"Bones I don't think this qualifies as a scary story"
"How are you not scared? You hate hyposprays. I thought the idea of injections would terrify you. Besides you haven't heard about how doctors used to cut people up and stitch them together like clothing!"
"Doctor McCoy, I mean no offense when I point out that your "scary story" is less of a narrative and more of lecture on the shortcomings of 20th century medical practice" Interjected Spock
"All right then you pointy eared hobgoblin. Once upon a time there was a crazy doctor who used to sew up his patients and stick them with needles. The end. There that was a story."
It was a clear cold night and all of them were gathered around a campfire making smores, an activity that had caused a minor dispute to crop up when Kirk had made the mistake of describing them as "the best thing ever" and Spock's had attempted to prove why that was illogical and to list everything else that could be called "the best thing ever". But all in all Jim was proud of his idea to take Pike up on a standing invitation to come to his ranch in the Mojave by having his best friends go camping. Bones enjoyed it because it was old fashioned and down to earth, Spock had just gotten in a colossal fight with Uhura and appreciated being able to retreat to a safe distance, and Jim could tell that despite his pretense of stoicism Pike was thrilled to have some company of a non-equine nature. They had ridden out to this location and despite some confusion getting the tents up they had gotten a nice campfire going and Jim had proposed they all tell scary stories…which might have been a mistake.
"Bones, that's still not much of a story,"
"Hey it beats Pike's!"
"What was wrong with my story?" asked the admiral a little indignantly
"So the main character gets trapped in an alien zoo and they can mess with his mind and make him think he's back home or in hell or whatever they want. Ok I grant you, that is kind of scary. But then they give him three beautiful women to choose from…"
"Yeah" Kirk interrupted "That's not scary. That's like one of my fantasies. I mean if some aliens gave me Uhura and yeoman Rand and some Orion babe…"
"She wasn't an actually Orion" Corrected Pike "That was just an illusion. They made her look like one because they thought he was into that …for some reason…which he totally wasn't"
"But couldn't the Talosians read his mind?" asked Spock a little perplexed. Pike looked extremely uncomfortable as he started to mumble something when Bones cut in
"Also I think its implausible that this guy, who you say is average looking, has all these women after him"
"I bet he's actually super sexy, most starship captains are"
"Excuse me" protested Pike "Did you two miss the part about how they wanted to use him as a stud to bread a slave race? How is that not scary?"
"I agree with Admiral Pike…"
"We're on shore leave Spock"
"That the implications of these couplings would render them more to be dreaded than desired." He continued as if he hadn't been interrupted
"Ok then you tell a scary story. What frightens Vulcans, makes their green blood run…well colder"
"The destruction of our planet, but that has happened and you are all intimately familiar with the details of the affair"
"Damn it man! This is supposed to be fun"
"Don't rag on him Bones your stories sucked"
"I fail to see how it is fun to try to frighten each other"
"The point isn't to talk about what really scares us, that would just be depressing. For some reason humans like to tell each other stories that maybe could happen but are strange and grotesque and creepy…its cathartic…or something"
"Ok then Kirk" said Pike "I dare you to tell us a better one. Show us how it's done"
Jim grinned malevolently and flicked on the flashlight he had prepared for this casting dark shadows over his face.
"It was a dark and stormy night…"