He was angry. Okay, a little beyond just plain simple 'angry'. There was a word that needed to be invented by their language to describe the pounding rage inside of him, the fire burning in a blaze that rose high enough to be seen by those around him. People saw that glowing red emitting off of him, and they kept their distance. A few meeped in alarm, and took cover as he stormed by. He was clenching a piece of rolled up paper in his hand, and his mahogany eyes were narrowed. His teeth gritted against each other, and a growl rumbled in his throat. Wearing a simple red shirt with yellow sleeves and jeans, he wasn't any child out of the ordinary. Err, teenager out of the ordinary that is. At about sixteen, he was far from a child (despite his immature moments).
Who was he? He was Kanbara Takuya, Child of Flame (uhm, Teenager of Flame) and local goggle-boy. The next nearest goggle-boy was Takato, but for the moment Takuya didn't count him. Then again, at the current moment Takuya wasn't counting anything nor thinking about this or that. One thought lingered in his mind, and drove that angry-like feeling up, up, up. It was enough to drive him insane! So instead, he settled for empty rage and stampeding through the streets until he got home. An event that transpired at school was the cause, and obviously the blame for his mood.
What was the event? It was a simple note. Kind of. It was more of a simple note that got into the wrong hands, and then was published in the school's weekly newspaper for all the other students to see. It was embarrassing, frustrating, and the fact someone would be so cruel as to actually do that…! It was enough to set the brunette over the edge. Hopefully Takuya would get home before his parent made their way there, and even more hopefully is the first to tell them rather than the last. He was so ticked off! Clutching the rolled up paper tighter, he hastened his pace to get home faster. He almost felt their eyes on him, watching him despite the fact they were not there. The newspaper in his hand was limp, but still mocking as the edges dug into his skin.
It was a simple note, nothing special. But it's contents were of far greater importance and meaning to Takuya due to who they were from, and when learning of it getting put in the newspaper… and then reading what they put in the column it was on! He wanted to punch someone's lights out. Instead of doing that though and getting himself kicked off the soccer team, he decided on running out of the school… leaving his problems behind for the moment. For once, he felt it was okay to run away from the issues that faced him. With the beating rage, the building anger, with that unknown emotion… he couldn't handle it at the moment.
Therefore he ran home. Only to slow to a fast walk when his legs began to ache because of all days to not wear running shoes, he had to pick today. Catching sight of his house, he stopped. Breathing hard, his angry face slowly facade away. Panic, worry, guilt, self-hatred, anger, anguish, fear, and so many more emotions finally surfaced. He didn't want to face anyone about this. But better do it on his own before he let others inform his parent of what was happening, of what has happened. Moving to a slow walk, he dragged his feet to his home, to his sanctuary.
Reaching the driveway, he glanced over miserably at his mother's car. He had anticipated on telling everything after he graduated, in hopes to avoid any awkward instances. This prevented it though, and now he had no choice. Unlocking the door, he stepped inside. Removing his shoes, he set them down and didn't bother with the slippers for indoors. Walking slowly to the living room, he looked at his mother. She was watching television, and sensing a presence behind her whirled around in surprise. Silent, and unsure as to what to make of her eldest son's sudden appearance, she blinked. Opening her mouth to ask, he held up a hand. Approaching her cautiously, he held out the newspaper for her. Confused still but no longer bothering to ask, she took it. A section was circled in read, and she recognized the handwriting by it saying 'Read' to be Izumi's. Reading it, she understood. It read,
"Hey Taku-chan,
Glad to know you passed your test. With how little you study, I was actually kind of worried you'd fail. Guess all those times you told me to not come over you really were studying, and not blowing me off. Sorry for doubting you. Suppose now you're going to rub it in my face, huh? Remember, with actions like that come repercussions. What threats might I make in order to prevent this? I could kiss you long enough to put you into a dizzy spell, this way I can run off as you wobble. But then you'd fall, and I'd have to catch you. Crap. Know what? You suck. Fine, I'll just snuggle you when Izumi's around. Her squealing will drown out any gloating you have to do. That works. Thanks for helping me figure this out, heh. Love you. :Hug:
-Kouji
As you can see, my fellow heterosexuals… they have arrived. Proof revealing we truly are not alone in this universe. That is all. Enjoy your days, and be wary of the friends you choose --School Editor."
