Without.
When he begun to watch Allen Walker, he thought that the boy was an idealist and a kind of airhead, the enthusiasm that he put in the things that he believed, in his kindness towards the akumas and in his pained smile when he killed those beasts. Howard didn't know how did Walker survived for so long is this kind of environment.
Yet slowly and without he noticing it, he started to like the boy; he smirked when he saw Allen grumbling about something mean that Kanda told him or hearing the white-haired's stomach rumbling with hunger, sometimes he pitied him and gave him his own share of food with a little —minuscule, really— smile.
He begun to love him and he didn't know what to do to stop it, he was his watcher and in his hands laid Allen's fate, he couldn't —mustn't— fall in love with his charge. Though he did it, Link painfully truly loved the boy in silence —a bittersweet feeling pooling in his heart—, watching him with others and seeing how little by little Allen slipped and the 14th started to take place replacing his host.
He didn't say anything about his feelings to Allen, he knew they were unrequited. He observed him 24/7, and he observed the look Allen gave Kanda when he thought that nobody saw...that longing stare and hopeful smile. Link didn't know about Kanda's feelings, the samurai sometimes seemed kind of detached and another's so passionate about something far away invisible to them.
Then Alma Karma and the third exorcist happened, Howard lost his brothers and sisters. Allen gave up his love for his fellow exorcist —sometimes friend— and sent him with another man, surrendered his freedom when he refused to say where he sent them. He only could watch tight lipped when the Order imprisoned the boy.
He heard about how Allen refused to eat in fear of drugs that could force him to say the true, getting thinner with only drinking water; his darker skin fading to its natural pale state, the Noah within him hiding once again, only this time seemed less permanent and more like a temporary truce between host and guest. Link didn't know anymore who was who.
The only thing that remained the same was his love for the English young man.
It was not a surprise when Howard helped him with all his being when Apocryphos attacked him. He knew he would die and maybe that was the last thing he would do, but he was happy that it came as helping Allen that he could give him an opportunity to scape...because even if he kind of knew that it was a lost battle, he hoped that Allen would win against the Noah.
He could see Allen fighting and felt his eyelids getting closed, he saw Allen's silver hair and pale skin. He closed his eyes and could remember the exorcist's smile.
He felt death approaching and Link could only felt to things: regret for failing his superior —the man that believed in him —, and love…the kind that was unforgettable.
Howard Link didn't know if it was an illusion, but he thought that he heard...
"I beg you, save him..."
And his life begun again.
A/N: I was re-reading the manga time 22 & 23, and well this happened. It was like almost 3:00 a.m in my country I'm sleepless...tomorrow I will proofread this and start to correct misspellings or grammar mistakes. Nevertheless I have to tell you that English is not my native language, so please bear with me.
Edited [7/12]: Misspellings and some weird sentences.