith, Cristina, Izzie and George, they all reluctantly stood up and followed her out of the room.
"Addie, are you staying, in Seattle?" asked the Chief.
"Yeah" she whispered.
"Your jobs here when you want it, everything will be fine, congratulations, you are going to be a fantastic mom" he said kissing her cheek softly "I'll see you soon"
"Yeah, thanks Richard"
"Mark will get over it, I'll make him" Callie said standing up.
"What you gonna do withhold sex?" Alex smirked.
"Pretty much" Callie nodded "She's beautiful by the way, you make cute babies, I'm still mad at you"
"I'm mad at me too" Addison sighed.
"We'll talk later" Callie said squeezing her arm and leaving the room.
"You ok?" asked Alex.
"No" Addison replied "I guess I deserved that huh"
"No, you didn't" he sighed "He had no right to treat you like that, you had your reasons, they sounded pretty fair to me"
"Yeah" she said rubbing her hand over her face.
"Do you regret it, keeping my baby? I mean, he has a point, I'm a lot like him"
"No. You're not Alex." she said firmly "And no, I don't regret it, I regret not telling you but I don't regret keeping her, she's my life now"
"She's mine too" he said softly.
"Will you ever forgive me?" she asked quietly.
"Will you ever forgive me?" he countered back.
"As soon as she was placed on my chest, I forgave you, I wrote the letter an hour later"
"Then I guess I can work on it"
"That's all I ask" Addison said softly.
--x--
"You still love her" Naomi said as herself and Alex stood in the kitchen of Addison's new house hours later.
"What?!" he laughed nervously.
"You still love her" Naomi said again.
"I didn't love her, it was just…."
"I know the story Alex" she sighed "But I'm telling you, you love her, your trying to cover it with this disappointment thing but you still love her"
"We can't start anything, I'm not a good boyfriend"
"Which is why you blew her off?"
"Which is why I blew her off" he nodded.
"She loves you too y'know"
"She hated me"
"You were an ass of course she did but that doesn't mean she didn't love you, she made a mistake, you made a mistake, this is big and scary and a bit of a mess but you can make it work, I've known you for an hour and I know you can make it work"
"It's another complication we really don't need right now"
"Just think about it" Naomi said softly as she left the room.
--x--
2 weeks later.
Alex woke slowly in the guest room of the house, he'd decided to spend a few nights a week there to spend more time with Courtney, he turned on his side and grabbed his cell flipping it open to read the time '2:30am' flashed across the screen, he groaned and flopped his head back onto the pillow, he snapped his eyes open when he heard a noise, it sounded like a soft whimper. He got out of bed and stepped out of the room, the noise got louder, he knew where it was coming from, it had been the same almost every night of the week, he stood outside her bedroom door and knocked lightly, there was no reply, he twisted the doorknob and pushed the door open.
"Addison" he said softly.
"I'm fine" she sniffed "Go back to bed"
"You're not fine" he said looking at the tears that fell down her cheeks, he walked over and sat on the edge of the bed "What's wrong?"
"I screwed it all up" she whimpered "Everything, I screwed it all up"
Alex stood up and pulled back the covers, he climbed onto the bed making her shuffle over, he wrapped his arms around her and let her sob into his bare chest.
"Sshh, we're going to be fine, everything is going to be fine, I forgive you ok? I forgive you, you haven't screwed everything up, you have given us a beautiful daughter, look at her" he said nodding his head over to the moses basket that sat by the bed "She's perfect Addison, definitely not screwed up"
He looked down at her and she was fast asleep against him, he kissed the top of her head softly and settled himself soon falling into a sleep.
--x--
"Hey" Addison said softly as she woke to find Alex pacing the room with Courtney held against him.
"Hi, go back to sleep, I've got her"
"No, it's fine, I'm up, she'll need feeding anyway"
"Are you ok?"
"Yeah, I uh, sorry, about last night, sorry"
"Don't be sorry" he said softly.
"I'm just, hormones y'know"
"Addison, it's fine" he said firmly.
