I want what I can't have
I wanna make you mine
I don't care what it takes
He doesn't know what started it.
Actually, that's a lie. Tucker Foley damn well knew the exact moment he realized that he fell in love with Jazz Fenton. Now, it's years later and he's still stuck on the same pretty girl. It's hard to be in love with someone who is not only older and more mature, but also the older sister of your best friend.
There had been many times over the years that Tucker had to physically bite his tongue around Danny and Sam. They had pestered him about girls and crushes, but Tucker couldn't tell them about the girl who'd held his attention since he was eleven years old. He couldn't describe how he felt when he was over at Danny's, losing at video games because he was more distracted by the fact that Jazz is walking by.
Over the years, Tucker got into a habit of lying. He'd pretend that he was a ladies man, keeping himself open and available to everyone who looked his way. Even though he's nearly seventeen now, he still hasn't dated anyone. He's had a date or two, of course, but it never ended in anything because it wasn't the right girl. He knew that he was lovesick; he knew that he was hopeless.
He didn't know who to turn to. He couldn't talk to Danny, because Danny would beat him up for thinking about his sister. He couldn't talk to Sam, because Sam would laugh him off the face of the Earth for falling for Jazz. He knew that Jazz was so out of his league; so astronomically outside of who he was expected to date. It didn't make sense for him to want a girl like Jazz, but he did.
He liked everything about Jazz. He liked how smart she was, and how witty. He admired her strength and her courage. She was a woman to idolize that was for sure. Yet, before she was this woman, back when she had still been an annoying little girl, she had still captured Tucker's attention. He knew that she was something else, straight from the get-go. She had been the first girl he noticed, way before he'd gotten into the habit of noticing girls.
He often thought he should say something to her, even if it was to get his emotions off his chest. He was incredibly scared of saying such personal things to Jazz, though. It wasn't because they weren't close, because they were. They were much closer than his preteen-self had ever imagined them being, and it was all due to Danny. He and Jazz were both part of Team Phantom, causing them to interact. At first it was about team things, and then it escalated, slightly. Now, all they did was text each other lame jokes and pictures, but it was enough to make Tucker's heart race every time her name popped up on his phone, like it was doing just now.
Jazz: What's brown and sticky?
Jazz: A stick!
Tucker grinned, and responded with:
Tucker: Why do fish live in saltwater?
Tucker: Because pepper makes them sneeze!
She was amazing.
And he was going to tell her just what he thought of her. He had to, before he exploded.
I'm fearless with my heart
I'll take it any place
I don't care if it breaks
Jazz stretched out, rolling her neck to the side. Tucker couldn't keep his eyes off her exposed neck as she did so, wondering what it would feel like to kiss her right there, on that very spot.
"This has got to be the dumbest thing Danny has ever had us do," Jazz stressed, trying to stretch her legs, although she hit her knee off the steering wheel.
"I think he's got a valid point," Tucker claimed.
He hated being cooped up in the car as much as she did, but he liked having endless hours ahead of them. They were watching a building, trying to ascertain whether or not there was a ghost in there. Danny had noted a new spectre around town; one that wasn't happy with causing the general mischief like the other ghosts did – this one was hurting people. Danny was watching another part of town, with Sam. Though Tucker sometimes got annoyed at being the third wheel ever since Danny and Sam had begun their relationship, in moments like this, he didn't mind at all. Danny wanted to be with Sam, and thus Tucker was with Jazz because Danny trusted Tucker with Jazz.
He wondered if Danny would feel the same way, had Tucker been honest with his friend.
"I get the whole protecting people angle, I do. I just don't know if sitting in a car watching the same building for … holy, it's been four hours! Anyway, I just don't know if that's the best use of our time."
"Well, what else would you be doing on a Saturday night?" Tucker teased.
"You know me," Jazz replied sarcastically, "I'd be out partying and getting drunk, like all responsible nineteen year olds."
Tucker laughed.
"What would you be doing?" Jazz pressed him. "Hanging out with Danny and Sam?"
"I'd be out with the ladies," Tucker responded, "They all know that 'TF' stands for 'Too Fine'. I'd have girls all over me."
