Suffering In Silence
- Chapter One -
The Move
As I got off the plane, I noticed how cold it was. Too cold. It was never cold in Phoenix. The sun was always shining. It was going to take a long time to get used to it. Not that I was planning on staying. I would try school like Charlie had asked, but if I didn't like it there was nothing he could do to stop me from getting on a plane and going anywhere that I wanted to. I was 17, big enough to make my own decisions. As I walked to the luggage carouselle to get my bags, I felt a huge wave of remorse run through me. It was my fault I was here, anyway. I started shivering as I remembered that night. The night when everything changed. For the worse.
I had just pulled my car into the drive when I heard a group of people whistling. I looked up to find my ex, Tyler, and a gang of his friends at my garden gate. Oh no! He had started these little visits just over a month ago. I always dreaded the time when I had to leave school. Renee, my mum, was never in until 9 o'clock, even on weekends. I pulled on my blue jacket that I had left on the seat beside me, taking as long as I could, and then decided to pretend that I was checking my messages. He didn't like the fact that I was stalling. I glanced up to see him looking round, obviously to see if there was any people watching us. I saw a small smile creep across his face as he nodded to two out of the six friends that were there. Before I knew it, my car door was open and I was being dragged into my house. I didn't dare scream, I knew what he would do to me if I did. I heard the front door close and felt myself being dragged into the lounge. The set me on the sofa and I heard the door close. When I eventually opened my eyes, I jumped back in shock as Tyler's face was centimetres from mine. Oh. please god, help me! Tyler grabbed my cheeks with both hands and kissed me roughly. So rough that it hurt. The pain lessened as my lips went numb. Any minute he would stop and leave, as he always did, I thought as he continued. But he didn't stop. He pulled at my waistband. He was trying to take my pants off! NO, NO NO!. I could not lose my virginity now, especially not to him. I pulled my face away from his and slapped him hard across the cheek. As soon as I did, I regretted it. He called for his friends, who instantly came through the door, huge grins plastered on their faces. They held the upper part of my body down as Tyler succeeded in getting my pants off. I went to scream this time and a hand covered my mouth, but held the middle of it far away enough for me not to be able to bite it. There was silence, and then a huge pain came from the bottom half of my body. It felt like it was being ripped apart. I smelled the blood before I felt it. The smell of rust and salt filled the air. I tried to control my breathing to keep me from chucking up. Tyler had been looking into my face throughout the whole ordeal, but looked down as he felt the blood running out. He looked disgusted, and instantly withdrew himself before running out of the room, closely followed by the other boys. My body was in complete agony. Pain pulsated through my body as I got up and tried to steady myself. When my vision returned to normal, I was relieved to see that my pants had absorbed the blood, leaving no stain on the sofa. I help them to myself, trying to stop the bleeding. After I had staggered to the bathroom, I filled the bath with boiling hot water. When it was full I dropped my bloody pants onto the floor and pulled off the rest of my clothes frantically, pulling the buttons off my shirt. I quickly jumped into the bath. The water burned every inch of my body, and I screamed out in pain before quickly closing my mouth, realizing that the neighbours might hear. I sat in the bath for hours, until it turned cold. I looked at the clock on the wall. It was ten to nine. Renee would be home soon. I got out of the bath, wincing in pain as my scolded flesh protested. Once onto the bathroom mat I struggled to the mirror, averting my eyes until I could bear it no more. I looked at myself in the mirror and gasped. All of my body from necks down was scorched. My skin was red roar, none of it missing, thank god. There was blood gushing out of a few of the burns. I quickly realized what I had to do. I put my pants in the hole in the wall behind the toilet, knowing that they would never be found. As I was getting back into the bath, I heard the front door open.
'Bella, love. Are you here?' I heard Renee ask as I lowered myself down. I heard the stairs creaking and quickly grabbed a razor from the side of the bath. I began tearing at my body, blood covering me. I repeatedly did this until I heard knocking at the door. I hadn't locked it!
'Bella, are you in there honey?' Renee peeked round the door. 'It just wanted to-' she suddenly stopped as she saw my scarred, bloodstained body. 'BELLA! What are you doing?' She ran towards me and pulled the razor out of my hands. Grabbing my shoulders, she pulled me from the bloody water and lay me down on the floor, reaching for a towel off the rack. I screamed in agony as she started to rub the towel against my sore skin. Pain blazed through my body. I wished I could die as I lay there.
'I have to take you to the hospital, Bella, you're losing too much blood.' I looked at her, my eyes displaying my emotion.
'Oh, please Renee, please don't!' I pleaded and took her shaking hand into my bloody one. ' We have lots of band-' I paused as pain seared through my body again. I continued anyway. 'We have lots of bandages downstairs. Just patch me up yourself, please.' She had had some first aid training, so I knew she could do the job. Different emotions flickered across her face. Disagreement, anger, sadness and finally understanding. She ran from the bathroom and quicly returned, her arms full of bandages.
'I will do this on one condition, ' she said quietly. 'You have to go and live with your father in Forks for a while.'
I shook my head, realizing I had zoned out for a while. I reached out my gloved hand and pulled my two bags off of the carouselle before turning round to find Charlie in front of me. He quickly pulled me into his arms.
Renee had phoned him as soon as I had stopped bleeding, telling him the whole story. She made him swear that he would not tell a soul, before announcing that I was going to stay at his house for a year or two. He agreed, and said that he would be waiting at the airport on Sunday for me.
He pulled away and analyzed me. I was wearing long black trousers that covered my legs. I covered my arms with a long sleeved jumper that bunched up right at the top of my neck. The black gloves that I had on were unnecessary. Even thought it was cold, there was no reason to wear gloves. He raised an eyebrow at them before realization dawned on his face. They were to hide the scars.
I went to walk to the car with my bags, but Charlie kindly relieved me of them, leading me out of the airport. As we drpve back to Forks, Charlie tried to strike up a conversation, but I stayed silent. He then remembered the rest of what my mum had told him on the phone and never tried again. Since the day of my attempted suicide, I hadn't made a single sound. While I was awake, anyway. Every night, I woke up screaming. I still had nightmares about the day that Tyler raped me. I had told no one, of course, and had never seen him after that.
When we pulled up outside Charlie's house, he got out of the car and took my bags up to my room, not staying as I stared at the outside of his house. I was flooded with memories, all of them good. The feeling of the love I remembered overwhelmed me, and I felt tears escaping and sliding down my cheeks.
I quickly ran into the house and up to my room. Charlie told me that I had school in the morning and that I should go to bed early, before shutting the door and leaving me to my thoughts.
I walked over to my bed and sat down, scanning the walls. It was exactly as I had left it. Empty, bare, just the way I liked it. The only new addition was a silver alarm clock on the table beside my bed. The time read 11:30pm. I didn't even bother changing my clothes as I got under the covers and fell asleep instantly.