"You should go and get ready for work and she needs her feed, give her here" Addison said sitting up, Alex kissed Courtney's head softly and lay her down in Addison's arms.
"I won't be long" he smiled.
"Ok" she nodded "Alex?" she said when he reached the door.
"Yeah?"
"Thank you"
Alex merely nodded before walking away.
--x--
"Hey" Meredith smiled as she sat down next to Alex in the residents locker room.
"Hey" he yawned.
"Baby keeping you up all night?"
"Something like that" he muttered.
"Everything ok?"
"Fine" he smiled.
"No no, you can't use the word fine, whats going on?"
"I'm worried about Addison, she's, she cries, every night and, I'm just worried"
"Have you told her your worried?"
"No, I just, I hold her and let her cry" he mumbled "She says she's screwed everything up and I tell her she hasn't"
"Do you think she's maybe got post natal depression? How is she with the baby?"
"She's great with the baby, she loves the baby, the baby isn't the problem it's everything else, the secrets and Sloan and Shepard and me and everything"
"Just talk to her, tell her how you feel"
"I don't know how I feel"
"You do" Meredith said standing up and patting his back "You know exactly how you feel"
--x--
"This needs to stop" Alex said firmly as he walked into Addison's bedroom that night.
"Go away" she mumbled.
"Get up"
"What?!"
"Get. Up. Come with me" he said holding out his hand.
"Alex it's 3 in the morning"
"Which is why you're going to come to my room with me so we can talk without waking the baby"
"Fine" she grumbled throwing the covers back and storming past him, Alex placed the baby monitor close to the crib before following her out.
"You need to stop this Addison" Alex said softly as he closed his bedroom door "You made a mistake, we all make mistakes but you need to stop this, you have a daughter now, a daughter who wakes up at ridiculous hours in the night and having a mother who's running on empty is not what she needs, it's not good for her and it's not good for you. We can't change what's happened, if we could I would go back 9 months or so and tell you that I'm sorry, that I didn't mean to push you away but I can't do that, just like you can't go back to the day you found out you were pregnant and call me. We have both made mistakes but now it's time to move on so we can be there for our daughter, ok?"
"Ok" Addison nodded as she stood up from her place perching on the edge of his bed, she walked towards the door, he grabbed her wrist and pulled her into a hug, she relaxed into his arms and held on tightly.
"I hate seeing you like this" Alex said softly.
"I know" she whispered.
--x--
4 weeks later.
"So, I'll be back tomorrow morning, have fun" Alex said kissing Addison's cheek softly, he leaned into the moses basket and kissed Courtney's forehead.
"See you later" Addison smiled.
"Oh just go there already" Callie groaned as the front door closed behind Alex.
"Exhibit A" Addison said pointing to Courtney "What happened the last time you told me to do that"
"But you love her"
"Yes but that doesn't mean going there is a good idea, it would make everything so, complicated, it already is"
"It wouldn't be complicated" Callie smiled softly "You love him, he loves you, you have a baby together, you live together and don't tell me you don't because you do, he hasn't been back to Meredith's place in 6 weeks, well he did but that was to get clothes"
"How do you know that?" Addison asked with a raised eyebrow.
"She was on my service yesterday, we had a 6 hour surgery, we had to talk about something"
"Great! So now the whole hospital knows my business"
"We talked in code but yeah, they probably know" Callie nodded "You didn't deny it though"
"Deny what?"
"That you love him"
"Shut up" Addison groaned.
--x--
"I was thinking of going back to work" Addison said as herself and Alex watched a movie that evening.
"Already?"
"Not full time obviously, maybe one or two days a week, I don't want to get rusty"
"You're Addison Forbes Montgomery, you won't get rusty"
"I'm sure we can sort something out with the Chief, so Courtney can come in with me, we have people who'll help with her so, I just, I need to do something Alex, I love being with her but sitting in this house all day can get, lonely"
"We'll go and see the Chief tomorrow" said Alex.
"Thank you" Addison grinned "But I would have gone anyway"
"Oh, I know" Alex smirked.
