A/N: I KNOW I should be working on One Against One Hundred, but this plot bunny came up when I was in math, where I sit next to my friend, HundredPercentHetalian. Yes, we know each other in real life. Anyway, I began to muse about if we got put into the world of Hetalia; this is what happened. Enjoy.
Disclaimer: I own Skye Woods and HundredPercentHetalian owns Akari Mizugami. Neither of us own Hetalia because if we did, it'd be very, very, very different.
I knocked lightly on Akari's door before pushing my bag further up on my shoulder. Some people considered it rude to knock if you could ring the doorbell; I considered it rude to push a button instead of letting the person know you're there and willing to touch their door. Akari's mother, Mrs. Mizugami, answered it and smiled to me.
You know, you two are always having these sleepovers," she said, welcoming me in. I grinned to her.
"Yes, Mrs. Mizugami, but it shows how good of friends we are," I said with a slight giggle. From upstairs, I heard Akari curse as she probably tripped over something.
"Akari!" Mrs. Mizugami snapped at Akari as she came downstairs. Akari ignored her; didn't she know that that was dangerous?
"SKYYYEEEE!" Akari squealed happily and tackle-hugged me, knocking me off balance.
"YAH! Akari, don't do that!" I yelped, practically being knocked over by the force of her hug before grinning at her. "Are you totally ready for our Anime Marathon of Amazingly Epic Awesome-beyond-Prussia Proportions?"
"Totally yeah!" she grinned back. "The computer's ready and-hey, Dynamite, get off!" Akari snapped at her dog, Dynamite, who was trying to gnaw at my socks.
"Yarg! Bad Nuke, bad!" I yelped again, Akari nearly wrestling the little dog up. "Why'd you name him Dynamite? I still say you should've called him Nuke..."
"What's wrong with the name Dynamite? It sounds cool!" she whined back, holding her little poofball of a dog up.
"It'd work for a dog... that comes up to my knee, not a Pomeranian," I said, sighing to my friend. "That almost sounds like something Finland would name a dog... except he named his Bloody Flower Egg! Hey, did you know the dude who invented dynamite realized how destructive it was and started the Nobel Peace Prize?" I said, carefully setting my bag down and saying a random bit of trivia.
"There goes your science… geek… ness," Akari sighed at me, her dog chewing on her sleeves. "You know I absolutely hate science! But mostly it's all Mr. O'Brian's fault…. His teaching skills are HORRIBLE."
"Yeah, that's why I rely on my science-master dad for stuff," I said, picking up my bag and following Akari upstairs. "And you're the math master—remember, I fail!"
"Funny you should mention that," Mrs. Mizugami chimed in. "She didn't do so well on her Japanese prep school test…."
"Mom, this and that is different!" Akari said, blushing before immediately running upstairs. I rolled my eyes as I heard her mom mutter something in Japanese before running up the stairs three at a time. I quickly followed Akari to her room, where she seemed to be slightly upset over something.
"Alright then… here's your bed, and here's mine," Akari said pointing at the two "Futons" lying down on the floor.
"Ooh, futons!" I said, grinning. "I always wanted to do this!"
"My mom suggested us to sleep in the same futon…" Akari said, shuddering. "What the hell was she thinking? I know we ARE best friends, and we ARE both girls but really?" I blinked in horror at her, randomly thinking of my boring pajamas.
"That's creepy and scarier than my mom asking me if I want to eat kale…" I said, trembling. I absolutely hate kale and will avoid it no matter what.
"But not as scary as France trying to rape you," Akari pointed out. I snickered.
"Or Prussia attempting to grope you!" We both burst out laughing. "Well, we can always sic Hungary on them,"
"That's true," Akari agreed. "Ugh, how I wish Hetalia characters were real…"
Wait, hold on a second… did her dog just whimper?
"Did Nuke just whimper?" I asked, utterly shocked. Akari nodded, looking terrified.
"Okay, I think it's gonna snow in the middle of summer now."
"Or pigs will fly."
"Or Mint Bunnies!" Akari added. I snickered.
"Gott, we're being such crazies… hey, let's get on the Anime marathon! I bet it's nothing." I said, grinning while pushing my long brown hair out of my eyes.
"True that. You fine with a Hetalia marathon first?" Akari asked, shaking some of her black hair out of her face.
"Totally! After that, we'll get to Naruto. Then Death Note if we have the time." I answered, grinning from ear to ear. We turned to leave Akari's room, but something appeared in the doorway.
