EPILOGUE
Hey guys so I'm an anon writer. I'm using Emma J Allen as a pseudonym. The synopsis of this story is Elliot returned. He stuck it out both in his job and his home although both are becoming miserable. My chapters will be based off of songs. This chapter is to the song Sky's Still Blue by Andrew Belle. I recommend listening to the song while you read using this link ' watch/?v=bVQ6P1DJcx0'. My apologies if the updates are few and far between but comment will surely help!
With love- E.J.A
CHAPTER ONE; SKY'S STILL BLUE
OLIVIA'S POV
July 31st, 2015
SVU precinct
7:02 am
"Olivia can we talk" Captain said beckoning me to his office as soon as I walked in. "Yeah sure cap what's up"? "It's Elliot. He's back Liv" was all he said. I simply opened the door and walked right out of the precinct. And just walked. Eventually I walked back into the precinct wiping stray tears that I hadn't noticed had fallen, off of my cheek with the back of my hand. I ignored the concerned glares from Munch and Finn as I walked to Cragens office. I gathered myself then opened his door. "Cap I just wanted to let you know I'm heading off to my refresher homicide class" I said running my hands down my thighs. I couldn't believe I just lied to my captain's face. "I thought that was tomorrow Benson" he retorted picking out my lie like he already knew that it was coming "if you need some time to be by yourself I can give you that without lying to me" you said giving me a soppy look. "I just need to be by myself for a little bit I'll be back" I said assuring him. "Olivia please take all the time you need. I'll have Munch and Fin cover for you" he said meaningfully. I walked outside let a cool breeze of fall hit my face. There was a familiar burn in the back of my eyes begging to be felt and let out in the same burn started to consume my chest. I tried to close my eyes to subdue it but everything I did wasn't helping. As I close my eyes I recounted all three years that I spent in my bed sobbing into my pillow wondering how I could love one man so much and let him hurt me so bad. All the bottles of tequila I tried to drown my sorrows in. Hoping that one day if I drank enough that at the bottom of the bottle I might be able to find the happiness that he once brought me. I never did but I continued to wear my heart on my sleeve looking at my phone every once in a while wondering if he'd send me the reason he left, if he'd send me a sorry, if he'd even try to contact me at all. It was a wound that never really healed just kind of smoothed over with a scab. Then he waltzed back into my life ripping the scab off and reminding me that a man had left me that I'd never felt good enough for. The closest I've ever gotten to a man. The look in his eyes he gave me when I saw him alone was now vacant and filled with remorse and sorrow. He was a hollow shell of the Elliot that I had remembered when he left. I never could compute why he hadn't stayed with me. He knew he was all I needed. The daily dose of Elliot that I took to get through my day was the only thing pushing me on. Now I just walked like a zombie through life wishing that one day I would feel the same happiness I had three years ago. But him coming back wasn't a revelation I had wished for. It wasn't some big a- ha moment where I realized that I didn't need him anymore. All those years he had been gone and then him coming back just makes me want him more. It made my lips urge with a burn that they had a few years ago. The spark reigniting deep down in the pit of my stomach a spark of urge, lust, and greed. A spark that made me in one second want to clock him upside the head but in another I wanted to wrap him in my arms never let him go. I never wanted him to leave. I just wanted him to hold my hand. I regained my composure as I walk down the New York sidewalk. People look at me concerning as I wiped the tears stinging my face with the back of my hands once more. I had to stop being so childish. I cannot let this affect my work I told myself hoping that I'd believe it even though I knew I wouldn't. I felt the familiar thud of my necklace against my chest. I reached up and ran my phone across it hoping it would remind me of back when I first came to the precinct. When everything was grand I hadn't gotten hurt yet and I didn't know what it was like to jump into the plundering waves of being a detective and feel the pain that you would feel. I finally looked up from where I have been walking with my eyes glued down to the ground so people wouldn't see my face. I couldn't believe I was ashamed of missing Elliot. I was at