The Wounded Coast, Ironic isn't it?
Hawke stared into the flames of the little fire she had made for herself. Her lavender hued eyes caught in the light. The sound of the waves softly lapping against the sore seemed to soothe her somewhat.
She took in a deep breath taking in the silence around her.
"One week..." she whispered to the wind around her tilting her head to the open sky. It was twilight, the stars were just now making an appearance as the sun blazed on the horizon.
"One week since mother..." she realized before she knew it that the tears were stinging her eyes again. She cursed her weakness, clenched her fist and her teeth and thought of something else. Something besides her mother's cold eyes, mutated flesh... besides her little brother's last breath in her arms and his body being ravaged by the blight. It was.. no good, her mind wandered back to her grief. Grief she didn't show anyone. The very reason she came out here night after night, made her fire, listened to the sounds of the coast. The mansion was empty, her "friends" seemed to come and go as they saw fit. Sandal and Bodhan always lurking about. She could find no peace there, but here... here on the wounded coast...
"The wounded coast.." she laughed. She wiped her eyes with her hand, pulled her cloak tighter around her.
"ahh what am I doing here night after night. I bet everyone is at the Hanged Man drinking away as per usual." A smile traced on her lips. She thought of all her companions and how nobody had doted on her about her grief. Nobody except Aveline, but she expected as much. Then her mind wandered to him, and her blood turned cold in her veins. He had come to her mansion the night it had happened. His attempt to console her had been laughable, but ironically it was the only thing she wanted to hear in that moment. It had ended so abruptly between them, but with all that had happened now it seemed a distant past. "Fenris.." she mouthed to the stars, letting herself relax and closing her eyes for a moment.
The moment didn't last long. The sound of rustling nearby sent Hawke for her staff she kept always at her side. She gripped it tightly, and allowed the staff to glow a little to alert the intruder she was not easy prey.
"Come out of there before I start lighting up the brush like a bonfire!" Her eyes narrowed at the darkness around her.
"Hawke? What are you doing out here in the middle of nowhere?" A familiar voice said as a lanky figure stepped from the shadows. It was him.
Hawke put down her staff nonchalantly, and stared at him with a cold yet unreadable gaze. One she had perfected over the weeks since their night together.
"I could ask you the same thing, Fenris" her tone came out sharper than she had meant it.
"I heard a rumor there were some slavers hiding up in these caves on the coast. I came to investigate. I saw your fire. Why are you out here alone? It isn't safe Hawke."
He almost sounded worried about her. She looked up at him, taking in his emerald eyes, those damn puppy eyes he seemed to wear only for her. She couldn't stand holding that gaze. She looked away.
"I'm safe enough Fenris, I'm out in the middle of nowhere. I've been coming here for a while. So far you're the only one who has shown up to ruin my party," she said regaining her composure. Her nature had always been to go for humor. Sarcasm flowed from her tongue even when she didn't mean for it to come out. Her anger seethed below the surface, but she saved it for her enemies and anyone who stood in her way.
"I will leave if you wish to be alone, Hawke." Fenris stated with his typical blunt monotone. Hawke sometimes hated how she could not read him. His words echoed in her head, sounding all too familiar. What he said that night rang in her mind.. command me to go and I shall.
"There's no need.." she answered before realizing her words. She immediately reached into her bag cursing herself again for acting so out of character. She brought out the bottle of wine she was planning on drinking alone. "You can share this with me. I was planning on drinking it alone, but always good to have a friend."
Fenris took a seat cross legged beside Hawke. The moon was beginning to shed its light as the last traces of sunlight disappeared. The world suddenly seemed so dark, except for the fire.
"I don't have any glasses. I wasn't planning on having company." Hawke said as she took a gulp from the bottle.
"Hawke, this is not like you. Drinking alone out here. Is this where you have been hiding night after night?" Fenris grabbed the bottle from Hawke's outstretched hand and reluctantly took a drink.
"What do you mean hiding? I've just been drowning my sorrows in wine and wanting to be alone. My mansion is overrun with people these days. Can't a girl just drink in peace. Don't tell me you've been checking up on me." She grabbed the bottle back and took another large gulp, chuckling to herself.
"I have come by your mansion the last few nights, and Bodhan has sent me away saying you were spending the night elsewhere." A sudden emotion flashed on his face, Hawke would have missed it had it not been for the fact that she knew that emotion well. Pain.
"Don't tell me you thought I was with some mysterious lover!" She guffawed and took another few drinks of her bottle as she tried to hide her laughter.
"The blooming rose perhaps? Isabela recommended me a few specials that I was taking advantage of? Is that what you thought, Fenris?" Hawke cackled as the she felt the wine flushing to her cheeks. Still she felt more bitter about it than perhaps she should have. She looked down and realized the bottle in her hand was almost half gone. She offered it back to Fenris.
"As long as the mysterious lover isn't the abomination. I would also hope you wouldn't go to the Blooming Rose. Isabela gives them business enough." A slight smile came to his lips then disappeared. He took another swig of wine passing it back to Hawke.
The moonlight glinted off Fenris' white hair, his lyrium markings seemed to glow white as the firelight flicked on them. Hawke usually loved Fenris' humor. His complete deadpan way of stating things had her laughing to almost tears some days. Yet today she couldn't tell if he was, in fact, joking or not. She took a long drink of her wine. Indulging in the sweet fragrance and warmth as it flowed through her.