He didn't know why he was telling this to Jazz, it didn't seem logical. Perhaps he wanted to see a flash of jealousy in her aqua eyes, something that would have told him that she cared if there was another woman in his life. He wanted her to give some indication that she wanted him, in any capacity. Yet, she wasn't even looking at him while he was speaking; she was slipping her shoes on.
"Let's go for a walk," Jazz proposed.
"Do you think it's safe?" Tucker responded. They were supposed to be watching for a dangerous ghost. Despite the fact that they were both armed with weapons and years of experience fighting ghosts, he didn't want to do anything that would leave them vulnerable.
"Oh, come on," Jazz pleaded, making him give in immediately. "We've been sitting here for hours, with no sign of anything. A quick trip around the block isn't going to hurt us."
"Won't hurt you," Tucker replied, laughing, as he opened his car door. "I'm too lazy; any movement at all will likely to kill me."
"Well, don't make me a murderer," Jazz said as they began to walk.
"I'll try," Tucker responded, wondering what it would be like to take her hand.
I wanna tell you things
I never tell myself
These secrets hurt like hell, oh
Halfway around the block, Jazz began to shiver. Tucker noticed the moment she started, though she was trying to hide this tiny weakness; as though it was too much for her to admit being cold.
"Here," he said, tugging his Casper High sweatshirt over his head.
"Oh, no," Jazz protested. "You don't need to. We're almost back to the car and won't you be cold?"
"Nope," Tucker assured her. "I'm so hot, my good looks will keep me warm."
Jazz laughed and clenched her fingers around the sweatshirt. The warmth of it was too tempting, and she quickly pulled in on. Tucker was overwhelmed by how lovely she looked, dwarfed by his sweatshirt. He wanted to see her wearing his clothes more often.
"Thank you," Jazz murmured, looking at him. "It's my own fault for not bringing my jacket."
"Oh, don't even worry about it," Tucker dismissed her again, reaching over and squeezing her around the shoulders in a gesture of familiarity.
Jazz leaned her head back, resting her neck against his arm. "You're sweet," she told him.
Tucker didn't think too much on his next actions. All he knew was that she was so close to him, under his arm, and she was leaning toward him while in that position. He was only aware of how close her lips were and how beautiful she looked in his sweater, her hair all messed up from pulling it over her head. So, he rolled her toward him, and bent his head, taking her lips with his.
It was the best damn kiss that he'd ever had.
He'd only kissed two other girls before. One of them he'd only kissed once, but he knew that it didn't get any better than the way Jazz Fenton's lips felt, or the way that he felt when she pressed into him, putting her hand on the back of his neck and pulling him closer. All he'd ever wanted to be to her was closer.
Now, on a chilly street in the early morning hours, it was coming true.
Call me crazy, maybe I'm insanely
Out of my mind but it'll never phase me
If I have to, I'm not afraid to
Save my heart for you
He was kissing her.
Tucker Foley was actually kissing her. The same Tucker Foley who had grown up with her little brother; who was an immature high schooler. The same Tucker Foley who had annoyed her ever since Danny had dragged him home, over a decade ago. This was the Tucker Foley who had somehow grown into a friend, who laughed at the same dumb things she did. This was the Tucker Foley she'd recently discovered was attractive, and hadn't known what to do about it, whatsoever.
Now that his lips were on hers (and how good they felt, resting there!), Jazz still didn't know what to do about it. She was a woman who prided herself on always having the answer; of always knowing what was going on. In this situation, she didn't know what she was supposed to do. She didn't know what the right reaction was.
So she pulled away.
Immediately, he said her name, "Jazz."
"Let's pretend it didn't happen," Jazz proposed immediately, surprising even herself with the words.
"What?"
She didn't like to see him look so hurt. She hadn't meant to do this to him. She liked Tucker; he was a great boy. But she hadn't had the slightest inkling, before now, that he liked her as anything more than a friend. She hadn't seen any hint that he saw her as something other than Danny's older sister.
"It wouldn't be right," Jazz explained. "We wouldn't work."