--x--
"Hey" Addison smiled pulling up a chair next to Alex in the cafeteria.
"Hey" he smiled "How's my little munchkin?" he said taking Courtney from Addison's arms "Hmm, you look cute today, that's a good outfit, who bought that for you, it was me wasn't it, Daddy is spoiling your already, yes I am, have you been a good girl for your Mommy? I'll take that spit bubble as a yes shall I? Love you baby girl" he smiled kissing the top of her head softly.
"I think I'm going to throw up" Cristina groaned.
"She's a Daddy's girl" Addison smiled "He turns into this big ball of gush as soon as he gets hold of her"
"What?!" Alex laughed "We make cute babies"
"We do" Addison smiled "Anyway, the reason I'm here was to tell you that I'll be working here 2 days a week from now on, until Courtney gets a little older, she can come in with me, you can have her or I can, or Callie, anyone who wants to help while I'm cutting people open" she shrugged.
"I'll help!" Izzie exclaimed happily.
"Sounds good" Alex nodded "We'll work it out, won't we baby girl" he said cooing at Courtney again.
"Seriously, this is sickening" Cristina grimaced.
"Bite me" Alex snapped.
"As much as I'm enjoying this, I need to get her home" Addison said standing up, Alex stood up with her, he pressed a kiss on Courtney's forehead and passed her over to Addison "See you at home" he smiled.
"Yeah, bye guys"
"Bye" everyone replied, Alex leaned in and gave Addison a kiss on the cheek before she walked away.
"What?" he said when he sat down to find everyone staring at him.
"I'm throwing you out" Meredith announced.
"What?!" he laughed.
"You just called her place home, you never sleep in your room anyway, just move in with her already"
"I don't think that's…."
"A good idea?" Izzie said with a raised eyebrow "Nothing's going to change, you'll just have more stuff there"
"Fine" Alex sighed "I'll talk to her"
"You might want to mention the fact that you love her too" Meredith said flippantly.
"Ok, now you're really going crazy" Alex laughed nervously.
"Would it really be so bad?" asked Izzie "Being in love with the mother of your child? Would it really be so bad?"
"When said mother doesn't love you back then yes, it would really be so bad"
"Hate to break it too you Alex but she does love you back" Meredith said softly "Just go there already"
"The last time I did that I got her pregnant"
"And it was the best thing that ever happened to you, am I right?" asked George.
"Yes but, but, but…."
"Oh you so don't have an end to that sentence" Cristina smirked.
"For the second time today, bite me" Alex said storming away.
"He's going to tell her tonight" said Izzie.
"Yeah" Meredith nodded "He's going to tell her tonight"
--x--
"Meredith threw me out" Alex said flopping himself onto the sofa next to Addison.
"What?!" she laughed.
"I called this place home apparently, so she's throwing me out"
"I guess we can make room for you" Addison smirked "What do you say Courts, how about Daddy stays with us?"
"Take that very cute yawn as a yes" Alex smiled softly.
"The rooms yours, always has been" Addison said standing up "I'm going to put her down, be back in a sec"
"Ok" he said softly, he watched her as she walked out of the living room "Damn it" he muttered putting his face in his hands "I'm in love with her"
"What did you just say?" Alex snapped his head up to see Addison in the doorway holding Courtney close to her.
"I, uh, I" he stuttered "I meant the baby, yeah, I'm like, so in love with her"
Addison looked at him skeptically, she walked back over to the sofa and grabbed the small pink blanket she had left behind before walking out for the second time.
"Alex? What's wrong?" Addison frowned as she walked back into the room 5 minutes later, Alex was stood in the center of the room with a blank expression on his face "Alex?!" he looked up at her, he took to strides forward and captured her lips in his, his hands on her face, she let out a light moan and brought her arms up to wrap around his neck "Alex" she mumbled into his lips, she pulled away slightly, their lips still almost touching "What are we doing?" she whispered.