my apartment building. I sat down on my stoop hugging my knees to my chest tight. Maybe I could suffocate the pain away. Maybe I can just let it all out in some violent burst so that I wouldn't feel it anymore. Maybe I could throw some things or smash something trying to make myself feel better. But I wasn't some teenager with angst that could write a song or burn a book or smash things to make herself feel better. I wasn't writing a letter to him or telling my daddy or showing up with a boom box playing some corny song through his window throwing rocks at them trying to get his attention. I was a forty year old woman who could fake that she was feeling fine, throw on a smile and some lipstick and act like nothing was bothering her. I felt my phone vibrate against my abdomen and I reached into my jacket pocket to grab it. It was a message from Elliot I only open the message app so I could read the beginning of what his text said. It read "Olivia I've been looking for you. Could we go out and" and that's all the preview read. I slipped the message sideways as my thumb hovered over the delete button. I pressed it watching the message swipe away. I was in no mood to go out and discuss the past three years with him. The angst, the terror, the fear, the want, the need to see Elliot space one last time and have him tell me goodbye. Empty bottles sprawled across my kitchen floor. But most of all I didn't want to face him yet. My phone buzzed again causing my torso to shake and ache from the subtle crying. It was Casey. It read "you're going to get a summoning soon for the Danski case". Great. The last thing I was worried about was a case. I took a deep breath and felt my rib cage expand and depress with my breathing. I rubbed my thumb against the familiar groves in my necklace again feeling the calm it washed over me. I stretched out my legs standing up and letting a groan escape my throat before sluggishly making my way back up to my apartment. When I got in I threw my keys on the coffee table and propped my knee up on the couch before flopping down on it on my stomach. I let my hand fall and run against the cold hardwood floor. I put my hand on my forehead feeling the beads of sweat wipe away with my cold fingers. I slowly felt myself fall asleep then all at once I was consumed with the darkness when I close my eyes and let sleep void my life for a while.
ELLIOT'S POV
July 31st, 2015
SVU precinct
8:09 am
I looked at the message again just to be sure she hadn't read and ignored it. It was un-read. The message sat there on the screen. Lonely. I let my head flop back as I sat back in my chair and felt it roll back. I wanted to talk to her so bad. I wanted to tell her I was sorry and why I left. I wanted to tell her that Kathy and I where no longer together. But that would make all the time that she had vouched for me and talked to Kathy in vain. I held my breath and stared at the letters below Olivia's text message. Still not read. Taking a deep breath I typed in my phone "I miss you" my thumb looming over the send button. I moved it up and erased what I had just typed hoping one day I could man up and tell her. Thoughts of her flooded my mind every day and I couldn't swim in them but that was okay. I stared at my phone as the message I sent her overwhelmed my life like a typhoon. I knew missing her and wishing she would take me back with open arms was an invalid thought but I thought about it every day. I really would have no right to be mad at her even if I was. It was my pride that made me run and hide. I was so afraid of her and losing her that I would drop her out of my life just so I can leave my wife and come back and destroy her's. I had wished what I was feeling inside was a lie. But escaping the fact that I left Olivia and she would never take me back was like trying to escape death itself. It was impossible. I held my palms out studying the crevices for a moment. I could still feel the sense of guilt that Olivia's hand left on mine. Having her take I back as a partner was probably the best thing that could've happened in my life. I had always thought that Olivia had blamed herself for what I did to her. For what I did to her. "El we got a call" I heard Fin yell. Olivia really did leave. She couldn't handle me coming back. I slammed my phone down on my desk and followed Fin out in a rush. "What'd we got" I asked as we left. "It's just a routine check in with Mrs. Keller, she always cries wolf and we take her in for a rape kit because Liv always wants to and she goes back home" Fin said pausing only for a moment when he said Liv. We