A/N – This is an A/U story that will take bits and pieces from the show, but mostly will be different from how it worked out on the show. In this Lucas and Nathan are best friends not brothers. Mostly Brooke centric and her POV on her life and relationships in it. Brucas.
Someone once asked me, "Do you ever wonder if we make the moments in our lives or if the moments in our lives makes us?" Thinking back I realize how wrong I was back then. I used to believe that we were made by the moments in our lives. That we were defined by what happened and that shaped us into who we would become. It's safe to say that these past six months have really made me wonder about how I'd be defined. Was I a failure? Was I to selfless? Followed up with that same question that haunts everyone…was I not enough?
Lately I've realized if I were to be all these things than I would have had to make these moments happen in my life. I would have never wanted to be seen as these things.
I was always that girl who was selfless, optimistic, brave, and determined. It really is a horrible feeling when you wake up and realize that you aren't these things anymore. The moment you allow someone else to determine who you are and how you feel is the moment you lose more than just yourself. You lose your way , your hope, your fire. At some point though, you realize what it is you need to do to get it back. For me, that means the people in my life.
I have some amazing friends and family, but even they don't know the extent of my feelings this year. I love them all too much to burden them with this pain I'm feeling. That and I don't necessarily trust that I would confide in the right person. After everything in my life I admit it takes a lot for me to trust someone. It scares me when I realize that I have given that trust out and now I have given someone the ability to hurt me.
The moment I gave my trust to someone, I realize now, is a moment I made. It defined who was close to me. The moment I graduated college was another moment I made happen. The moment I realized I was in love is not a moment I made happen, but a moment that was meant to happen for both of us. I fell in love with a man named Lucas Scott. I've known him for a little over three years and we dated for two and a half. It's been a little over four months now since we broke up and not a day goes by without my heart aching for him. I wish I could tell you it gets easier as each day comes. I'm not going to lie, though. It hurts more than one could imagine.
I use to tell him that he was my game changer. He was my forever and always. Unfortunately, life has a way of playing cruel tricks on us to see who we are and what we are made of. I've dealt with death and tragedy in life, but the night we broke up was harder than those situations. We had long been defined by who we were as a couple, that we needed to be defined as individuals. I thought maybe that the breakup was the first step in making us who we needed to be. I have let that stir in my mind for the past four months, but I am done with that now. I am done being that girl. I am not letting this define me. I refuse to be that shell of a girl.
Every moment going forward is going to be one that I make. I am done taking a back seat in my life and being this broken, alone, and afraid girl. No one was going to stand in my way for going after what I want, the things I deserve, but more importantly the things I love. I'm Brooke Penelope Davis and I'm going back to that girl that I was. I'm going to attempt being selfish and fighting for what I deserve and want in my life. I'm going to make these moments in my life happen and they will be defining who I am going forward. I'm not going to run from a fight. I'm ready.
It was one hell of a pep talk I gave myself as I stared at my reflection. I was afraid and nervous, but I realized anything in life worth having is when you feel afraid of it. I was afraid of failure, but I know if I don't try I'll regret it for the rest of my life. Grabbing my things, I jumped in my car and I turned the radio on. I always had this belief that things happen for a reason and hearing the song on the radio made me smile. I felt confident that it was the right thing for me to try. The song that came on was the one I used for his Christmas gift. I couldn't help but smile at that memory. "I'm coming for you Broody", I whispered before driving off and singing to the song.
When you're too in love to let it go
but if you never try you'll never know
Just what you're worth
Lights will guide you home
I promise the rest of the characters will be introduced, but I just wanted to start off with Brooke and her thoughts a little.
Let me know if you like it!