A/N On JKR's site, she says that Percy marries a girl named Audrey. Now, we have NO idea who she is at all. But I do, for I am psychic and awesome. I used my special zombie magic to figure out who she was. What? You say zombies don't have magic? Obviously the unicorns have been brainwashing you (cough MARAGOOSE!). Sorry, inside joke!
Okay, so this'll all be from Percy's POV, 3rd person. Takes place 3 years after the war, so Percy's 23 years old (unless I did the math wrong!). He's still Junior Secretary to the Minister, but the Minister is Kingsley! I'll try to update AMAP! (as much as possible!)
Chapter 1
Percy Weasley was late, and, as always, he hated it. There was no worse feeling out there than walking into a meeting and having everyone stare at you, especially your boss.
He was walking as fast as he could without running, because everyone knows how inappropriate it is to run in the workplace. He risked a quick glance at his interdepartmental memo.
Weasley,
Meeting is at 1:00 PM on level 3, in the office for the Muggle-Worthy Excuse Committee. Members of the Misuse of Muggle Artifacts office will be there. Don't be late.
-Kingsley Shacklebolt, Minister of Magic
Level 3? He was only on level 2! At least that was close. He looked at the giant clock overhead. 1:03. Oh, if only he hadn't gone out for lunch!
He rushed past the Auror department, sparing a quick wave to his little brother Ronald and his friend Harry Potter, who were eating lunch.
"Hey, Perce! Always rushing, that one," he could hear Ron say. "At least he doesn't hate us anymore." Percy ignored this and hurried on. He dashed into the nearest lift (stuffed full of people, naturally) right before the doors closed.
"Excuse me, pardon me, sorry! I'm late for a meeting!" He elbowed his way into a more comfortable position. Twenty excruciating seconds later, a rather battered Percy Weasley stepped out of the lift and immediately tripped and fell flat on his face. He picked himself up and straightened his horn-rimmed glasses, scowling at the portrait that was now laughing uproariously at him. He peeked at the clock. 1:05. He scurried around a corner and into the meeting room. He saw a long table with three occupants, two of whom he didn't recognize. The third person was none other than the Minister of Magic himself.
"Ah, Mr. Weasley. We saved you a spot," said Kingsley in his reassuringly deep voice. Percy breathed a deep sigh of relief and slid into his seat. Across the table, a skeletal old witch glared at him. He coughed and looked away. Percy did a quick scan of the table. Along with Shacklebolt and the old woman, there was a middle-aged man – fat and balding and very stereotypical.
"So, we might as well bring this meeting to order. Mr. Paksu, if you would like to give your report, then go ahead."
The fat man coughed and stood up. Paksu and Umbridge would make an excellent couple, thought Percy. Then he felt bad.
"As you may or may not know – probably not, cause I haven't told you yet-" He gave a little wheezing laugh. "Well, anyway, there was this Muggle the other day, and he went into this pawn shop and accidentally bought a book that glued itself to his fingers, and now it won't come off!" Paksu guffawed. "Stupid Muggle, the filthy creature had it coming – oh wait, I'm not allowed to say that anymore! Well, what I meant to say was that we gotta help it, quick! Oh, him, sorry!" The enormous man settled back down into his chair, still chuckling.
"Thank you, Paksu. You may go while I discuss this with Mr. Weasley and Ms. Jenkins," said Kingsley.
"What? I just sat down!" complained Paksu. But he got up and left, much to Percy's relief. Shacklebolt sighed.
"So as you might guess, we need to send someone to Obliviate him and repair the damage. We would send Paksu, but he has been known to just hex them instead." Percy tried to look surprised.
"And my old bones can't take traveling anymore!" said the old woman. "It's just too bad all you youngsters are hooligans these days! Hooligans and hoodlums, always wrecking my shrivelfigs!" Percy nodded politely.
"Don't you nod at me, you- you hooligan!" Percy inadvertently scooted his chair back a couple inches.
"Thank you, Ms. Jenkins. I'll talk to Weasley alone now." The ancient woman grumbled and shuffled out of the room.
"Those two are quite the handful," sighed Shacklebolt. Percy couldn't agree more. "So what we didn't get around to is that I'd like you to go do the dirty work. Do you think you can do that?" Percy was overjoyed. An assignment, given to him by the Minister himself!
"Yes sir, I do believe I can do this task!" His glasses slid down his nose and he pushed them back up.
Kingsley chuckled and handed Percy a sheath of paper. "Here's your assignment. I expect it all to be fixed up by Wednesday afternoon. Percy nodded furiously.
"I'll do it, sir!" he said. Then he dashed out of the room, making sure that his Ministry badge was clearly visible to everyone that passed him.
~the next day!~
Percy stood outside the thing called a "bus stop" nervously. He had tried to ask Harry to give him an emergency briefing on all things Muggle, but he had been far too- ah, busy- with Ginny. The bus pulled up and the doors opened. He looked cautiously at the other Muggles to see what they were doing. He figured it would be safest to do exactly what they did, so he followed the single mother in front of him very carefully. Finally, he was on the bus. He looked around with dismay and saw that there was only one open seat- next to a girl about his age. He settled down nervously. The girl didn't look at him, which was fine by Percy. She was drawing something in an open notebook. Percy found himself glancing at her hair. It was one of the strangest hair colors he'd ever seen. Most of it was light blonde, but one section of it was a bright blue. He wondered how it got that way.
"Do you mind?" said the girl. Percy jumped. The girl was staring at him. Her eyes were the exact same color as the blue section of her hair.
"Your hair is blue," he said. Then he winced. The girl laughed.
"It's called hair dye. I suspect you must have heard of it. That color can't be natural." She reached out and fingered a lock of Percy's bright red hair. Percy was now leaning so far away from the girl that he was in danger of falling out of his seat. The strange Muggle girl laughed again.
"You seem a bit uptight, my friend," she said. "You should learn to loosen up a bit. What's your name?"
"Uh… I'm Percy," he said awkwardly.
"Percy, huh? Nice to meet you, Percy. I'm Audrey Sharpe." She gave him a mischievous grin, like they'd been friends for ages. Percy glanced down at his paperwork.
"My stop's next," he said.
"Really? Mine too!"
Percy groaned inwardly. After two awkward minutes of making conversation, he had learned that Audrey was an art major at a nearby college, was single, had a pet canary, and was allergic to nuts. When the bus rolled to a stop, Percy hopped up and tried to escape, but a very large woman had stood up in front of him and blocked his path. He groaned again. He tried to escape again when they got off the bus, but the strange blue-haired girl followed him.
"So, Percy, where're you going?" asked Audrey. Percy checked his file and read off the address. "Aww, that's a shame. We're going different directions!"
"Shame," muttered Percy, not really meaning it. She stopped and faced him.
"Well, it's been great meeting you, Percy!" Then, completely unexpectedly, she grabbed his shoulders, rose onto her tiptoes, and kissed him hard on the mouth. She pulled away and gave him that same clever little smile. Then she turned and skipped away. Percy put a hand out to steady himself. He had never met a girl like Audrey before – a fact which he was quite grateful for. He did his task quickly, not focusing at all. He considered Obliviating himself as well as the poor Muggle – but something stopped him. He didn't really want to forget that strange blue-haired girl.
I'm probably just going insane, he thought grimly. At least I won't see her ever again.
He had no idea just how wrong he was.
A/N I really enjoyed writing this. Audrey clashes sooooo much with Percy. Ha, he's so uptight. Next chapter will be up soon enough, hopefully!
Love,
Tape Monkey