arrived at Mrs. Keller's house and it went exactly as Fin said only Olivia wasn't there. It felt empty. I didn't have my partner by my side, matching my stride, and making me do things I normally wouldn't. We got back to the precinct and Captain walked out. "El my office" he said sliding his hands in his pockets "now". I solemnly walked into his office shutting the door. "Elliot Olivia called and she agreed to be your partner again" he said. I let a breath of relief escape me. "But Elliot if you hurt Olivia again I will be forced to split you up, I may even have to assign a new precinct due to the attention one-p-p has given it. El I need you to not screw this up" Cragen said intently. "I-I won't" I said thinking about how Olivia would have taken me leaving. "Cap I just want to know how she took it" I asked looking at him. He thought for a moment. "She was distraught. She tried to hide it but it tore her world apart. She called me on multiple occasions about her recently formed drinking problem. Her boyfriend left her. She took off months of work added together" he said. "Her whole family watched her fall apart and they could do nothing to help her Elliot, she was crushed" he said slowly. I felt my whole body contract from guilt. I wanted to curl up in a ball and die somewhere because of his words. They slid in like a knife. Extracting every one of my emotions and stomping on them. "Captain I think I'm going to stay for late-night paperwork" I said. It wasn't for paperwork I just didn't want to go back to the hotel that I was staying at it felt too lonely. It seems that all my life was lately. Loneliness. "Okay well I'm heading out El. Try and get some sleep even if it's in the bunk room" Captain said before walking out. I followed him out of his office. "I'm clocking out" Finn yelled grabbing his jacket and heading down the elevator. Again I was alone. This was not a shocker to me. I felt like this was a punishment from God. For me to just be alone for the rest of my days because when I left I felt like that was the option I gave Olivia. I heard the now un-familiar swoosh of the elevators doors. Olivia rounded the corner and walked over to her desk only looking at me once. I opened my mouth to say something but she was going to cut me off. "You know I was willing to stand up to anyone who said you were going to leave sooner or later because you and said forever. I was ready to stand up and fight them and although they knew better you still said forever" she said slicing me in half. "Olivia I'm sorry you just need to know that the reason I left is because of you and not your fault at all if you were ever blaming yourself for that" I said hoping she was listening. "I did Elliot Jesus I did all the time I always thought it was something I did something I said that made you want to leave I thought it was the fact that I became unbearable that you didn't want to be around me anymore" she retorted proving she was. "It wasn't you. It was just a tough time between me and my family. I wasn't dragging you down with me" I said explaining the last three years and the reason I ruined Olivia's life. "Why didn't you just tell me Elliot? Don't you think I would've understood? Don't you think I would have helped you" she stated more than asked as she stood up. "That's just it. I didn't want your help I didn't want to be back with Kathy. I wanted more than anything just to be back here and have none of this ever happened" I said trying not to sound rude. I watched as she held her breath and counted to ten before answering again. "Look Elliot I put all my cards on the table I'm putting this behind me. Were never to have the same friendship. Just except it" she said harshly. Cragen was right. I shattered her world and I created somebody that could never ever forgive me again. That was when it hit me like a cannonball to the chest. Olivia was right we would never be the same people again. We would have to start all over being more accepting and loving this time. But not taking it too far. "Look I just came by to grab files. I didn't know you were going to be here. I didn't want this to happen this way. Goodbye Elliot" she said with a twinge of guilt and shame in her sentences. "Olivia one last thing" I yelled after her "I can't live without you now I can't even live with myself" I said low. She just turned around and continued walking. I could've swore I heard her weep a little a little but maybe it was just my imagination. I walked over to bunk room to lay down and let sleep take me in for a little while. Healing something that could never be healed.