I will not lie to you; it was a pentagram that looked like it was made of blood. The heavy, sickly sweet stench of blood and rosemary filling the air.
"Oh, gott, what the flip is that?" I managed to gag out. Dynamite began to bark before leaping at Akari, who was screaming her head off. Then, suddenly, it was as if the air began to either push or pull us towards the occult symbol before it dragged us into its depths. We blacked out, Akari holding Dynamite and me.
After some period of time, we began to come to. I sat up and immediately regretted it; it felt as if someone had tried to split my head with a hammer. After lying back down, I opened my eyes a little bit, trying to see what was around me. I was… on a meeting table, as it appeared, with Akari and Dynamite next to me. The table looked oddly familiar, as if I'd seen it before.
"E-excuse me, but who are you aru?" A voice split the awkward silence. I looked to in the direction of where the voice originated. There was a somewhat-short Chinese looking man with a ponytail holding a panda.
"I-I'm Skye…" I managed in a hoarse whisper, sitting up and rubbing the side of my head. "Where a-am I?"
"You're in the totally heroic meeting room! You were sleeping through the heroic me's totally like heroic speech!" Another voice rang out; this one was migraine-inducingly loud. I groaned and rubbed my aching skull with both of my hands.
"Not… that… loud… ow…" I muttered, glaring through some of my bangs at a blond with blue eyes and… Nantucket? Texas? A bomber jacket? "Did we fall into an extremely-well put-together Hetalia cosplay meeting?" I said, slightly louder as I looked around. A few curious faces met my quick glance; I was right. There was a Germany, a Japan, an Italy, an England, America, China and various other countries.
I poked Akari a few times, trying to wake her up. After a few minutes, she woke up.
"Finally, you're awake Akari! It looks like somehow we ended up in a Hetalia cosplay meeting thing," I said, smiling. She looked—well, more or less stared—at China.
"Skye… that's an actual panda…" she said, pointing at a panda that the Chinese man was holding. I stared.
"Uhh… yeah… that's… interesting," I said, staring at the panda.
"Hey, Skye, slap me," she said, rubbing her eyes. I blinked at her a few times.
"Slap you? Slap me first!" I said, starting to get worried.
"Got it. One, two three!" and we slapped each other. I barely winced; she should know that if you're trying to wake someone up, you don't do a pansy-slap.
"God, Skye, I think you made my cheek red…" Akari complained, rubbing her cheek. We looked at the people around us; nothing had changed.
"Well then…" I muttered, looking around. It appears that we actually are in the world of Hetalia… I thought, glancing at all of the different personifications of countries. That means... I walked over to who would be Russia if this was actually Hetalia.
"Да?" he asked, smiling his creepy smile. I glared at him.
"You. Do you represent Tsarist Russia, USSR or the Russian Federation?"
"I represent the personification of the Russian Federation, Да," he replied, still smiling. I scoffed.
"Great, now it's Putin-controlled crazy…" I muttered, turning away. I heard a strange noise from behind me, partnered with a chilling feeling. I turned around.
"Kol kol kol kol…" Russia murmured, standing up with an evil aura spreading from around him. He attempted to hit me with his pipe; bad idea. I grabbed the pipe out of his hand with my left hand while punching him in his face with my right hand.
"Don't try to attack a half-Russian American, you бздун," I hissed, holding the pipe in a backhand grip. Another evil aura made me turn my head; Belarus.
"Don't even get me started on you, you yandere incest freak," I said boredly at her. She narrowed her eyes, pulling a knife from thin air.
"You will not hurt my брат," she said, smiling faintly. "After all, we will be married—right, брат?"
There was a faint whimper and I turned my head; Russia was using me as a meat shield. "Please, protect me from my сестра!" he wailed clinging onto me tighter. I raised an eyebrow.
"Why don't you get a restraining order on her then?" I asked, nodding in her general direction. He thought for a few seconds.
"That would take too long!" Russia finally replied. I facepalmed with my right hand, my left hand still holding the water pipe.
"I'll do it… on a few terms of agreement from you," I said, thinking of what I could have him do.
"Anything! Just keep сестра away from me!" Russia cried out again. I grinned evilly.
"Very well then. You cannot harm or stalk any of the following countries: China, Poland, Lithuania, Estonia or Latvia," I stated simply. "It goes by THEIR definition of harming and stalking, not yours."