"I didn't mean the baby" he whispered back "Well I did but, not right then, in that moment, I didn't mean the baby, I've been in love with you every day since you told me my ass was yours" he smirked "And this ass made a huge mistake by letting you go, so let me catch you Addie, let me love you again"
"I've been in love with you since the day you said you'd notice, maybe even before that and I made a huge mistake by letting you let me go so you can catch me, just be prepared for me to hold on, you can love me if you let me love you"
Alex smiled softly and kissed her hard on the lips "You do realize we've just set ourselves up for a dozen I told you so's" he smirked.
"You're worth it" she grinned.
"I love you Addison"
"I love you Alex"
--x--
"So, I'll meet you for lunch then?" Addison said quietly as they stood outside the residents locker room the following day.
"Sure" he smiled.
"So, I'm getting me postnatal check up today, it's been 6 weeks, a little over 6 weeks"
"Do you want me to come with you?"
"No" she smiled, she leaned in towards his ear and lowered her voice "But when I get the all clear you can help me celebrate tonight"
"Oh really" he smirked.
"Really" she smiled "I should go"
"Ok" he nodded, he reached into the stroller and stroked Courtney's cheek softly "Love you munchkin" he whispered, he straightened up and pulled Addison into a long kiss "I….love….you" he said pecking at her lips.
"Mmm….I….love….you….too" she said mimicking his actions "But now I really do have to go"
"One more" he said pulling her back to him and kissing her gently "I love you Addie"
"I love you too" she laughed.
"Finally" Izzie groaned pushing past them to get into the locker room.
"Yeah it was getting kind of boring" Cristina said doing the same.
"We told you so" George sang following them in.
"Don't screw it up" Meredith said firmly.
"That told us" Addison smirked.
"4 down, a billion and one to go" Alex sighed.
"You're still worth it" she smiled softly "Have a good day"
"You too" he smiled "Good morning" he said happily as he walked into the locker room.
"Someone's happy" Meredith laughed.
"I have a perfect little daughter, a perfect girlfriend and a pretty perfect life right now, of course I'm happy" he grinned.
"I think I preferred him miserable" said Cristina.
"Sorry, not gonna happen" he smiled.
"I'm happy for you Alex" Izzie smiled.
"I'm happy for me too"
--x--
"Derek!" Addison said loudly as he walked past her office.
"What?!" he snapped turning to face her.
"Look I know you don't like me but, have you seen Alex?"
"He's in surgery with Bailey and Torres"
"Izzie?"
"With Mark"
"Meredith? George?"
"Hahn"
"Yang?"
"Pit"
"Damn it" Addison groaned "OK, so, I don't really care what you think about me" she said walking out of her office, Courtney held against her with one arm, a babybjorn and her diaper bag on the other "But I have a 911 and your my last option and I trust you so, put this on" she said handing him the babybjorn.
"Wha…."
"Don't have time for this Derek"
"Fine" Derek groaned putting the babybjorn on.
"Ok" Addison smiled "Be good" she said kissing Courtney's forehead softly before putting her in it "Diaper bag" she said putting it on Derek's shoulder "I'll be, an hour, maybe two, thanks" Addison said starting to walk backwards "If she gets grouchy sing to her, she shouldn't need feeding but if she seems hungry I made up some bottles this morning and they're in the bag, thank you!" she shouted as she disappeared around the corner.
"Well, I guess it's just you and me huh kid?" Derek said to Courtney "Ok then"
--x--
Darling you got to let me know
Should I stay or should I go?
If you say that you are mine
I'll be here 'til the end of time
So you got to let me know
Should I stay or should I go?
Derek turned around as he rocked Courtney up and down in the research room, the babybjorn long forgotten, he stopped shock still when he saw Meredith, Cristina, Alex, Izzie and Mark staring back at him.
"Having fun?" Mark smirked.
"I was just…." Derek stuttered.
"Filling my daughters brain with your horrendous taste in music?" Alex smirked.
"The Clash are classic" defended Derek "It got her to stop crying didn't it?"
"Yeah yeah" Alex muttered "Give her here" he said with a laugh.
"No, it's ok, I've got her" Derek said rocking her slightly.