OLIVIA'S POV
Alleyway in central Manhattan
August 1st, 2015
8:19 am
"What'd we got" I asked the responding police assured walking next to Elliot. "A young female was found dead and raped in this company building dumpster by a bum" the young deputy said as we approached the giant green trash can. I pulled on my familiar latex gloves and opened it. Elliot and I both made a face of disgust as the smell of a dead body crammed its way into both our noses. "You know Liv I'm going to go question that um bum" Elliot said as he started in the elderly man's way. I tried reaching in to retrieve the girl's purse right next to her but she was too deep. I un- eagerly made my way into the dumpster. I got the girls purse and pulled it out but it was empty. I quickly climbed out and made my way to Elliot. "Well our bum seems pretty clueless. He said he was following his usual routine when he found her" he said when he finally reached her. "Well he must have been pretty spooked because he left behind a Kate Spade purse which I'm pretty positive is our Jane Does but is empty" I said putting the purse in the giant plastic bag. "So she has no ID" Elliot asked just to confirm. "Maybe Warner can tell us who she is" I said handing the bag to CSI. "Hey do you want to go out for some coffee" Elliot asked before I had the chance to walk away. I had been having these vivid dreams of Elliot lately that made me daunt to sleep. Not at all because they were painful but solely because they were ample. "I'm um sorry I have plans sorry maybe next time tomorrow maybe" I said knowing tomorrow would be out of the question too. "Yeah no it's Fine I probably have to get home to Kathy anyways" he said. Those harsh words tore through the bombilate air and seemed more clarion than the hum of the city. I drove back to the precinct alone so I could just drop off my stuff and leave. I walked to my apartment, again stopping to screw the light bulb like I do every day, and open the door to the solitary stale air that I had been uninfluenced by anyone in about a day or so. I picked up my house and I was going to call and order some pizza but I wasn't hungry. I had been sick to my stomach lately. I was hoping it was some façade that was going on, that I was fooling myself that I could ever be with somebody like that but I was guessing it wasn't because it had taken a mental and physical toll on me latterly and just wishing it away and talking to them the next day wasn't helping. I walked to my medicine cabinet to grab some medicine to try and ease my pounding headache. Medicine will make a headache go away but not the thoughts. I tried my hardest not to fall asleep laying on the couch I passed out pretty quick.
It has been a long pandemoniac day butdecelerated towards the afternoon. It was just Elliot and I closing up the precinct because of the slow night. I was walking to the door side by side with El when I hip bumped him to lighten the mood. He turned to me "Liv" he said resting his hands gingerly on my hips and pulling my waist towards him. He didn't even really have to pull because in that moment gravity didn't exist. "El" I whispered "what are you d-" and before I could Finnish his lips crashed into mine causing me to finally shut up. My whole body was warm and numb and I couldn't help myself even though I knew it was wrong. Our lips crashed in this perfect chaos. It was soft but lustful all at the same time. He had no idea how many times I imagined what kissing him would be like. I tried my hardest to pull away but we were like two magnets. Opposites really do attract. "El" I said catching my breath "what about Kathy"? He loosened his grip and stepped back. "You're right it was wrong of me to do that" he said staring into my eyes with his piercing blue ones. "El" I said putting my hand on his shoulder. He pulled away and walked towards the door. I stood there rooted to the ground by shock. How could he just kiss me and walk away? My body was now cold and my ears were ringing.
I woke up. Why the hell had I dreamt of that? That could never happen. I rolled over to silence my screaming phone and the cold air rushed into my blanket and reminded me chillingly of the feeling in my dream but that was all it was. It was only a dream. I threw on my clothes and walked out my front door smiling as the warm sun rays hit my face. Summer was kissing me and the New York pavement. I walked into the coffee shop and ordered Elliot and I's coffee.
I walked into the precinct and the smell of coffee and dusty files was laced through the air. I saw Elliot and the flashes of my dream came spiraling back. It made my stomach lurch. All of a sudden everyone was staring at me and Finn was rushing over with Elliot by his side. "Liv are you okay" Elliot ask picking the coffee cups off the floor as Finn mopped it up with paper towels Munch brought him. "Yeah I'm Fine" I said flinching away from Elliot's touch and walking to the bunk room to clean off my pants.
"So who's our Jane Doe' I asked marching into Warners office. "Your Jane Doe is Megan Reed. Daughter of Kelsey and Donovan Reed. You should go talk to them" Warner advised. "Thanks, you're the best you know" I said smiling to Warner as I bounced out the door.
43167 West Tribeca NY, NY
August 1st, 2015
12:32 pm
I knocked on the door with Elliot standing readily at my side. "Hello Mrs. Reed, may we come in and talk" I asked as soon as she answered. "Yes um come in, the foyers to the right, let me go get my husband" she said timidly letting us in. She entered in again with her burly husband by her side. "Hello I'm Detective Olivia Benson with the New York City Manhattan Special Victims Unit and this is my partner Elliot Stabler. We are here in regards to your daughter Megan" I said slowly watching Mrs. Reeds face change. "Yes what about her" Mr. Reed said unfazed. "She was found in a dumpster in an alleyway near central Manhattan" Elliot said very bluntly. Mrs. Reed stood up and moved away from her husband, almost in disgust, but said nothing. "Can-can we see her" she asked between sobs. "I'm afraid that's not possible" Elliot said. Mr. Reed grabbed his wife and stood up, jerking her to the other room. "El we've got to get her out" I said quickly looking at him. 'I know' he mouthed back. "Okay its time for you to leave" Mrs. Reed said coming back in. She showed us back out the door after I handed her my card. "I'm going to talk to captain about a psych evaluation for Mr. Reed" I said getting in the car.