She was silent, unsure how to digest this information. The first thought she had was, 'That explains why they hang out so much…' She almost laughed, but refrained from doing so. Her child, no… her teenager was awaiting a response. Still not knowing what to do with what she recently learned, she set down the paper. Regardless of what she thought of it personally, she had a young man to reassure. If he had left in the middle of school just to show her, then the comment this 'school editor' made obviously struck a nerve. Her son was, however unusual, insecure about how to act with his secret revealed.
"Come here," She motioned her son over, and with his head hung down he tentatively approached her. The mother took his hand, and pulled him into a hug. "It's okay…" She whispered, and felt his grip tighten. Her hugged her back, holding onto the only stable pillar he had his entire life, the only pillar that bothered to support him through his darkest times. Though she felt that Kouji might be a close second in that area. A tighter grasp, he held on tighter not wanting to lose this assurance given to him. Especially not by her. Especially not by his mother, the only one allowed to see him this afraid.
"I'm so sorry…" Takuya whispered hoarsely, clinging to his mother.
"Ssh, it's okay." His mother whispered in an assuring voice, rubbing his back. "It's okay, it's okay… you are who you are." She reminded him, misunderstanding his words meaning.
"No, not for that." Takuya whispered. Realizing her mistake, she tilted her head curiously at him.
"Then why? Why are you sorry?" His mother inquired, situating herself so she was comfortable and her son was in her lap.
"I just left." Takuya answered, holding on tighter. His eyes began to water, his heart started to clench from the wild distressed beating. A small whimper, and he buried his head under her chin and into her neck.
"I'm sure the school will understand." She tried again, not wanting him to be upset. She wanted her child happy, not so distressed.
"That's not it!" Takuya yelled, and before trying to shrink and held on as tight as he could. A small sob escaped from him, followed by another soft whimper. She had never seen him so upset… never. And to make it worse, Takuya had always tried his hardest to never cry. Not even when his father died in a car crash did the boy shed a tear. He held it all inside, tried to never burden others with them. Or so, that's how she looked at it.
"Tell me Takuya." The mother pleaded anxiously, running her fingers through his hair, rubbing small circles on his back… all gestures of comfort. All gestures of trying to soothe that ache that had been awakened by today's events. Taking a brief moment to control himself so he could speak in words she'd understand, he pulled away sniffling.
"When I read it… it was at lunch." Takuya began, not looking her in the eye. "I told Izumi and Kouji I had to go after I read it, and started to leave. Kouji asked me not to go, but I couldn't stay… and… so I just ran off faster. I left him there alone, with everyone reading that… I left him alone." He looked up at his mother, eyes watering. Her confusion was pushed aside, as was her insecurity as to how to handle a homosexual teenager as a single parent. Regardless of what she thought of the subject, and even more so if she'd have what it takes to handle the consequences life forced on the sexual orientation her child had while single. And supporting two children. Now was not the time to concentrate on those subjects, no matter how important they'd be later. What mattered now was she had a child who needed to be loved regardless of the faults or differences that made him.
"I'm sure he'll understand… won't he?" His mother asked, looking down at him with softened eyes. "Don't worry sweetie. You two care about each other, right? So you understand one another." She brushed some of his hair to the side. In her child's mahogany eyes, she could see the emotions than ran through him. And several were simply for Kouji. Her entire life, she had never seen a sixteen-year old with such real and deep emotions for another. It was surreal, almost impossible. A quote she had seen once somewhere wisped it's way through. 'If teenager's cannot feel true love, then why is it some commit suicide over it?' Perhaps wisdom rang truer in those words than that of scientists. Logic never had made its presence known in the area of the heart, this much was proven.
"But he knows I never run away… what if he misunderstood and…" Takuya couldn't finish the sentence, sobs returning and crippling his speech. Sinking down, grip loosening it was now up to his mother to make sure he didn't fall from her lap and onto the carpeted floor.
