A/N: This was written by request. Companion piece to Storm. Cas POV. It was only fitting to use another song by Life house.
Disclaimers: Don't own 'em. *pout* Don't even own the song.
From Where You Are
Lifehouse
The weight of responsibility can sit heavily on your shoulders. He knew this better than most. He had thought that he was done with all of this. Done with his brothers and sisters. Done with the fighting and petty bickering. When his Father had turned his back on the world he had turned his back on everything from his old life. He had rebelled against everything that held any ties to this place and found new meaning in the person who had taught him to truly live.
Sometimes things don't go the way you want them to. He had lost his Grace. He was happy to be just mortal; if that meant that he could be with Dean… But then everything had changed. He was plucked from the side of the one he loved and dragged back, kicking and screaming, into the family. Michael was gone and he was needed. It was his responsibility, his cross to bear.
So far away from where you are
These miles have torn us worlds apart
And I miss you
Yeah, I miss you
At first he thought it was temporary. He hoped he could restore order and go back to where he was happiest. He never wanted to be back here…in this chaos. There was so much to do. He could barely think straight most of the time. He didn't want this job but he had no choice. Each moment that passed took him further away from his humanity. He hated that.
He knew that, up here, he was supposed to be above the needs of his human vessel. He wasn't supposed to still be in touch with those human emotions. With the restoration of his Grace was supposed to have come the perfect numbness and objectivity that made him an Angel of the Lord. But something had gone wrong. He missed Dean…he wanted him…needed him.
So far away from where you are
I'm standing underneath the stars
And I wish you
Were here
It wasn't allowed but he snuck out sometimes. He just had to see that face, look into those eyes, know that he had not been forgotten. Sometimes he would watch Dean sleep. He would remember how it felt to be held in the night, feeling the strong heartbeat of his hunter beneath him. And sometimes…he couldn't help himself… he would stop for just a second and brush a soft kiss against those lips once again.
He would never let Dean catch him. To be there and then leave again would only cause him pain and that was the last thing he ever wanted to do. He knew how hard this was for Dean. He knew he felt betrayed and his heart broke at the thought that he had caused that feeling. He could wipe away all memories of their time together and bring some peace to his love but he couldn't bear the thought that Dean would no longer know him…love him.
I miss the years that were erased
And I miss the way the sunshine would light up your face
I miss all the little things
I never thought that they'd mean everything to me
Yeah I miss you
And I wish you
Were here
This was never meant to be. He was an angel. He wasn't supposed to be able to feel this emotion they called love. But he did… they were intrinsically tied together he and Dean. He had known it the second he had first seen him…tied down in that pit… Felt it in the first touch of his skin as he grabbed onto him and pulled him free from that place. His soul had found the mate that it had not even known till then was missing.
He had never told Dean but that was the truth behind the handprint that had been burned into his shoulder. That shouldn't have happened. He had touched mortals before and there had never been evidence left behind of his visit. But this time…when he laid his hand upon his hunter…a spark flared between them, leaving behind the permanent mark of his hand…branding Dean as his and his alone.
I feel the beating of your heart
I see the shadows of your face
Just know that wherever you are
Yeah, I miss you
And I wish you
Were here
He spent an eternity each day remembering the smallest details. He had memorized every inch of his love and could close his eyes and see him perfectly. He could smell the leather and gun oil that mixed together in his scent. He could see the emerald of his eyes…the flecks of gold that caught in the sunlight. If he listened very carefully, he could pick out the sound of the steady breathing that reassured him that his hunter was alive and well.
It would never matter where he was, Castiel would always sense him; feel him as if he were standing next to him. It didn't matter that just the thought of Dean brought an ache to his heart. In fact, he was glad of it. That ache proved to him that what he had felt was real. They could force him to be here but they could never take that away from him.
I miss the years that were erased
I miss the way the sunshine would light up your face
I miss all the little things
I never thought that they'd mean everything to me
Yeah, I miss you
And I wish you
Were here
Although Dean may not know it, the distance between them was never more than a single breath. He had been sent to protect Dean…he had been given to him as his guardian. They couldn't take that back. He would always be watching over him. Once bonded a guardian watched over his charge till death. He would always be his angel… his alone.
He was glad that mortal lives were so short. Though the thought of Dean's death was not something he wanted to contemplate he knew that only then could they be reunited. He had made sure of it. There would be no barrier to Dean when it was time. The gates of Heaven would be standing open in anticipation of his arrival. And, at those gates, Castiel would be waiting. Until then he would keep watch over Dean and hold tightly to his memories knowing that one day… they would be together.
So far away from where you are
These miles have torn us worlds apart
And I miss you
Yeah, I miss you
And I wish you
Were here