PRE-LOG
43167 West Tribeca NY, NY
August 2nd, 2015
7:10 am
I died in faith. Everybody saw it coming, but nobody ever talked about it, because if you don't talk about it doesn't exist right? I forgive him of course. He's sick, he couldn't help it. That night was hard for all of us. He said he was sorry and I know he meant it, really. I know my husband. He knows it was wrong, because of the cross he wore on his rugged left arm. At least I'd like to think he knew. Maybe he'll stop. I mean the way he looked at my limp body on the hard cold concrete was of total remorse, or regret, either way I'm okay with because that means he'll get help. He'll tell Olivia and he'll get help. That's all he wants. Help. And I was his Final cry for it. She tried so hard but he shut her out even though he knew he would meet his demise if he didn't let her help. They'll find me though, and when they do he'll get help.
OLIVIA'S POV
SVU Precinct
August 2nd, 2015
12:30 pm
"El, look who just walked in" I said watching Donavan. His walk seemed staggered and rugged. Very unlike his normal semi-elegant long stride. "Hey Donavan what can we help you with" Elliot said stepping between Donovan and I. "She's gone, Olivia she's gone" he said breathlessly. "Who's gone" Elliot asked before I could. He grabbed his shoulders and squared him to himself so they looked each other dead in the eyes. "Kelsey" he said "I didn't mean to. I sat with the phone in my hand, about to call Olivia then I just snapped, and hung it up and snapped her". "Where is Kelsey" I asked jumping the gun so Elliot would let me ask some questions. "Our basement" he stuttered. "Aye you guys go we got Donovan" Finn said already slapping hand cuffs on him. I started out the door.
ELLIOT'S POV
43167 West Tribeca
August 2nd, 2015
4:01 pm
Olivia pounded down the steps before me. I watched her reach Kelsey and crumble around her. I stood aback on the bottom of the steps. "She's not breathing" she said placing a thin finger underneath her nose. "No pulse. Nothing. I should have asked Captain for the mental evaluation sooner, she might still be alive". "Damnit Liv really" I exclaimed behind her. "What Elliot" she asked defensively. "You blame yourself for every little thing that doesn't go right. It's all your fault if the stars don't align just right. I mean hell, a girl could be kidnapped in Los Angeles, and it'll somehow wind up your fault. We can't save them all Olivia. You did all you could". "Was that supposed to make me feel better? Because it didn't" she asked without a facial expression. "No I mean" I said pausing to gather my words "I just don't want you to downward spiral because you couldn't help someone". "Hey El, do us a favor and worry about your policing" she said breezing past me up the stairs. "What's that supposed to mean" I yelled after her. She didn't respond as CSI filed down the steps. "Hey guys do you have this from here" I asked already bouncing up the steps. "Go ahead".
SVU Precinct
August 2nd, 2015
4:48 pm
I walked in and saw Olivia perched at Finns desk looking over files. "Olivia can we talk" I asked motioning towards the bunk room. She silently got up and led the way. I watched the sway of her hips as she glided across the floor. She was so perfect in what she did it was almost depressing. As you watched her most people were flustered in awe at how she carried herself. She was a woman as hard as granite with a heart of gold as soft as the clouds God himself sits on. She rounded the door jam and looked at me intently with her lush hazel eyes that captured everything anyone could ever love about the city. "What Elliot, what in God's name could you want to talk about right now"? "I'm sorry" I said reaching out to her biceps. She looked at me gingerly but still taunt. "It's okay El. We all snap. I'm used to it by now". "You shouldn't be used to it Liv" I said slowly watching her face relax into its natural shape. "Can we go get some coffee" she asked looking at the ground. "Yeah" I said pulling her into a hug. She didn't fight it but didn't welcome it either.