"Ssh, sshhh… hush, it's all right." His mother whispered, pulling him back into a hug and rocking back and forth. "It's all right. I bet he's just worried sweetie." She rested her chin on her child's head, feeling the trembling adolescent body in her arms. She closed her eyes, and tried to hold in her own tears. Taking in her own experiences with love, she used them to bat away the demons ripping at her son. "Once, before you were born… I had a miscarriage. The technology back then wasn't as good as it was today. The doctor said there was a high chance I was infertile. I was so ashamed, your father wanted children so badly… so, I left him. If I couldn't provide for him what he wanted, then I didn't deserve him. I was such an idiot. He came over to my mother's house, where I had been staying. He didn't understand, but he loved me and regardless of what I could give him and what I could not… he wanted to be with me. He didn't hate me for leaving, but he did worry. It's not the same, but…" She trailed, unsure how to finish the story.
"…" Takuya said nothing, but his crying had subsided to silent tears and blank eyes. Burying his head into her neck again, he hugged back. "I love you Mom." He whispered, so softly she barely caught it. She smiled, and hugged him tightly before loosening the hug.
"I love you too." She whispered back. They sat there, minutes ticking by in silence. Neither spoke a word, for both were lost in their thoughts. The mother worried how she would handle this, what she would say to Shinya. If children were as cruel at that age as she remembered, the situation could condense into a rather difficult one. She was aware that if Takuya's secret being out affected Shinya, how much the older brother would be upset about it. Despite how often the two fought, argued, and basically raised quite the ruckus with their bickering they loved each other and wished no real ill will.
Takuya himself worried if his friends that didn't know would treat him any differently, if he would be outcasted for this. The school editor's words rung in his head, 'Be wary of the friends you choose.' What was that supposed to mean? Was it a cruel statement towards homosexuals, stating they couldn't be trusted as friends? Or was it a warning, telling those outside of the heterosexual area that some people would judge them based on the fact they were attracted to someone of the same sex? And Kouji… Takuya closed his eyes. The overwhelming emotions took hold, let the strain it had done him release with the exhaustion from running all the way from school to home. He was dead asleep in no time.
Glancing up at the clock, the mother sighed. By now Takuya's school just let out, and in an hour Shinya's would as well. Looking down, she noted that the brunette on her lap had fallen asleep. Sighing, she carefully moved him off her without waking him. He was much too tall and heavy for him to carry him back to his own bed. He wasn't her little boy anymore. She thought about that. No, he was still her little boy. Takuya ran to her when he was upset, he came to her when he needed a hug or wisdom. But he was not Kouji's little boy, he was Kouji's teenage partner, teenage counterpart. Walking to her child's room, she took off his red blankets.
By the young brunette's pillow, she saw a small little salamander plushie. For some reason, it made her smile. Perhaps the newfound knowledge of why such a silly little stuffed critter was so important to Takuya that he had to sleep with it every night or else he'd toss and turn. It was a gift given to him by Kouji, and no more reason now was needed to explain the attachment her son had to it. It was a link, a promise in the form of a doll. She picked it up as well, careful with it as she understood what it meant. Blanket and salamander doll in hand, she walked over to where her son slept on the couch. Covering him with the blankets, she gently set the plushie in her child's arms. She wouldn't be surprised if when she returned he'd be clutching that thing as hard as he clutched her awhile ago.
Quietly fixing up the house, she kept herself preoccupied as her mind swam with questions and searched for answers. Stopping for a moment, she glanced up from where she had been doing dishes. Did she just hear a knock? Curious, she made her way out of her kitchen and to the door. There. Another knock. Who would be over here right now? Confused, she was going to unlock the door before noticing that when Takuya returned home he left it unlocked. Shaking her head at her child's absentminded tendencies, even though he had good reason to forget, she opened the door.
Kouji blinked at her, and then raised a brow when noticing the look she was giving him. He had been getting that look all day long. Realizing this, she blushed. That was one way to insult him. An awkward type of tension followed, for her typical reaction brought it down. She just didn't expect Kouji to come straight to Takuya's house after school. It shouldn't have surprised her as much as it did. "I-I'm sorry. Would you like to come in?" She offered, moving out of the way for him. He gave her a strange look, partially distrust and partially confused. Obviously he wasn't sure what to make of the situation any more than she did. That was relieving, in a twisted sort of way.
