I have never played Arcanum before (I don't have a computer compatible with the game requirements URG!), but I'm watching a let's play of Arcanum of Steamworks and Magick Obscura. I found myself inspired by Virgil's actions and the results when the main character goes to Caladon for him. It was such an emotional story I wanted to write a oneshot of it. Enjoy!

Judgment

Arcanum of Steamwork and Magick Obscura

Virgil

Caladon.

It doesn't look all that different from the last time I was here. And yet… It seems a lot more menacing then it did then… darker. But somehow…

I never really expected to escape from here. Not really. But I did try to, for a long time. Since that day…

Crossing the bridge brings back some memories. Not many are good; in fact some are really despicable. That time I broke my leg when debt collectors tossed me off that very bridge?

I still don't understand what they were thinking when they did that. I would need to pay for a doctor and I wouldn't be able to collect money with a broken leg. I suppose what they were thinking doesn't really matter, they were a group of half-orcs lead by an equally stupid human.

I may have lost my life that night if Lawrence hadn't paid for me. He never did approve of my life style then. But he still couldn't let my careless behavior destroy me.

But I digress.

The people are different too. Many are new faces I have never seen before, something to be considered a small blessing. I still have some debt that would never be forgotten. Even as I look around, I still see ghost images of the past.

One very clear ghost that has haunted my eyes for many years.

Lawrence…

How foolish and arrogant I was. Thinking nothing can bring me any real harm. I never cared about my own death, or thought beyond the present experiences, or even cared about how I killed or hurt other people.

The dwarf king, Thunder Stone, made me remember all of it. He was right about humans… How we think of the now, how limited our eyes are of the distant future.

"Human's act first, think later, and feel last of all…"

Indeed. An apt principle of how I lived.

All the buildings look the same as they did before. Cracked doors, loose windows, brick houses. Nothing seems to have changed.

I like to think that I have changed from what I was then. I had left that all behind me when I ran away from Caledon. When I was found by Joachim.

Being found by Joachim I'm assured was what saved me from imitate death. He fed me, clothed me, and healed me on the virge of death.

He saved my soul with Panarii. Once Panarii found me, I finally felt the weight.

Guilt.

Shame.

Hatred.

Sadness.

Love.

Freedom.

I was heavy with feelings.

I even cursed Joachim when I felt the full affects of my feelings. I never had to deal with feelings, not since I was young. I had always pushed my feelings, my own morality aside to survive. I cheated. I lied. I gambled. I killed… My own life was a bargaining chip.

Joachim held me as I cried. As I raged at the injustice of the world. As I hated myself for what I had done.

He never judged me. He was there when I really needed someone there to guide me back to life.

I am, and always will be, eternally grateful to him.

But… there are some hurts, some scars that can never heal. Some memories that never fade, no matter how long the passage of time. Some things that I must do to ever find true peace in life.

I have lived many years running from that truth.

However, I cannot run anymore.

Since I first start traveling with her… Lanora, the reincarnation of Nasrudin.

Lanora, whom was so lost after the blimp crashed, but still had that fire burning brightly in her heart.

She even yelled at me to pull myself together while I stuttered in her presence. I was so struck by her very presence that I was in complete awe! But, my awe quickly was dashed away by exasperation and reluctant duty. I refused to surrender my duty as her protector no matter what she said or thought about it.

She was as hard as stone, unwilling to trust and skeptical of my claims,

The journey has since changed her. She expresses her hidden sensitivity, she is even showing her kindness that she has always possessed, but never expressed because of her fears.

She is becoming a great and increasingly sophisticated woman. Her beauty, charm, and intellect will bring her good fortune in life.

Lanora, whom, is someone I am ashamed to be in her presence anymore.

She has changed so much.

I, however, remain the same. A man running from his responsibilities. A man running from his memories. From the past. From the truth.

How can I, in good conscious, stand by her?

How can I stand by her and protect her with the increasing heat in my veins? When I dream of nightmares? When everywhere I look I only see death waiting for me? How can I…

There is the Weeping Onion.

Heh. I always laughed at the name. I remember the day I heard the story of that name from Old Man Hagith. You would think it would somehow involve an onion and someone crying, right?

Wrong.

The owner was sick that day the building was complete. In a dizzy haze, stuck in a fever and dumb, he tossed out his hat and announced to everyone in town that he would draw lots to decide the name of his bar.

Every hour he would watch from his window as people dropped lots into the old hat. Time past and soon it was the next morning. The owner was feeling better that day and decided he was well enough to drawn a name from the hat.

He summoned a small meeting, and then announced he was drawing the lot. He picked up the hat, moved his hand around in the hat, and then carefully drew out the name.

Proudly the owner made a speech before even looking at the paper, carefully reminding the crowd their contribution to the establishment was well noted and that the greatest, most exciting, and toughest building in town would be!... "The Weeping Onion?"

I used to imagine the look on the man's face. I remember the owner faintly, having met him once. Arrogant and demeaning on a good day, he wasn't the best company in town. He should have remembered, or even thought, of how his poor neighborly manner might later hit his pride.

I knew about the trap door next to the pool table well. It was a meeting place for the local gang to exchange their loot and their achievements.

I used to go down when I gambled. It was not the first time I was dragged down that time when I was threatened with death over a debt. It was not a new threat to hear when they told me they would kill Lawrence if I didn't pay them their money. I had laughed in their faces and left.

And then… that night I found Lawrence…

I can't ask you for forgiveness Lawrence… but…

I must settle this and put it behind me. I have carried the weight of living with the guilt for so long, I want more from life now. I hope you don't begrudge me for that?

I have to free myself from my shackles if I am to continue my life on this journey.

I have to face my past, forgive my mistakes and… to let go of this driving need for revenge.

I need closure to find peace.

I can hear voices on the other side of the door. I know them well. I had sent them a note that I wished to talk with them about the debt. I will finally reconcile with my past.

A small part of me is afraid to die. Keep running! Pretend and remain an illusion of a holy follower! One that would never do wrong, that would never harm another being intentionally! There is too much left to do, so much left to see and experience!

However, I strangely feel at peace. I'm beginning to accept what may- no… will most likely happen.

I have all my affairs in order. Magnus is with her, he might not be the best company she can keep but he does sometimes pull his weight. Joachim will be in correspondence with her. She has the cooperation of the Silver Lady and the Dwarves. She has many allies now and is much stronger than before.

I wish I could continue my- no… our journey against Arronax… However, I know I will die today.

Perhaps it is even what I deserve. I have run from death for so long, perhaps it is time to finally face it?

I open the door to silence. The three stand there grinning.

Now is a time to make peace.

I step into the room.

Now it is time to die.

I close the door behind me.

Now is the time for judgment.