OLIVIA'S POV
Coffee Barista
August 2nd, 2015
5:09 pm
"So how's Kathy" I asked sitting down to make small talk. I may have cared at one point but now it's just a topic of conversation to get Elliot and me through silence. "She's okay; the kids are okay, and how's your brother" he asked. I couldn't read his face like I usually could. We were slipping out of our bond and we both knew it. "He's, well he's him" I said picking up my coffee and sipping. He didn't make a hint to carry on the conversation so I dropped it. I noticed his face getting slimmer. Almost raising his cheek bones but not quite there yet. His usually glowing skin faded into a dull admiration of what used to be him. His cupid's bow sat higher. Other than that his physique stayed intact. "We've never had this" he said looking at his coffee. "Never had what" I asked confused. "Nothing to say" he said quietly. "Sometimes nothing is better than everything" I said placing my hand on his. He looked up at me cautiously but with gentle eyes. "Olivia I'm not ready to lose you" he said it a lento type tone. "Who said you were losing me" I asked knowing what he was talking about. "Liv we both know it's inevitable. I don't know you like I used to, I can't read you like I could before, and it's not either of our faults, we can't help it" he said patronizingly. "We can help it" I said trying to doctor the situation. "How" he asked quizzically. "I-I don't know but we will" I said looking at him lightly. He smiled a small humorless smile and laughed a little. It was a forged laugh, but he did it for me. "Okay how about we do this. How about you come over to our house for a nonchalant informal dinner" Elliot conveyed. "Are you sure Kathy would be okay with that" I asked not wanting to tread on the grounds they did. "Yeah as long as I call ahead and pick it up she'll be fine" he said reassuringly. This time his smirk was as genuine as could be.
ELLIOT'S POV
Elliot's home
August 2nd, 2015
5:00 pm
"It was nice of you to drop in" Kathy said to Olivia not sparing any malice in her voice. "Um well I just thought I'd catch up with the kids and you" Olivia said smiling between bites of green beans. There was an unaccustomed pronominal silence that stretched the length of the table. "So Kathleen how's school" Olivia asked taking a drink. "It's actually going really well. I have a boyfriend now" Kathleen started until Kathy cut her off. "You have a" she exclaimed. "His name is Dylan and we have some classes together" Kathleen continued talking to Olivia. "That's great; your dad and I could run a background check" Olivia said winking. "Okay well I'm going to wash the dishes. Kathleen, Dick, why don't you join me" Kathy said getting up defeated. "I'm going to go ahead and head home" Olivia said standing up. "Alright I'll see you tomorrow" I said getting up to let her out. We stepped out into the fervent August night. "I'm sorry about that" I justified. "No I shouldn't have intruded in your home life" Olivia said putting her hand out. "My home life has been run to shit lately" I said running my fingers through my hair "but that's not your fault". She looked at me with the same tender brown eyes she had when she first walked into the precinct sixteen years ago. Her eyes never aged, or at least not as fast as the rest of her. She hadn't changed much. I watched her swivel on the ball of her foot and tread down the steps to her car. Completely incognizant to the fact that with every step she took, I fell more deeply and madly in love with her since those blissful sixteen years ago. Most men that have known Olivia fall in love with her body, her face, her hair. But that's not what I fell in love with at first. At first I fell in love with how tough and emotional she is. The passion that burns in the pit of her stomach every time she takes on a case. She is a voice of empathy for all of our victims. The way when she became my partner she adapted to my style and became like a sister to me. But she later became so much more. Our sexual tension built. It was loaded, layered, and suppressed. It still is. Every once in a while it feels as though Ishould've marriedher. All the late nights with coffee talking about her past life and mine. About how much she cared. Or the stupid little things like why she never carried a purse, or barely drove her intact Mustang, or failed to take any of her vacation days unless she was severely sick. Or all the times she helped me with Kathy. All the times she sat and talked to Maureen, Dickie, Lizzie, or Kathleen and helped them through hard times even my wife and I couldn't fix. Although a devout Catholic man I sit at times and ponder with God why Olivia hadn't had a child, why she never met the man of her dreams, or why the man of her dreams hadn't realized who he was.