"Thanks." Kouji mumbled, and took off his shoes when inside. He avoided eye contact with her at this point, not sure what to do really. This was awkward.
"Uhm… did you… have a good day at school?" The mother asked, and almost instantly received a glare. Kouji turned away almost as fast as her rather irritated look directed itself at her. She was startled, and felt the guilt settle in. "Sorry." She apologized, staring at the door as she shut it not wanting to look at Kouji. He could be pretty scary when he got defensive due to his years of experience. He had plenty of time to learn how to scare off others that dared try to inflict emotional or mental damage on him with a simple facial expression. She figured why he stopped glaring as fast as he started because he didn't want to give her a reason to kick him out. After traveling so far, it'd be a waste just for him to get himself kicked out.
"Whatever." Kouji sighed, and then seemed to rethink how he worded that. Generally he wasn't so disrespectful, but it appeared his day had not been one of his better ones. But that was putting it in a nice, sugarcoated way. "It's all right." He mumbled, attempting to make up for his rude behavior.
"Is it really?" She asked, watching him. Kouji tensed, and looked over at her.
"It's all right you made a mistake, yes." He reworded himself, building up that defense he always did when she tried to speak with him. He was a protective type; he had always been that way.
"Right." She nodded, and the two watched each other. It took her a moment, but she soon registered what was going on. He wanted to ask her where Takuya was, if he could see him. That was pretty much the reason he came all this way, for it most certainly wasn't for her. He simply wasn't asking because he was afraid of her reaction, of her refusal. What Takuya said earlier bubbled up, reminding her of what was going on. "He's asleep." She squeaked, and jumped with Kouji at the sound of her voice. She was more nervous than she thought. He stared at her, bewildered. She surprised him more than she surprised herself.
"Okay…" Kouji replied, blinking at her. The tension was gone, but that awkward feeling still remained. He finally looked down, away. "I'll come back tomorrow then." He mumbled, and bent down to put back on his shoes.
"No, please stay." The mother requested, resting a hand on his shoulder. He tensed again, but for a change didn't move away from her touch. "He'll probably wake up soon. You can watch television in there while you wait, and I'll be cleaning in here so… uhm…" Her words were cluttered, rushed. Kouji kept his dark blue eyes on her, listening to her words. She wanted to escape the awkward air, to get away from it. It was hard to breathe, and those eyes of his (whether they were watching her or avoiding her) were rather intimidating for a sixteen-year old. Her ex-husband had said so himself before he passed away.
"…you sure?" Kouji asked, finally stating what was squirming around in his mind. He wasn't obvious about it, but he was afraid she wouldn't let him be alone anywhere near her child.
"Of course." She smiled, and then made her way to the kitchen. Kouji watched her leave, unsure what to think or say. He couldn't figure out if she knew, or if he was just simply paranoid after the day. After Takuya left, he returned to the classroom only to discover the entire was staring at him. That had been embarrassing beyond any words to describe. They all were reading the newspaper, and Kouji had just chased after Takuya. Confirming what the newspaper claimed. Had he not done that, there was a chance they could have covered it up. Feeling stupid, foolish, embarrassed, and as though he were a human revealed to be an alien to all of them he hurried back to his seat red as a strawberry. When Izumi saw his discomfort, she knew the situation needed to be handled.
Then she yelled, "I'm a lesbian and you cannot stop me Capt'n Jack Sparrow with your lazy beans of fried water soup!" That got the class's attention on her, and with how obscure and random she phrased it they didn't know how to react. Was she kidding about the lesbian part, was she cracking a joke, or was she plainly that deranged and/or insane? Kouji would have answered she didn't have her head screwed on right, but didn't because she took all the attention off of him. For that brief moment. The remainder of the day he felt them all staring at him, them talking about him. No one dared to approach him, afraid of his wrath.