Russia openly stared at me. He opened and closed his mouth a few times before standing up. He then placed his hand on top of my head, apparently trying to do the same thing he had done to Latvia and make me short. "Why are you so short, Skye?" he asked, pulling a Russia smile. I frowned before slamming the water pipe into his elbow.
"I'm only fourteen; geez, I'm tall where I'm from," I said, half-shrugging. Russia whimpered and held his elbow. I turned to Belarus.
"Go right ahead. He's vulnerable now, so he shouldn't put up much of a fight," I said, nodding at him. She blinked at stared at me for a few seconds; I turned to Akari. "I bet you were thinking that you'd have to put me in an arm lock or something; no need!"
"Uhh… did you just… let Belarus go after Russia?" Akari asked, holding onto Nuke. I nodded, bored.
"Yeah, he sorta had it coming to him. Anyway, I guess I better give him back his pipe," I replied before examining the pipe in my hand. "If I get lead poisoning, it will lead to him getting sued in due course.
"I'm not sure you could sue an entire COUNTRY for a water pipe, you know…" Akari said, petting Nuke. I thought for a few seconds.
"Yeah, I guess you're right…" I muttered, shrugging before looking at Akari. She was looking around the room… ah. She was looking for her Lust Object.
England.
Great.
He apparently noticed her staring and looked up from his book—The Last Unicorn, a good novel—and spoke. "Yes?" he asked, raising one bushy eyebrow. Akari immediately blushed, trying her hardest to make it look like she hadn't been looking at him.
"No, it's nothing!" she squeaked, turning brighter red. I turned to her, smirking from ear to ear.
"Found your object of absolute affection yet?" I snickered, probably looking a bit like Prussia.
"Shut up!" she snapped at me, hunching her head a bit lower. I rolled my eyes and shrugged at England, who chuckled a bit.
"Hey, voi due!" I heard from behind me. I mentally groaned, recognizing the language:
Italian.
"Ciao! Come stai?" I asked, sliding into Italian. He stared at me before smiling.
"Sto bene grazie, e tu?" he responded. I glanced at Akari, who looked completely lost.
"Benissimo!" I responded before turning to Akari. "We were saying hello and how are you basically," She nodded before turning to Italy.
"Hi Italy! What can we do for you?" Akari asked, smiling.
"Veee~, I just wanted to ask, do you guys have anywhere to sleep?" Italy asked, looking worried. I thought for a few seconds.
"Well… actually we don't, as strange as it seems. I was originally staying at Akari's house when this weird thing—most likely a dimensional rift or something of the like—opened and pulled us in along with Akari's dog, Dynamite or Nuke. We don't have a place to stay, unless it's a complete parallel dimension with complete mirrors of where we were, in which case there would most likely be us in this dimension which could screw things up royally," I said, doing my thinking pointing where I point in different directions while staring at my hands. I looked up; most of the assembled countries were staring blankly. I sighed. "Basically, if this is a parallel dimension, there could be us here which is—agh!" I yelped as something fell on me. After pulling myself off the floor, I was able to see what fell on me: my clarinet.
"Like, ohmigosh, why did that thing like totally randomly fall on you?" A light-haired girl… guy… wait, it was Poland, said, pointing and having a valley-girl moment.
"What the heck?" Akari said, Nuke barking randomly. I rubbed my head.
"I'm going out on a limb here and saying the rift is still active, so it'd be a good idea to clear out this building before it starts to pull in on itself and suck in the appropriate mass to balance stuff out," I said before facepalming. "Right. I'm probably the only one who knows about stuff like this… I say we get out of here."
All of the assembled countries—and us—fled the building.
"Everyone dismissed!" Germany yelled, but it was pointless, what with everyone already running to their cars. I turned to Akari.
"Should we go with Italy?" I asked Akari, pointing at the vee-ing Italian with his annoyed brother next to him.
"Yes, we totally should!" she nearly screamed. I winced.
"Too… loud… I'm next to you, you know…" I muttered.
"Whatever!" she screamed again. I face-palmed.
"I give up. Hey, Italy!" I called out, waving to Italy.
"Vee~ what is it?" he asked, smiling.
"Could we stay at your house for a while?" Akari asked, grinning.
"Vee~ s—" Italy said before being cut off.
"WHAT ARE YOU THINKING, YOU BASTARDO?" Romano yelled, glaring at his brother, then us, and then back to his brother.
"Vee~ they don't have anywhere to stay…" Italy said, trailing off. I spoke up.