OLIVIA'S POV
Olivia's home
August 3rd, 2015
12:03 am
I finally sat down and looked at the clock. My apartment was still a mess in vain of the countless attempts to clean it. I clicked on my TV and sat feeling the cold couch steal my body heat. I got up to go lock my door when somebody knocked on it. I opened it up and Elliot stood in front of me. "Can I come in" he said looking up with tired eyes. "Yeah" I said clearing the doorway. He walked in and lingered around the coffee table rubbing his hands together. "Are you okay? Sit down and tell me about it" I asked a bit nervous. It's Kathy. I already know. I'm quite honestly not surprised but stay quiet. "Kathy and I got in a huge fight and she told me it was done. She slapped a giant packet down on the table and I already knew what it was without looking at it. She said she was tired and she can't do it anymore" he said in a flustered tone. I just simply put my hand on his bicep and he looked up. "I signed it" he said shakily. Almost like he was about to cry. I sat silently for a second. "El" I said as he crumbled into me. "I don't have a home Olivia. I gave it to her and the kids. I don't have anything anymore" he said suppressed. "Elliot you know that's not true. You have your job, and your health, and you know you always have me. I'm not going anywhere El" I said rocking him back and forth. I'd never seen him like this. He was not the usual Elliot. He was not completely enraged or totally pissed off by the fact that he lost a large chunk of his life. But I think he's not pissed because he is more relieved. "It'll all get better. You can stay here. The sky's still blue El I promise" I said in a hushed tone to lull him.
Olivia's home
August 3rd, 2015
7:00 am
I walked over to my tiny shower and turned on the water. I watched the steam rise and curl around my legs. Slithering up my body as it filled the room and left a hot dew on my skin. I stepped into the small glass cube of fog and slid under the hot water. I heard the door open and felt the cold rush into the room. "El is that you" I asked under the pounding water. "Yeah I just need to brush my teeth". "I used to believe in destiny you know" I started randomly "I'd go to the bagel place and see a guy reading my favorite novel while whistling the song that's been stuck in my head all week and I think 'wow hey maybe he's the one'. Now I think 'I just know that bitch is going to take that last whole-wheat everything bagel'" I said laughing. "You've just been focused on work" Elliot said taking the tooth brush out if his mouth for a second. "No it's more than that. I stopped believing. Not some depressed I'm going to cry in the middle of the day for no reason kind of way. Not even a middle of the night thing. It's just really I think I believe a little less and little less and a little less and a little less every day. And that sucks. What do I do about that Stabler" I asked pining to hear his voice through the dense air. "Your Olivia Benson, you start believing again" he said fully confidant. "In what destiny" I retorted with a smile even though he couldn't see me. He half laughed half sighed. "Chemistry. If you have chemistry only need one other thing" he said. "What's that" I asked knowing he was being serious. "Timing, but timing's a bitch" Elliot said laughing. "You got that right" I said squeezing the shampoo water from my hair and getting conditioner. I wasn't as awkward as I feared it would be. Although his timing was the same as mine he was never in my way. We were already synced. We knew each other's movements and motions.