He knew there were a ton of close-minded jerks at their school, but he never realized just how many. The whole day, all Kouji wanted was to see Takuya. Just to get rid of that lonely, aching feeling of facing all those whispered words and blooming rumors one gets. Maybe he had done something wrong? Did Takuya feel that insecure, that vulnerable when people found out about the two of them? Was their relationship that weak that the brunette felt he wasn't safe with him? The remainder of school dragged on, and at the end Kouji wasn't sure if he wanted to die more or kill that guy who kept giving him a funny look. He chose to punch the guys face in when school let out and he couldn't get in trouble for it. If he died, he wouldn't be able to talk to Takuya and find out why.
Walking into the living room, he noticed the familiar red blankets of the brunette's. Curious, he peeked over. There was Takuya, sleeping on the couch. Clutching that salamander plushie as though it was the only thing that mattered in his world. Kouji couldn't help but smile at the brunette, and walked around the couch. He glanced up to make sure the Takuya's mother wasn't spying on them, both a habit and contributed paranoia after today. Squatting by the couch his brunette slept on, he sighed and leaned his head on the armrest near Takuya's head.
Using the remote, he turned on the television and channel surfed. Kouji wasn't particularly interested in watching whatever was offered, he just wanted to talk to Takuya. He sighed, and repositioned his head so he was staring face-to-face with the one he loved. He looked so content… Kouji felt somewhat guilty. Maybe he could just avoid the whole ordeal, and tell Takuya not to worry about it. Then threaten the whole school to leave them alone, and beat the snot out of anyone that didn't take him seriously. Placing a pale hand on the brunette's tan cheek, he rubbed his thumb over the soft cheek. 'You don't have to fear… so why did you run?' He wondered, brows furrowed. He sighed again, and closed his eyes. He must have fallen asleep as well, because blurred words were what brought him jumping back to reality.
"…uji?" It was Takuya's voice. Snapping to attention, Kouji shot up and looked at the brunette who had an expression crossed between mortification and concern. That was an interesting look all right.
"Ye-yeah?" Kouji stumbled in his words, trying to regain his lost composure and searched around for the brunette's mother. He'd rather not have a repeat of the awkward tension. Oh Kami-sama, what if she woke up Takuya to find out what was going on? Not seeing the older woman, he relaxed some. But he was still tense, jumpy.
"Calm down, she knows. It's okay." Takuya tried to soothe his boyfriend, trying to calm him. Resituating himself, the brunette was now sitting on the couch and patted the seat next to him. Hesitating, Kouji made his way there. He still kept checking to see if she was coming in, regardless of the confirmation the brunette's mother knew.
"Right…" Kouji muttered, and sat there quietly. He didn't know what to say.
"I'm sorry." Takuya spoke up suddenly, surprising Kouji. Curious, he looked over at the brunette. It was so amazing how Takuya could make any negative emotions inside of him melt away, not locked away. Simply look at him with those mahogany eyes, look at him in that way Takuya would only look at Kouji in. Suddenly, anything that troubled him was nothing; it was insignificant compared to those mahogany eyes.
"Sorry for what?" Kouji asked, already having forgotten why he initially came over. Already forgetting what happened earlier.
"I left you behind at school." Takuya whispered, hugging the salamander tightly.
"Oh." Was all Kouji could think of to say. His memory returning to him, he recalled how upset he was about it earlier. But all of that was gone, and so he didn't know what to do. Though he was still curious as to why, what made drove the brunette to rush off like that. "Why?" He asked gently, not wanting his brunette to misunderstand. Those mahogany eyes looked at him, and when not seeing any anger or irritation he scooted closer.
"At first, it was because I was so angry. Someone took a personal note and put it in something for everyone to read. And they made it sound so mean. They didn't even ask us if it was all right… I just, couldn't take it. I couldn't stand knowing everyone would look at us funny all day, or that people are fine with looking at yaoi but find two people actually be gay disgusting. It was so sickening to be there…" Takuya whispered, accustomed as well to keeping a low profile around his mother. "And I didn't want my mom to come home before I did and find out before I told her. I don't think she'd appreciate being the last to know about it… even if in a way she was." The brunette explained, curling into a small ball as he sat with the salamander.
"Was your mom already home?" Kouji asked, brushing a few stray bangs out of his brunette's face.