"You won't even give me a chance?" Tucker pressed. "Jazz, look, it's –"
Jazz shook her head, stopping him before he could explain anything. She knew an explanation of his feelings would only enflame the hurt that was being to spread over her heart. She couldn't explain the sad, aching feeling that she was experiencing but she knew that hearing Tucker's feelings would only make it worse. She didn't want to make it worse.
They stood there in the street, staring at one another until Jazz's phone began to ring.
"It's your little brother,
"Your annoying little brother,
"It's your stupid little brother,
"Trying to reach you on the phone!"
Jazz pulled it out of her jeans pocket, having to shift Tucker's long sweatshirt out of the way in order to reach it.
"Hi Danny," she answered. "No, we haven't seen anything … Time to pack it in? …. Okay. I'll just drop Tucker off and then I'll be home."
She exited out of the call screen and looked at Tucker. "It's time to go back."
Tucker nodded. "After you," he said, gesturing back toward the car.
They finished their walk in eerie silence, although the drive back to Tucker's was worse in terms of awkwardness. Jazz parked in his driveway and thought that she had to say something.
"Tuck, it's not about –"
This time it was Tucker's turn to shake his head.
"It's okay, Jazz. You don't have to."
He got out of the car.
Jazz kept his sweatshirt.
Tell me I'm wrong
Turn around and run
Still I'm gonna save my heart for you
"So, are you okay?" Sam asked.
It was lunch. Danny was busy writing a test he'd missed last week, so it was just the two of them. Sam was far more perceptive than her other half, and had been hinting at the fact that she'd felt something off about him for the past few days. Tucker had hoped that she wouldn't ask. She hadn't, in front of Danny, but now that they were alone … Well, Tucker couldn't say he hadn't seen it coming.
"Yeah," Tucker brushed it off, hoping she would do the same. "Why do you ask?"
"You've been off," Sam said slowly. "I didn't want to say anything in front of Danny because, I don't know, boys are weird and he doesn't think you've been weird. Do you need to talk about something?"
Tucker sighed. He did need to talk to someone and he didn't really have anyone who understood. He'd never told anyone how he felt about Jazz; he had no one to turn to, no one to talk to about how she'd rejected him and how much it hurt that she'd done so.
"Kind of …" He ran a hand along his short hair. "Look, there's this girl and I've been in love with her for as long as I can remember and –"
"Hold the phone for just a second. For as long as you can remember? And you've never talked to us about her?"
Tucker could only shrug. "I couldn't, Sam."
"Why not? And how can you be in love with her? I know the girls you talk to and there's no one that you could be in love with. The only girl you talk to on a regular basis is me."
"Not just you."
Sam studied him for a moment, and then her eyes went wide. "Oh, Tuck. Not Jazz."
"Jazz," Tucker repeated, savouring the name.
"And that's why you didn't talk to us, because she's Danny's sister."
Tucker nodded.
"I've cared about her for so long. I didn't want to say anything, especially when she and I began to get close, because I didn't want to ruin that. But, the other night, when we were seeing if that ghost would pop up, I kissed her."
"No!" Sam gasped. "What did she do?"
"She said it wasn't right," Tucker revealed.
"And that's all she said?"
"I didn't want to listen to her say anything else. She told me all that I needed to hear; that she wasn't interested."
"And you're just giving up on her?"
"What else am I supposed to do? I don't want to make her uncomfortable. I want her in my life, even if it's not a romantic way."
"I wasn't suggesting you make her uncomfortable. I'm saying that, I can understand why Jazz might not have the best reaction when you kissed her. She might not have ever thought of you in that way because you are younger and you are the best friend of her little brother. Maybe you shouldn't give up on her. Be a little flirty, that kind of thing. Don't stop being her friend; remind her that you do care for her beyond that. Do you understand what I'm trying to say?"
Tucker frowned. He thought he did, but it sounded as though it might get on Jazz's nerves. He hadn't spoken to her since their encounter and he was worried that by 'being a little flirty' he would drive her further away. That was the last thing he wanted.
"Your feelings are valid Tuck. But so are hers. I just think you need to talk to one another more rather than just giving up on everything."
Tucker nodded. That, he could understand.
This little fic will be three chapters in total. The song is Save My Heart by Jason Reeves. Thanks to my betas: Forever Sky!
~TLL~