Hawke looked up at the night sky, suddenly she wished she were alone. This place had been her sanctuary, her outlet to let out the grieving, screaming, angry, wrathful, vengeance filled, spiteful, heartbroken person she kept from the world. Now he was here, and the mask was back on. The awkwardness was there, the anger seethed below the surface. Just friends. It was not enough that she had lost her brother, her mother, her family. Now she was sitting alone drinking with someone who she still felt betrayed by, and worse, still had feelings for.
"No need to be jealous of anyone, Fenris." The words came out dripping with venom. She quickly softened her tone as his steely gaze met hers. Unreadable as always, but she could swear she heard him sigh with what sounded like relief.
"This is about my family. Well, what used to be my family. Just me now. Apostate mage Hawke living in a hightown mansion being someone's errand girl. Always doing someone's dirty work. I come here to feel sorry for myself and cry a bit and do all that crap. I wouldn't expect you to understand." She gripped the bottle and downed as much as she could in one gulp before taking a breath.
The bottle was nearing empty. Her head started to feel lighter, the moonlight appeared brighter, the fire danced.
"It is true. I can't imagine what it must be like to lose your family. Anything I can say will be insufficient... I'm sorry, Hawke." Fenris was staring at the fire intently, as if it was going to jump out and bite him. The words sounded genuine, but Hawke saw something besides pity when she looked at him. In fact, she tried to remember any time Fenris' face showed pity. None came to mind. She realized she was thankful for that. Everyone else had looked at her with pity, but not Fenris.
"Fenris... why did you really come here? Were you really looking for slavers?" Hawke knew by his face that he had been caught in a lie. For all of Fenris' seriousness his ability to keep a poker face needed work.
"I was... just making sure you weren't out here trying to take on Tal'Vashoth or slavers by yourself." Fenris shifted his weight on the ground, not turning his gaze away from the fire.
"Liar, you have been following me..." Hawke smiled and finished off the last of the wine. Her face felt flush and her whole body felt warm.
"I'm sorry. It was wrong of me to intrude. Your strong Hawke. You don't need me checking in on you," Fenris finally looked away from the fire, the puppy eyes were back. His gaze met hers and Hawke steeled herself against those eyes, but found herself unable to look away. Before she could think her words came forth...
"I do need you, Fenris," Hawke realized she had leaned closer to him. Their faces inches apart. The alcohol running through her set her blood on fire, or maybe it was something else.
"I'm glad it's you. Nobody else would let me live down this little lapse in judgment. The Wounded Coast... ironic, isn't it. That's why I come here."
Neither he nor she had moved, the smell of sweet wine filled Hawke's nostrils. His smell. She couldn't take it anymore. She leaned in and let her lips press against his. He leaned into her, kissing her back. Strong arms encircled her waist and she found herself entwining her arms around his shoulders, letting her fingers wander through his hair.
For a moment it was perfect.
Then realization set in. Fenris pulled away. She knew what he was going to say before he said it. Leaving again. Too much, too fast. She understood. She was content to go on and just live. Live and be herself. Someone her family could be proud of. She decided in that moment to forgive him. She couldn't hate him. She didn't want to hate him anymore.
He opened his mouth to speak but before he could Hawke cut him off.
"I know. It was nothing. Don't worry about it Fenris. Wine and sorrow and lapse in judgement. Let us just leave it at that." Hawke stared into Fenris' eyes, trying desperately to read him. The steely nonchalant look was back, and his expression revealed nothing. Perhaps she had been wrong about the poker face after all.
"Alright Hawke. Just, I truly am sorry about your family. If you need to come to the wounded coast to do.. whatever this is then I won't follow you anymore." Fenris began to get to his feet.
The sounds of the night suddenly became very loud. Hawke realized it was almost completely dark, the fire had nearly gone out. How long had they been there?
Hawke stood up suddenly, almost tripping over herself. Fenris turned to face her, a puzzled expression now appeared on his countenance. Hawke realized she couldn't bear the thought of being alone in the dark. She had spent many a night doing exactly that, but it suddenly became so silly. The whole night. She didn't recognize herself at all. What was she doing? She turned her back to Fenris, concentrating on the sky instead.
Her mother was gone, her little brother was gone, her little sister was gone. They wouldn't want her sitting here drinking her sorrows away alone. She thought of what her mother would say if she saw her now and smiled. She thought of Carver, and how he would have laughed at her weakness. Teasing her mercilessly as Bethany played peacekeeper. How if she was really upset he would have done his special jig that always made her and Bethany laugh. She wiped away a tear that came unbidden. She completely lost herself in her memories before realizing Fenris was still there, waiting patiently.
"You don't have to follow me anymore. I'm done with this place I think. " She whispered as she turned back to face Fenris.
"My mother is dead, my sister is dead, and I am alone except for my merry band of misfits who are probably at the Hanged Man right now forgetting all about me. Except for Varric of course, no doubt he's conjured some story about my great exploits. Bunch of BS that..."
Fenris raised an eyebrow at her "So, your drinking alone on the beach is ended then? The wounded coast has fulfilled its purpose for you?"
"Something like that... " Hawke began to gather her things up. She took one last look at the sky and thought about her mother's words... "My little girl has become so strong..." She steeled herself and locked her eyes with Fenris'.
"So, since you followed me here, will you walk with me back home? I would appreciate your company. Besides, you know how wine can go to my head and make me do crazy things. I'll need you in case we run into those slavers," Hawke beamed, feeling her old self returning.
"If you have need of me, I am always here for you Hawke" Fenris replied in that same unreadable tone. In the darkness she couldn't make out his expression anymore, but she knew what he meant to say. She always knew, and she realized that she still had some family left, and she wasn't going to let them go this time.