"Yeah… but I was the first to tell her at least." Takuya gave a small smile, both from the touch and the relief he was indeed the one to let her know.
"That's good." Kouji nodded, wrapping an arm around Takuya's shoulders and pulling him close. "So why else after that?" He asked, recalling that the brunette began with 'at first.'
"When I got outside of home, I realized it was also because I was afraid. If you were in all of my classes, it would have been fine. But…" Takuya trailed, and Kouji instantly understood. There was no comforting presence in those hollow classes, with friends you weren't sure would accept you for who you truly were. He pulled the brunette into his arms.
"Don't worry about it." Kouji whispered into the soft mass of hair. "Please don't worry about it." He murmured, hugging the only person that made him feel complete. He didn't appear it, but he was a touchy-feely kind of guy. Most his life he had a father that refused to express he cared for his son. When his stepmother came along, he pushed her away. She was a replacement he did not want; therefore he would not accept her. Then came the Digital World, and he was forced… no, fate encouraged him to accept these others into his heart. But only two made their way to the depth's of his soul.
It still remained though that he had never experienced the comforts of human contact for most his childhood, he had been deprived of all the warmth a hug gave, the kindness in a kiss on the forehead. He wanted this closure to be reminded what was there was real, and understood better than others the subtle meanings in words and gestures. Near the end of their adventure in the Digital World, he recognized the hints of Takuya's actions and words towards him. He also noticed the reactions he gave in turn of the brunette's, surprised at his own self.
When they got together, he just wanted to well… hog Takuya all to himself. He didn't really care about anyone else that wanted to be around his Takuya, but Kouji knew if he did that it'd suffocate his love. So he refrained from being overly clingy, he tried to not strangle his partner with his need to always be with him. Whenever Takuya wasn't around him, he felt incomplete, cold. His touches, caresses, hugs, kisses… they were not actions of trying to make-up for lost ones as a child, nor were they actions of lust (they were teenagers, this was not uncommon). Takuya was just a heaven Kouji always loathed leaving when they separated.
Nothing could be compared to feeling the brunette's heart beat in the same slow pace as his own, the beats pounding against each other when they hugged. That soft skin against his, the warm pulsing of life in the veins. Sweet lips often made sweeter from the candy Takuya had been eating moments ago or the ramuné he had been drinking seconds earlier. The feel of his fingers intertwining with his own, lazing and weaving together their emotions in a small gesture of affection. How wispy the feel of Takuya's smile against his own promised a lifetime of these treasured moments and content emotions.
"I was so afraid you'd be mad at me." Takuya murmured as he hugged back, salamander still in hand.
"I couldn't be angry at you. Well, not for long anymore." Kouji whispered back, the content complete feeling trickling after the contact was made.
"…what are we going to do?" Takuya asked, hanging limp in the arms of Kouji. He seems to be like a rag doll, going limp whenever hugged.
"We're going to get through it together." Kouji answered. It was the only thing he could think of, the only answer that made sense to him. In the kitchen, Takuya's mother smiled. Listening to them, she truly believed it might not have been as bad as it initially seemed.
LINE THAT WON'T WORK FOR ME
LINE THAT WON'T WORK FOR ME
Owari
STUPID LINE STILL IS NOT WORKING
A/N: Wooohoo! I FINALLY WROTE SOMETHING! –Sniffle- For some reason lately, it's been embedded in my brain Kouji is like a clingy seme. He needs his Takuya like a drug. Hmm. Kouji needs a 'Takuya Addicts Anonymous'. Although he might kill anyone else in there… because he's just that violent. In my mind. I wrote a one-shot about Takuya coming out to his mom, and I've still yet to come out to my own. Go figure. –Coughs- My brain's been weird lately. Please ignore my weirdness. I love you? –Gets shot- But you dun seem to love me… -Sulk-
Disclaimer: I OWN NOT DIGIMON, NOR MY LIVER! …I traded it to someone for their spleen. As for Digimon, it was never mine and never will be. Oh! And the quote about teenagers, true love, and suicide I got from someone's siggy on devArt. If I remembered their username, I'd totally give them credit but I don't and I'm so so so sorry!