"I can make pasta," I said, slightly raising my hand. Italy smiled.
"Bennissimo!" Italy cried happily. Romano turned to him.
"Fine. But if anything goes wrong, it's all your fault," Romano said, walking to a silver-blue Fiat. My eyes widened.
"Shiny car not released in US…" I whispered. Akari shot me a strange look; the Italian brothers ignored me.
"Yeah, sure, I'm totally fine with that!" Italy said, utterly oblivious.
"Cazzo…" Romano muttered under his breath before sitting in the passenger seat. We glanced at each other as we sat in the back. I glanced at my feet before poking Akari.
"We don't have any shoes…" I hissed at her.
"We'll be fine—maybe nobody will notice… if we're lucky," she replied. Romano turned around and stared at us. I stared back.
"What?" I finally said, a bit irritated. He blinked before pointing at our feet.
"You… don't… have… shoes?" he said, incredulously. I nodded.
"And so?" I replied. Akari began poking me hard in my arm.
"Skye… look at who's driving…" she whimpered out. I looked.
Italy.
"Uhh… Italy… wh-what're you doing?" I asked shakily. He smiled at us.
"I'm getting ready to drive!" he replied happily. I turned to Akari, my eyes probably extremely wide.
"Uhh… the northern drivers are supposed to be better than the southern drivers... right?" I hissed to her. She ignored me. "They're still as bad as the Taiwanese!"
"Okay Italy, I'm Japanese and probably won't be okay with you going fifty miles over the speed limit," Akari said, clinging onto an armrest. Italy just smiled at her before starting the car.
"Cross your heart before you start! Cross your heart before you start! Cross your heart before you start!" I yelped before pawing for a seatbelt.
"Where IS the seatbelt?" Akari wailed, turning to look for one.
"We don't have any; why would you even need them?" Romano replied, bored.
"If we get into an accident, you guys'll go flying out of the windshield while we impale ourselves on your seats. Let. Me. Drive. I learned how to drive in Egypt." I said in an oddly calm and ordering tone.
"Skye… you're fourteen… you're not allowed to legally drive even in Mexico…" Akari said, looking nervous. I rolled my eyes.
"Puh-LEEZE! I'm legal in Arkansas and Alaska and some other states," I said, flicking my wrist. "I'm just not legal in some countries, like Egypt and Italy."
"IN. THIS. COUNTRY." Akari replied, looking horrified. I shrugged at her.
"Vee~ I should drive!" Italy said before finishing adjusting the mirrors and pulling out of the parking lot.
Duh-duh DUHHHHHHHHHHH. Yeah, I'm evil.
Translation time! :D
Gott (German)- God
Да (Russian)- Yes
Бздун (Russian)- Fart (Now isn't Skye so wonderfully mature? xD)
Брат (Russian)- Brother
Сестра (Russian)- Sister
Hey, voi due (Italian)- Hey, you two
Ciao! Come stai (Italian)- Hi! How are you (Note: Ciao is informal for hello, so… yeah)
Sto bene grazie, e tu (Italian)- I'm well, thanks, and you
Benissimo (Italian)- Great
A few notes…
All of Skye's reasoning is based on my own. So, yeah, I act like that. :P
I do play clarinet, and I bet Poland would act like that if a clarinet fell on anyone. xD
Bastardo is too easy to translate, so I won't. Really; it is what it looks like.
Cazzo is a curse word. It's the F-word.
Fiats are Italian cars not released in the US. They're also really shiny… _
The random shoe thing is (and I was told this by my sister) that Italians are crazy over people wearing shoes. I do not know if this is fact or not, but it makes an appearance here. It used to be just: We don't even have shoes on our feet.
The thing about Italians being as bad of drivers as the Taiwanese is based off of my sister's friend who went to Italy. My sister, jokingly, asked if the drivers were bad. The person nearly spazzed and said that they were as bad as the Taiwanese people who live here—if not worse. There are most likely good Italian and Taiwanese drivers out there; people only notice the bad ones though.
Cross your heart with your seatbelt before you start your car! It could prevent your death! :U
I don't know if Italian cars have seatbelts or not. For the sake of humor, this car doesn't. xD
The legal driving age in Mexico is fifteen. However, nobody really cares (just like Egypt!). Some US states, however, have a lower driving age. Weird, right?
So, yeah, probably going to be a chapter two. In the meantime…
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CRITQUE!
This is a partner story with HundredPercentHetalian. Comment evenly.