This was stemmed from my boredom, and a weird convesation I had with my friend. This is supposed to be some type of crack fic, so forgive the idiocy. I personally don't much care for KakaIru pairings, but I find the whole scenario amusing. Review if you'd like.
I don't own Naruto.
-------
Odd Logic
By WolfSisterKorrina
Kakashi was bored. Seriously bored. He had absolutely nothing to do since Sasuke, Sakura, and Naruto had left to go about their business on their own. He would have gone along with them, but he didn't really know where they were. Sasuke and Naruto had recently run off on some odd love tryst, which didn't surprise him, but Sakura hadn't taken it well. Last he had heard, she had fled to a shack in the middle of a forest and refused to come out. So that ruled her out. And he didn't have many friends, either.
So what to do?
After several minutes of sitting on his couch and staring at a page of Icha-Icha Paradise (but never actually reading it; he always preferred to look at the pictures), he finally had an idea: go bother Iruka!
He smirked at the thought. Iruka had a painfully obvious crush on the Jounin, and Kakashi actually harboured feelings for the Chuunin, but he wasn't going to admit that when he constantly mocked Iruka for being in love with a man. It was so much more fun to screw around with him, and make him blush and squirm uncomfortably.
Iruka wasn't open about his feelings, but he was completely transparent, so Kakashi had made a asort of past time out of poking fun at his sexuality. As much as he would deny it, Iruka was so gay for Kakashi.
He chuckled, tossed his erotic novel to the cushion next to him, and eagerly left for Iruka's apartment.
Iruka had just sat down to relax after a hard hour or so of training, when there was a steady knock at his door. He groaned and sat up, silently cursing whoever had dared to disturb him.
He opened the door and growled, "Yes, what do you--?"
He choked and blushed when he realised who it was.
"Konban wa, Iruka-kun! Mind if I come in?"
Iruka was momentarily paralysed, but quickly regained his composure and stepped aside.
Kakashi briskly entered his apartment, and sat himself down on the couch, where Iruka had been sitting. Iruka rubbed his face in attempt to erase the red in his cheeks. He sat down next to the Jounin, on the very end of the couch.
"So, is there, uh, anything you need?" He stammered.
Kakashi's visible eye closed in what he assumed was a smile. He couldn't tell, though; he'd never seen him without his mask. He'd like to, though.
"Oh no, I'm fine, thanks."
Iruka quirked an eyebrow. Kakashi's sarcasm always irritated and confused him.
"Um, I mean, is there a reason you came over?"
He hoped it was for something "fun", but somehow, he doubted it. That was just wishful thinking.
Kakashi chuckled.
"I came over because I want you..."
Iruka's eyes bulged. Maybe it hadn't been wishful thinking.
"R-r-really? I, uh--"
"...to admit that you're gay."
Iruka facefaulted spectacularly, then picked himself up and looked down at the Jounin incredulously.
"I'm not gay!"
Kakashi slowly stood up, showing no trace of believing him.
"Iruka-kun, you are gay. Don't deny it."
Iruka gaped at him open-mouthed, his red face practically glowing.
"How do you figure that!"
Kakashi sighed.
"Your name means 'Dolphin of the Ocean'."
The chuunin scoffed.
"So? How does that make me gay?"
"Because."
Iruka flailed as his voice grew an octave.
"Because why?"
"Because," Kakashi spoke as if it were the most obvious thing in the world, "dolphins are just gay sharks."
Iruka paused. What the hell kind of logic was that?
"Dolphins are not gay sharks! Dolphins can kill sharks, you know!"
Kakashi shrugged. "A gay guy can kill a shark, but he's still gay."
Honestly, Iruka couldn't argue with that. It made sense, as odd as it was. But he wasn't going to admit to anything!
So he used the Comeback Tactic.
"Well, your name means 'Scarecrow'!"
Kakashi emitted another sigh.
"Yes, but scarecrows aren't gay, my homosexual friend."
"No, they're gay, just like you!"
'Oh, that's mature, Iruka...' He mentally slapped himself.
Kakashi laughed.
"Actually, I can explain the reasoning behind my name," he began. "you see, I'm particularly fond of the face made entirely of hiragana, commonly called henohenomoheji. It's used on the faces of scarecrows made by japanese schoolchildren. You're name, however, is just gay."
Iruka stared at the Jounin. Then freaked.
"Man, I hate you!"
"No you don't. You adore me."
"You make me sick!"
"Admit it, Iruka-kun: you think I'm hot."
Iruka threw himself on the couch, pouting like a defeated child. Kakashi followed suit, smiling leisurely. He stared at Iruka expectantly, an evil glint in his eye.
"Well?"
"'M not gay."
"Are you sure?"
"Absolutely."
Kakashi leaned back and yawned widely.
"Alright then, if you're sure--"
"--I'm sure."
There was a long, long exaggerated silence.
Then...
"So, Iruka-kun, wanna have hot, kinky sex with me?"
Iruka didn't hesitate to reply with an enthusiastic "Yeah!", and leapt upon the Jounin.
After several passionate moments, the half-naked chuunin sat up and looked down at Kakashi.
"Kakashi."
"Hm...?" he muttered absently.
"This would work better if you'd take off your mask."
Kakashi growled and roughly pushed Iruka off him, putting himself over him.
"This would work a lot better if you'd shut up and stay on bottom where you belong, Dolphin Boy."
In the end, they were both satisfied. For Iruka, it hadn't been wishful thinking after all. For Kakashi...well, he certainly wasn't bored anymore.
----------
Hehe.