"Mer, get out, get out while you can" Cristina said quickly.
"I think he looks cute" Meredith smiled softly.
"Why thank you Meredith" Derek smiled.
"Hey, what's going on?" Addison asked walking up to them.
"He was singing 'Should I Stay or Should I Go' to her" said Mark.
Addison didn't know where to start first, the fact that Mark was speaking to her for the first time in 6 weeks or the fact that Derek was singing The Clash to her daughter.
"And he's hijacked her" Alex smirked.
"She's comfortable" Derek said softly.
"Guys, can you give me a minute with Derek and Mark please?" Addison asked quietly.
"Sure" Meredith nodded dragging Cristina out.
"You sure babe?" Alex muttered.
"Sure" she nodded kissing him softly "Love you"
"Love you too" he smiled "I'll get lunch yeah?"
"Yeah, thanks" she smiled, she waited until Alex had shut the door behind him to look up at Derek and Mark "What?" she asked nervously as they both smirked at her.
"I didn't think there was anything going with you two" said Derek.
"There wasn't….until last night" she said with a smile, biting her bottom lip.
"You look happy" Mark said softly.
"I am" she nodded "But you forgiving me, both of you, that would make me even happier because you seriously don't know how sorry I am, Mark, I don't regret having the abortion, it was the right thing to do, you know it was, I regret the way I did it but I don't regret doing it and Derek, I should have told you, I know that but I just wanted to forget and I should have told you and I'm sorry, to both of you, I'm sorry"
"We know" Mark smiled "We know you are" he said hugging her "I shouldn't have gone off at you like that, I'm sorry"
"Thank you" she whispered.
"She's beautiful y'know" he smiled "Callie's been thrusting pictures at me for the past 6 weeks"
"Really?" she said with a raised eyebrow.
"Yeah, every time she comes back from seeing you she's all 'oh my god look at how beautiful Courtney is, isn't she beautiful Mark, isn't she?' she doesn't give up until I say yes"
"Right" Addison laughed "Derek?" she asked hopefully "Derek!" she snapped when he didn't look up from Courtney.
"Wha….oh right, yeah, I uh, I wish you'd have told me before but, it doesn't matter now, it's all in the past"
"Should I warn Meredith that your mesmerized by my daughter?" Addison smirked.
"She thinks he looks cute" Mark smirked.
"Oh really?" Addison asked with a raised eyebrow "Are we to be expecting a mini-Shepard anytime soon then Derek?"
"Are you kidding?" Derek laughed "Meredith is not ready for that! She'd freak!"
"Well you can borrow Courtney from time to time" Addison smiled "But I would like her back"
"Ok" Derek laughed handing her back over.
"Hey there baby girl" Addison smiled down at her "We should go and find Daddy because Mommy is hungry"
"Come on, lets go" Mark smiled.
--x--
"Everything ok?" Alex asked softly as Addison sat next to him in the cafeteria.
"Everythings, good, great" Addison smiled "Everythings great"
"I love you" he smiled kissing her softly.
"I love you too" she smiled.
"And I love you baby girl" he said kissing the top of Courtney's head.
"I'm really sorry y'know, for before, I'm sorry"
"Addie, no more apologizing ok? We're together now, we're a family, no more apologizing"
"Ok" Addison said softly "But thank you, for doing that, for letting us be a family"
"You don't have to thank me just, just let me love you, both of you, let me be there"
"I already am" Addison smiled.
--x--
They're married within the year. Have a son 2 years later. And another daughter 3 years after that. They're far from perfect and even though he regrets it as soon as the words have left his mouth Alex has used the secret pregnancy against her in more than one argument. And then a 15 year old Courtney overhears him say it and she doesn't speak to her Mom for 3 days. But in the end it always comes down to one thing. Love. Because no matter how much they fought they said 'I Love You' every day. And every tough moment was faced together. And if asked if they were happy the answer was always yes because if their kids were happy they were happy and that was all that mattered to them. Happiness.
--x--
There is no love without forgiveness, and there is no forgiveness without love. Byrant H. McGill.
--x--