August 3rd, 2015
Roof top of the east car garage
3:00 pm
The hot air of the New York summer rested on my cheeks. "Please Richard put the gun down" I asked the man that stood just inches away from me with a gun to a young girls head. "You don't wanna help her, you just wanna cover the agencies ass. They'll look bad if you don't save her" he said as the girl silently sobbed. "Richard you know that's not true now just please give me the girl" I asked. Where in the hell was Elliot. Richard pointed the gun at me. I took a cautious step back. "You don't care about her" he yelled repeatedly. "Richard you know I do" I said trying to calm him. "Don't bullshit me, it doesn't work" he yelled. He took swift steps towards me. "Richard stop" I yelled. He didn't. He just kept coming. I couldn't shoot him. I just couldn't. I swung the butt of my baby glock at his face hoping only to disorientate him. He stumbled a bit then looked up at me angrier than before. He tackled me to the ground, his hot body pinning mine. "Why would you lie" he asked. That's when the pressure on my shoulders and torso were relieved. I swung my head to the side and saw Elliot struggling to sustain Richard. I pulled my handcuffs out and clasped them hard on Richards's wrists. I looked over at the young girl. I saw fear in her eyes. It was a recognizable fear that once inhabited my eyes. I saw a young me. I walked over and wrapped my arms around her bare shoulders. "Hello I'm detective Olivia Benson" I said. I noticed the dewy sweat that lined her eyebrows and the way she flinched when I roughed her "I'm here to help you" I said slowly "what's your name" I asked. "Shannon Bilingsly" she said tucking a stray patch of matted red hair behind her ear. "Well Shannon my partner and I will take you to the hospital. We'll call your parents and it'll all be better. I promise." I said calming her. I walked her to the squad car. She shivered in my hands the entire time and it couldn't be because she was cold. This was something that would take time to heal. The police had showed up a few moments ago and Elliot had put Richard in the car and was sending him to our office. "Hey Liv" Elliot yelled as he walked towards me "Liv you could have died why didn't you call me sooner" he questioned as I put Shannon in the back of the car and shut the door. "Elliot" I scolded "not in front of Shannon". Elliot's face softened as realized what he said and he slumped over to the passenger's seat. The drive to the hospital was silent except for the occasional whimper that would escape Shannon while she struggled to sob silently. I pulled into the hospital and the back end of the car slid a bit. We were greeted by an anxious father in the waiting room. I turned to Shannon who was still a bit shaken. "Shannon you don't have to do the rape kit, we have Richard Dean in custody and have video of the rape. He can't hurt you anymore Shannon" I reassured her. She looked at me those big blue eyes that brought back memories. She wrapped her arms around my neck. "Thank you Olivia" she said softly in my ear. "You're welcome" I said embracing the hug. We left the hospital and Elliot insisted on driving. "Liv" he said breaking the silence "you need sleep your practically nodding off in your seat". He was right. I was going to hit the crib and be out like a light. I guess I did fall asleep in the car because I woke up to Elliot carrying me like a baby in to the office. I picked up my head for a second only to see his face then let my head fall back on his broad shoulder. I felt his heart beat against my arm. His breath smelt of coffee and cheese Danish. He laid me down on a bunk in the crib. I felt his callused thumb run across my forehead. "Good night" he said leaning in. He hesitated with his lips hovering above my forehead for a moment and the air became stale as if time had frozen. He stood back up after his lips never touched me and solemnly climbed into the bunk next to me.
ELLIOT'S POV
SVU Precinct
August 3rd, 2015
6:55pm
I stared at the bars on the bed above me. Laying Olivia down like that was hard because I wanted to hold her. Just having her I'm my arms made her falling asleep in the car so much more worth it. Was she awake when I laid her down? Did she know I was going to kiss her? Hopefully if she was would forget it. I wanted Olivia. Not for the reason most people think but for her crazy love. I wanted her for that silly laugh she has when I make jokes during interrogation. I wanted her for that giant smile of hers. For the way she runs her fingers through her hair when she was stressed. I wanted to be the only man in her life. I just wanted Olivia for all her little things. I rolled over out of bed and went into the break room to get some coffee. The sink started and I spun around my heart jumping out of my chest. It was just Alex. "Oh my lord" I said. "I saw you carrying Liv in" she said giving me a smirk side look "is she okay". "Yeah she's fine just exhausted. She's asleep in the crib if you go in there" I said warning her. "No I'm not" I heard a voice come from the door way. It was Olivia. She poured herself a cup of coffee and left it black as night. "El come with me" she said as she walked out the door motioning with her fingers for me to follow her. I looked at Alex and half shrugged as I followed Olivia. I went into the crib and she was sitting on a bed with the coffee at her lips but she was not drinking. She was staring blankly at the wall. She put the coffee mug on the floor. "I know what you were going to do earlier" she said. My stomach flipped a million times and my head felt light. "Liv I'm sorry I- I didn't mean to I just I tried to stop myse-" she stood up and took my hands. "El its fine" she said putting her head on my chest. "Lay with me" she half asked half demanded. And that's exactly what we did. We just laid.